What's wrong with this picture?
(But before we explore that, time for a DISCLAIMER: This blog contains spoilers for the film Deadpool & Wolverine and possible other recent films/TV programs. It will also contain EXPLICIT LANGUAGE and GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT (maybe) in the spirit of that film. Let's all get foul mouthed, shall we?)
(But before we explore that, time for a DISCLAIMER: This blog contains spoilers for the film Deadpool & Wolverine and possible other recent films/TV programs. It will also contain EXPLICIT LANGUAGE and GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT (maybe) in the spirit of that film. Let's all get foul mouthed, shall we?)
Or, what's right with this picture?
Or, if you prefer, what's up with this picture?
Or going down in this picture?
Or how about just: what's with this picture?
Or this one:
Or, if you prefer, what's up with this picture?
Or going down in this picture?
Or how about just: what's with this picture?
Or this one:
I don't know about you; but I'm seeing matching sweaters. Or rather, contrasting sweaters. Or maybe, complimentary sweaters. Did they get to keep them? Complementing sweaters? But never mind the sweaters themselves; let's look at the possible reasons behind them. A fashion shoot. Sure. That...
But what about this:
But what about this:
And why is this person talking about them in his new movie?
Ryan Reynolds, seen here, preparing to frost his cinnamon ring.
What are you getting at here, Chris. Are you looking for hidden meanings again?
I wouldn't say it was particularly hidden. Maybe like the purloined letter.
Is this one of those "gay themed" blogs?
I wouldn't say it was a "theme."
Well what is it then?
I want to talk about this new attitude about gayness in Hollywood and The Media and so on and so forth.
Is it time for a New Attitude break?
Yassssssss Queen! HIT IT!
What are you getting at here, Chris. Are you looking for hidden meanings again?
I wouldn't say it was particularly hidden. Maybe like the purloined letter.
Is this one of those "gay themed" blogs?
I wouldn't say it was a "theme."
Well what is it then?
I want to talk about this new attitude about gayness in Hollywood and The Media and so on and so forth.
Is it time for a New Attitude break?
Yassssssss Queen! HIT IT!
That was fun! Were the 80's really like that?
Kinda sorta but not really; but kinda sorta, yes.
That doesn't make any sense.
Well neither does this new attitude about gayness; and I'm talking about MEN here--I'm not qualified to talk about the lady lovin' ladies.
And I'm sure they don't want you talking about them. So what is this "New Attitude" you speak of.
Well, it's kind of hard to put into words. But I'm calling it "GAYSPLOITATION."
So, you mean like "exploiting gays"? Isn't that also known as "gay baiting"? A.K.A. "Queer Baiting"?
I guess it's similar, but it's a little more subtle. A little harder to pin down. But I think I know it when I feel it. Not necessarily "see it."
Can you give me some examples that you feel are "Gaysploitation" from recent media.
Sure. Deadpool & Wolverine, the recent 1.2 BILLION dollar grossing movie. Here's the poster:
Kinda sorta but not really; but kinda sorta, yes.
That doesn't make any sense.
Well neither does this new attitude about gayness; and I'm talking about MEN here--I'm not qualified to talk about the lady lovin' ladies.
And I'm sure they don't want you talking about them. So what is this "New Attitude" you speak of.
Well, it's kind of hard to put into words. But I'm calling it "GAYSPLOITATION."
So, you mean like "exploiting gays"? Isn't that also known as "gay baiting"? A.K.A. "Queer Baiting"?
I guess it's similar, but it's a little more subtle. A little harder to pin down. But I think I know it when I feel it. Not necessarily "see it."
Can you give me some examples that you feel are "Gaysploitation" from recent media.
Sure. Deadpool & Wolverine, the recent 1.2 BILLION dollar grossing movie. Here's the poster:
Wow Chris, I have to say that there is something startlingly homoerotic about it, in a very agressive and/or violent way; which sort of cancel one another out; thus, the real meaning. I count like 8 phallic symbols, what with the two guns and the six metal claws.
You're forgetting Hugh Jackman's nose.
Ah, okay...sure.
