Okay, well, maybe they need to have their day in court before I jump ship; but there's no other ship, really to jump to. But here's the skinny:
So, if this is true, I simply cannot condone it. As an "aging" artist myself, I must fight for the Silver Set. Ageism in LaLaWood is off the chain. It just is. Even when shit that caters to youth is just that: SHIT. And it generally is. I'm still waiting for the South Park spin-off for Mr. Poopy; or whoever "he" is. Or Seth McFarland's* take on the frolics and shenanigan's of the Poop Emoji. Why he hasn't gotten his own FOX show yet is anyone's guess.
And to who it may concern: I could write the shit out of that show. Just sayin'!
But that ageism shit don't fly with me. And Hallmark has a monopoly on all this Christmas shit, and I hate monopolies.
So, until Hallmark clears their name and cares enough to do their very best (read: not discard old people; and can I just ask, when, Hollywood, you will learn your lesson and embrace the Golden Years set? How many Matlocks and Murder She Wrotes and Golden Girls do you need to remember before you forget again, how successful shows with people over the age of 45 can be?). But in the meantime, this is now an AMERICAN GREETINGS presentation.
But that ageism shit don't fly with me. And Hallmark has a monopoly on all this Christmas shit, and I hate monopolies.
So, until Hallmark clears their name and cares enough to do their very best (read: not discard old people; and can I just ask, when, Hollywood, you will learn your lesson and embrace the Golden Years set? How many Matlocks and Murder She Wrotes and Golden Girls do you need to remember before you forget again, how successful shows with people over the age of 45 can be?). But in the meantime, this is now an AMERICAN GREETINGS presentation.
AMERICAN GREETINGS PRESENTS:
CUMMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (PART 11)
When last we saw our Christmas gang...
CUT TO:
EXT. -ALL HOLIDAY INN -EVENINGTIDE
The police cruiser pulls into the driveway of the inn, past a vintage Holiday Inn neon sign. A large flashing neon "ALL" has been added above the "H" in Holiday. The attched marquee reads: JOIN US FOR X-MAS WITH ST.S PAT AND NICK WITH THE TAYLOR SWIFTT EXPERIENCE / MARCH 17TH!
CUT TO:
INT. POLICE CRUISER - FURTHER EVENING
Ash drives with Ri in the passenger seat. Jurgin, in the back, cranes his head and looks up at the marquee.
JURGIN
Taylor Swift spells her name with two "T"s? News to me...
ASH
Oh, that's not the actual Taylor Swift!
JURGIN
No!
ASH
Yeah; no. But she's an incredible simulation!
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT - EVEN FURTHER EVENING
The cruiser pulls into a space in front of a door with a neon sign that says OFFICE. The doors of the car open and Ash, Ri and Jurgin emerge from the vehicle. Ri, is clearly kind of in awe at the tumult of assorted holiday decorations from not just Christmas; but EVERYTHING (but mostly Christmas). She pirouettes as she takes the place in. Honoria will heretofore be named as "Ri" from this point on.
RI
It's amazing...so...kitschy.
JURGIN
You say that like it's not a good thing.
ASH
"Kitschy"? You mean, like, "cozy"?
JURGIN
No, Sir. She means like, "campy."
ASH
So, like, tents and campfires and The Boy Scouts?
JURGIN
Sure. Let's go with that.
RI
Daddy's not "hip," Jurgin.
JURGIN
(To Ash) Oh. Sorry, Sir.
ASH
You can call me Chief Krumholtz.
JURGIN
I'd rather not.
ASH
How about, just "Chief"?
JURGIN
Yes, chef!
ASH
You're a funny guy.
JURGIN
I try!
ASH
Well, follow me!
He escorts them through the door of the office.
CUMMING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (PART 11)
When last we saw our Christmas gang...
CUT TO:
EXT. -ALL HOLIDAY INN -EVENINGTIDE
The police cruiser pulls into the driveway of the inn, past a vintage Holiday Inn neon sign. A large flashing neon "ALL" has been added above the "H" in Holiday. The attched marquee reads: JOIN US FOR X-MAS WITH ST.S PAT AND NICK WITH THE TAYLOR SWIFTT EXPERIENCE / MARCH 17TH!
CUT TO:
INT. POLICE CRUISER - FURTHER EVENING
Ash drives with Ri in the passenger seat. Jurgin, in the back, cranes his head and looks up at the marquee.
JURGIN
Taylor Swift spells her name with two "T"s? News to me...
ASH
Oh, that's not the actual Taylor Swift!
JURGIN
No!
ASH
Yeah; no. But she's an incredible simulation!
