Well, we're more than halfway through 2025.  Is this a good thing?  How much are we looking forward to the recent future?  I don't know.  That could go either way.  I'll just be up front about this...I've been very reminiscent as of late.  My older brother passed away.  My mother passed away about a year ago.  My best friend of my youth was gone about two years ago.  I mean, it's nature.  As you get older, you start losing more people who were close to you. I mean, my mother was in her late 80's; so, not a shock.  But my brother and friend were, all things considered, on the younger side.  So thoughts of the more sepulchral variety have been on my mind as of late.  And I find writing about things like this as they come up, in some way, help to dispel the hold they might have.  I had an actress friend who was older than me.  She died a few years ago.  We were talking about her this evening and as I was looking through an old folder of photos, she was tucked in there.  It was like she was saying: "Hi!  I heard you talking about me!"  And there were other photos in the folder that seemed apropos of something...thus, this blog.

When I Google my online presence--and I may be completely wrong about this--I guage what I think people might be "clicking" on by the photos that come up.  The  above one of my friend and former paramour, John from Ireland, keeps rising to the top of the queue.  So, there was this really nice photo of him in that folder de mysterie that I thought I would share; for what are photos for, if not to be looked at?  I did not take this.  I don't know who did or for what reason: probably someone who found him really attractive, which he was.  And looking back...I'm thinking like, Movie Star Good Looking!  

Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone...?

No, we went our own ways on good terms; but looking at that photo I do kinda have to say: Wow!  He had really nice hands.  I mean, I don't mean "wow" about his hands.  Just "wow" in general.  But he did (does) have really nice hands/forearms/arms in general.
So, I guess in this blog we'll be strolling down memory lane; but I'll also be supplying tidbits that come to mind of things I've mentioned that I'll post, in the past.  That is, if I can remember what they were.  And there's going to be a whole lot of me.  ME, ME, ME!!!  
Aren't you excited?!!?  I know I am!  And you know what, I don't care.  I don't care if this seems a little self-centered.  If you're reading this....YOU KNOW I'VE MADE YOU LOVE ME! :)

Remember my friend Mr. Douglas Baker, psychotherapist?  His video thumbnail keeps coming up in my feed; so I guess y'all are interested in him too.  So here's another video.

I met Doug in the 80's.  Among other things, he was a photographer.  I don't know if he's still doing that; I mean, I don't see why he wouldn't be.  But I also mentioned he took my first head shots.  But before he did that, he took some pictures of me right before I moved to Los Angeles in late 1991.  Wanna see?  You know you do!!!

I'm wearing my custom made Nathaniel Hawthorne t-shirt, which I'm pretty sure I still have.  I'll have to find it and take some photos (I'll post later).  I also found in the mystery folder the head shot he took three years later, still in it's "Ray the Retoucher" glassine envelope. I'm sure you L.A. actor peeps know who Ray is; but if you don't, he was the "go to" guy for headshots. So, I guess we should look at that, huh?  Hey, if you don't want to, you can always just click out now.

I posted other versions of this head-shot sesh wherein all of my smiles were not showing teeth.  And yet, I went "officially" with the one that had the big toothy grin.  Perhaps it's a bit too toothy...and looking back, I'm surprised I went with the big, open smile.  I don't know; and it's not like any casting agents ever saw it.  Or any of them (the head-shots).  Because they didn't.  Not  a one.  So why did I have them taken?  The mysteries of the folder du mysterie deepen!
I also talked about the time I took "Leather Man" pics for a man who I hardly knew who then blew one up to giant proportions and put it on the wall over the bar at The Ramrod.  Here's a link:www.christopherfreidy.com/blog/daddy-chris-will-see-you-soon

The Ramrod was Boston's "Premiere" leather bar.  I found a few more shots from that sesh too, in the folder du mysterie (FDM).  Wanna see them?  They're really just kinda headshots for a different kind of showbiz!

And then this one was Muy Mucho Mysterioso!

Maybe I should've auditioned for the killer from Cruising.  Of course, I was fourteen when that movie came out; so probably not.  Hey, Ryan Murphy, if you do another Queer/Leather project, this fellah is totes avails! Staying in a leather mood...

This was taken at some point during my tenure at B.U.  The leather jacket actually belonged to my older brother John.  I look kinda tired in this picture.  I was probably out dancing the night before and I have NEVER been a morning person.  I  recall chatting with my friend Amy and she had a camera (she was taking a photography class, maybe?) and this other girl she knew came strolling along and stopped to chat and Amy said something like: "Ooooh, I like those pearls and that leather jacket; can I take you guys' picture?"  Now, I've never been one to say no to having my picture took.  Nowadays, not so much; but back then, I was just a gal who couldn't say "no"!  Wasn't there a Wham song about girls and pearls and boys in leather?  Yeah...there was...

Well, maybe it was on the LP cut.  And who for a second ever thought that George Michael might've been straight?  I mean, he's in a Ramrod outfit at the 2.05 mark...
Here's another picture of my older brother John.  This will give you a real idea of his personality (and I don't think this was taken at Halloween; just one of his "looks.").

You know that song "We Don't Talk About Bruno," from that Dizzney movie?  Yeah, well...I'm not really ready to talk about John.  I'll let you know at some point.  Oh, but not now.
Here's another person that died who was in the FDM.  My friend and co-worker, Steve Raffin.  We shared the same birthday, December 19th.  We had super similar senses of humor.  He died of complications from HIV--no, he died of AIDS, really.  We worked together at the Paradise bar in Cambridge.  He was also in photography school.  One day he looked at me.  Looked me up and down.  I was dressed in one of my signature looks, which was probably jeans and a button down shirt and loafers.  He said something like, "I want to take your picture, the way you look right now!"  And I said, "Like, "right now", right now?"  And he laughed and said, "No, for a class.  In a studio."  Well, I couldn't have agreed faster.  When I showed up for the sesh he handed me this crazy jacket and fake glasses.  I guessed the theme had changed.  Whatever.  I was having my picture taken--in a studio!  So I went with it.  Here are the final results he went with:

I don't know...maybe a kind of David Byrne type thing happening?  Actually, come to think of it, I think those fake glasses are my own.  And I'm pretty sure I still have them.  Back in the day they were called "Attitude Glasses" (changed to "Character Glasses" at some point, apparently) and they could be procured through The International Male Catalogue.  Giving fake realness was BIG in the 80's.  And I suppose Real Fakeness as well.

There's another photo I got to thinking of, as I've been writing (sort of) about Faye Dunaway lately too.  It's a photo I should've been in but if it weren't for Ms. Dunaway's chronic tardiness in all things I would have.  Now she also had a quest for perfection in all things, according to GQ Magazine in 1983. A passion for the best of everything or some bullshit.  So I guess she perfected the best of being late for things.

Did you ever see that bizarre ad she did for Gucci?  Let's take a look!

There's something really creepy about that ad, Kinda like the Stepford Wives.  It fills me with existential dread.  Like, they're waiting around in fancy clothes in that vapid environment with nothing else to do but buy thousand dollar shoes. And the over-zealous use of the vibraslap*, which puts one in mind of rattlesnakes and ups the creepiness.  But then, I suppose Faye has been known to deliver vibraslaps of her own to unwary underlings. But a wag by the name of Deven Green supplied a delightfully absurd soundtrack and turned it into laughter; which I don't know about you but is mostly what I want out of life nowadays.  Let's take a second look!

And how cool is Mr. Mark Shelton?  He looks kind of like if Willem Dafoe and Jodie Foster had a kid together.
Anywhooz...
​So, here's the picture I was "supposed" to have been in:

Well, a while ago, we were walking down the--
It was 1997.  I was working my brave, final days at Lakeshore Entertainment home of Executive DILF to end all Executive DILFS, Mr. Tom Rosenberg:

But I digress...
So, my pal Linda Correa* called me at the office and she gave me an address somewhere in L.A.  It was a studio of some kind, really "HOT" at the time; something with a name like Lightbox or something?  Anyways, she tells me that they're going to be taking a photo for Vanity Fair magazine; that is, Patrick-Alain DeMullenheimer or someone, who was also HOT.  Not that Linda was into being part of what was HOT.  She just seemed to find her way into these things.  So, she tells me they need EXTRAS for the photo and that I should come down on my lunch break and be one with her.  Now, being as I was a production assistant (PA) for the company and was often drivng around running errands, etc.  I had a certain amount of leeway re: not having to be physically in the office.  So I went.  And waited with Linda and everyone else.  The lunch hour went by.  Another hour went by.  I was getting calls from the office as to my whereabouts.  I pressed it a little longer.  Still no Faye.  She wasn't even on the premises yet; let alone in hair and make-up.  I finally had to tell Linda that I couldn't wait anymore, so I left.  But she stayed.  I think it was like another three hours or something before Faye actually deigned to show up.  So Linda ended up in the picture (see red arrow).  I think she's actually in it more than once, as I believe they had to Photoshop more people into the crowd because I'm sure, like me, more than a few people couldn't wait around until Miss Duanway was good to go.  

So, actually the photograph is by David LaChapelle and it's entitled: Day of the Locust.  Now, that wasn't even Faye's movie.  It was Karen Black's movie; so the picture really should have had Karen Black in it.  Why didn't it?  Karen had been as big a star as Faye at one point but by 1997 her fortunes had slipped and she was doing a lot of schlock.  But so was Faye.  Karen was only two years older than Faye and still looked amazeballs, IMHO.  Better than Faye, I think.  Karen still looked like herself.  Faye had morphed into something Fayesque, by this time; as you can tell by the photograph--that is, if you break out a magnifying glass, the camera is so far above her.  And that kind of begs the question: couldn't this have been anyone?  So why not Karen Black?  Here's Karen in 1997, with then unknown Daniel Craig.

