LIE
I hate to tell you--that's not from the Victorian Era. It's from like, powdered wigs times...
CHRIS
Actually, it was just released from the Epstein Files!
JWATTERS
Jeffrey Epstein?!!?
CHRIS
Worse. Juan Epstein!
I hate to tell you--that's not from the Victorian Era. It's from like, powdered wigs times...
CHRIS
Actually, it was just released from the Epstein Files!
JWATTERS
Jeffrey Epstein?!!?
CHRIS
Worse. Juan Epstein!
MEGYN KELLY
I'm calling ICE this instant!!!
CHRIS
Oh, hey Megs! Welcome to the chat. By the way, I love your new chin! Did you borrow that from Margaret Hamilton?
MKULTRA
HOW DARE YOU!!!
I'm calling ICE this instant!!!
CHRIS
Oh, hey Megs! Welcome to the chat. By the way, I love your new chin! Did you borrow that from Margaret Hamilton?
MKULTRA
HOW DARE YOU!!!
CHRIS
Hmmmm...let's compare it to your chin from loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong ago:
Hmmmm...let's compare it to your chin from loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong ago:
CHRIS
Unless you had a chin implant around 1987--which I guess is possible; but I can't imagine you wouldn't have had a chin reduction--it's your original chin. Oopsie! My bad!
MEGYN
This blog is nothing more than a sexist, misogynistic belittling of WOMEN based solely on their looks. You're a LOOKIST and a WOMAN HATER!
CHRIS
No, I actually love women. Not physically; although I do kind of get turned on by girl-on-girl porn; particularly encounters set in public ladies rooms. Like, there was this one video I saw where this cougar type lady was having dinner in a restaurant with her husband and this couple they knew were at another table and then the other guys wife went to powder her nose and then the other lady went to powder her nose and, well, nobody's nose got powdered in that powder room, lady!
LIE
What happened?!!?
CHRIS
You name it and it happened! Spanking too!
MEGYN
So, you consider women nothing more than SEX OBJECTS!
CHRIS
You mean, like the male executives at FOX NEWS--well, not you Lady Law-Law...
LIE
HOW DARE--
CHRIS
Don't make me get Nancy. Look Megyn, you and your ilk put yourselves forth as objects: with the blonde hair, and the rhino noses--and I don't mean REPUBLICAN IN NAME ONLY. And the stiletto heels and the--shall I go on?
MEGYN
OH! OH! You have no idea the lethality you have injected into--
CHRIS
See, and that shit. Why are you broads all so pissed off all the time? You're all fucking millionairesses. Can't you just enjoy taking a shit on your golden yacht toilets and stop preaching to the rest of us all your bullshit PhauXristianism? Your little gold crosses aren't fooling anyone. Except maybe yourselves. But they're not, because you're all too educated not to know better. Every last one of you chicks went to high-falutin' colleges. Well, except maybe you Megyn. Syracuse University is not exactly world renowned. So tell me Laura, Megyn and Kar-Kar; just when exactly did you get radicalized at college, since now anyone who goes to college gets somehow radicalized? To leftist causes. What LEFTY orgs. brainswashed you guys?
Unless you had a chin implant around 1987--which I guess is possible; but I can't imagine you wouldn't have had a chin reduction--it's your original chin. Oopsie! My bad!
MEGYN
This blog is nothing more than a sexist, misogynistic belittling of WOMEN based solely on their looks. You're a LOOKIST and a WOMAN HATER!
CHRIS
No, I actually love women. Not physically; although I do kind of get turned on by girl-on-girl porn; particularly encounters set in public ladies rooms. Like, there was this one video I saw where this cougar type lady was having dinner in a restaurant with her husband and this couple they knew were at another table and then the other guys wife went to powder her nose and then the other lady went to powder her nose and, well, nobody's nose got powdered in that powder room, lady!
LIE
What happened?!!?
CHRIS
You name it and it happened! Spanking too!
MEGYN
So, you consider women nothing more than SEX OBJECTS!
CHRIS
You mean, like the male executives at FOX NEWS--well, not you Lady Law-Law...
