LIE
I hate to tell you--that's not from the Victorian Era. It's from like, powdered wigs times...
CHRIS
Actually, it was just released from the Epstein Files!
JWATTERS
Jeffrey Epstein?!!?
CHRIS
Worse.  Juan Epstein!

MEGYN KELLY
I'm calling ICE this instant!!!
CHRIS
Oh, hey Megs!  Welcome to the chat.  By the way, I love your new chin!  Did you borrow that from Margaret Hamilton?
MKULTRA
HOW DARE YOU!!!

CHRIS
​Hmmmm...let's compare it to your chin from loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong ago:

CHRIS
Unless you had a chin implant around 1987--which I guess is possible; but I can't imagine you wouldn't have had a chin reduction--it's your original chin.  Oopsie!  My bad!
MEGYN
This blog is nothing more than a sexist, misogynistic belittling of WOMEN based solely on their looks.  You're a LOOKIST and a WOMAN HATER!
CHRIS
No, I actually love women.  Not physically; although I do kind of get turned on by girl-on-girl porn; particularly encounters set in public ladies rooms.  Like, there was this one video I saw where this cougar type lady was having dinner in a restaurant with her husband and this couple they knew were at another table and then the other guys wife went to powder her nose and then the other lady went to powder her nose and, well, nobody's nose got powdered in that powder room, lady!
LIE
What happened?!!?
CHRIS
You name it and it happened!  Spanking too!
MEGYN
So, you consider women nothing more than SEX OBJECTS!
CHRIS
You mean, like the male executives at FOX NEWS--well, not you Lady Law-Law...
LIE
HOW DARE--
CHRIS
Don't make me get Nancy.  Look Megyn, you and your ilk put yourselves forth as objects: with the blonde hair, and the rhino noses--and I don't mean REPUBLICAN IN NAME ONLY.  And the stiletto heels and the--shall I go on?
MEGYN
OH! OH!  You have no idea the lethality you have injected into--
CHRIS
See, and that shit.  Why are you broads all so pissed off all the time?  You're all fucking millionairesses.  Can't you just enjoy taking a shit on your golden yacht toilets and stop preaching to the rest of us all your bullshit PhauXristianism?  Your little gold crosses aren't fooling anyone.  Except maybe yourselves.  But they're not, because you're all too educated not to know better.  Every last one of you chicks went to high-falutin' colleges.  Well, except maybe you Megyn.  Syracuse University is not exactly world renowned.  So tell me Laura, Megyn and Kar-Kar; just when exactly did you get radicalized at college, since now anyone who goes to college gets somehow radicalized?  To leftist causes.  What LEFTY orgs. brainswashed you guys?

MEGYN
You're damn right we're pissed!
CHRIS
Oh come on Megyn.  Live your life now, with love and a smile!

CHRIS
Well, you can't say I didn't try.  So, why are you so hissy-pissy?
MEGYN
Because!
CHRIS
The best I can make out is because there aren't enough white men.  But let's move on.  In my research on you dames, I see you're all Roman Catholics.
RAYMOND ARROYO
HOW DARE YOU!!!

CHRIS
Oh, if it isn't The Altar Boy From Hell!
LIEsq.
Bug off Raymond, we don't need your help.
RA
Yes you do!  I'm a good Catholic boy and this person is about to diss our shared and sacred religion!
MEGYN
Oh, so you're going to mansplain it?
RA
Yes!  Oh, ah, I mean--that is to say-err-well, what I mean is--
CR
You're yet another Patriarchal Voice, no matter how shrill and strident?
RA
What are you implying, Sir?
CR
That you've spent more time than is necessary on your knees in a confessional booth?  See Megyn, I'm an equal opportunity insult comic!
RA
How dare you mock the Great and Powerful Catholic Faith.  Why, this is HERESY! It's SACRELIGIOUS It's blasphemy you...you...BLASPHEMER!!!

CHRIS
Oh, get a grip Queen...
RAY-O
HOW DARE YOU!  HOW DARE YOU IMPLY that I am anything other than a full-blooded, Red-Hot-American-Hetero-Alpha-Male!
CHRIS
If the Candie's slides fit...

JESSE
She is--oh, I mean--he is!  Dude is a total pussy-hound!
BKILLMEADE
Yeah, Persian cats.
RAY-O-VAC
Shut up, you!  You, ass-face!
LIE
Calm down ladies...

CHRIS
Hold that thought Miss Grace! Now, can I just say, that if y'all are gonna wear gold crosses for your Virtue Signaling and you claim to be Catholic; all, y'all need to get away from the plain gold cross.  That says, like, Bible-Belt-Southern-Baptist-Mega-Church-Bullshit.  Y'all want Mega-Catholic-Bullshit--
RA
That is a MORTAL SIN to use that word in the same breath as--
CHRIS
How about Papal Bullshit?  Is that Catholic enough?  No, you don't need a cross.  You want a CRUCIFIX if you wanna say you're a Catholic.  And the gaudier and bloodier, the better.  You want a nice juicy, Mel Gibson style Christ...dripping with blood, heavy with weeping wounds and flesh-shredding thorns and throbbing, angry flagellation marks!  After all, he died FOR OUR SINS.  He needs to SUFFER!