Not to be bitchy; but I kinda hate everything about the Faye photo, other than the concept and the fact that my friend is in it.  Oh, by the way, as this is something of a memento mori blog, I should mention Linda passed away about four years ago.  She was probably my closest female friend; so we can add her to the list of profound personal losses.  Here's a link to a blog I wrote about her: www.christopherfreidy.com/blog/memories-of-my-pal-linda

I think Faye looks terrible.  Her legs look scrawny, her make-up makes her look like a corpse and her outfit--that gold corset thing--gives her a flat-out, pot-belly.  I can't believe she signed off on it.  Personally, I would've staged the shot at ground level, just above the crowds head with her in a white satin gown, staring into the lens. Smiling.  Or maybe her original costume from The Towering Inferno, with a fire in the background (The Burning of Los Angeles was a theme in that movie).  But that's just me.  Or maybe restaged that famous Oscar the morning after shot.  As for Karen...
I knew several people who knew her or had met her.  One guy I dated who actually worked at her house near MacArthur Park as a handyman.  It was always the same story about Karen.  She wasn't just odd or eccentric as many actors are.  She wasn't just a "crazy actress."  Everyone I knew who'd come in contact with her said the same thing.  She's a crazy actress.  And maybe this had something to do with her ending up in a lot of junk.  I don't know.  But she did leave us with some incredible performances.  And maybe if Faye Dunaway ever manages to get over herself, maybe we'll get another great performance or two from her.  
I experienced first hand (was an eyewitness to) her legendary tardiness.  Bette Davis, I think, explains it best:

Okay...
Oh, one last thing.  In the movie, Eyes of Laura Mars, there are two characters named Lulu and Michelle.  They are high fashion models who work for Laura and they're also lovers.  When Laura has a vision of the killer stalking them, she calls their apartment and starts screaming: "LULU!  MICHELLE! LULU! MICHELLE!!!" over and over.  Linda told me that when they were taking the photo of Faye on the limo, they had everyone pretending to riot, which involved shouting, yelling and screaming.  Linda kept shouting: "LULU, MICHELLE!!!" and she said Faye kept looking around to see who was doing it.  Hilarious!  If you know that movie; and particularly if you know that movie and you're gay; then you more than likely know about Lulu and Michelle's answering machine...here's a link to a clip:clip.cafe/eyes-of-laura-mars-1978/this-lulu-and-michele
I guess that wraps this up for now.  I'm going to be working on the X-Mas by Hallwhack movie blogs and I'm also supposed to do the illustrations for a cat themed children's book which I've been dragging my feet on.  Maybe I'll do a series of blogs on that and it can be a kind of "soft launch"?  We'll see.  There are a few more pictures I'd like to include here, so I'll probably be adding and addendum to this.  I'll re-X it if I do.
Love and Kisses
Chris

CFR   8/2/25

INT. MINESHAFT CLUB -NIGHT
The CAMERA moves through the club, affording us some view of what's going on.  And down.  And up.  Etc.  As our eyes adjust to the gloom, we can see that most of the club PATRONS are dressed in black leather, yes.  But it seems to be some kind of THEME NIGHT; that theme being RACERS (as in AUTOMOBILE RACING). Men walk by dressed in racing gear (and as this is a fantasy in this writer's head); many rigged up as racers from Pop-Culture as well as the real world of racing.  So mixed in with the Dale Earnhardts, and the Mario Andrettis and the Tom Cruises as Cole Trickle(!) are the Ricky Bobbys, The Speed Racers and even some of The Wacky Racers, like Dick Dastardly and even a guy in a dog suit as MUTLEY.  And of course, RACER X.  The CAMERA tracks Racer X through the crowd as he walks to the bar where our quintet are.  He positions himself, back against the bar, and stares silently at Jimmy Dean.
PAUL
I think he likes you Jim...
Racer X stares for a few more moments and then drops a yellow bandana on the bar in front of James.
STEVE
Oh, he definitely likes you.
Racer X stares for another moment then turns and disappears into the crowd.  Jimmy picks up the bandana and stuffs it in his back pocket.
JAMES
If I'm not back in twenty minutes; don't come looking for me.
STEVE
Stay golden Pony Boy...
James smiles, turns and also disappears.

CUT TO:
INT. STAIRWAY -NIGHT
Faye ascends the last couple of steps to the second floor and finds herself in front of a second door where an extremely large BOUNCER-DUDE, in head-to-toe leather blocks her progress.  He looks her up and down.  She's wearing her costume from The Towering Inferno: a diaphonous chiffon gown with a plunging neckline. She is decidedly more properly dressed for Studio 54.  She attempts to breeze past him.  He tilts his head, frowns and SIGHS.  He's done this before.
BOUNCER
Lady...you really don't want to go in there.
FAYE
Of course I do--
BOUNCER
It's not for you.
FAYE
Are you going to make me say it?
BOUNCER
Yes.  I know who you are Miss Dunaway but we have a dress code; and dresses aren't on it.
He points to a notice on the door.  Faye emits her own haughty SIGH and looks closer at the notice.

FAYE
You look like a very reasonable fellow.  
BOUNCER
I like to think so.
FAYE
I'll tell you what...
She reaches into her Judith Leiber bag and withdraws some bills.  Unmoved, he shakes his head.  Next she pulls out theater tickets and a Playbill for A Chorus Line.  He considers, seems tempted; but again shakes his head.  Next she pulls out a bottle of poppers, a vial of powder, a small spoon and what appears to be a worn jock strap.  He frowns again and again with each offering.
FAYE
Oh darling, you are tough.  Name your price--
BOUNCER
Do the scene...
FAYE
Which one?  Wire hanger?  Barbara please?  Bring me the axe?
BOUNCER
She's my sister...
FAYE
Really?  (He nods)  Okay, but you're gonna have to help me...
BOUNCER
​I know all the lines!

CUT TO:
INT. MINESHAFT -NIGHT
We hear FALCO'S "ROCK ME AMADEUS." In the middle of a large space, Charles Bronson is gleefully leading a group of the PATRONS, including Paul Newman, in the LITHUANIAN BEAR DANCE.  A good time is being had by all!  The CAMERA tracks to the bar where Steve and Chris are imbibing Old Milwaukee brewskis.
CHRIS
How does everyone know the choreography?
STEVE
It's Hollywood baby!
CHRIS
No.  It's an old warehouse in New York, in the meat packing district...
STEVE
Hollywood isn't a place, sweetie; it's a State 'O Mind!
We hear the sound of some kind of COMMOTION near the entrance.  The bartender looks up and scowls.
BARTENDER
How many friggin' times do I have to tell her?  (Shouts) BRUCE!
He leaps over the bar and starts towards the door.  Steve and Chris look at one another.  Steve shrugs and nudges Chris to follow him.
CUT TO:
INT. INNER-ENTRANCE -NIGHT
A small circle has gathered around Faye and the bouncer, whose name is apparently "Bruce."
FAYE
...that last take was good, Bruce but I need you to get more physical with me...
She places his hand on her shoulder.
FAYE
Don't be afraid to really shake me up and don't pull those slaps-- Let's go...
BRUCE
Okay. (He takes a beat)  Now who is she?  And don't give me that crap about your sister!
FAYE
...she....she's my daughter--
Bruce fake slaps her.  She shakes her head.
FAYE
No. No. No...

FAYE
Come on Bruce, we're in an S and M club, you shouldn't have a problem with this...
BRUCE
I'm a sub.
FAYE
There are no substitutions for committed acting--
STEVE
(Steps forward)  Can I give it the old college try?
FAYE
Hah!  Let's go!
Steve grabs Faye and starts shaking her violently.
STEVE
Now I want to know who the hell she is and I don't want that bullshit about your mother-lovin' sister!
FAYE
She's my daughter...(STEVE SLAPS HER HARD)...she's my sister--(A SECOND HARD SLAP)...sister, daughter--(DOUBLE LEFT RIGHT BACK-HAND)...SHE'S MY SISTER AND SHE'S MY DAUGHTER!  SHE'S FATHER-LOVIN' BOTH!!!
Steve throws Faye against a nearby locker and she SOBS.  She looks up after a moment and smiles.
FAYE
And scene...
She grabs Steve's hand and they take a bow to the delighted APPLAUSE AND CHEERS from the CROWD.
FAYE
(To Bruce)...and a little improv never hurts...(winks).
STEVE
Eat that Nicholson!
The bartender steps forward.
BARTENDER
Yeah, great.  The Actor's Studio lives.  Now unless you put on some leather lady, you have to leave.
She tilts her head at Steve.
STEVE
Sorry Dread.  A rule's a rule...
FAYE
Fine.  I have a racing outfit in my pannier.  (She points to the door, no response)...ah, Bruce...could you...
BRUCE
Oh, right!  Of course!
FAYE
It's the silver Harley right outside.
Bruce runs off.  Faye LAUGHS.  
CUT TO:
MONTAGE: FAYE CHANGES OUTFIT
WE HEAR "MESSAGE OF LOVE" by THE PRETENDERS OVER SCENE (AGAIN IN MULTI-SPLIT SCREEN)
BRUCE COMING UP THE STAIRS WITH A GARMENT BAG
FAYE DIRECTING THE LEATHER MEN TO CREATE A HUMAN PRIVACY SCREEN
BRUCE STANDS AT THE READY WITH THE GARMENT BAG
CLOSE ON FAYE'S HIGH HEELS AS HER GOWN DROPS TO THE FLOOR
THE GOWN FLYING INTO THE DARKNESS
A NUDE FAYE, DISCREETLY SCREENED REACHING FOR PINK LEATHER RACING SUIT
FAYE'S LEGS STEPPING INTO JUMPSUIT
FAYE'S ARMS GOING INTO JUMPSUIT
CLOSE ON ZIPPER AS IT GOES UP
CLOSE ON PINK BOOTS BEING PULLED ON
CLOSE ON BACK OF FAYE'S HEAD AS SHE PUTS THE HELMET ON
THE MEN PART AND FAYE EMERGES, DRESSED AS PENELOPE PITSTOP: A PINK VISION SURROUNDED BY BLACK
CLOSE ON FAYE AS SHE LAUGHS AND APPLIES PINK LIPSTICK
CAMERA TRACKS FAYE AS SHE MOVES THROUGH THE CROWD

​CUT TO:
INT. MINESHAFT BAR -NIGHT
Faye pushes between Steve and Paul, waving a dollar bill at the bartender.
FAYE
Barkeep: Diet Coke.
BARTENDER
There's no such thing as Diet Coke.
FAYE
What year is this?
STEVE
It's 1979.
BARTENDER
How about TAB?  I think I've got some of that around here.
FAYE
Fine...
He finds a can and puts it in front of her.  She looks at it.  She looks at him.  She SIGHS.
FAYE
Ice?
He gets her a glass of ice.  She looks at him again until he pours.
PAUL NEWMAN
If it isn't the Dreaded Dunaway...
FAYE LAUGHS
PAUL
What brings you to the meat packing district?
FAYE
I'm doing research for a screenplay I'm penning with my ex-husband.
CHRIS
Peter Wolf?!!?
FAYE
Yes.  Do you know him?
CHRIS
No.
FAYE
And I don't know you.  So why are you talking to me?
CHRIS
Well, you know--
FAYE
Could you leave please?  You're right in my eyeline.