LIE
HOW DARE--
CHRIS
Don't make me get Nancy. Look Megyn, you and your ilk put yourselves forth as objects: with the blonde hair, and the rhino noses--and I don't mean REPUBLICAN IN NAME ONLY. And the stiletto heels and the--shall I go on?
MEGYN
OH! OH! You have no idea the lethality you have injected into--
CHRIS
See, and that shit. Why are you broads all so pissed off all the time? You're all fucking millionairesses. Can't you just enjoy taking a shit on your golden yacht toilets and stop preaching to the rest of us all your bullshit PhauXristianism? Your little gold crosses aren't fooling anyone. Except maybe yourselves. But they're not, because you're all too educated not to know better. Every last one of you chicks went to high-falutin' colleges. Well, except maybe you Megyn. Syracuse University is not exactly world renowned. So tell me Laura, Megyn and Kar-Kar; just when exactly did you get radicalized at college, since now anyone who goes to college gets somehow radicalized? To leftist causes. What LEFTY orgs. brainswashed you guys?
MEGYN
You're damn right we're pissed!
CHRIS
Oh come on Megyn. Live your life now, with love and a smile!
You're damn right we're pissed!
CHRIS
Oh come on Megyn. Live your life now, with love and a smile!
CHRIS
Well, you can't say I didn't try. So, why are you so hissy-pissy?
MEGYN
Because!
CHRIS
The best I can make out is because there aren't enough white men. But let's move on. In my research on you dames, I see you're all Roman Catholics.
RAYMOND ARROYO
HOW DARE YOU!!!
CHRIS
Oh, if it isn't The Altar Boy From Hell!
LIEsq.
Bug off Raymond, we don't need your help.
RA
Yes you do! I'm a good Catholic boy and this person is about to diss our shared and sacred religion!
MEGYN
Oh, so you're going to mansplain it?
RA
Yes! Oh, ah, I mean--that is to say-err-well, what I mean is--
CR
You're yet another Patriarchal Voice, no matter how shrill and strident?
RA
What are you implying, Sir?
CR
That you've spent more time than is necessary on your knees in a confessional booth? See Megyn, I'm an equal opportunity insult comic!
RA
How dare you mock the Great and Powerful Catholic Faith. Why, this is HERESY! It's SACRELIGIOUS It's blasphemy you...you...BLASPHEMER!!!
Oh, if it isn't The Altar Boy From Hell!
LIEsq.
Bug off Raymond, we don't need your help.
RA
Yes you do! I'm a good Catholic boy and this person is about to diss our shared and sacred religion!
MEGYN
Oh, so you're going to mansplain it?
RA
Yes! Oh, ah, I mean--that is to say-err-well, what I mean is--
CR
You're yet another Patriarchal Voice, no matter how shrill and strident?
RA
What are you implying, Sir?
CR
That you've spent more time than is necessary on your knees in a confessional booth? See Megyn, I'm an equal opportunity insult comic!
RA
How dare you mock the Great and Powerful Catholic Faith. Why, this is HERESY! It's SACRELIGIOUS It's blasphemy you...you...BLASPHEMER!!!
CHRIS
Oh, get a grip Queen...
RAY-O
HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU IMPLY that I am anything other than a full-blooded, Red-Hot-American-Hetero-Alpha-Male!
CHRIS
If the Candie's slides fit...
Oh, get a grip Queen...
RAY-O
HOW DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU IMPLY that I am anything other than a full-blooded, Red-Hot-American-Hetero-Alpha-Male!
CHRIS
If the Candie's slides fit...
JESSE
She is--oh, I mean--he is! Dude is a total pussy-hound!
BKILLMEADE
Yeah, Persian cats.
RAY-O-VAC
Shut up, you! You, ass-face!
LIE
Calm down ladies...
She is--oh, I mean--he is! Dude is a total pussy-hound!
BKILLMEADE
Yeah, Persian cats.
RAY-O-VAC
Shut up, you! You, ass-face!
LIE
Calm down ladies...
