CHRIS
Who here has heard of Luke Kelly?
Who here has heard of Luke Kelly?
LUCKY
Oh sure, and I have! He's perhaps the greatest Irish folksinger to ever--
We hear the following as Jean Genet tumbles into the room, looking as though he has been on a weeks long sex-and-drugs-and-rock-out-with-your-frock-out-belle du bordello-bender:
Oh sure, and I have! He's perhaps the greatest Irish folksinger to ever--
We hear the following as Jean Genet tumbles into the room, looking as though he has been on a weeks long sex-and-drugs-and-rock-out-with-your-frock-out-belle du bordello-bender:
EDITH
Ehhh, Jean! What are you doing? You're a mess! Un disgrace to the Tribunal!
JEAN
J'ai besoin d'un cocktail!
LUCKY
I tink he's already had both...
EDITH
Go back to headquarters and sleep it off. And send someone back!
Genet GRUMBLES and steps into le fog Francais. After a moment we hear the following:
Ehhh, Jean! What are you doing? You're a mess! Un disgrace to the Tribunal!
JEAN
J'ai besoin d'un cocktail!
LUCKY
I tink he's already had both...
EDITH
Go back to headquarters and sleep it off. And send someone back!
Genet GRUMBLES and steps into le fog Francais. After a moment we hear the following:
When the smoke clears, smokeshow Mr. Robert Urich steps out from the fading light:
CHRIS
Ladies and gentlepersons of all persuasions: MR. ROBERT URICH!
WILD APPLAUSE!
ROBERT URICH
Where am I?
CHRIS
You're at the Ramrod bar in Boston, Massachusetts, Mr. Urich.
ROBERT
Please, call me Bob. (Looks around) I thought this place looked familiar.
CHRIS
You've been here before?
BOB
Ah, yeah...sure...we used this as a location once on Spenser: For Hire. Yeah, that's it!
Ladies and gentlepersons of all persuasions: MR. ROBERT URICH!
WILD APPLAUSE!
ROBERT URICH
Where am I?
CHRIS
You're at the Ramrod bar in Boston, Massachusetts, Mr. Urich.
ROBERT
Please, call me Bob. (Looks around) I thought this place looked familiar.
CHRIS
You've been here before?
BOB
Ah, yeah...sure...we used this as a location once on Spenser: For Hire. Yeah, that's it!
BOB
What's going on? I just stepped out of the shower and now I'm here.
LENA
Most fortuitous for us, I must say, darlin'!
EDITH
We've summoned you for THE DECEMBER I9TH TRIBUNAL.
BOB
Oh, right! Right! So, what's going on? And could I get some clothes to put on?
CHRIS
Lucky, could you whip up some proper attire for Mr. Urich?
LUCKY
Of course!
We hear MAGICAL SPARKLES and an outfit appears:
What's going on? I just stepped out of the shower and now I'm here.
LENA
Most fortuitous for us, I must say, darlin'!
EDITH
We've summoned you for THE DECEMBER I9TH TRIBUNAL.
BOB
Oh, right! Right! So, what's going on? And could I get some clothes to put on?
CHRIS
Lucky, could you whip up some proper attire for Mr. Urich?
LUCKY
Of course!
We hear MAGICAL SPARKLES and an outfit appears:
LUCKY
I could just zap him into the clothes--
CHRIS
Oh, no! He's all wet. While he towels off and gets dressed, I can just fill him in on the minutes...come on Bob...there's a back room, right back here...
Chris grabs the outfit and pushes Bob towards the back.
I could just zap him into the clothes--
CHRIS
Oh, no! He's all wet. While he towels off and gets dressed, I can just fill him in on the minutes...come on Bob...there's a back room, right back here...
Chris grabs the outfit and pushes Bob towards the back.
CHRIS
And, we're back! Bob is all shaved, showered and shined and looking swell. And how about a little swag with my dad's Marine Corps swagger stick?
BOB
A little kinky...but this seems like the right place for it.
Chris grandly produces the swagger stick and presents it to Bob.
And, we're back! Bob is all shaved, showered and shined and looking swell. And how about a little swag with my dad's Marine Corps swagger stick?
BOB
A little kinky...but this seems like the right place for it.
Chris grandly produces the swagger stick and presents it to Bob.
LUCKY
I tink dat knob needs polishin'!
CHRIS
Later. Okay, so let's get on with this. Bob, what are you drinking?
BOB
A screwdriver sounds good...
ALL nod their heads and CHATTER in total agreement.
BOB
Or a Harvey Wallbanger?
MORE excited agreement.
BOB
Or, what's a Negroni? I've never had one.
CHRIS
Me neither.
(More nods in agreement as to not having had a Negroni)
CHRIS
Barkeep: a round of Negroni-eezes for everyone!