CHRIS
But before I offer some more ideas for statement pieces for the decolletage; Megyn, I was doing a bit of research on your sporting of Christian bobbles and the Universe, nay, perhaps Christ Himself brought me to this video, let me see if I can get it to post...
Well, it's a Tik-Tok video, which I have trouble with.  But here's a link:
www.tiktok.com/@g924909/video/7524533395343396151

MKULTRA
​It's all out of context anyways, so...
CR
I did that for your colleague's benefits.  I also read, Megs, that you played Field Hockey in high school...
MK
Yeah?  So?!!?
CR
Well, if the knee socks fit...

MK
How dare you make assertions like that about...me...and...women who play Field Hockey!!!
CR
Well, here's a frame grab from your lesbian assumption vid where you make assumptions about the "way" gay men "sound" when they talk...

MK
You have twisted--
CR
So, anyways.  Here are my ideas for some Super Catholic necklace choices for y'all.  Megyn, you seem to prefer gold jewelry, so I suggest this all-gold crucifix with gloopy, droopy blood glopping off Jesus' crossbeam:

CR
And for you Lady Lawra: your preferences seem to lean towards gold too.  And bloody-blood red.  So how about this beautiful pendant of HIS face covered in blood from HIS Crown of Thorns.  Bold?  Sure.  Too bold?  Maybe.  But we want to get across the idea of all of your suffering--oh, I mean, HIS suffering:

CR
And by the way.  I'm not supposed to talk about Miss Leave-it; however, since she is a Press Secretary, she's essentially a media person, so I'm gonna.  I think for Kar-Kar, this lovely Super Jumbo Rosary!  Now, you're not supposed to wear Rosary Beads as a necklace; but in Kar's case, we'll make an exception.  It will really complete your faux-Chanel look! Order yours now, from The Catholic Company.  Operators are standing back and standing by!

RA
What in Heaven's name do you--
CR
Don't worry Ray-Dog, I'm getting to you. I think a rosary would be good for you too. Beads you can clutch whenever your ALL AMERICAN RED-BLOODED HETEROSEXUAL ALPHA MALE sensibilities are offended.  I think it needs to be an extra juicy one!

CR
​And then you could atttach this and squeeze it at will on the air and bring forth Faux Stigmata to really get your salient points across!

CR
That one really brings the blood.  And the BLING!
RA
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS!  ARE YOU EVEN CATHOLIC?!!?
CR
Oh honey, I am SO Catholic.  I am so freakin' Catholic I was BAPTIZED by Fr. John Geoghan

JWATTAHZ
You mean like The Catholic Church Sex Scandal Ground Zero Pedo-Priest-Dude?  
CR
That would be him.
JW
He baptized you?
CR
Yes.
JW
That's cool! (LAUGHS like Butt-Head)
CR
Is it though?  You know, he was defrocked, so I sometimes wonder if that renders my Baptism null and void.  Or just void. Or null.  And then I think I should get baptized again; but that would make me a Born Again Christian and I'm like: "No thanks!"  I don't want to have to thump a Bible.  I just want to refer to it when it's convenient!
LIE
Dude, you're a sicko.
CR
You got that right.  A sick and tired sicko.  And Lawra...we need to talk about your mouth--

LIE
HOW DARE--
CR
And right now, you need to shut it.  Nancy?
MISS GRACE
CUT HER MIC!!!
BK
But whaddaboud my brows, lil babies?
CR
What about them?  It seems as though you were born with...half-brows, if this snapshot of your youth is any indication...

BK
That's just the way the light is hitting them!
CR
I mean, I've heard of "unibrows" but I've ever heard of "demi-brows"!
BK
I got hit by a flying hubcap as a child!
CR
Now that I believe.  You know Brian...I think that people born with demi-brows should just be involuntarily-lethally injected.  Just kill 'em!
BK
I apologized for that!
CR
Yeah.  And it was so heartfelt and sincere:

CR
Wow.  So much empathy.  And delivered on a Sunday morning.  Jesus would be proud of you, brah.
BK
Aww, thanks brah!
CR
No problemo, dude.  Anywhoose...so, ah on to TEETH TOGETHER, LIPS APART.  Say, wasn't that a play?
LIEsq.
So, are you going to bully me about my looks now?
CR
Bully?  I'm just gonna show pix.  Just the fax, Ma'am!  So, Laura...why can't you close your lips?  When you sit up all sweet and pretty at your FOXY NEWSdesk, your lips never seem to close over your teeth.  Particularly when you are listening to some blow-hard responding to one of your softballs--or should I say basketballs?  I'm just gonna find a random interview and do a "frame grab" as they say in the biz.  Hmmmm...how about an interview with Stephen Miller?  Everybody loves Lil' Stevie!

CR
Now, his mouth is open here, because he's saying: "trail of blood."  But you're just listening.  Now, when his mouth stops moving, at least his lips touch.  Yours, not so much.  And you know what Laura?  It makes you look like a mouth breather.  It makes you look really dumb.  Like dumb as in "unintelligent."  And that's a shame.  Because we all know how very intelligent you are.  You went to Dartmouth!  And the University of Ole Virginny!  But those lips; those lips are a problem. Maybe you need more filler?  What's that Laura?  I can't hear you...
Oh yeah.  Your mic is off.  Thanks Nancy.  But we'll turn it on for the next part of this blog; because we're not done.  I need to decipher your yearbook entry, 'memba?
NANCY GRACE
I for one am looking forward to that!  Unleash the lawyers!

PLEASE SEE: UNKNITTED BROWS OF THE RIGHT-WING BRO-BABIES PART 3 for the next exciting and possible conclusion of this series!