CHRIS
Hold that thought Miss Grace! Now, can I just say, that if y'all are gonna wear gold crosses for your Virtue Signaling and you claim to be Catholic; all, y'all need to get away from the plain gold cross. That says, like, Bible-Belt-Southern-Baptist-Mega-Church-Bullshit. Y'all want Mega-Catholic-Bullshit--
RA
That is a MORTAL SIN to use that word in the same breath as--
CHRIS
How about Papal Bullshit? Is that Catholic enough? No, you don't need a cross. You want a CRUCIFIX if you wanna say you're a Catholic. And the gaudier and bloodier, the better. You want a nice juicy, Mel Gibson style Christ...dripping with blood, heavy with weeping wounds and flesh-shredding thorns and throbbing, angry flagellation marks! After all, he died FOR OUR SINS. He needs to SUFFER!
Hold that thought Miss Grace! Now, can I just say, that if y'all are gonna wear gold crosses for your Virtue Signaling and you claim to be Catholic; all, y'all need to get away from the plain gold cross. That says, like, Bible-Belt-Southern-Baptist-Mega-Church-Bullshit. Y'all want Mega-Catholic-Bullshit--
RA
That is a MORTAL SIN to use that word in the same breath as--
CHRIS
How about Papal Bullshit? Is that Catholic enough? No, you don't need a cross. You want a CRUCIFIX if you wanna say you're a Catholic. And the gaudier and bloodier, the better. You want a nice juicy, Mel Gibson style Christ...dripping with blood, heavy with weeping wounds and flesh-shredding thorns and throbbing, angry flagellation marks! After all, he died FOR OUR SINS. He needs to SUFFER!
CHRIS
But before I offer some more ideas for statement pieces for the decolletage; Megyn, I was doing a bit of research on your sporting of Christian bobbles and the Universe, nay, perhaps Christ Himself brought me to this video, let me see if I can get it to post...
Well, it's a Tik-Tok video, which I have trouble with. But here's a link:
www.tiktok.com/@g924909/video/7524533395343396151
But before I offer some more ideas for statement pieces for the decolletage; Megyn, I was doing a bit of research on your sporting of Christian bobbles and the Universe, nay, perhaps Christ Himself brought me to this video, let me see if I can get it to post...
Well, it's a Tik-Tok video, which I have trouble with. But here's a link:
www.tiktok.com/@g924909/video/7524533395343396151
MKULTRA
It's all out of context anyways, so...
CR
I did that for your colleague's benefits. I also read, Megs, that you played Field Hockey in high school...
MK
Yeah? So?!!?
CR
Well, if the knee socks fit...
It's all out of context anyways, so...
CR
I did that for your colleague's benefits. I also read, Megs, that you played Field Hockey in high school...
MK
Yeah? So?!!?
CR
Well, if the knee socks fit...
MK
How dare you make assertions like that about...me...and...women who play Field Hockey!!!
CR
Well, here's a frame grab from your lesbian assumption vid where you make assumptions about the "way" gay men "sound" when they talk...
How dare you make assertions like that about...me...and...women who play Field Hockey!!!
CR
Well, here's a frame grab from your lesbian assumption vid where you make assumptions about the "way" gay men "sound" when they talk...
MK
You have twisted--
CR
So, anyways. Here are my ideas for some Super Catholic necklace choices for y'all. Megyn, you seem to prefer gold jewelry, so I suggest this all-gold crucifix with gloopy, droopy blood glopping off Jesus' crossbeam:
You have twisted--
CR
So, anyways. Here are my ideas for some Super Catholic necklace choices for y'all. Megyn, you seem to prefer gold jewelry, so I suggest this all-gold crucifix with gloopy, droopy blood glopping off Jesus' crossbeam:
CR
And for you Lady Lawra: your preferences seem to lean towards gold too. And bloody-blood red. So how about this beautiful pendant of HIS face covered in blood from HIS Crown of Thorns. Bold? Sure. Too bold? Maybe. But we want to get across the idea of all of your suffering--oh, I mean, HIS suffering:
And for you Lady Lawra: your preferences seem to lean towards gold too. And bloody-blood red. So how about this beautiful pendant of HIS face covered in blood from HIS Crown of Thorns. Bold? Sure. Too bold? Maybe. But we want to get across the idea of all of your suffering--oh, I mean, HIS suffering:
CR
And by the way. I'm not supposed to talk about Miss Leave-it; however, since she is a Press Secretary, she's essentially a media person, so I'm gonna. I think for Kar-Kar, this lovely Super Jumbo Rosary! Now, you're not supposed to wear Rosary Beads as a necklace; but in Kar's case, we'll make an exception. It will really complete your faux-Chanel look! Order yours now, from The Catholic Company. Operators are standing back and standing by!