STEVE
Now Faye, he's a screenwriter.  Maybe he could give you some tips?
FAYE
Really?  What has he written?
STEVE
Ahora?  Spinners?  FU1?  
FAYE
Never heard of them.
STEVE
They've made about 800 million clams, worldwide, as we speak (he winks at Chris).
FAYE
(Interested)  Oh really?
CHRIS
Ha-ha! Mr. McQueen is exaggerating Miss Dunaway!  But we are alums--
FAYE
Pardon me?
CHRIS
Alumni?  Fellow alumnes?  Alumnae?  Alumnuses-sez...?
FAYE
What the hell are you talking about?
CHRIS
We both went to B.U.!
FAYE
Mmmm-hmmmm....
CHRIS
(Waves swizzle stick)  Go Terriers!
FAYE
Right.
CHRIS
So tell me about your script!  What's it about?
FAYE
The working title is "No Anchovies, Thank You."
CHRIS
Like the song?
FAYE
What song?
CHRIS
Ahhhh..."No Anchovies, Please"?

FAYE
Never heard of it.
CHRIS
No?  Well, your ex-husband co-wrote it.
FAYE
Really!??!  Now it makes sense!  In any event; it's a sequel to Eyes of Laura Mars.  But in this case, it's the Ears of Laura Mars...
CHRIS
Go on!  I'm all...ears...
FAYE
This time around, Laura has gone blind but now she's hearing murders as they happen and has to take those aural clues and figure out who the killer is.  And in case you're wondering, it's Tommy Lee Jones.
PAUL
Didn't he die in the first one?
FAYE
Yes; but he had a heretofore unknown identical cousin!
STEVE
Who's also a police detective?
FAYE
He's now the Chief of Police; but I'm having a hell of a time trying to get Tommy to commit.
CHRIS
Is Laura still a high fashion photographer?
FAYE
Well, being blind has sort of put a crimp in that; so she's now a record producer.  She's invented a new musical genre where she incorporates erotic sounds into the music.  It's called "Eroticalypso."  So she comes to places like this to record sounds; which is why I'm here...taking notes.  Speaking of which...barkeep?
BARTENDER
Another TAB?
FAYE
I have some questions for you.
BARTENDER
Okay, sure.  It's part of my job.
FAYE
Is it true this place used to have a scatorium?
BARTENDER
What?
FAYE
Oh, you know...a fecalphillia area?
BARTENDER
Huh?
FAYE
Now how can I put this delicately?  A...poopy room...
BARTENDER
Ahhhhhhhhhh--
FAYE
A SHITHOUSE!
BARTENDER
Oh!  Right!  

BARTENDER
Well, you know, it was before my time; but supposedly they did have a room for that kind of thing...but from what I understand, even guys who are into that weren't into it.
FAYE
No shit!  Why?
BARTENDER
It's just not really conducive to a night on the town, ya know?  I don't care how kinky you are.  And I guess they had real trouble with the staff when it came to clean up.
FAYE
I would imagine.  But the Sunshine Sprinkler System still goes on?
BARTENDER
You mean the Golden Shower stuff?
FAYES
Whatever's on the Russian pee-pee tape...
BRONSON
(Joining group) Could we talk about something else?
FAYE
Charles!
CHARLES
Dunaway.
FAYE
(She holds up her hands in a square and frames his face)  Charlie, I've always wanted us to do a project together.  I think you'd be perfect to play Police Chief Neville in my movie!  I'm directing!
CHARLES
If you make him commissioner, we can talk.  And he can't be the villain.
FAYE
Note to self: "can't be the villain..." (She scribbles on a cocktail napkin).
We hear an MC from a small stage as a light comes up on him.
MC
All right people...it's time for our costume contest!  If we could have everyone who signed up gather in the sling room, we can get started.
FAYE
(To Steve, Paul, Charles and Chris)  That's us.  Now, let's get to work!
CUT TO:
INT.  MINESHAFT SLING ROOM -NIGHT
Men are gathered singly and in small groups in the dimly lit room.  Faye, holding a notepad and pencil, is crouched down, talking to a YOUNG SLAVE DUDE who is hanging on to a sling, facing downwards as a half-naked DADDY MASTER whips the dude's bare butt with a cat-o-nine tales.
FAYE
So what do you get out of this?
SLAVE DUDE
May I answer her Sir?
DADDY MASTER
Don't speak Slave!

Faye jots something on her pad and stands.  She steps over to the Daddy Master.
FAYE
May I?
The Daddy Master bemusedly shrugs and hands her the whip as she hands him her notepad and pencil.
FAYE
(To Slave Master)  So, I just sort of...whip...him?
The Slave Master nods.
FAYE
All right...here goes nothing...
Faye gauges the weight of it and shakes it out. 
FAYE
One...two...(she raises the whip)...THREE!
She brings the whip down like the wrath of Hera: a direct hit on the Glutes!
SLAVE DUDE
OWWWWWWWW!!!  Jesus Christ lady!
MC
(O/S)  All right...we have a group costume next.  Please put your hands together for the Sexxxtettes!
We hear APPLAUSE as DEVO'S "WHIP IT" plays our group onto the stage.

"WHIP IT" cuts out and the lights go down.  In the dark, the music segues to ABBA'S "DOES YOUR MOTHER KNOW?"

James, who has rejoined the group, takes the first VOCAL as the six do an elaborate routine wherein they fling and spin Faye (who is playing "The Girl" whose mother may or may not know) around the stage in a delightful and elaborately staged routine that includes small scale pyrotechnics and Busby Berkeley-esque dance configurations including OVERHEAD SHOTS.
CHRIS
(Aside, to Paul)  How do I know this choreography?
PAUL
Just go with it--
CHRIS
But how?!!?
STEVE
It's Hollywood baby!
They finish the number by hoisting Faye into the air to the ecstatic CHEERS of the CROWD.  Clearly there is no question they have won the contest, as the MC runs out with a loving cup and a case containing a deluxe assortment of flagellation devices. 
They put Faye down and she gathers up the whips and starts flinging them into the crowd.
FAYE
You get a whip!  And you get whip!  And you get a whip!  (Etc. etc....)
The CAMERA PANS across the faces of the group in SLOW-MO as the CHEERS ECHO THEN FADE and we FADE TO BLACK.
CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -DAWN
Steve, Paul, Charles, James and Reidy watch as Faye climbs onto her Harley.  She motions to Chris.  He steps over to the bike.
FAYE
I want to take a meeting with you.  I like your ideas for Laura Mars 2!
CHRIS
But I haven't told you any of my ideas--
FAYE
Just go with it.
CHRIS
Right, Dread!
FAYE
(Handing him the Laura Mars themed helmet)  I want you to have this.  For luck!
CHRIS
Oh, thank you Miss Dunaway!  I mean, it probably won't fit; because I have a really big head--
FAYE
Just go with it.  And Reidy...for Chrissake...don't hawk it!  (She throws back her head and LAUGHS).
She starts the engine, lowers her visor, engages the throttle and she's gone in a pink and silver streak.  Chris turns to the others.
STEVE
Well, I guess this is the end of the road...
CHRIS
I guess so.
The four men are in a line.  He comes to Jimmy first.
JIMMY
This is for you...
He hands Chris an antique book.  Chris opens it.
CHRIS
It's beautiful.  What it is it?
JIMMY
It's a first edition of KIerkegaard's Works of Love.
CHRIS
It's in Danish...
JIMMY
I guess you'll have to take a class...
They hug.  Next is Charles Bronson, who hands Chris a Gump's shopping bag.  Chris pulls out a box.
CHRIS
Oh wow!  The deluxe Mandom gift set!
CHARLES
With the (in Japanese) ekonomisaizu no botoru!
CHRIS
Thank you Mr. Bronson! (He kisses him on the cheek).
Next is Paul Newman, who opens his wallet and removes a plastic card.
CHRIS
You guys really didn't have to do this--
PAUL
Just go with it.  (Chris peers at the card. INSERT SHOT OF CARD: we see the Newman's Own logo).  It's good for a years worth of any Newman's Own product.  No limits!
CHRIS
Yum-Yum sauce?
PAUL
Yum-Yum sauce.  My pizzas.  My cookies!  The whole Sock-a-rooni-Shebang!  
CHRIS
Wow!  

Next is Steve McQueen.
STEVE
Consider yourself lucky.  He doesn't give those cookies free to just anyone!
Paul does a playful lunge at Steve, complete with slow-mo left hook.
CHRIS
Thank you Mr. Newman!
Paul leans in for a hug but Chris plants a big juicy kiss on him.
CHRIS
You outta bottle those lips!
STEVE
Well Speedy.  It was fun.  Oh, you left your Baracuta in the car.  It's the red one, just around the corner...
CHRIS
You got another new car?
STEVE
(Holding out keys)  Yeah.  Go get your jacket--
CHRIS
Okay!  I'll be right back. 
​He takes the keys, puts everything in the shopping bag and trots off.
CUT TO:
EXT. SIDE-STREET NYC -DAWN
CHRIS' P.O.V. / Chris sees a shiny red car halfway down the block.  He shakes his head, his eyes closed.
CHRIS
It can't be...
He opens his eyes again.  The red car is still there.  He walks towards it.  It is red, with white trim.  His eyes fall on a crome plaque, gleaming in the sun.  Comet, in silver script.