CFR   10/01/25

Hey Brahs and Broettes, it's the Wattermeister here, layin' down some deep-dive-no-jive Milk of Human Kindness on all y'all.  My baby-brotious down to the Fox-Den of End of Times Inequity, one Killer Kat, Mr. Bri-Bri Killmediocre needs us baby!  He lost his brow-brow babies, fightin' The Good Fight.  Where'd those sexy caterpillars crawl off to?  Nobody seems to know, bro-bros!

And here's my little Sistah-From-Annuder-Mistah-although baby-Blondie is actually a good ole twenny yeaahz oldah than moi--my dearest, distaff DTF Nordic gal-pal...ladies and gentlefolk...Mizzzz Laura Ingra-lay the hammer down--lay, lay, lay, lay-lady-lay- take it away Lauralassie!

JWATTERS
Hey, wait a secarooni...you're not the Ingrameister--
MS. LEAVE IT
HOW DARE YOU!
MR. REIDY
Ooops.  My bad.  I got the wrong blonde.  But how are you Kar-kar?  You've been MIA for a while.
KL
I most certainly have not.  I've been doing my job.  With aplomb, I might add.
JESSE
What's a "plomb"?
KL
Shut up Cyrano.  
CR
I love the new lips, Kar.  So that's where you've been!  Some post surgery R and R downtime, methinks--
KL
HOW DOUBLE DARE YOU!!!  It was a Frankenfacial!
JW
Don't you mean "vampire facial"?
KL
Stay out of this jungle-bush--
JW
Whoa!
CHRIS
This sounds like a song cue!

CR
I have to cut this short Kar-kars.  My boss says I'm not supposed to talk to you because you're in politics.
KL
Fine by me.  Who do you think you are anyways, to criticize ANYONE in a position of power in this country, including THE NEWS MEDIA?
CR
Well, I would say the word you want is "satirize"; and in that case, I would say I was as qualified as anyone.  And as far as "criticizing"; I studied broadcasting in college, so I would say that gives me one up on a lot of people, since I was higherly edu-ma-cated in the subject.  I studied journalism; but I think anyone with a modicum of intelligence would realize that FOX NEWS in anything else BUT journalism.
JW
Speaking of "buts"; I gotta go take out my Fox News Tool.
KL
Don't hurry back--
JW
Double-whoa!
KL
And again I say to you, whoever you are you little worm; HOW DARE--
CR
I think we need to call in Nancy Grace here:

MS. GRACE
CUT HER MIC!
CR
Thank you Nancy.  Oh, look, here comes another blonde media personality.  The one, the only, the THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING LEGEND OF THE DEAD:  MS. LAURA INGRAHAMM!

CR
Laura, I have to say, that is an extremely profound statement.  I dare say you've uttered an unassailable truism right there!
LI
Did I say you could call me "Laura," you little worm?  It's Lady Laura, The Victorian Spankstress to you; and you only speak when spoken to.
CR
Why does everyone think my worm is so little?
LI
Because it is!
CR
Well, it works for me.  Besides, I heard that more demure doinks are de rigueur nowadays.
JW
Really?  Then this bro-bro is back on the cutting edge of off the chain Alpha-doggie-ness.  (HOWLS like dog).

LI
Can it, bush-whacker.
JW
Whoa!  Why does everyone think I have such a massive bush?
CR
You just look like it.  Based on your brow-brows, bro-bro.  And your hairless chest--

CR
Hey Lau-Lau; or should I say "Law-Law" since you have a Juris Doctor degree?  Huh..."J.D." ...vewy intewesting...(WHISTLES Twilight Zone theme).  Anyways, Law--oh, I mean, Miss Laura--ah, Lady Laura--since you are qualified to practice law, I gues that means you can you use the Esq. tag after your name, which would make your initials: LIE.  Oh, well, maybe not.
LIE
MLTVS: MISS LAURA THE VICTORIAN SPANKSTRESS WORM!
JW
Hey, we were talkin' 'bout yours truly.  I wanna know more about my pubic region!
LIE
Look in the mirror, PEON!
CR
Now, in my experience, dudes with smooth bodies; that is to say, almost no body hair, tend to have it all concentrated either under their arms or around their...doinks.  Sometimes both.  And you strike me as a both.  Or should we say "bi"?
JW
Try "Bi Uncurious"!  This dude is only into the PINK, bro-bro!
CR
Well, both doinks and buttholes can be pink, dude-dude--
JW
Errr--ahh--that is to say--
CR
Speaking of pink, I love your PRIDE pool-float!  It's totes faboo!
JW
What?  That pool float is so straight...so heavy with masculinity...it actually sank right after that photo was taken!
CR
It's a bird with rainbow colored tail feathers...
JW
It's a My Little Pony, Tony.  I'm a "Brony" bro-bro!
CR
If you say so...
BKILLMEADE
How do you explain those nips, man?
JW
What nips?
BK
Those Uber-Worked-Over-Pencil-Erasers, dude!

JW
What?  Oh, err--ahh--you see--that is to say--that water was COLD man!  As cold as a Victorian Spankstress' teat!
LIE
Looks like the work of Colt Nipple Pro Suckers to me...

BK
Now hold on!  I thought this was about ME.  A fundraiser for my eyebrows.  I thought you were going to donate one for me bro-bro-Jessie-Joe--
LIE
SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, TURD.  Here's five bucks.  Why don't you trot down to the Dollar General and get yourself an eyebrow pencil, tiny testes?
BK
Well!
JW
Here's a link that might help bro.  Best I can do right now, lil bow-wow...