So, nine dicks on this one poster.
That's one way to put it.
Also the sword handle. And I guess we should include Ryan Reynolds; so that's eleven. I bet Deadpool would like that number.
Huh?
You better settle in. This one is going to get involved.
Lay something else on me!
How about this other poster?
You're forgetting Hugh Jackman's nose.
Ah, okay...sure.
So, nine dicks on this one poster.
That's one way to put it.
Also the sword handle. And I guess we should include Ryan Reynolds; so that's eleven. I bet Deadpool would like that number.
Huh?
You better settle in. This one is going to get involved.
Lay something else on me!
How about this other poster?
My goodness! "Come Together"? Why, whatever could they mean?
I think they mean ejaculating.
Oh, as in exclaiming something? Like: "Hold on Wolverine, I'm right behind you!"
Maybe. But more like: "Oh f***, I'M COMING!" You know, like at a J/O Party.
What's a "J/O Party?"
It's when a bunch of guys--or two, anyways--get together and masturbate with one another; usually to climax.
Really? That sounds more like gay porn...
Did you see the movie?
Yes, I did. It was very...oh, what's the word..."meta." Yeah, it was that. That Deadpool fellow kept breaking the fourth wall; and not just, like, winking; but TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE AUDIENCE.
Yeah. The movie sort of became about that.
What do you mean?
I mean that the star of the movie, Ryan Reynolds, by talking so much to the audience--as himself--made the movie a movie about Ryan Reynolds in a movie about Deadpool. Deadpool was an afterthought. Plot was non-existent. But let's look at more of the marketing of this movie. Some more posters:
I think they mean ejaculating.
Oh, as in exclaiming something? Like: "Hold on Wolverine, I'm right behind you!"
Maybe. But more like: "Oh f***, I'M COMING!" You know, like at a J/O Party.
What's a "J/O Party?"
It's when a bunch of guys--or two, anyways--get together and masturbate with one another; usually to climax.
Really? That sounds more like gay porn...
Did you see the movie?
Yes, I did. It was very...oh, what's the word..."meta." Yeah, it was that. That Deadpool fellow kept breaking the fourth wall; and not just, like, winking; but TALKING DIRECTLY TO THE AUDIENCE.
Yeah. The movie sort of became about that.
What do you mean?
I mean that the star of the movie, Ryan Reynolds, by talking so much to the audience--as himself--made the movie a movie about Ryan Reynolds in a movie about Deadpool. Deadpool was an afterthought. Plot was non-existent. But let's look at more of the marketing of this movie. Some more posters:
What do you think of this one?
I think that the hand on the right with the yellow glove and the upthrusting blades, looks kind of like, oh, actually, really quite a bit like an erect penis and scrotum.
You mean a stiffy? A rock hard cock and balls?
Chris! This is a family blog!
Did you not see the disclaimer at the top?
Oh, okay. Can I use dirty words too?
Sure, why not? Deadpool does. How about this one?
I think that the hand on the right with the yellow glove and the upthrusting blades, looks kind of like, oh, actually, really quite a bit like an erect penis and scrotum.
You mean a stiffy? A rock hard cock and balls?
Chris! This is a family blog!
Did you not see the disclaimer at the top?
Oh, okay. Can I use dirty words too?
Sure, why not? Deadpool does. How about this one?
Gee, I don't think you could really interpret this as anything other than...
One dude stroking another dude's dick?
Ah, yes. However, you're making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, maybe you need to feel uncomfortable.
I certainly don't want a mass entertainment--a superhero movie--making me uncomfortable. I'm not gay. Should I feel uncomfortable, I mean about the movie; not your language?
I trying to figure this out myself.
Well, why do you feel uncomfortable?
Let's look at some more posters while I think about it.
Okay.
One dude stroking another dude's dick?
Ah, yes. However, you're making me feel uncomfortable.
Well, maybe you need to feel uncomfortable.
I certainly don't want a mass entertainment--a superhero movie--making me uncomfortable. I'm not gay. Should I feel uncomfortable, I mean about the movie; not your language?
I trying to figure this out myself.
Well, why do you feel uncomfortable?