The car is unlocked.  He opens the door and sees his Baracuta on the back seat.  He takes it out and puts it on.  He puts the shopping bag in the trunk.  He closes the car door and looks around.  The street is empty.  The air is still.  He runs back towards Washington Street.
CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -EARLY MORNING
Chris comes around the corner.  REVERSE ANGLE.  The street is empty.  Paul, Charles, James and Steve are gone.  Chris walks towards the Mineshaft.  The arrow and PRIVATE CLUB sign are gone.  The building is transformed.  Refurbished. A sign reads RETAIL SPACE AVAILABLE and next to it, a promotional illustration:

Chris goes to the windows, but they are covered with paper on the inside.  He turns and heads back down the block as he turns up the collar of his G9.  He remembers something and grabs the jacket sleeve.  The smudges of dirt are still there.
CUT TO:
EXT.  SIDESTREET NYC -DAY
Chris comes around the corner.  He cranes his neck.  The red Comet is still parked where it was; and a tow truck is pulling up beside it.  Chris runs to the truck as the driver alights from his cab.
CHRIS
Wait!  I'm leaving!  It's mine!  
TOW TRUCK DRIVER
You got real lucky pal.  Five minutes more and this car was gone in sixty seconds!
CHRIS
(Considers)  Wouldn't that be six minutes?  I mean, I'm no mathematician but--
TOW TRUCK DRIVER
Everyone's a friggin' comedian.
He shakes his head, gets back in his truck and pulls away.
Chris opens the door and gets in.
CUT TO:
INT. COMET -DAY
Chris looks down to see a note on the passenger seat.  He picks it up and reads.

Speedy:
Remember this...always use your signal when changing lanes.  But never when you exit.
-McQueen

Chris smiles and nods and turns the key.  He puts the car in DRIVE.
CLOSE UP ON REAR DRIVER'S SIDE INDICATOR AS IT FLASHES RED.  
The car pulls out into the street, traverses the remainder of the block, turns left and drives OUT OF FRAME.
FADE TO BLACK

DISCLAIMER: PLEASE SEE PRIOR DISCLAIMERS!

FADE FROM BLACK: CHRIS' P.O.V.  INT. CHEVELLE -NIGHT
From the car radio, we hear "We May Never Love Like This Again," The Love Theme from The Towering Inferno. As Chris' vision comes into focus, he GROANS.  He is seeing the interior of the car from the back seat: the headliner, the domelight, the rear passenger side window, the front passenger headrest. He GROANS a bit louder and the radio VOLUME cuts out.  Chris sees Steve McQ's head pop over the backrest.
STEVE
It lives!
CHRIS
Where am I?  And why do I smell like Moo-goo Gai Pan?
STEVE
Well, you smell like the latter because you took a nosedive into Bob Lee's Seven Seas buffet and as for the former; you're in The Big Apple, kid.
CHRIS
(Bolts upright and cranes his neck to look out the window)  ...You mean Manhattan?
JAMES
The City That Never Sleeps.
CHRIS
New York, New York?
STEVE
The Five Boroughs.  The Empire City.  Metropolis.  Gotham!
CHRIS
Did we win the race?
STEVE
​Once we get to Little West Twelfth Street, we'll know.
CHRIS
What's at Little West Twelftth Street?
STEVE
Really?  That's one thing I figured you would know...
Chris tilts his head quizzically.  Steve faces forward again and raises the SONG VOLUME.
CHRIS
(To no one in particular) We may never love like what, again?
JAMES
Up the butt!

CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET @ LITTLE WEST 12TH ST. -NIGHT
The green Chevelle pulls up the curb in front of 835.  A dark, low industrial building sits there, giving no indication of what's inside.  It's the meat-packing district; so, meat?
STEVE
(Slaps his thigh with a crisp WHAP)  Hot damn!  We won--
Just as he says this, a pair of headlights pierce the gloom from behind the Chevelle.  James shades his eyes from the glare in the rearview.  
JAMES
Ah, maybe not...
Steve and Chris turn as the headlights blink off and two DARK FIGURES emerge from the car.
CHRIS
Is that--
We hear Bronson's sardonic LAUGH from the dark.
STEVE
Shit!
He rolls down his window and Bronson leans down.
CHARLES
Looks like we got here at the same time.
STEVE
No, we--
PAUL
Don't try it McQueen. We saw you pass us when we were looking for a space.  
BRONSON
Dead heat.
STEVE
(Considers)... Now there's a movie title!
Steve, James and Chris get out of the Chevelle and the five men look at the building.

Bronson drops a black leather duffel bag to the sidewalk, crouches and unzips it.  He pulls out garments and tosses them at the others.
BRONSON
Get dressed gents.  There's a prize tonight and if we can't walk out of here with it, then we should be ashamed to call ourselves BEST ACTOR OSCAR WINNERS (TM/REG./Pat.Pend)!
CHRIS
Wait...ah...first of all, I've never been in a movie.  And B: have any of you won the Oscar?
STEVE
Nominated.
JAMES
Nominated twice, posthumously.
CHARLES
Nope and nope.
They all look at Paul.
PAUL
Now you know that shit doesn't matter to me.  I could care less that I was nominated ten times and took home the statue in '87.
JAMES
Where did you put it?
STEVE
Up his butt.
PAUL
Fuck you McQueen!  I've had enough of your shit!
STEVE
Bring it on salad shooter!
Paul lunges at Steve as Bronson holds him back by his waistband.
CHARLES
And I've had enough of this shit.  Save that energy for the backroom and get dressed.
He swings Paul against a dumpster like he's a Pinewood Derby toy.  Paul gathers himself as he glares at McQueen.
BILLY SQUIER'S "LONELY IS THE NIGHT"  Rises above following MONTAGE:
PUTTING ON LEATHER

AGAIN WE SEE A PABLO FERRO SERIES OF SPLIT/MULTI -SCREENS OF:
-THE GROUP OF MEN BEHIND THE DUMPSTER
-CLOSE ON THE NEWMANS OWN LOGO ON PAUL'S SHIRT AS THE SHIRT COMES OFF, REVEALING HIS CHEST
-CLOSE ON THE FLY OF BRONSON'S LILLY PULITZER PANTS AS HE UNZIPS / CAMERA PULLS BACK AS HE DROPS TROU
-THE CAMERA TILTING UP FROM MCQUEENS BARE FEET TO HIS LEGS TO HIS TIGHTY WHITIES TO HIS BUTTON-DOWN-   BROOKS BROS. SHIRT WHICH HE IS IN THE PROCESS OF UNBUTTONING
-JAMES DEAN'S BARE ASS AS HE HIKES UP A BLACK LEATHER RACING SUIT OVER AND UPWARDS
-CHRIS DEMURELY ADJUSTING HIMSELF AS HE STEPS INTO THE LEGS OF HIS JUMPSUIT

STEVE
(As ALL continue to dress) So Reidy, you were telling us your first car was a Chevelle and you had no idea what it was.  But did you have a dream car you wanted?
CHRIS
I guess so...
STEVE
What?
CHRIS
The '81 Mazda RX7. which you just don't see anymore--
STEVE
Yeah.  Nobody can deal with that rotary engine.  Second choice?

CHRIS
​Well, I commuted to high school and college in Boston for a good seven years and there was a little garage near one of the bus stops and it had a little car yard and there was this car parked there that whole time and I fantasized about owning it--
JAMES
Why didn't you?
CHRIS
I don't know.  I've never been a terribly agressive person; and I figured the car would cost more to put on the road than it was worth...and that I could afford.
PAUL
What was it?
CHRIS
(Excited)  Oh, it was this cherry red Mercury Comet with white trim, probably a '61.  It like, checked all my boxes!

CHARLES
Signal Red.
CHRIS
I'm sorry?
CHARLES
It was called "Signal" red.  What can I say?  I'm a man of many colors.  Now get dressed.
THE BILLY SQUIER SONG PUMPS UP AGAIN AS WE SEE:
FIVE SCREENS: FIVE BLACK LEATHER RACING-JUMP SUITS: FIVE ZIPPERS ZIPPING UPWARDS
THE CAMERA LINGERS ON THE RACING SUITS, WHICH ARE REPLICAS OF THE SUITS WE'VE ALREADY SEEN, COMPLETE WITH ALL THE ACCOMPANYING LOGOS; BUT NOW EMBOSSED IN BLACK LEATHER.
THE FIVE MEN WALK TOWARDS THE CAMERA IN A LINE, IN SUPER SLOW-MO-A-LA-ARMAGEDDON-ET-AL (WHICH WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IS REALLY KIND OF GAY)

They push through the door to THE MINESHAFT* and when the last one is through, the door swings shut with a BANG.  The camera pans to the right, across a long arrow painted on the wall and the words PRIVATE CLUB painted in white letters on black.
CUT TO:
INT. MINESHAFT -NIGHT
The quintet belly up to the bar.
STEVE
The first round's on Speedy!
The CAMERA CLOSES on Chris' surprised face as he GULPS.  He starts patting himself down.
CHRIS
Gee, I seem to have left my wallet in the car...
BRONSON
(Throws back his head and GUFFAWS LOUDLY for some time) That's your line McQueen!
LAUGHTER ALL AROUND
BRONSON
Barkeep, a round of Gubernija for the bar, on me!
The BARTENDER smooths his handlebar 'stache as he raises an eyebrow.
BARTENDER
Goob-a-what now?
Bronson LAUGHS again, leans down and hoists up a beer cooler with the Gubernija logo on it.  He opens it and starts tossing beers to the crowd.
BARTENDER
Wait, that's against--
BRONSON
My good man, I will compensate your establishment for any lost revenue.  
PAUL
(To Steve, as they regard the cans, SOTTO VOCE)  What the hell is this?  I've never heard of it...
STEVE
When in Rome...
EVERYONE pops their tops at the same time as Charles raises his can:
CHARLES
(In Lithuanian) I SVEIKATA! 
ALL
I SVEIKATA!
Everyone drinks at the same time and apparently the beer is a hit because EVERYONE CHEERS.

CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -NIGHT
We see a silver Harley Davidson Fat Boy coming down the street.  The RIDER, apparently a woman, is wearing Halston high-heels and a mauve gown with a pluging decolletage.  The gown is flying out behind her like flames.  We can't see her face as she's wearing a helmet.  She slows the bike and pulls up onto the sidewalk.  The CAMERA CLOSES on the gas tank of the bike, which bears the key art of THE EYES OF LAURA MARS, except it says EARS instead of EYES.  We TILT UP from the tank to the visor of the helmet, which also has the face of LAURA MARS emblazoned on it (a two way decal).  An elegant female hand reaches for the visor and lifts it.  It's the same face!  It's FAYE DUNAWAY A.K.A. MS. LAURA MARS herself. Faye removes her helmet, shakes out her hair and regards the building.
FAYE
Let's get to work!

Please note: DISCLAIMER / CONTAINS MATERIAL FOR MATURE AUDIENCES (AND IMMATURE, MATURE AUDIENCES) / READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.

FADE IN:
EXT. ROUTE 36 OUTSIDE LEBANON KS -DAY
We see yet another green car coming at us from a distance.  It speeds towards the CAMERA which does a whip pan as it passes and CLOSES on a green highway sign which reads: NEW YORK CITY  1,465  The car is a 1970 CHEVROLET MALIBU CHEVELLE.

CUT TO:
INT. CHEVELLE -DAY
Steve McQueen, in another effortless cazhe-kool weekend look is behind the wheel.  He shades his eyes and looks around the cabin.
STEVE
Where are my sunglasses?
Chris is in the passenger seat, grappling with a gas-station road-map.
CHRIS
Hmmmm, we're really getting close to the geographic center of the continental United States...
Jimmy Dean is is reclined in the back seat, reading Simone de Beauvoir's The Ethics of Ambiguity and wearing Steve's trademark sunglasses.
JIMMY
What sunglasses?
Steve looks at him in the rearview mirror.
STEVE
The ones you're wearing!  Those cost me five-hundred bucks!
JIMMY
Consider it payment in full.
STEVE
(Smiles and CHUCKLES)...Worth every penny baby.
JIMMY
(Reading from book)  Listen to this: "The goal toward which I surpass myself must appear to me as a point of departure toward a new act of supassing."
STEVE
Oh you sure surpassed yourself in the back seat of that Datsun.
Now Jimmy smiles and CHUCKLES.
STEVE
Reidy...reach in the glove box and get me a pair of sunglasses, please.
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
He opens the glove box and numerous pairs of sunglasses, each more cool than the last, tumble out.
STEVE
Gimme the ones with the gold rims--
JIMMY
You take the gold in "rimming" Terrence!
CHRIS
(Chris reacts to the name with pursed lips as he holds up a pair of Ray-Ban "Olympians") These, Steve?

STEVE
Yep.
Chris hands him the glasses and then attempts to fold the map which keeps getting in Steve's field of vision.  He grabs the map and tosses it into the back.
STEVE
Why don't you just use Waze?
CHRIS
Oh, you know what that is?  I thought you did everything old school...(he starts putting the sunglasses back).
JAMES
(As he expertly folds the map) Everything about him is old school.  Particularly his nuts.
CHRIS
Deez nutz!
STEVE AND JAMES
What?
CHRIS
I never can get that joke straight.  So to speak.
STEVE
Jimmy, how many miles to that marker?
JAMES
About ten, it looks.
STEVE
(LAUGHS) Good.  We'll beat Newman's ass again.
JAMES
Charlie's driving.
STEVE
Maybe not.
INSERT SHOT: STEVE'S WEEJUNED FOOT, PENNY LOAFING THE GAS PEDAL
CHRIS
Do we really need to go this fast?
STEVE
Does Walt Disney shit in a castle?
CHRIS
Wow.  I don't know what you fellows have more of: a seemingly endless array of sportscars; or Apex-Alpha-Assholeism...
JAMES
I am not an "alpha male."  Please.  Couldn't be bothered.
STEVE
"Alpha bottom," is more like it.
CHRIS
Maybe, like me, you're a Beta man.  We try harder.  Maybe even Gamma...somebody's got to come in third. 
JAMES
Well, if that's the case; I'm an Omega Man.  Like Heston.
STEVE
Oh please, let's not talk about him.
JAMES
Oh Chuck, Chuck...you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!
STEVE
He's certainly stubborn...(CHUCKLES)
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT OF MONUMENT  -DAY
Steve and James are leaning against a small monument in the shape of a pyramid,  It has a plaque on it and a flagpole atop, flying the stars and stripes.  A few small buildings are nearby.  The lot is gravel.  Other than the three men, it is deserted.  Chris is crouched down, reading the plaque.

CHRIS
You know, I've read a lot of plaques in my day; but as far as-- quote, unquote--dryness; this one has to be in the top--
STEVE
Here they come...
REVERSE ANGLE 
EXT. ROAD -DAY
(Continuous) A 1975 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight Regency glides down the road and turns into the small lot.

The Olds comes to a stop and the doors open.  Bronson steps from the driver's side as Newman comes around and they start towards the monument.  Paul is wearing denim cut-offs, a "Newman's Own" T-shirt and Keds with no socks.  Bronson has on a black t-shirt and a pair of, to say the least--bright, Lily Pulitzer pants.

STEVE
If you ever run out of road flares you can just use those pants.
CHARLES
Oh you like these pants McQueen.  And you like what's in 'em even more...
PAUL
Guys, could we please just put a sockarooni in the machorotica?
STEVE
(Striding over to Newman, getting in his face again)...Oh, I'll put a sock in it.  A sock in that purty 'lil mouth to keep you from waking up the neighborhood when I--(fingers Paul's T-Shirt logo)--make Newman my own...
PAUL
(Coming closer)...your own what?  Huh?  Your own what...?
STEVE
(Licks his lips)...personal chef...yeah...in that little chef's hat...nothing else...shakin' that hot little ass in my kitchen...
PAUL
Oh yeah...are you gonna make me make something?  What are you gonna make me make?
STEVE
A salad, fucker...slathered in olive oil...
PAUL
How about a pizza?  Huh? How about a fucking Italian sausage and uncured Pepperoni fucking pizza?
STEVE
I thought your pepperoni was cured...
PAUL
You'll never find out.
JAMES
Sal Mineo's was uncured...
STEVE
Stay out of this.  What else you gonna make for me chef?  Huh?  You got sauce for me?  Some creamy white sauce for my annellini?  Say 'yes' chef... 
PAUL
How about Yum Yum sauce?
STEVE
On pasta?
PAUL
Just go with it--
STEVE
Yes Chef! Yum fucking Yum-Yum sauce, fucker!
PAUL
What do you want for dessert daddy?  Does daddy want some fresh cookies?  Huh?  Does Terry want some of Paul's fresh cookies, warm from the oven?
STEVE
(Panting now, on some kind of verge)  What kind of cookies baby?  Daddy want's cookies!  Tell me about the cookies!
PAUL
Newman's Own fucking Creme Filled...chocolate...cookie...just for Daddy...
Paul collapses into Steve who falls back against the monument.  They PANT together for a few moments and then stand back, as though nothing has happened.
CHARLES
Right.  So, ah, are we still racing?

STEVE
(Pushing Paul away) Spread out!  (He takes off his sunglasses and polishes them on the hem of his shirt).  Yes, we're still racing.  And this time the loser picks up the tab at the convention.  Room, board, cocktails; the whole sockarooni.  Capice?
ALL nod.
ALL
Yeah, sure, sounds good, uh-huh, right...etc. etc. 
STEVE
So here's what I propose.  Chuck, you and Newman take the high road and us three take the low road and see who gets to Scotland afore ye.
CHARLES
What roads are we talking?
JIMMY
(Looking at the map) 80, North, High road. 70, south, low-road...both going East, natch.
NEWMAN
(Flipping a quarter) Heads, North.  Tails South.
STEVE
(To Bronson) Call it...
BRONON
Heads.
Steve flips again, displays the coin.  Tails.
STEVE
You're South.  Let's go.
BRONSON
(Mumbling under his breath, like Fred Flintstone)  Rasssa-frassa-bricka-frack-a-bracka....
NEWMAN
(As they head back to the Olds) Oh, cheer up Charlie; we can always go see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
CHRIS
(Whining)  I wanna see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
STEVE
Fahghedaboudit.

CUT TO:
CAMERA ON TIGHT SHOT of INTERSTATE 80 SIGN:

The green Chevelle ZOOMS past.
CUT TO:
INT. -CAR  -LATE AFTERNOON
Jimmy, wearing eyeglasses, is now behind the wheel.  Chris is once again in the passenger seat and Steve is reclining in the back, one of Jimmy's philosophy books over his eyes.  Chris has his eyes on a copy of Kierkegaard's Works of Love.
JIMMY
Enjoying that?
CHRIS
I'm already confused...(Reading) Which is more difficult?--to awaken someone who is sleeping, or to awaken one who, awaking, dreams that he is awake?
JIMMY
Ah, "The Hidden Life of Love and its Recognition by It's Fruits..."
STEVE
(An ironic LAUGH from the back) Hah!
JIMMY
(Quietly) It takes a while.  You just have to keep rereading it 'til it makes sense...
STEVE
Tell us more about that F1 movie.
CHRIS
Like what?
STEVE
More of those little trees.  Some specifics.
CHRIS
Okay, sure.  I can talk about this all day!
STEVE
So I've heard.
CHRIS
Okay, so in Heartfight, there's this character--
JIMMY
Sorry to interrupt; but what is Heartfight?
STEVE
Jimmy I told you all that...
JIMMY
My short term memory has been on the fritz lately; you know that...  I really need to wear a helmet.
CHRIS
Here's the elevator pitch: Two macho professional fighters are recruited for a new sport that's a combination of indoor skydiving and martial arts.  One of them has a possibly life-threatening heart problem but he fights anyways.  The two men fall in love and enter into a passionate affair and have to decide if they're going to face life together. Heart to heart, as it were. The End.
JIMMY
Interesting.  A couple of twists in there. The sky...fighting, is pretty original.  And the queer love story; but of course it will never get made if that's in there...
CHRIS
You know it's pretty sad to say that even in twenty-fucking-twenty-five, you're probably right; because this story would require a pretty lofty budget.  And even if it didn't...
JIMMY
(To Steve)  Wasn't that movie that Bronson was in supposed to be queer?
STEVE
Which one?
JIMMY
The Mechanic.
CHRIS
I saw that at the Camp Lejeune drive-in!  I was six...
STEVE
Yeah.  I turned it down.  I would've done it too; but I was developing The Getaway.