CR
Now, Lady Law-ra, whadda ya say we have a little chat?
LIE
I told you to SHUT--
CR
No, Lady.  You're on my time.  Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass.
LIE
Hmmmph.
CR
Now...you were on the ladies softball team in high school and college, am I right?
LIE
No.  That was Karoline Leavitt.  I was on the basketball team.
CR
Hmmmmm...vewy, vewy intewesting...
LIE
Wait...are you trying to imply something?
CR
Well, if the Lady Cleats fit...
LIE
Just what are you trying to say?!!?
CR
Nothing...just that you were both All-American-Lady-Athletes-and Red-Blooded-Sports-Enthusiasts.
LIE
No.  I think you're trying to say something else!
CR
Well, most of the gals that I ever knew who played softball and basketball--never mind field hockey--were, oh, how can I put this...let's just say a lot of them had secret recipes for clam dip...
LIE
HOW DARE YOU!!!
CR
Look, I'm just pointing out that if you guys played for the other team--or actually, just played for the team--and now you go around dissing and minimizing and mocking LGBTQ+ issues via your "platforms"; I, for one, find this the height of hipocrisy.
LIE
My platform does not "mock" those people's issues.
CR
Your "network's" ""comedy"" show found lobbing dildos at the WNBA hilarious, if I'm not mistaken.  So, like, not only are you anti Lesbian, you're anti-feminist and anti Woman altogether.
LIE
I didn't joke about that--
CR
Yeah, but you did say "Good work" when you played a clip of a fellow woman being physically abused by an ICE agent, a man.  And you had no problem with a co-worker saying that homeless people should be murdered.  By lethal injection, was it?

CR
​No comment?  Okay.  Say, hey-hey, Lady Lay.  Look what I found!

CR
Why, whatever could all of that code mean?  It's like some sort of Rosetta Stone of Connecticut Teenage Official Preppy Handbook Cuneiform Ancient Skull and Bones Skullduggery.  I must decipher it!  Oh, and by the way...love that sweater! Talbots?
LIE
L.L.Bean.
CR
What, Talbot's was too femme?
LIE
WHY YOU--
CR
Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass--

NANCY
CUT HER MIC!

CHRIS
No, wait.  Not yet Nancy.  We've got more to herar from LADY LIE...
NANCY
We do?  "Cuz she's boring the almighty Hades out of me!
CHRIS
Yeah.  I say we continue this scintillating discussion in a second blog...so, join us for: BRONEY BROWS PT. 2: PLASTIC SURGERY ​STYLES OF THE RIGHT WING RICH AND INFAMOUS!


CFR   9/28/25

Contains Content for Mature and Immature Audiences.

I have never been a very political person.  In fact, I can't recall a single lesson in Civics during my education from kindergarten (German word, take note) through my senior year of college.  My basic knowledge of how our government works at every level was woefully lacking.  I've learned a great deal from my husband since we've been together.  In fact, all of it.  However, for the past ten years or so, I think we've all been getting the Civics education none of us ever wanted.  We've been watching in real time as our government has been put through it's paces--at a pace that is rapidly escalating as well--by people who are actively looking for ways to circumvent our laws, while at the same time proclaiming our system is predicated on THE RULE OF LAW.  It's rather like putting the fox in charge of the chicken egg incubator.
When we think of the term "manifesto," I don't think most of us think of it in a positive light.  I think we think about people like this:

Which makes me think the authors of the Project 2025 MANDATE for America, chose that word mandate because it's not "manifesto," which this "document" surely is.  We've been hearing a lot about "Project 2025" but how many of us have actually read it?  Or seen it, even?  Like, this is a plan for AMERICA.  So, like, shouldn't it have been made readily available to ALL AMERICANS?  As far as I know, it wasn't.  So I got curious.  I wanted to see this "document" that is/has/is going to/will probably affect my life; and the lives of all my FELLOW AMERICANS.
And I found it.  It's readily available for a perusal, at you convenience.  I mean, you can't say "they" aren't spelling all of this out for us.  The title of Section 1 of the manifesto (I will be calling it that) is entitled: ​TAKING THE REINS OF GOVERNMENT. Here's a link:

It's some 900 pages.  I can't promise I'll read every word; but I have to say, it's certainly cogently laid out.  Now, the thing about a document, one that is rather mysterious and not being put forth to the general public, is that it becomes amorphous.  If you don't have the tangible, physical thing in your hands it becomes an idea.  And ideas can evaporate.  Things can become lost to the mists of time.  Nazi Germany becomes an idea.  A concept.  A Hollywood entertainment. But when you see these things if not in 3-D in your hands, then at least in a photograph; some of the immediacy comes back:

Now, I can look at Project 2025/ Mandate for America online.  I can download it and look at it at my convenience.  But reading a document via scrolling is a hassle.  It's not the same as a book.  You're more than likely to click off and not click back on with a computerized document.  It's not the same as a book, which you can put down and pick up again and again at your leisure.  And who's going to print out 900 pages and waste all that printer ink?  I think The Heritage Foundation knows this.  I want a hard copy.  So, I went to their website; figuring I could procure a copy gratis; as I would think that if they are wanting to implement this "vision" for America, they would gladly put it out there, for all to have.  I found a softcover version of the tome on The Heritage Foundation website.  Gratis?  Nope.  Guess how much they want for it.  Go ahead, guess.  I'll wait...

And that's for the paperback!  So affordable for ALL AMERICANS!