Let's look at some more posters while I think about it.
Okay.
So, what's your take on this one?
Gee, I suppose the "X" being yellow makes us associate it with the Wolverine figure, who is also wearing yellow and was an "X-Men" man. And Deadpool is straddling the X as though--
As though he was taking Wolverine's big 'ole d--
Chris! I'm sorry. You're being too graphic for me!
Okay, how about I use all like, scientific and clinical terms for what I'm describing, vis-a-vis Man on Mutant Man Love?
I would appreciate that.
Are you sure? Because I think it will make it even more uncomfortable.
Let's try it.
So, Deadpool is doing the splits above a large yellow "X"; as though he was engaging in solo anal penetration; and by proxy, symbolically, that is, receiving Wolverine's engorged phallus, his tumescence, if you will; in an act of symbolic ano-rectal intercourse. Or, if taken literally, he is being ano-rectally penetrated by the ascender of the letter "X" and well beyond the X-height, since we can assume that Deadpool can accommodate the very largest of X's colonically and also in regards to the sphincter ani externus.
Oh, you mean his cinnamon ring?
I thought we were keeping this clinical.
You were right, it's worse. How about we split the difference and use cutesy slang?
Works for me. So, there are even more posters. Wanna take a look?
Well, we might as go all the way in on this.
You said it, I didn't.
Gee, I suppose the "X" being yellow makes us associate it with the Wolverine figure, who is also wearing yellow and was an "X-Men" man. And Deadpool is straddling the X as though--
As though he was taking Wolverine's big 'ole d--
Chris! I'm sorry. You're being too graphic for me!
Okay, how about I use all like, scientific and clinical terms for what I'm describing, vis-a-vis Man on Mutant Man Love?
I would appreciate that.
Are you sure? Because I think it will make it even more uncomfortable.
Let's try it.
So, Deadpool is doing the splits above a large yellow "X"; as though he was engaging in solo anal penetration; and by proxy, symbolically, that is, receiving Wolverine's engorged phallus, his tumescence, if you will; in an act of symbolic ano-rectal intercourse. Or, if taken literally, he is being ano-rectally penetrated by the ascender of the letter "X" and well beyond the X-height, since we can assume that Deadpool can accommodate the very largest of X's colonically and also in regards to the sphincter ani externus.
Oh, you mean his cinnamon ring?
I thought we were keeping this clinical.
You were right, it's worse. How about we split the difference and use cutesy slang?
Works for me. So, there are even more posters. Wanna take a look?
Well, we might as go all the way in on this.
You said it, I didn't.
Why is he doing the "Shhhhh" thing? Do they have a secret?
I think the conspiracy theorists would say "yes" to that one...How about this one?
I think the conspiracy theorists would say "yes" to that one...How about this one?
What's a "Lobezno"?
I guess it's Spanish for "Wolverine."
Like the animal or the character?
I don't know. But I did look up "LFG" and that means "Let's Fucking Go!" and "SNIKT" is apparently the sound Wolverine's claws make when they appear from his knuckles.
I bet that's also the sound when--
Hey, hold on there Voice In My Head! Now who's being dirty?
When in the Void...
Now who's being meta?
Next poster.
I guess it's Spanish for "Wolverine."
Like the animal or the character?
I don't know. But I did look up "LFG" and that means "Let's Fucking Go!" and "SNIKT" is apparently the sound Wolverine's claws make when they appear from his knuckles.
I bet that's also the sound when--
Hey, hold on there Voice In My Head! Now who's being dirty?
When in the Void...
Now who's being meta?
Next poster.
This one looks as though Deadpool is summoning Woverine into the backseat of a motor vehicle in order to...
Gamarouche?
French polish. Now this one looks a little fan generated? Is this one official Dis--err--Marvel?
I don't know; but it seems like whoever it is, they got the memo.
What's next?
This...
Gamarouche?
French polish. Now this one looks a little fan generated? Is this one official Dis--err--Marvel?
I don't know; but it seems like whoever it is, they got the memo.
What's next?
This...
Oh, now this one is sweet. They're in love!