And by the way. I'm not supposed to talk about Miss Leave-it; however, since she is a Press Secretary, she's essentially a media person, so I'm gonna. I think for Kar-Kar, this lovely Super Jumbo Rosary! Now, you're not supposed to wear Rosary Beads as a necklace; but in Kar's case, we'll make an exception. It will really complete your faux-Chanel look! Order yours now, from The Catholic Company. Operators are standing back and standing by!
RA
What in Heaven's name do you--
CR
Don't worry Ray-Dog, I'm getting to you. I think a rosary would be good for you too. Beads you can clutch whenever your ALL AMERICAN RED-BLOODED HETEROSEXUAL ALPHA MALE sensibilities are offended. I think it needs to be an extra juicy one!
What in Heaven's name do you--
CR
Don't worry Ray-Dog, I'm getting to you. I think a rosary would be good for you too. Beads you can clutch whenever your ALL AMERICAN RED-BLOODED HETEROSEXUAL ALPHA MALE sensibilities are offended. I think it needs to be an extra juicy one!
CR
And then you could atttach this and squeeze it at will on the air and bring forth Faux Stigmata to really get your salient points across!
And then you could atttach this and squeeze it at will on the air and bring forth Faux Stigmata to really get your salient points across!
CR
That one really brings the blood. And the BLING!
RA
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! ARE YOU EVEN CATHOLIC?!!?
CR
Oh honey, I am SO Catholic. I am so freakin' Catholic I was BAPTIZED by Fr. John Geoghan
That one really brings the blood. And the BLING!
RA
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! ARE YOU EVEN CATHOLIC?!!?
CR
Oh honey, I am SO Catholic. I am so freakin' Catholic I was BAPTIZED by Fr. John Geoghan
JWATTAHZ
You mean like The Catholic Church Sex Scandal Ground Zero Pedo-Priest-Dude?
CR
That would be him.
JW
He baptized you?
CR
Yes.
JW
That's cool! (LAUGHS like Butt-Head)
CR
Is it though? You know, he was defrocked, so I sometimes wonder if that renders my Baptism null and void. Or just void. Or null. And then I think I should get baptized again; but that would make me a Born Again Christian and I'm like: "No thanks!" I don't want to have to thump a Bible. I just want to refer to it when it's convenient!
LIE
Dude, you're a sicko.
CR
You got that right. A sick and tired sicko. And Lawra...we need to talk about your mouth--
You mean like The Catholic Church Sex Scandal Ground Zero Pedo-Priest-Dude?
CR
That would be him.
JW
He baptized you?
CR
Yes.
JW
That's cool! (LAUGHS like Butt-Head)
CR
Is it though? You know, he was defrocked, so I sometimes wonder if that renders my Baptism null and void. Or just void. Or null. And then I think I should get baptized again; but that would make me a Born Again Christian and I'm like: "No thanks!" I don't want to have to thump a Bible. I just want to refer to it when it's convenient!
LIE
Dude, you're a sicko.
CR
You got that right. A sick and tired sicko. And Lawra...we need to talk about your mouth--
LIE
HOW DARE--
CR
And right now, you need to shut it. Nancy?
MISS GRACE
CUT HER MIC!!!
BK
But whaddaboud my brows, lil babies?
CR
What about them? It seems as though you were born with...half-brows, if this snapshot of your youth is any indication...
HOW DARE--
CR
And right now, you need to shut it. Nancy?
MISS GRACE
CUT HER MIC!!!
BK
But whaddaboud my brows, lil babies?