​Which brings us to Kevin.  Yes, we need to talk about Kevin...

Okay, so here's the thing...
I don't know about you, but I have no intention of living my life under the "guidance" of someone named FUCKING
                       KEVIN
Do you remember back in the day; in the first seasons of Saturday Night Live, whenever someone sent in a letter in the context of a sketch; in order to put forth in a comedic way, the toolishness of the letter writer; that their name was invariably "Kevin"?  Like, the "What If...?" TV show sketch that was hosted by Jane Curtin.  She said something like, "Like all our letters, this one is from Kevin, so and so of like, Poughkeepsie, New York."  Kevins were geeks.  It was the go-to nebbish name.  Sure, there are some great Kevins.  Kevin Bacon is beloved, even though he spawned that stupid game:

CR
It's not strange to me!  This is one Kevin I might actually be able to live under the guidance of.  Otherwise...not so much.
Let's rate some Kevins on the TOOL scale!

1. Totally NOT a tool.  Actually knows how to use tools.
2. Has their toolish moments
3. A tool most of the time; but has non-toolish moments more frequently.
4. Pretty much a tool most of the time.
5. Tool.
6. Total tool.
7. Complete and total tool.
8. Never not a tool.
9. Tool stuck up someone's ass.
10. Gives tools a bad name.
11. So far beyond a tool that they're an Anti-Matter Tool

Kevin Glover:

He's a 1.  So nice he actually hired me once, had to fire me and then rehired me.
​
Kevin Nealon:
Now, Kevin Nealon gets "tool status" because when he's on Match Game he doesn't seem to take the proceedings seriously enough.  He's not the only one.  Look, "celeb"; you're there to try and help the contestants win money.  You're not there to act like an ass and give deliberately stupid answers because you're trying to be funny and/or "cute."  Take it seriously.  You may not need the money; but Mrs. Sandra Ferguson, home-maker from Chico, probably does.  So put down the cocktail and play the game right.  Yeah, I'm talking to you Kevin Nealon.  But since you've made me laugh in the past and I think you're a really talented artist; you get a lower tool score.  You're a 1 1/2 on the scale.

Kevin Costner:
Made a three hour movie where this was his costume:

A 3.  Would've been higher; but he was in JFK, which is one of my favorite movies, so he get's a pass.

Kevin Spacey:
​

He's an 8.  He's confused personal arrogance with charisma.  Did he not learn anything from his "mentor" Jack Lemmon?  He was, however, nearly railroaded by that family on Nantucket(!) and IMHO was #metooed more severely due to homophobia.  Otherwise, he might rank higher.

Kevin Hart:
He just can't seem to make up his mind about Queer folks.  And I just gotta go: Things that make you go hmmmmm when I ponder why a "straight" married man, with a bunch of children, who ostensibly can "let themselves go" a little, keeps himself this jacked:

Due to his apparent confusion, I will give him a lower score with a 3.5
​Kevin McCallister:

This kid is an eleven.  Maybe even a 12.  "...he's got black eyes...like a doll's eyes..when he comes at ya, he doesn't even seem to be livin'"

                    AND ANOTHER THING!
What the fuck is going on with all of these CUT RATE BLOFELD'S running around everywhere in our sacred halls of Democracy? 
WE REALLY NEED TO FIND A CURE FOR MALE PATTERN BALDNESS BEFORE IT          DESTROYS OUR WAY OF LIFE!
​
​But let's make this fun! Can you name to whom the following EVIL GOURDS belong?  (Answers below...)

That's Kevin Roberts, above.  The so-called Megamind...err...Mastermind of Project 2025.  Yet another Catholic.  So Catholic he was in the fringe group Opus Dei, which I don't know about you; but it gives me total KINK vibes.  Like wasn't that the group the monk from The DaVinci Code was in?  

Good times!  (And they say Lefties are the freaks...)
The Kevster went to Virginny Tech which is about 45 minutes away from where I sit.  That school supposedly has a CURSE on it, if you believe in that type thing.  Here's a link for further reading:

​www.amazon.com/Many-Deaths-Virginia-Tech-Second/dp/1477404775

Now, I do not condone this theory, per se; but if Mr. Roberts is trying to inflict his personal politics and ideas of how the rest of us should live-- on the rest of us...I consider that a CURSE.  I do believe in bad ju-ju...and it would not surprise me if VT was knowingly built on Sacred Indian Ground or perhaps a black cemetery or two.  And I think it's also fair to point out that Mr. Roberts allegedly killed a neighbor's dog with a shovel and then bragged about it at a dinner party:

You really can't trust anyone who would be mean to a dog, let alone kill one (allegedly) in cold blood. A dog (GOD, spelled backwards) is pure love.  Unless they have been tortured into hate or have a disease; they represent TRUE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  Perhaps we should say dogs are Jesus?  Just remember...a lot of people don't like cats (and I get it); but anyone who doesn't like dogs...
In sum...
To Kevin Roberts and his ilk, I say...
If you want to impose a MANDATE on America...I propose this MANDATE!

And since those were super heavy on the Caucasian end(!)...how about these too?

And you bald mo-fos know you want to rub your silky, sweaty pates all up in that!  That's your problem.  Go ahead...spit shine those noggins!
Thank You For Your Consideration In This Matter.