CHRIS
The gay element is kind of still there, isn't it?
STEVE
They were drinking rose...
CHRIS
You know, I think Jan-Michael Vincent made me gay...or was the first man I remember engendering those feelings in me.
JIMMY
How so?
CHRIS
I remember going to see The World's Greatest Athlete and getting tingly feelings whenever he was onscreen.  I was seven.

CHRIS
I forgot about the "witch doctor" character.  And of course, nowadays it's John Amos who gives me the tingles!
STEVE
Man you get off track faster than Newman at the Indy 500.  F1!
CHRIS
Right.  F1.  So, speaking of stock characters...that movie is toploaded with them.  The character of the Cocky Upstart Apprentice.  In this movie his name was "Joshua Pearce" and he was played by British-Nigerian actor Damson Idris.
STEVE
Any relation to Idris Elba?
CHRIS
None; but isn't that kind of a weird coincidence?
STEVE
If you say so...
JAMES
How is that a coincidence?
CHRIS
I had "cast" Idris Elba in Heartfight; just another thing that makes me go "Hmmmm."
STEVE
Continue.
CHRIS
So, that character in F1 happens to live with his mother and there are several moments in the script where he is mocked for this.
JAMES
Significance?
CHRIS
In Heartfight, two of the main characters live with their grandmother and razz one another over it.  The grandmother character in Heartfight is the Tiger Mama type; think Helen Mirren.  She has a pronounced Irish accent.
JAMES
Is she Irish?
STEVE
No Jimmy.  She's Lithuanian--
JAMES
Well, I don't know!

CHRIS
Isn't Mr. Bronson Lithuanian?
JAMES
Yes.
STEVE
What?!  I thought he was like, from Atilla-the-Hun-land!
JAMES
You mean Mongolia?
STEVE
The place with the barbeque...which reminds me...I'm hungry--
CHRIS
I love Mongolian barbeque.  There was this Mongolian barbeque place in Los Angeles that I went to once.  It was like a total hole in the wall; but it had this really cool old neon sign--
JAMES
Was it on Beverly?
CHRIS
Maybe...or Melrose?  I went there for lunch once when I fist moved to L.A.  It closed down shortly thereafter.
STEVE
Health department?
CHRIS 
I don't know.  But it's really weird to drive by a closed down restaurant all the time that you actually ate in once.
STEVE
Now I'm craving Chinese.  There's a Chinese place at one of the next exits, Jimmy.  Chris, call ahead to see if they're open.
CHRIS
​On it McQueen!
CUT TO:
INT. -BOB LEE'S ISLANDER ASIAN RESTAURANT -DAY

The restaurant is kind of dark. HAWAIIAN MUSIC plays softly.  BOB LEE, 40's, Asian, in a sharkskin suit, approaches a table where Chris, James and Steve are seated, looking at their menus.  Mr. Lee has a Yashica J camera around his neck.
BOB LEE
Excuse me, but aren't you Mr. Steve McQueen and (nodding) you Mr. James Dean?
STEVE
Guilty as charged.  And you must be Bob Lee.
BOB
Yes!  I'm so very pleased and honored to have you here.  And who is this? (He indicates Chris).
STEVE
Oh, he's a film actor from...Ireland.  This is Speedy O'Hara.
BOB
(Extending his hand) Oh!  So very nice to meet you Mr. O"Hara!  Have I seen one of your pictures?
CHRIS
Perhaps you've seen Was It Good For You on Youtube?  I filmed a scene outside your Boston location.  I also co-directed...
BOB
Ah, so nice!  I would like to send a Flaming Volcano Bowl to the table, on the house.
ALL
Great!  Thank you!  Love it!  Etc.
BOB
And I was wondering if I could get a picture with you? (He indicates his camera).
ALL
Yeah, sure, great...etc.  
The three stand as Mr. Lee starts speaking to a WAITER in Cantonese, to whom he hands the camera.  They ALL pose and the picture is taken.
MR. LEE
Thank you so much.  Please, enjoy your meal!
The waiter stands, his pad at the ready and waits as Mr. Lee disappears into the gloom.
WAITER
Are you gentlemen ready?
STEVE
Man I'm jonesing for some Chop Suey...but how about a Pu-Pu platter while we decide...boys?
Chris and James nod as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
BLUE ORANGE FLAMES flickering in a CLOSE-UP.
The camera DOLLYS OUT and we see it is the flames atop the communal cocktail, from wich Chris is taking a copious slurp via his extra long straw (that's what she said!).  

CHRIS
This is muy delicioso!  (Takes another long sip)  Just what is in this "secret brew" for two?!!?
STEVE
Don't bogart the Flaming Volcano man...
JAMES
Let him.  He's not driving and I'm not drinking it.
STEVE
Well, I'd like a little myself.
He grabs his straw and he and Chris suck 'til we hear:

The waiter returns and removes the barren Pu-Pu Platter.  He smiles.
WAITER
You didn't like, eh?  Your dinners be right out.
CHRIS
Could I trouble you for a...(glances at drink menu)...a "Bachelor's Downfall"?
WAITER
Sure.  Coming right up.  But remember, management not responsible!  
He LAUGHS and scurries off.
CHRIS
I feel so, relaxed!  (Looks around)  Oh look, a stage!
Chris stands, steadies himself, and goes to a small stage where there is a microphone, a small drum kit and some other instruments.  As he's doing this, Mr. Lee returns to the table.
MR. LEE
Are you enjoying yoursevles?
STEVE
Very much so.  Would it be okay if Mr. Reidy sings?
MR. LEE
Can he sing?
STEVE
He's, ah...Irish.  Of course he can sing!  A big Irish Film School Movie Star like that?  
MR. LEE
Most excellent.  I play ukulele for him?
STEVE
Without a doubt.
Mr. Lee goes to the stage and picks up a nearby ukulele and turns to Chris.
CHRIS
Yeah, ah, how about "Little Grass Shack"?
Mr. Lee nods enthusiastically and he and Chris launch into the song, which, for some reason, is backed by the Ray Conniff Singers:

As Chris SINGS, he starts to wobble a bit as the Flaming Volcano begins to erupt in his head.  After three bars of the song, he pitches foward and deadfalls off the stage.  The MUSIC comes to a halt.
MR. LEE
Mr. O'hara!!!  Nooo!
CUT TO TABLE
Steve turns to Jimmy.
STEVE
Looks like this is going into a part five.
JAMES
Sure looks like it.

PLEASE SEE: RACIN' AND RAPPIN' PART 5  for the thrilling conclusion (for I can't imagine this could go any further...)
For further viewing:

DIZZOLVE FROM WHITE-OUT
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
We see a small tarmac where a silver Porsche is parked. The tarmac is covered by a small awning of corrugated green plastic.  There is a picnic table and a spigot for a hose.  A few feet away is a Datsun 280 ZX all tricked out in red, white and Bud.  The Porsche is being slavishly washed by a MAN in shorts.  This is JAMES DEAN, 24.  No intro needed.  Leaning against the Datsun, drinking a Coors beer is PAUL NEWMAN, 40's.  He's a famous Actor-Slash-Race Car Driver. James looks up as he hears the sound of an ENGINE approaching.  He shades his eyes.  Paul turns and looks too.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
Jame's POV.  He sees a dark speck on the horizon.  It is the green Mustang.  We watch with him as the shimmer of heat rises up and the car begins to transform from a mirage into a real object.  As the ENGINE ROAR grows louder, the car seems to be coming on too fast.  At the last moment, as it seems as though collision is imminent; the Ford fishtails and comes to a screeching halt as it throws up a cloud of salt and gravel which covers the Porsche. And the Datsun and James and Paul.
JAMES
Awwww, SHIT!
From the Mustang, we hear McQueen's HEARTY LAUGH.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
CLOSE on the Mustang as the driver's side door opens and Steve steps out.  He's wearing his Le Mans jumpsuit; but now it has more logos on it; in particular OLD MILWAUKEE BEER.  The CAMERA TRACKS around to the passenger side and that door opens.  Chris steps out of the car, his face obscured by the mirrored visor of his helmet.  He is plastered in logos for the following brands:
PACO RABANNE POUR HOMME
TABASCO HOT SAUCE
KROGER CHICKEN BISQUIT CRACKERS
GOLD BOND SKIN CREAM
LEUCHTTURM 1917
BABO GEL
TURQUOISE RAVEN PRODUCTIONS
RAMROD BAR
KRAFT MACARONI AND CHEESE
O'REILLY'S AUTO PARTS (OWWW!)
And finally...
FREAKIES CEREAL

CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
TIGHT SHOT on Chris' mirrored visor.  In it, we see Paul Neman's figure approach Chris and then his face as he peers at him.
REVERSE ANGLE
PAUL
(Pointing)  I know who that asshole is.  But who are you?
Chris raises his gloved hand to the visor which he attempts to raise.  First it sticks.  Then he gets it up and it immediately falls down again.  This happens a few times until  finally, in frustration, he pulls his helmet off.
CHRIS
Reidy.  Chris Reidy.  Some call me Speedy Reidy; but you can call me tonight.
Paul considers this but doesn't respond.  He turns to Steve.
PAUL NEWMAN
Where did you find this one?
STEVE
In a dressing room...
PAUL
Sounds about right--
Chris thrusts out his hand.
CHRIS
Mr. Newman, I am a huge fan!  The Towering Inferno is one of my favorite films!
PAUL
That wasn't a film.  It was flick.
STEVE
And a fuck flick at that, since you were in it...
PAUL
I've been out in the sun all morning Queen.  Don't start with me--
Paul gives Chris his glove, which has come off whilst shaking, back to him.
STEVE
"...Architects."
PAUL
What?
STEVE
"...Architects."  Come on, what's your line Method boy?  "...Architects."
PAUL
I am not doing this.
STEVE
You're doing it Method boy.  "...Architects."
Paul moves towards Steve until their faces are about a half an inch apart.
PAUL
"Yeah.  It's all our fault..."
CLOSE ON MCQUEEN'S BLUE EYES
STEVE
"Now you know there's no sure way for us to fight a fire in anything over the seventh floor..."
A HEATED PAUSE
STEVE
"...but you guys just keep building 'em as high as you can."
CLOSE ON NEWMAN'S BLUE EYES
"...Hey.  Are you here to take me on; or the fire?'
One set of baby blues searches the other.  How close can their faces get?  Suddenly, they are playfully wrestling against Jimmy's Porsche.
JIMMY
Hey!  Watch the paint!