LENA
Where did the bartender go, anyways?
CHRIS
Oh, he's in the backroom--err-he's busy...so Ladies and Goodgentle-Folk; please welcome our Guest Gay Bartender who is not gay but says it's okay to play and not a bartender but plays one on Streaming Media: MR. STANLEY TUCCI!
I tink dat knob needs polishin'!
CHRIS
Later. Okay, so let's get on with this. Bob, what are you drinking?
BOB
A screwdriver sounds good...
ALL nod their heads and CHATTER in total agreement.
BOB
Or a Harvey Wallbanger?
MORE excited agreement.
BOB
Or, what's a Negroni? I've never had one.
CHRIS
Me neither.
(More nods in agreement as to not having had a Negroni)
CHRIS
Barkeep: a round of Negroni-eezes for everyone!
LENA
Where did the bartender go, anyways?
CHRIS
Oh, he's in the backroom--err-he's busy...so Ladies and Goodgentle-Folk; please welcome our Guest Gay Bartender who is not gay but says it's okay to play and not a bartender but plays one on Streaming Media: MR. STANLEY TUCCI!
The Toochster strides behind the bar in a pair of leather chaps and motorcycle cop boots (and that's it).
STANLEY
Thank you. I'm sure you all have your I.D.s?
THEY ALL LAUGH
STANLEY
Thank you. I'm sure you all have your I.D.s?
THEY ALL LAUGH
EVERYONE SIPS
ALL
Ooooh...yummy...Yes Felicia!...fabulous...fuckin' A...magically delicious...etc. etc. et. al
BOB
That really wets my whistle.
Bob suddenly SLAMS the swagger stick against the bartop and stands.
BOB
It's time for business. I don't have all day. Let's get this tribunal going. NOW.
Bob stands and goes into the shadows and returns with a dry erase board. He writes SINNERS in bright yellow-orange at the top of the board.
ALL
Ooooh...yummy...Yes Felicia!...fabulous...fuckin' A...magically delicious...etc. etc. et. al
BOB
That really wets my whistle.
Bob suddenly SLAMS the swagger stick against the bartop and stands.
BOB
It's time for business. I don't have all day. Let's get this tribunal going. NOW.
Bob stands and goes into the shadows and returns with a dry erase board. He writes SINNERS in bright yellow-orange at the top of the board.
BOB
(To Chris) If you don't convince me, there will be consequences.
LUCKY
Now Bob, don't be tellin' him dat; he'll lose on purpose.
BOB
That's Mr. Bob to you, you fucking elf. Now LICK my boot, you little troll. (WHACKS swagger stick against board).
LUCKY
Actually I'm a leprechaun--
BOB
Oh, I'm sorry. Is it too much? This outfit really brings out a different side of me!
ALL
No, it's fine...love it...you're really selling it...where's my fan?...safeword, schmafeword! Etc. etc.
CHRIS
Now, say what you will about the colors on the movie poster or the presence or lack thereof of paternal and fraternal story elements; but this all sort of boils down to Ireland. It's people and it's music and perhaps it's vampires.
Bob writes the following on the board: IRELAND / MUSIC / PEOPLE / VAMPIRES?
LENA
My basic question is: why is this vampire fellah Irish?
EDITH
Ah, why does he sing and dance?
LUCKY
We all sing and dance on the old sod, Miss P.
CHRIS
Bob, do you have any questions?
BOB
Well, my last name is German...so...not really?
CHRIS
It sounds kind of Irish; as does "Coogler" but I found out that's German too.
LENA
So why wasn't it a German vampire singing oom-pah-pah songs? And doing that Bavarian slap-dance?
LUCKY
It's called the Schuplattler...
CHRIS
I'm guessing because that might've come across as so absurd as to be comical? Just a guess.
(To Chris) If you don't convince me, there will be consequences.
LUCKY
Now Bob, don't be tellin' him dat; he'll lose on purpose.
BOB
That's Mr. Bob to you, you fucking elf. Now LICK my boot, you little troll. (WHACKS swagger stick against board).
LUCKY
Actually I'm a leprechaun--
BOB
Oh, I'm sorry. Is it too much? This outfit really brings out a different side of me!
ALL
No, it's fine...love it...you're really selling it...where's my fan?...safeword, schmafeword! Etc. etc.
CHRIS
Now, say what you will about the colors on the movie poster or the presence or lack thereof of paternal and fraternal story elements; but this all sort of boils down to Ireland. It's people and it's music and perhaps it's vampires.
Bob writes the following on the board: IRELAND / MUSIC / PEOPLE / VAMPIRES?
LENA
My basic question is: why is this vampire fellah Irish?
EDITH
Ah, why does he sing and dance?