Photo-Quiz answers:
Top Row / Left to Right: 1. Jeff Besos 2. Stephen Miller 3. Mars Attacks Martian!
Row 2: L/R: 4. Brendan Carr 5. Il Duce 6. Yul Brynner as Ramses in The Ten Commandments
Row 3: L/R: 7. Mike Meyers as Dr. Evil 8. Mr. Burns from The Simpsons 9. Russell Vought 
Row 4: L/R: 10. Donald Pleasance as Ernst Blofeld 11. Balok from Star Trek12. Kevin Roberts
Row 5: L/R 13. Howard Lutnick 14. Talosian leader from Star Trek 15. Vincent Price as Egghead from Batman TV show.

CFR   10/07/25

CFR   9/20/25

Yes, I know I have to get back to my Christmas TV Movie-Joint.  I also have to finish a blog about Nick Offerman and his wood and working my wood with him....ah, yeah.  And lots of other stuff.  However, The Muse often hits and you must listen to her; especially if she keeps planting the seeds in your brain over and over.  And this time it's an elephant.  
So, the other night I had a dream about an elephant.  I would've forgotten about it; but not just the Muses were working against that.  The Universal Synchronicities were as well.  So, we need to speak of Elephants.

I'll admit it.  I'm kind of a lazy person.  Physically anyways.  I can lay "abed" or couch potato with near Olympic skill.  In the past, when I've joined gyms, lets just say I paid a lot of money to basically sit on padded benches, wander past Nautilus equipment and half-heartedly "cruise" locker rooms.  When I was on the cross-country team in high school, I would stop in the woods for a smoke.  For the past several years, however, my husband has pressured me to accompany him on "walks."  These walks are daily and are usually for a few miles or an hour or so or whichever comes first.  I still drag my feet, re: these walks.  And I know if he didn't kind of force me to do it, I wouldn't.  And you know, I just made another synchronic connection.  The Elephant Walk.  It's a thing, right?  Isn't there even an old school song about it?  Let's ask HAL.
Hey, HAL...is there a song about "Elephant Walks"?

Henri Mancini, no less.
So, on these walks, of course, we converse; which is natural.  I mean, if these miles long walks were done in complete silence, we'd probably have to reexamine our relationship.  On a recent walk, the subject of tattoos came up.  I don't have any but he does.  Just a couple of small ones. And he was a super early adherent.  He got one back in the early 80's, well before it was a cultural trend and certainly before it became as ubiquitous as it is now.  So ubiquitous, in fact, you're kind of "weird" if you don't have one.  He got one of his fraternity letters.  He was in SAE.  Yes, I'm married to a former Frat Bro.  SAE claims Mr. Jeff Bridges as a brother...oh, no, wait...Jeff's bro Beau was a Frat Bro-Bro.  Well, they're both Sagittarians, so they're both OKAY in this bro's book!

He graduated from high school in 1959, which is a favorite year of mine and he was in the Coast Guard, like a character in my forthcoming novel: 84 on the Floor; so, more synchronicity!  Oh, Jeff was in the Coast Guard too.  Who knew?  As was their dad, Lloyd.  Double who knew?

Bridges covered and crossed!
So, the subject of tats came up and we were talking about how back in the day, tattoos were literally, in a way, taboo.  They were illegal in Massachusetts.  I had an uncle who had a tattoo on his arm and it was highly unusual. Not the tattoo, which was a simple anchor, but that it was on his person.  In a way, he seemed almost ashamed of it,  When he was ever asked about it, all you got was a terse "I got it in the Navy."  You had to go to Rhode Island to get a tattoo; and this was always uttered as though Rhode Island were some kind of Sodom and/or Gomorrah (and just what exactly did go on in Gomorrah?).  In Tennessee, you could only go to two places to get a tat: Nashville or Memphis and each town had like one desginated place; which is where Joseph had to go to get his letters.  The story went on; and here's where the Elephant enters the room.  The tattoo artist, whose name was Adam West(!) had tattoos which of course, as a tattoo artist were to be expected.  Joseph tells me his friend, John, who was with him started asking about Adams tattoos and his elephant came up.*  Apparently, Adam had a tattoo of an elephant's face in his nether regions, wherein his own appendage was incorporated as the elephant's trunk.  Kinda like this?

That's a still of some kind from Family Guy.  I have no idea what's going on (and really don't care); but that gives you an idea of the "Elephant Trunk" tattoo.  When Joseph was telling me this tale; an image from a dream the night prior flashed into my head; as vivid as it had been in the dream.  You know how that can happen?  Like, nothing else from the dream except that one thing?  In the dream, it was night and I was in the parking lot of some kind of restaurant.  The building had white clapboard.  I think maybe it was this place in Saugus where I worked once as a teenager.  It was called Russo's Candy House.  They made and sold the candy on the premises; as well as ice cream.  I worked on the ice cream side.  The candy side was very tres elegant in that old-fashioned 40's kind of way and was the sole domain of The Candy Ladies, who wore white uniforms and had hair that was just-so and were kind of uptight and prissy as you might imagine ladies who worked in a candy house might be:

On the far left of the photograph, you can see a set of three windows with a counter below.  Not a drive-thru, because when this place was built, they didn't really have that.  Not even the drive-in, yet, really.  This was a walk-up.  You drove there, parked and then walked up to the window to order your ice-cream; although you could of course come inside to order.  Needless to say, extremely old-school.  In fact, walk up windows like that were so out of fashion in the 80's that I can barely remember them even being open, let alone waiting on anyone through them.  The concept has made something of a come-back nowadays.  But it's kind of moot, since the building was torn down to make way for a bank in the same exact spot.  So they tore down a building that already looked like a bank to put up another bank.  Here it is today.

