Ad-Ed Value

FADE FROM BLACK:
We watch as Chris 'Chrissy Baby" Reidy winds, wends and wafts his way down Lexington Avenue, crowded with people.  Behind him, as though narrating, is Woody Allen, speaking into a micro-cassette recorder:

They arrive at the steps leading down to 601 Lexington.  Woody CLICKS off his recorder.  Chris turns to him.
CHRIS
Thanks for that, Wood-Man.  Much appreeche.  Now, are you sure this building won't blow over in the wind?
WOODY
I wouldn't know. I only go inside buildings with less than five stories.
CHRIS
Is that even possible, in this apple we call The Big?
Woody shrugs.
WOODY
You go ahead and go in.  I'll catch up with you later in the week.
And with that, he disappears into the throngs.
Chris looks up at the building, clicks his tongue and heads down the stairs.

CUT TO:
INT. LOBBY -DAY
We see the elevator doors open and Chris alights on the 59th floor.  He crosses the gleaming whte floor and approaches a desk where a busty red-head sits beneath a sign in brass letters that reads: STERLING, COOPER, PRICE, WATERHOUSE, MCMANN, TATE, LIVINGSTON, GENTRY AND MISHKIN.  The RECEPTIONIST holds up an index finger as the phone RINGS and she answers.
RECEPTIONIST
Sterling, Cooper, Price, Waterhouse, McMann, Tate, Livingston, Gentry and Mishkin; how may I direct your call?  Oh, yes, he's in a meeting right now, can I take a message?  Yes.  Of course.  Four o'clock on the fifth.  Good-bye.  (She looks up at Chris) Can I help you?
CHRIS
I have a meeting at three with Don Draper.  Chris Reidy...
RECEPTIONIST
Right.  Can I get you something to drink?
CHRIS
I'd love a Pink Lady.
RECEPTIONIST
Well, they're my specialty...
She stands and escorts Chris to a Barcelona chair, where he sits. The receptionist disappears behind a sliding panel and returns with a well stocked bar cart.

She whips up a Pink Lady with the speed and alacrity of a seasoned barkeep.  She hands it to Chris.  The phone RINGS and she answers it from a phone on a side table.
RECEPTIONIST
Sterling, Cooper, Price...(etc. etc. )  Stets is out of the bathroom?  Great, I'll send Mr. Reidy in.  They're ready to start, if you want to follow me.
CHRIS
This drink is delish!
RECEPTIONIST
Thanks.  You really want to get egg-whites from brown eggs; because brown eggs are local eggs and local eggs are fresh!  (She taps an earbud as the phone RINGS)  Sterling, Cooper...(etc.) Tina and Amy are here?  Great, I'm bringing Mr. Reidy down now.
CHRIS
Do you have to say the firms's name in it's entirety, every time you answer the phone?
RECEPTIONIST
Yep.  And when Mr. McMann was alive we had to add: "...where we're more than an ad agency!" And if it was a holiday we had to add seasonal things like: "...where Dad's are dandy..." if it was say, Father's Day.
CHRIS
Really?
RECEPTIONIST
Really.  Do you know how many phone calls we get a day?  I had to put people on hold, just so I could say the entire greeting.
She steers Chris down a Lucite stariway to the floor below and down a corridor.  A man in a cowboy hat is pacing the hall.  He is STETS TUBBS; all-purpose businessman.  He points to a door marked MEN.
STETS
I wouldn't go in that bathroom anytime soon if I were you, little filly!
​RECEPTIONIST
I don't usually use the men's room; but thanks for the heads up, Mr. Tubbs.
STETS
Yeee-haaaah! (LOUD BRAYING LAUGH)

To be continued...
I need to take a little break right now, to get my head together after what I watched happen in the White House.  And when I watched it, I was thinking...wow...they're such bad actors...surely I can't be the only person who realizes what an obvious set-up this is...?
So, thank you SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE for last night's opening sketch.  I breathed some kind of sigh of relief: no, I am not the only one who noticed.  

And g-O, Canada!

Please see "Ad-Ed Value" Pt. 2, for next installment.

CFR   3/4/25