LUCKY
We all sing and dance on the old sod, Miss P.
CHRIS
Bob, do you have any questions?
BOB
Well, my last name is German...so...not really?
CHRIS
It sounds kind of Irish; as does "Coogler" but I found out that's German too.
LENA
So why wasn't it a German vampire singing oom-pah-pah songs? And doing that Bavarian slap-dance?
LUCKY
It's called the Schuplattler...
CHRIS
I'm guessing because that might've come across as so absurd as to be comical? Just a guess.
EDITH
Oui. Wouldn't have played.
CHRIS
Well, according to the writer-director of Sinners, there is a lot of "cross-over" between Irish and Black cultures.
LUCKY
Well now, there's Irish culture and there's Black culture and there's also African culture, plural and den some. And there's also African-American Culture. And I suppose Irish-American culture. And then, come to think of it, we have what they call "The Black Irish." Now, as to whether or not there is Black Irish Vampire culture I couldn't say...I could get my good friend Count Chocula on the phone and we could run it by him?
CHRIS
I didn't want to get into a whole "race-based" discussion of this.
LENA
Well, we kinda can't avoid it now; can we sugar?
CHRIS
No. You're right we can't. But I don't feel I'm informed enough about the topic to speak about it any kind of depth.
LUCKY
Well, perhaps we should see Mr. Coogler's exact comments before we move on.
CHRIS
Agreed. Lucky, if you would be so kind as to find those comments and zap them onto the bullet point board.
LUCKY
Roight!
MAGICAL SPARKLE SFX as the following appears on the board:
Oui. Wouldn't have played.
CHRIS
Well, according to the writer-director of Sinners, there is a lot of "cross-over" between Irish and Black cultures.
LUCKY
Well now, there's Irish culture and there's Black culture and there's also African culture, plural and den some. And there's also African-American Culture. And I suppose Irish-American culture. And then, come to think of it, we have what they call "The Black Irish." Now, as to whether or not there is Black Irish Vampire culture I couldn't say...I could get my good friend Count Chocula on the phone and we could run it by him?
CHRIS
I didn't want to get into a whole "race-based" discussion of this.
LENA
Well, we kinda can't avoid it now; can we sugar?
CHRIS
No. You're right we can't. But I don't feel I'm informed enough about the topic to speak about it any kind of depth.
LUCKY
Well, perhaps we should see Mr. Coogler's exact comments before we move on.
CHRIS
Agreed. Lucky, if you would be so kind as to find those comments and zap them onto the bullet point board.
LUCKY
Roight!
MAGICAL SPARKLE SFX as the following appears on the board:
EDITH
Pas beaucoup...
LENA
That's all of it?
CHRIS
I guess so.
ROBERT
What "stuff" exactly is he talking about? The music? The customs?
LUCKY
He could be talking about me breakfast cereal for all we know.
CHRIS
Okay, to be fair: maybe he and his kids are obsessed with Irish music and culture. But when did this obsession start? I mean Irish music is baked into my DNA from birth. I love it. But I wouldn't say I was obsessed with it. But I can tell you exactly why there's Irish music in my screenplay--which we cannot confirm Mr. Coogler has any knowledge of--and not only why; but why I chose to include it; and who I chose to include. Which I will get into after this brief recess. So let's all take a break. Stanley, any drink suggestions?
STANLEY
Why don't we put a little food in our stomachs first?
CHRIS
Good thinking Tooch! You're the best! What were you thinking?
STANLEY
Stuffed Beef Rolls!
EVERYONE:
Pas beaucoup...
LENA
That's all of it?
CHRIS
I guess so.
ROBERT
What "stuff" exactly is he talking about? The music? The customs?
LUCKY
He could be talking about me breakfast cereal for all we know.
CHRIS
Okay, to be fair: maybe he and his kids are obsessed with Irish music and culture. But when did this obsession start? I mean Irish music is baked into my DNA from birth. I love it. But I wouldn't say I was obsessed with it. But I can tell you exactly why there's Irish music in my screenplay--which we cannot confirm Mr. Coogler has any knowledge of--and not only why; but why I chose to include it; and who I chose to include. Which I will get into after this brief recess. So let's all take a break. Stanley, any drink suggestions?
STANLEY
Why don't we put a little food in our stomachs first?
CHRIS
Good thinking Tooch! You're the best! What were you thinking?
STANLEY
Stuffed Beef Rolls!
EVERYONE:
STANLEY
Not to worry. They are so not gay they make cocktail weiners seem butch!
Not to worry. They are so not gay they make cocktail weiners seem butch!
PLEASE SEE: TROUBLIN' DUBLIN: WE'RE ALL SINNERS / PT. 4 for the exciting conclusion!
CFR 5/2/25