Actually, if this bank goes out of business, they could just move an IHOP in there and nobody'd be the wiser.
But back to the dream.
The elephant was in the drive-thru lane and there was only one window.  I think someone told me about it and I went out to look.  The elephant was facing away from me, with it's head inside the window.  I walked up to it and reached up and tapped it on the shoulder.  It pulled it's head out of the window, turned to me and regarded me for a moment.  I held my breath.  I didn't know how the elephant was going to react.  It could've gone either way, as I suppose any encounter with an elephant could.  They are known to be gentle...even kind.  Yes, but they also have the power to kill you more or less instantly if they so choose.  Not many survive or come back from an elephant attack.  The next thing I remember I was looking into it's inky, yet soulful eyes and it was touching my face with the tip of it's trunk.  It didn't have tusks, so I guess it was a female.  I clasped her trunk just below the end.  I vividly recall looking at her nostrils, which were pink and wet.  That's all I could remember.
Later that night, I was reading out loud to my husband at bedtime.  It's another of our rituals that he is more insisitent on than I am; but I do it, as it's good mental practice and I enjoy doing the voices of the characters.  I have only one condition.  The book must be trash.  Or on the trashy side.  Pulpy.  Pulp fiction.  Dime store novels. I don't want to have to think about weighty issues or ponder serious literature. I particularly enjoy the trashy novels of the 70's and 80's like Scruples, Lace and The Insiders; the last by Rosemary Rogers, which was particularly sleazy.

There was nothing "tender" about this story.  It's only saving grace was it's brevity.  The novel I'm currently narrating is Rage of Angels by Sidney Sheldon.

This is the saga of one Ms. Jennifer Parker: Lady Lawyer, Single Mother, Mobster Moll!  There was a mini-series in the 80's with TV Angel Jaclyn Smith playing Ms. Parker.  Let's take a look!

Well, anyways, that night, after the Elephant Walk, I'm reading and come to this part where Jennifer is remembering taking her son to the zoo to see the elephants.  And then, later that evening, I decided to check out an old color episode of Bewitched on Hulu to check out the print quality (which was amazing) and in this random episode, Samantha's mother Endora was trying to involve Sam in some witchy shenanigans and when Sam said "no," Endora zapped herself out of the room and then Sam sort of broke the fourth wall (so she was kind of speaking directly to me, in that moment) and she said something like: "Getting mother to agree to something like that is like trying to get an elephant not to remember."  Things that make you go "Hmmmmmmm."
So, the next day, I looked up elephants and in particular, their symbolism.  It was a lot of what I was expecting: stuff about rememberance and so forth:

Then I thought to look up what it means when an elephant appears in a dream, as this distinction is often made by those who dabble in the esoteric.  And apparently those who dabble in psychotherapy.  No less than Carl Jung came up in a search about dreams.  Now, this is not surprising.  But he came up specifically in dreams about elephants.  He was also kind of HOT when he was young!  Here he is with his wife:

He kinda looks like Matt LeBlanc!

Be that as it may...
​So, Jung posited that--well, let's let HAL explain it.  Hey HAL, what did Jung say about dreaming about elephants?

So Jung also put forth the idea of dreaming about elephants in the second half of life; and I'm certainly in that category!  And Jung was also pretty HOT in the second part of his life.  He's totally giving off GILF vibes!

I wouldn't kick him out of bed for taking Prevagen; or getting Toblerone crumbs in the sheets!  Although I might have to draw the line at a bed-in featuring a Tilsiter fondue.*
But I stray...
Yes.  Jung specifically said/wrote that if you dream of elephants later in life, the elephant represents your "Self"; which I take to mean "the true self" and that you are growing into that Self or you've arrived at that self.  I guess, sort of like the concept of "Self-Actualization"?  

I'm not sure if Jung meant the same thing as Maslow; but that's how I'm looking at it.  I mean, I've never had a dream about an elephant; one that I can remember.  And certainly not one as vivid as though I actually had been up close and personal with an elephant (I can still feel the wetness of her nose!).  Also, this caught my eye:

So, I suppose I should have a conversation with the elephant and ask her some questions...

CHRIS R.
Hello, elephant from my dream.
ELEPHANT
Hi.
CHRIS
Do you mind if I ask you some questions?
ELEPHANT
Sure.  But make it snappy.  I've got a veldt to cross and I'm not getting any younger.
CHRIS
What's your name?
ELEPHANT
Jolinda.
CHRIS
That's a nice name.
JOLINDA THE ELEPHANT
Thanks.  I like it.
CHRIS
So, you're a lady elephant?
JOLINDA
Well, I'm female; but I'm no lady. (Starts SINGING) That ain't no way to treat a lady, no way to treat your baby, your woman, your friend...
CHRIS
You have a lovely singing voice!
JOLINDA
Thanks.
CHRIS
So, why were you in my dream?
JOLINDA
I'm not sure.  What would Jung say?
CHRIS
Probably that I summoned you for some kind of guidance.
JOLINDA
Well, I can guide you across the veldt; but other than that, you're really on your own.
CHRIS
In a way, we all are.  So, what were you looking for at the drive through window?
JOLINDA
Ice cream.
CHRIS
What flavor?
JOLINDA
Peanut butter and chocolate.
CHRIS
Oh, that's one of my favorites!  I love how the peanut butter gets weird.
JOLINDA
Oh me too!  I love weird peanut butter!  'Memba this: Hey, you got your peanut butter in my chocolate!
CHRIS
You got your chocolate on my peanut butter!
JOLINDA
Cue the commercial!