STEVE
(To Chris)  Speedy, grab the cooler, would you?
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
Chris leans into the back of the Mustang and retrieves a cooler with the OLD MILWAUKEE logo on it and lugs it to a picnic table.

PAUL
(To Steve)
What are you doing here?
STEVE
What else?  Straight drag--
CHRIS
Is that a thing?
PAUL
Racing.  Drag racing.
STEVE
Not even that.  Let's see who has the fastest chasis. (Points) From there to here and back. Couple cases of beer for the winner?
Jimmy Dean starts jumping up and down and clapping.  When he SPEAKS, it's barely a MUMBLE.  And when he EXCLAIMS, it's rather primordial.  Steve and Paul seem to understand him perfectly though.
JIMMY
Rrrraaaah-CAAAAHHH!
CHRIS
What did he say?
STEVE
"Race."  He wants to race.  There's only two things in this life Jimmy likes.  Racing.  And getting railed. Oh and the Existentialists.  So, three things.
Steve goes to the picnic table and gets a beer and pops one open.  He offers one to Jimmy and then one to Paul.
PAUL
(Getting a Coors from his own cooler)  I wouldn't drink that horse-piss if I crash landed on Mercury and that was all they had to drink.

STEVE
Oh, right.  I forgot.  You're some big-time food connisseur now, right?  What?  Fucking salad dressing?
Paul, enraged, pitches his beer to the concrete, where it explodes.  He strides up to Steve and gets in his face.
PAUL
Yeah.  Salad fucking dressing.  You want some?
STEVE
What you got.  You got Italian?
PAUL
Yeah.  I got Italian...
STEVE
How about Thousand Islands.  You got that?
PAUL
Yeah, I got that...
Their faces keep getting closer.
STEVE
Green Goddess?  Ya got Green Goddess?
PAUL
No, but I have fucking creamy avocado oil...low fat...
STEVE
(As he sits on the edge of the table, eyes still locked with Newman's as he comes even closer)  French...yeah...you fucking love French, don't you...you got that?
PAUL
Oh fuck do I have French--
STEVE
(Manspreading)  Greek, fucker.  You know Greek is what I want--
PAUL
I've got all the Greek you can handle, fucker--
STEVE
You wanna toss salads, don't you, baby.  I got sixty-nine varieties of that for you, you HOT little motherf--
CHRIS
(Turning from Jimmy, who is now sitting at the table coloring in a Hot Wheels coloring book (SOTTO VOCE):  I thought he was supposed to be really smart; like into Sartre and stuff...
PAUL
He banged his head yesterday. Wasn't wearing a helmet. He keeps fading in and out. He should be back soon.
Paul grabs Steve's beer and guzzles it; foam forming in the corners of his mouth, which he then violently wipes with the back of his hand.
PAUL
Let's do this...
He goes over to his car, gets in, SLAMS the door and GUNS the engine.  Jimmy leaps up and gets in his Porsche.
STEVE
(SHOUTING) We'll take Speedy out a mile and flip for pole positon.
CHRIS
What am I gonna do?
STEVE
You're the pole!
CHRIS
Oh wow! I'm the pole!  Wait...what...?

CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
Chris is standing in the middle of a sea of crystalline white.  The three sportscars are pointing at him, in a row.  Steve strides over to Chris with a bandana and hands it to him.
CHRIS
...but I'm scared McQueen...
STEVE
You'll be fine.  Jimmy's nearly ninety-five percent.  And you know how to drop and roll, right?
CHRIS
What? No!
STEVE
You're gonna be great!  Okay, when I get back in the car, you just raise the bandana, count to three and then signal us.
CHRIS
Like Cha-Cha DiGregorio in Grease?
STEVE
Sure...just like...whoever that is.  So then we'll go past you, turn, ride back to the pavillion and finally back to you.
He pats Chris on the cheek.  And his face.
CHRIS
All right...
Steve smiles and as he turns, rolls his eyes.  He climbs back into his car and all three start REVVING their engines.
The CAMERA CLOSES tight on Chris' face as he counts.
CHRIS
...two...three...
He raises the bandana and swings his arms down.  The three cars tear past him as he stands there with his eyes shut tight.  They proceed to do 180s and then speed past Chris again.  He shades his eyes.
MONTAGE:
We see a series of SPLIT-SCREENS and SCREENS WITHIN SCREENS in the classic PABLO FERRO style (Please see VIDEO EXAMPLE below):

MONTAGE
OVER MONTAGE WE HEAR MORRISSEY SONG, "SUEDEHEAD."*
We see a series of shots of the three cars as they speed towards the pavillion in the distance:
CLOSE ON SPINNING WHEELS
THE CAMERA CLOSE ON THE TAIL OF THE MUSTANG
CLOSE ON THE TAIL OF THE DATSUN
CLOSE ON THE TAIL OF THE PORSCHE
REVERSE ANGLES: CLOSE ON EACH CAR AS THEY LEAP TOWARDS THE CAMERA
CLOSE ON EACH MAN AS HE DETERMINES HIS POSITIONING:  NEWMAN ADJUSTS HIS REARVIEW / MCQUEEN ADJUSTS HIS SUNGLASSES / DEAN LOOKS DOWN IN THE PASSENGER SEAT WHERE HE'S DISTRACTED BY THE SOUND OF BOOK PAGES FLAPPING IN THE WIND.  HE SWEEPS THE BOOK TO THE FLOOR: CLOSE ON TITLE OF BOOK: 'BEING AND NOTHINGNESS."
AERIAL SHOT OF CARS ZOOMING PAST PAVILLION
CLOSE SHOTS ON BEER CANS TUMBLING OFF PICNIC TABLE
INSERT SHOT OF MELTED CRAYONS ONTABLETOP
CLOSE ON THE COLORING BOOK AS IT'S PAGES BEGIN TO VIOLENTLY FLAP UNTIL THE BOOK IS LAUNCHED INTO THE AIR.  IT PINWHEELS ACROSS THE SALT AND THE CAMERA MOVES IN ON "HOT WHEELS" LOGO.
THE CARS GO INTO THEIR TURNS
MCQUEEN PULLS OFF HIS SUNGLASSES
CLOSE ON MCQUEEN'S EYES IN THE REARVIEW AS HE WATCHS THE DATSUN CATCH HIM AND OVERTAKE HIM
FAST ZOOM ON NEWMAN'S EYES THROUGH WINDOW / CAMERA TILTS DOWN TO HIS WRY SMILE
CLOSE ON DEAN'S BLEARY EYES
DEAN'S POV OF CARS AHEAD OF HIM / HIS VISION BLURRED
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
Chris is standing in the great expanse.  We cut to his POV as he sees the three cars coming back towards him.  In a REVERSE ANGLE we see the horizon behind Chris, where a DARK CAR is speeding towards him.  It BACKFIRES and Chris turns.
CHRIS' POV: He shades his eyes again and regards the car.  He GULPS.
CHRIS
(Under his breath) ...We're going to need a bigger salt flat...
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
In an overhead shot, we see Chris a small spot, MIDSCREEN.  On the left, we see the Datsun leading, closely followed by the Mustang and the Porsche eating their dust.  On the right is the black car, barreling down on Chris who is kind of now between a rock and a hard place.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
The CAMERA TRACKS toward Chris as he looks rapidly to his right and his left like he's a human ping-pong ball.
CHRIS
This is some macho bullshit!  I'm Audi.
The cars seems to be bearing down on him from all directions!
CHRIS
Stop, drop and roll!
With that, he runs a few feet and then hurls himself to the ground and starts rolling.
CUT TO:
INT. NEWMAN'S CAR -DAY
Paul sees the black car apparently coming straight at him.  He looks to his right and sees Chris still rolling away.
PAUL
What the hell...?
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
The camera closes on the black car which is a '69 Opel GT.  It has MANDOM emblazoned on the sides; but we can't see the driver through the tinted windows.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
In an aerial view, we see the cars moving towards one another.  Newman's Datsun is on a beeline with the Black Opel. The Mustang slows, veers off and moves towards Chris; with the Porsche tailing the Mustang.
CUT TO: 
INT. MUSTANG -DAY
Steve looks to his left to see the Datsun still tearing towards the Opel, which has'nt veered it's course.
STEVE
(Crosses himself)  ...Godspeed my friend.
CUT TO:
INT. DATSUN -DAY
STEVE
Looks like you picked the wrong Method actor today, pal!
CLOSE on gas pedal as Newman's bare foot smashes it to the floor.
REVERSE SMASH CUTS FROM THE DATSUN TO THE OPEL AS THEY BEAR DOWN ON ONE ANOTHER.
Newman's Datsun stays the course until at the last possible second the Opel screeches to the left and then comes to a halt on the salt.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
We see Chris, scrunched up in a ball as McQueen's shadow comes over him.  Steve crouches down.
STEVE
You all right?
CHRIS
...like a salted peanut.
Steve CHUCKLES and helps Chris to his feet.  Jimmy joins them and the three walk towards the Datsun.
CUT TO:
EXT. SALT FLAT -DAY
Chris, Steve and Jimmy fall in line next to Paul and they watch the Opel as it's door opens and we see a black-booted foot emerge and step to the ground.
JIMMY
Who is that?
STEVE
What the frig is Mandom?
They continue watching as a FIGURE emerges from the car and starts striding towards them.  The person is in head-to-toe black leather and a helmet, all marked "MANDOM."  The figure finally reaches them and stops a few feet away.  The foursome look from one to another.  The man in black leather reaches up and removes his helmet and LAUGHS.  This is CHARLES BRONSON, yet another world famous movie actor. AGELESS.
CHARLES BRONSON
(SINGING)...All the world, loves a lover...every girl, in every landom...and to know, the joy of loving...is to live, in the world...of Mandom!
PAUL
​Oh...shit...now we gottta play cards...
Bronson LAUGHS as the CAMERA CLOSES on his hand, which reaches into his unzipped suit and removes a pack of playing cards.
FADE TO BLACK:

FADE UP:
EXT. -SALT FLAT PAVILLION AREA -DAY
Chris, Paul and Charles are sitting at the picnic table. Bronson is shuffling cards. A few yards away, Newman's Datsun is bouncing up and down.  Chris keeps darting furtive glances at it.  From Chris' POV, we see someone's bare feet sticking out of the window.  Then, a second pair. Paul seems none too pleased.
PAUL
I just had that thing detailed...
BRONSON
(Fans out the deck) Oh, you know those Indiana boys, chef.  They're just having some country-spun fun!  (To Newman)  Pick a card but don't show it to me.
Newman picks a card and looks at it and then places it face down on the table.
BRONSON
(To Chris) Now you, Speedy O'Hara...
Chris picks a card and follows Newman's lead.
BRONSON
You both watched me take the cellophane off that deck and I couldn't see the cards you drew...capice?
Paul and Chris nod.
BRONSON
I'm gonna call a card and then you're gonna turn them over...you first Reidy.  Jack of clubs..
Chris turns over his card: nine of hearts.  Bronson raises his chin towards Newman.
BRONSON
Same...
Newman turns over his card.  It's the Jack of Clubs
NEWMAN
Do I win a prize?
BRONSON
Yep.
NEWMAN
What?
BRONSON
A bottle of Mandom...
NEWMAN
I'll pass.
BRONSON
I'm wearing it.  (He points to the Datsun)  We're next, chef.
Newman's eyebrow goes up.  He starts SINGING.
NEWMAN
...all the world, loves a lover...music starts to play...darkness disappears when the one you love is near...you're in Mandom...
CHRIS
(To Charles B.) You put on a whole bottle of cologne?
Bronson throws his head back and LAUGHS.  He flings some playing cards at a Chris' Freakies cereal helmet and they align themselves perfectly along the visor.

Please see disclaimer at top of part 1 of this blog series...
SYNCHRONICITY ASIDE:
I started this blog off in an imaginary quest for a Baracuta G9 jacket in beige.  The same night, we were looking for a movie to watch and for some reason Seconds popped into my head.  I'd never seen it.  Guess what Rock Hudson showed up wearing?

And wearing it incredibly well, I might add; the best of anyone who lay claim to the jacket (which he never did).  Really interesting movie (one for another blog, def!).
And now...
Back to our story. When last we saw Chris, he was busily sketching Steve McQueen in the throes of passion.  We join our pair at breakfast the next morning, in a small booth at the St. Francis Fountain.

Another WAITRESS comes to the table.  She looks like somebody's grandma.
WAITRESS
What'll yah have fellahs?
STEVE
I'll have a double-stack of flapjacks, a side of bacon, three eggs over easy and a double side of hash-browns...and...toast.
WAITRESS
Where you gonna put all that slim?
STEVE
(LAUGHS)  And some more coffee.  You can just leave the pot.
WAITRESS
(Turning to Chris)
And you hon?
CHRIS
I'll have the eggs bendict with the side of fruit.
WAITRESS
Alrighty.  I'll get that right out to yah.
She leaves.  Chris, bleary eyed, takes a sip of coffee.
CHRIS
You're not gonna try to pick her up, are you?
STEVE
Oh, sweetie...you have no idea...
CHRIS
I'm starting to get one.
STEVE
I like your drawings.  I'm impressed; because there was stuff flying everywhere!
CHRIS
There sure was.
STEVE
So, what else did you want to ask me about movies?
CHRIS
Okay, well, I think there's something you should know about me--
STEVE
Are you talking about your persecution complex?
CHRIS
Now wait a second.  I don't have a persecution complex.
STEVE
Well what would you call it?
CHRIS
I don't know.  Maybe "keen observation"?  Intuition?
STEVE
Just spill it.  You think F1 ripped you off, right?
CHRIS
Well--
STEVE
Just be honest.  I've heard about your theories and I'm not disinclined to believe you.
CHRIS
But the more I talk about this, the more and more (drops his voice to a whisper)--insane, I sound...
STEVE
Maybe you are insane.  Who wouldn't be nowadays?  You've come this far, so why stop?  People have probably already made up their minds about you; so why should you give a flying fuck?  And then there's the other alternative...
CHRIS
What?
STEVE
That you're absolutely, one hundred-percent right.  Right on the money.  The scratch.  The long green.  The pesos, baby.  So tell me...
CHRIS
Okay.  Here goes; and can I just preface this by saying I really don't want to be saying--
STEVE
Yeah. Whatever. Cut to the chase.
CHRIS
I wrote a screenplay called Heartfight.  I published it on my blogs as I was writing it.
STEVE
What's it about?
CHRIS
It's about these two Irish guys named Henry and Paddy who are recruited to play this new sport and they fall in love.
STEVE
What sport?
CHRIS
I made it up.  I called it "Lani-Batali" in the script.  It's a combination of sky-diving and martial arts--
STEVE
Elaborate.
CHRIS
They have indoor skydiving chambers now, a fairly recent invention and you can essentially go inside it and fly, like Peter Pan.  So I had my characters go in and fly and fight too.
STEVE
Is it a real thing?
CHRIS
Not that I'm aware of.
STEVE
So you invented it?
CHRIS
I guess I did.
STEVE
It actually sounds like something that could be a real thing and not just for a movie.
CHRIS
Yeah...I'm starting to think that.
STEVE
Back to the script.  I'm guessing you feel F1 jacked some of your ideas?
CHRIS
If I'm being honest, yes.
STEVE
Continue.
CHRIS
It's kind of the same script with the sky-fighting changed to racing and the mano a mano lust taken out.
STEVE
By lust, do you mean like, dudes getting it on?
CHRIS
Yes.  And falling in love.  Hard.  So to speak.  But there were some very specific elements that--
STEVE
There always are.  And it's always "coincidence."  Tell me one.
CHRIS
Well, the biggest one was the "promoter" character; you know, the one who puts everything together.
STEVE
The Big Boss arechetype?
CHRIS
Yeah!  Well, in F1 it was Javier Bardem.
STEVE
Who?
CHRIS
He's a huge movie star.  International, really.  He's Spanish. 
STEVE
Don't know him...
CHRIS
Really?  Well he's amazing and you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who didn't like him.

STEVE
Stock character, sometimes...
CHRIS
Yes; so it's up to the writer to give them details that give them life.
STEVE
For example.
CHRIS
How they run their organization.  What it is.  Where it is--
STEVE
Explain.
CHRIS
Well, in Heartfight, the Big Boss character is named Roddy Shannon and I was thinking of Idris Elba for the role as I was writing and said as much.
STEVE
I don't know who that is either.  I lost track of male leads pretty much after that Cruise guy.
CHRIS
Another racing enthusiast.  Anyways, he's British and also another huge international star that everyone loves.

STEVE
Nice suit.  Continue.
CHRIS
So, in Heartfight, the Big Boss character is like 1 percenter wealthy and I never really explained it.  But the implication was that he had enough money to turn his sports hobbies into realities.  He's the "inventor" of the sport in the script.  So here's the thing: his headquaters are on "the outskirts" of London; the implication that it's out in the country near all those beautiful English meadows and meandering rivers.  Both the character of "Roddy" and the actor I wanted to play him are British.
STEVE
So London would make sense--
They are interrupted by the waitress who comes to the table with their food.
WAITRESS
Eggs benny for you, hon and all the rest for you, skinny-minnie.  Enjoy!
She butstles off.
CHRIS
That's a lot of food.
STEVE
What can I say?  Pussy makes me hungry!
CHRIS
Yeah...ah, sure...me too...

STEVE
I'm what you call "pterodactylly depraved."
CHRIS
I think you mean "polymorphously perverse."
STEVE
That too.
Chris points to a sign on the wall.
CHRIS
"Francis." That's my middle name.  
STEVE
My middle name is "Stephen."
CHRIS
Oh, you go by your middle name?
STEVE
Yeah. My first name is Terrence.
CHRIS
Really!  My little brother's name is Terence!  How do you spell it?
STEVE
T-E-R-R-E-N-C-E.
CHRIS
His is with one "R."  My dad's name is "Francis," too.  He's an Aries.
STEVE
Me too.
CHRIS
Small world.
STEVE
Yeah.  So, more about this Boss character.
CHRIS
I just found it super weird that in F1 the Javier Bardem character had his headquaters out in the British countryside near London.
STEVE
Don't tell me.  Near meadows and canals and so on.
CHRIS
Yes!  I mean, like why weren't his headquaters in Barcelona or someplace in Spain?  I supplied the story with visual ideas too.  Like the conference room--

CHRIS
...Brad Pitt's hotel looked almost exactly like pics of an inn I used...

STEVE
I'm hearin' yah bud.  But we've gotta get on the road.  Places to go!  People to see!
CHRIS
Where are we going?
STEVE
To meet some...friends...
CHRIS
In San Rafael?
STEVE
Nope.
CHRIS 
Where?
Steve picks up the salt shaker and portentously salts his eggs.
STEVE
The Bonneville Salt Flats...
We CLOSE on the salt as it falls from the shaker in SLOW-MO.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. UTAH SALT FLATS -DAY
STATIC SHOT of the white salt expanse disappearing to nowhere beneath a sharp blue sky.  We hear the DOPPLER EFFECT of the SOUND of a very powerful engine growing nearer.  Another green car, this one a 1968 FORD MUSTANG GT 390 FASTBACK speeds past the CAMERA over the bright white salt flat at top speed.  We WHIP PAN to follow the car as it speeds towards the horizon, the SOUND now dissipating.  The clear, high-noon sun sends LENS FLARE into a BRIGHT WHITE FADE OUT.