CR
What about them? It seems as though you were born with...half-brows, if this snapshot of your youth is any indication...
BK
That's just the way the light is hitting them!
CR
I mean, I've heard of "unibrows" but I've ever heard of "demi-brows"!
BK
I got hit by a flying hubcap as a child!
CR
Now that I believe. You know Brian...I think that people born with demi-brows should just be involuntarily-lethally injected. Just kill 'em!
BK
I apologized for that!
CR
Yeah. And it was so heartfelt and sincere:
That's just the way the light is hitting them!
CR
I mean, I've heard of "unibrows" but I've ever heard of "demi-brows"!
BK
I got hit by a flying hubcap as a child!
CR
Now that I believe. You know Brian...I think that people born with demi-brows should just be involuntarily-lethally injected. Just kill 'em!
BK
I apologized for that!
CR
Yeah. And it was so heartfelt and sincere:
CR
Wow. So much empathy. And delivered on a Sunday morning. Jesus would be proud of you, brah.
BK
Aww, thanks brah!
CR
No problemo, dude. Anywhoose...so, ah on to TEETH TOGETHER, LIPS APART. Say, wasn't that a play?
LIEsq.
So, are you going to bully me about my looks now?
CR
Bully? I'm just gonna show pix. Just the fax, Ma'am! So, Laura...why can't you close your lips? When you sit up all sweet and pretty at your FOXY NEWSdesk, your lips never seem to close over your teeth. Particularly when you are listening to some blow-hard responding to one of your softballs--or should I say basketballs? I'm just gonna find a random interview and do a "frame grab" as they say in the biz. Hmmmm...how about an interview with Stephen Miller? Everybody loves Lil' Stevie!
Wow. So much empathy. And delivered on a Sunday morning. Jesus would be proud of you, brah.
BK
Aww, thanks brah!
CR
No problemo, dude. Anywhoose...so, ah on to TEETH TOGETHER, LIPS APART. Say, wasn't that a play?
LIEsq.
So, are you going to bully me about my looks now?
CR
Bully? I'm just gonna show pix. Just the fax, Ma'am! So, Laura...why can't you close your lips? When you sit up all sweet and pretty at your FOXY NEWSdesk, your lips never seem to close over your teeth. Particularly when you are listening to some blow-hard responding to one of your softballs--or should I say basketballs? I'm just gonna find a random interview and do a "frame grab" as they say in the biz. Hmmmm...how about an interview with Stephen Miller? Everybody loves Lil' Stevie!
CR
Now, his mouth is open here, because he's saying: "trail of blood." But you're just listening. Now, when his mouth stops moving, at least his lips touch. Yours, not so much. And you know what Laura? It makes you look like a mouth breather. It makes you look really dumb. Like dumb as in "unintelligent." And that's a shame. Because we all know how very intelligent you are. You went to Dartmouth! And the University of Ole Virginny! But those lips; those lips are a problem. Maybe you need more filler? What's that Laura? I can't hear you...
Oh yeah. Your mic is off. Thanks Nancy. But we'll turn it on for the next part of this blog; because we're not done. I need to decipher your yearbook entry, 'memba?
NANCY GRACE
I for one am looking forward to that! Unleash the lawyers!
Now, his mouth is open here, because he's saying: "trail of blood." But you're just listening. Now, when his mouth stops moving, at least his lips touch. Yours, not so much. And you know what Laura? It makes you look like a mouth breather. It makes you look really dumb. Like dumb as in "unintelligent." And that's a shame. Because we all know how very intelligent you are. You went to Dartmouth! And the University of Ole Virginny! But those lips; those lips are a problem. Maybe you need more filler? What's that Laura? I can't hear you...
Oh yeah. Your mic is off. Thanks Nancy. But we'll turn it on for the next part of this blog; because we're not done. I need to decipher your yearbook entry, 'memba?
NANCY GRACE
I for one am looking forward to that! Unleash the lawyers!
PLEASE SEE: UNKNITTED BROWS OF THE RIGHT-WING BRO-BABIES PART 3 for the next exciting and possible conclusion of this series!
CFR 10/01/25
CFR 10/01/25