JOLINDA
That was fun.
CHRIS
So, what's it like, being an elephant?
JOLINDA
I don't know.  What's it like being a human?
CHRIS
I think, on the whole, for most of us it's a challenge.
JOLINDA
Try being an elephant.
CHRIS
But you're the largest terrestrial creatures on the planet.  I would think you wouldn't have to worry about much.
JOLINDA
Yeah, you would think.  Except for humans.
CHRIS
Now, Jolinda, in defense of humans, let me just say that there are a lot more nice ones than bad ones.
JOLINDA
I'm listening...
CHRIS
It just seems that the bad ones are really great at fucking it all up for the good ones.
JOLINDA
Profound.  How about global warming, which is really fucking it up for animals right now?  I mean, that's because of all the humans.  ALL.  
CHRIS
Well, we need energy, which I would say is the worst offender.  That and the 1 percent of people who feel a need to shit in a golden-mega yacht-toilet.
JOLINDA
Yeah, that golden toilet thing is a problem.  
CHRIS
Do you have a gift for me?
JOLINDA
What now?
CHRIS
Jung says I should ask you about what gift you have for me; or what you have to tell me...
JOLINDA
Hmmmmmm.  Well, I was gonna get you a Louis Vuitton gift card but the Nairobi store was closed.
CHRIS
They have a Nairobi store?
JOLINDA
No, they don't.  That's what I was going to tell you.
CHRIS
You're funny!
JOLINDA
Yeah, a lot of people don't know that about us elephants.

CHRIS
Is there anything you want to ask me?
JOLINDA
Well, I've really gotta run.  I'm meeting the girls at the watering hole for drinks.  But, is there anything you can do about the Republican Party?
CHRIS
...what do you mean?
JOLINDA
About them using us as their logo?
CHRIS
I mean, I can try.  What's the problem?  You've been their logo for like, 150 years.
JOLINDA
Yeah.  But why?  We're kind, gentle, intelligent creatures who remember the past, you know what I'm saying?
CHRIS
Yes, definitely.  I think you became their logo kind of randomly.  
JOLINDA
I'll wait while you do a little research.  We're also known for our patience.  I'll hold...

CHRIS
Okay Jolinda, I'm back.  So, back during the American Civil War, there was a slang term used by soldiers who saw combat first hand and they called it: "Seeing the elephant."
JOLINDA
Why?
CHRIS
I guess because in the 19th century, actually seeing an elephant was a rarity; or a kind of earth-shattering event.  Here's more on that:

CHRIS
And then, an image of an elephant was used in a political cartoon by Nast.  

JOLINDA
Political cartoons were a lot more involved back then...
CHRIS
Yes.  But the elephant is labeled "Republican"; so, the two became married, as it were; and so: the logo.
JOLINDA
My take-away is that the elephant is destroying things, which we don't do, as a general rule.
CHRIS
Yeah.  The elephant is really, when you think aobut it, the totally WRONG symbol for the G.O.P.  But then, the donkey is all wrong for the Democrats.
JOLINDA
Maybe we should propose some new ones?
CHRIS
Yeah!  It could sweep the nation!  Nay, the globe!!!
JOLINDA
Let's not get ahead of ourselves.  What do you propose?
CHRIS
Well, actually, two creatures just popped into my head right away.
JOLINDA
And?
CHRIS
​For the G.O.P. I immediately thought of the wild boar:

JOLINDA
Yeah, I totally get that one.
CHRIS
​And for the Dems, I was thinking of something more...oh, I don't know...the word "flighty" comes to mind.  And the mythical "Jackalope" came to front of mind.

JOLINDA
So, kind of something fleet of foot, prone to magical thinking, capable of defending itself with it's horns but reluctant to do so?
CHRIS
Yeah.  That.  
JOLINDA
But what about the people in the middle?  People who aren't so right or so left?  The people just trying to get through life patiently, put food in their mouths and a roof over their heads and have a little fun sometimes?
CHRIS
Sounds like you elephants!  How about you guys?
JOLINDA
No thanks.  Time to pass the torch.  How about frogs?  They kind of fit that description.
CHRIS
Hmmm.  The humble frog.  I like it.  I'm kind of frog-like.
JOLINDA
You look like one, anyways.
CHRIS
Are you being funny again?
JOLINDA
You totally get me!

JOLINDA
Okay, gotta run.  Nice talking to you!  Let's do luch some time!
CHRIS
Yeah, sounds great Jolinda.  Oh, before I forget.  The other day we were driving and we saw this:

JOLINDA
When was this?
CHRIS
Just yesterday!
JOLINDA
Things that make you go hmmmmm...
CHRIS
I know, right?  You can't make this shit up!
JOLINDA:

CHRIS
Bye...and, she's gone.  Boy, you really never know where these blogs are gonna go!
Ciao for now!
(Chris looks at himself in a mirror and pats the underside of his chin).
CHRIS
I really kinda do look like a frog.  Oh well.  Ribbit.

*Yes, John asked to see the tattoo and Adam West obliged.  I said to Joseph: "Well, I suppose that's something that once seen would not be soon forgotten..." He did not disagree.

*Switzerland's "stinkiest" cheese!  Let's have a whiff!

This guy. 
He should run for Prez.  And he can land on my moon any time!

​CFR   9/7/25