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT - EVEN FURTHER EVENING
The cruiser pulls into a space in front of a door with a neon sign that says OFFICE. The doors of the car open and Ash, Ri and Jurgin emerge from the vehicle. Ri, is clearly kind of in awe at the tumult of assorted holiday decorations from not just Christmas; but EVERYTHING (but mostly Christmas). She pirouettes as she takes the place in. Honoria will heretofore be named as "Ri" from this point on.
RI
It's amazing...so...kitschy.
JURGIN
You say that like it's not a good thing.
ASH
"Kitschy"? You mean, like, "cozy"?
JURGIN
No, Sir. She means like, "campy."
ASH
So, like, tents and campfires and The Boy Scouts?
JURGIN
Sure. Let's go with that.
RI
Daddy's not "hip," Jurgin.
JURGIN
(To Ash) Oh. Sorry, Sir.
ASH
You can call me Chief Krumholtz.
JURGIN
I'd rather not.
ASH
How about, just "Chief"?
JURGIN
Yes, chef!
ASH
You're a funny guy.
JURGIN
I try!
ASH
Well, follow me!
He escorts them through the door of the office.
* My apologies to Mr. McFairlane
INT. OFFICE -NIGHT
The office has a little lounge area and a check-in desk. The whole vibe of the place is a kind of a retro-holiday, Populuxe-Googie type, deal-eee-oh, daddy-oh. An old 50's TV, the sound off, has an old Rankin-Bass Christmas special on the screen.
JURGIN
So, Chief...you run this inn; you're the sherrif...what else do you do? Cosmetology? Theology?
ASH
Believe it or not, I had planned to be a rabbi but my life went down a different path.
JURGIN
I can see it.
RI
Where's mom?
ASH
I'm not sure. And where's Stoney?
JURGIN
Who?
Ash taps the bell on the desk and and it TING-TINGS. A rustling brings forth a MAN from somewhere in the back. He's so tall he has to duck under the door frame. This is STONEY PETERSON, 30's. He lives up to his name and has the look of a 50's movie idol. He's quiet, yet friendly; very Vermonty.
STONEY
Oh, hey-ya Chief!
RI
Stoney!
Stoney pushes his glasses down the bridge of his nose and tilts his head.
STONEY
Ri-ri?
RI
Yes, it's me! I know, I look different.
STONEY
I'll say! You got tall!
RI
Well, I'm wearing heels.
Jurgin thrusts out his hand to shake, as he spontatneously starts singing a tailored version of "Stoney End."
JURGIN
(SINGING)...Going down the stoney end, I always wanted to go down the stoney end...*
The other three look at him like he has three heads.
The office has a little lounge area and a check-in desk. The whole vibe of the place is a kind of a retro-holiday, Populuxe-Googie type, deal-eee-oh, daddy-oh. An old 50's TV, the sound off, has an old Rankin-Bass Christmas special on the screen.
JURGIN
So, Chief...you run this inn; you're the sherrif...what else do you do? Cosmetology? Theology?
ASH
Believe it or not, I had planned to be a rabbi but my life went down a different path.
JURGIN
I can see it.
RI
Where's mom?
ASH
I'm not sure. And where's Stoney?
JURGIN
Who?
Ash taps the bell on the desk and and it TING-TINGS. A rustling brings forth a MAN from somewhere in the back. He's so tall he has to duck under the door frame. This is STONEY PETERSON, 30's. He lives up to his name and has the look of a 50's movie idol. He's quiet, yet friendly; very Vermonty.
STONEY
Oh, hey-ya Chief!
RI
Stoney!
Stoney pushes his glasses down the bridge of his nose and tilts his head.
STONEY
Ri-ri?
RI
Yes, it's me! I know, I look different.
STONEY
I'll say! You got tall!
RI
Well, I'm wearing heels.
Jurgin thrusts out his hand to shake, as he spontatneously starts singing a tailored version of "Stoney End."
JURGIN
(SINGING)...Going down the stoney end, I always wanted to go down the stoney end...*
The other three look at him like he has three heads.
Okay, we're going to have to stop here a bit while I figure out some plotting and story elements and do an outline for the rest of this; because I feel we've come too far to stop and who would I be to bring you readers down a stoney end and strand you there?
So keep your eyes peeled for more: Cumming Home for Christmas on The American Greetings Channel!
Ciao for now!
MWAH!
*Used without permission.
To be continued...
So keep your eyes peeled for more: Cumming Home for Christmas on The American Greetings Channel!
Ciao for now!
MWAH!
*Used without permission.
To be continued...