But they're not though. In fact, Wolverine really seems to hate Deadpool in this. When he tells him to shut up, he's not kidding around...and I couldn't tell if it was the character or if it was Hugh Jackman speaking through the character. Or maybe just speaking. To Ryan Reynolds. Because he's playing himself playing Wolverine.
Wow, this is like meta-meta. Or uber-meta. Or maybe, infra-meta? Ultra-meta?
Meh, meta. Metza-meta. And where is Wolverine's right hand in this image? It seems to disappear. But logically, it would be exactly positioned above or against Ryan's--oh, I mean, Deadpool's-- pubic symphysis, where the suspensory ligament attaches--
The what now?
It seems that Wolverine may be sapping Ryan's Privates.
Like sapping a maple tree?
Sure. Let's go with that.
How many more of these are there?
You'd be surprised.
I think I've seen enough.
Just one more. This one from, I think it's Thailand...
But they're not though. In fact, Wolverine really seems to hate Deadpool in this. When he tells him to shut up, he's not kidding around...and I couldn't tell if it was the character or if it was Hugh Jackman speaking through the character. Or maybe just speaking. To Ryan Reynolds. Because he's playing himself playing Wolverine.
Wow, this is like meta-meta. Or uber-meta. Or maybe, infra-meta? Ultra-meta?
Meh, meta. Metza-meta. And where is Wolverine's right hand in this image? It seems to disappear. But logically, it would be exactly positioned above or against Ryan's--oh, I mean, Deadpool's-- pubic symphysis, where the suspensory ligament attaches--
The what now?
It seems that Wolverine may be sapping Ryan's Privates.
Like sapping a maple tree?
Sure. Let's go with that.
How many more of these are there?
You'd be surprised.
I think I've seen enough.
Just one more. This one from, I think it's Thailand...
What's he holding?
Durian fruit.
Why?
You tell me Voice.
Ah, well, isn't the term "fruit" a kind of derogatory term for, ah--
Gay men?
Yes?
Well, I know whenever I've been called a "fruit" it felt pretty derogatory.
I don't understand why they're being depicted in a boat full of fruit.
Stinky, strange fruit at that. What does Nick DiGiovanni have to say?
Who?
Durian fruit.
Why?
You tell me Voice.
Ah, well, isn't the term "fruit" a kind of derogatory term for, ah--
Gay men?
Yes?
Well, I know whenever I've been called a "fruit" it felt pretty derogatory.
I don't understand why they're being depicted in a boat full of fruit.
Stinky, strange fruit at that. What does Nick DiGiovanni have to say?
Who?
Well, isn't he a charmer!
Yes. But I worry about these kids attention spans nowadays.
Why? They sit through three and half hour movies about people wearing capes, firing laser guns and turning into werevampiremutants. And Ian McKellen in a magnetic hat. I think they're okay. I think. So tell me more about why this gay love story between two attractive Xavengers from The Phantom Zone bothers you so much. I thought you gays wanted more inclusivity and exposure and mainstream acceptance of your lifestyles and blah blah blah.
Well, we do. But this is not a gay love story.
But it's full of all this "gay" stuff. Why isn't it?
I'll get back to that in the next blog, where I'll be discussing another Hollywood power couple's appearance in the pages of GQ magazine.
Oh, does that stand for "Gender Queer"?
I'll have to get back to you on that...
Yes. But I worry about these kids attention spans nowadays.
Why? They sit through three and half hour movies about people wearing capes, firing laser guns and turning into werevampiremutants. And Ian McKellen in a magnetic hat. I think they're okay. I think. So tell me more about why this gay love story between two attractive Xavengers from The Phantom Zone bothers you so much. I thought you gays wanted more inclusivity and exposure and mainstream acceptance of your lifestyles and blah blah blah.
Well, we do. But this is not a gay love story.
But it's full of all this "gay" stuff. Why isn't it?
I'll get back to that in the next blog, where I'll be discussing another Hollywood power couple's appearance in the pages of GQ magazine.
Oh, does that stand for "Gender Queer"?
I'll have to get back to you on that...
CFR 9/1/24