Now we see in the above photo a very young Matt Damon. Pinskimbo and barefoot. And you clearly did not wash your feet for this; but that's not a deal breaker for some of us. The landscape behind you looks very New England, so I'm gonna hazard a guess that this was taken during the filming of School Ties. I see that your second toe appears to be longer than the big toe. Again: for some, a bonus. I wonder where I was and what I was doing at the exact moment this picture was snapped. I would definitely have been in Los Angeles, I think. Probably working some horrendous temp job. Maybe at that precise moment I was at the taco truck outside the Glendale Federal Loan File Vault building, which was quite close to the Moonlight roller rink. Have you ever been to the Moonlight Rollerway roller-skating rink? I have. Quite a bit. My friends and I used to go there when we had a Roller-Disco Jones. It must be the only roller rink in Los Angeles, because I've recognized it in numerous TV shows, movies and commercials.
And that gets me to wondering about you. Like, before you were famous. Like, what was a day in the life of Matt Damon like before he became a working actor/Movie Star? Say, for example, a typical day in 1984 (a favorite year of mine!). So, you would've been like 13ish-14ish. In eighth grade maybe or a freshman in high school. What was a typical day? What happened when you woke up in the morning? Did you live in a house? An apartment? A townhouse? Did you have siblings (I haven't looked into any of this yet)? What was the first thing you saw when you woke up? A poster on the wall? Did you share a bedroom? What did you have for breakfast before school? Did you drink coffee yet? How did you get to school? A bus? Did one of your parents drive you? Did you know Ben yet? Did you have a lot of friends at school or were you more of a loner, like me? I wonder about things like that. Do you find it hard to make friends as you get older? Do you find it easier? Is it harder to make friends because you can't be sure of people's motives; now that you're rich and famous? Is this why so many celebrities only hang out with other celebrities; like you and your new "bestie" Chris Hemsworth? I remember this song playing on WFNX in the mornings on the car radio when my mom sometimes gave me a ride to school (I commuted). She would always say: "Jesus? A turtleneck? What the hell is this all about?"
Were you into music as a young person? If so, what kind?
I wonder...
So, I'm going to try and wrap things up in this blog. I think 6 blogs about you is, maybe, more than anyone might want. Particularly you. I mean, "6" is two sets of "3" which is a magic number. I mean, I could keep going to "9," which is 3 sets of 3 (and I certainly don't have to tell you that, math genius!). And, of course, "9" is your lucky number. But then, what is "9" if not simply an upside down "6"? Speaking of numbers; let's talk about my paycheck and just be done with it. So, by my calculations, you owe me 3 installments of of $250,000.000, That's the finders fee for the Good Will Hunting sequel. The advance on the finished script. And then the consult fees for Gemini and Tiburon. Oh, and Drugs and Other Love. So, that makes $1,250,000.00. That does not include, however, the original artwork of your mouth with toothbrush, which is as of yet untitled. I think we agreed on a price of $250,000.00 for that. So, our grand total is (according to my math), a cool $1.5 million. But I'll make a deal with you. I'll throw in the artwork gratis, as a nod to our newfound friendship. You could gift it to Chris H. (he would totally get it!).
I wonder...
So, I'm going to try and wrap things up in this blog. I think 6 blogs about you is, maybe, more than anyone might want. Particularly you. I mean, "6" is two sets of "3" which is a magic number. I mean, I could keep going to "9," which is 3 sets of 3 (and I certainly don't have to tell you that, math genius!). And, of course, "9" is your lucky number. But then, what is "9" if not simply an upside down "6"? Speaking of numbers; let's talk about my paycheck and just be done with it. So, by my calculations, you owe me 3 installments of of $250,000.000, That's the finders fee for the Good Will Hunting sequel. The advance on the finished script. And then the consult fees for Gemini and Tiburon. Oh, and Drugs and Other Love. So, that makes $1,250,000.00. That does not include, however, the original artwork of your mouth with toothbrush, which is as of yet untitled. I think we agreed on a price of $250,000.00 for that. So, our grand total is (according to my math), a cool $1.5 million. But I'll make a deal with you. I'll throw in the artwork gratis, as a nod to our newfound friendship. You could gift it to Chris H. (he would totally get it!).
Speaking of Chris...
So, he like "chaired" the Met Gala this year? Good on ya mate! I mean, Harvey Sid does mention Leo's flair for fashion. And of course your sister-in-law, J-Lo made quite the splash in her finery. And you and your wife were there. I'm assuming you all sat together and "glamped" out. And Matt; I gotta say. Awesome tux choice. Pure old-school bonafide! None of that silly, high-fashion frippery for you my friend. Let's take a look:
So, he like "chaired" the Met Gala this year? Good on ya mate! I mean, Harvey Sid does mention Leo's flair for fashion. And of course your sister-in-law, J-Lo made quite the splash in her finery. And you and your wife were there. I'm assuming you all sat together and "glamped" out. And Matt; I gotta say. Awesome tux choice. Pure old-school bonafide! None of that silly, high-fashion frippery for you my friend. Let's take a look:
Stunning. You guys stole the show with minimalism. LOVE it! Now let's talk about fur...
On second thought, let's not. We all know it's wrong. Real fur, that is. What I'm saying is that anyone who attends the MET gala is condoning the attitudes and policies of one Anna Wintour. I don't know what her current personal stance on fur is; but I believe the magazine she presides over still features numerous companies who use real animal fur. Just something to think about. Vogue seems to be trying to shift the concern to faux fur and the pollution it produces. Yes and that's not good. But we'll leave that there for now.
Can I kvetch about something real fast, before we wrap things up (and I promise, we are!)? Aren't you sick of all this bullshit about Hollywood being this like, vast conspiratorial cauldron. You know, like a hotbed of all that Pizza-Gate style craziness and Eyes Wide Shut-Anton Lavey-Black-Mass-Thrill-Kill-Sex-Cult business? Like the studios all have underground tunnels and secret rooms and shit where all this stuff supposedly goes on? Well, I don't know about you but I've never seen any of it. And I have been underground at studios. LIterally. I've been underground at Paramount Studios. And there are tunnels! And you know what's down there? Cats. Yeah, cats. Feral cats and a lot of cat shit. And old cardboard standees:
On second thought, let's not. We all know it's wrong. Real fur, that is. What I'm saying is that anyone who attends the MET gala is condoning the attitudes and policies of one Anna Wintour. I don't know what her current personal stance on fur is; but I believe the magazine she presides over still features numerous companies who use real animal fur. Just something to think about. Vogue seems to be trying to shift the concern to faux fur and the pollution it produces. Yes and that's not good. But we'll leave that there for now.
Can I kvetch about something real fast, before we wrap things up (and I promise, we are!)? Aren't you sick of all this bullshit about Hollywood being this like, vast conspiratorial cauldron. You know, like a hotbed of all that Pizza-Gate style craziness and Eyes Wide Shut-Anton Lavey-Black-Mass-Thrill-Kill-Sex-Cult business? Like the studios all have underground tunnels and secret rooms and shit where all this stuff supposedly goes on? Well, I don't know about you but I've never seen any of it. And I have been underground at studios. LIterally. I've been underground at Paramount Studios. And there are tunnels! And you know what's down there? Cats. Yeah, cats. Feral cats and a lot of cat shit. And old cardboard standees:
And above ground a lot of people working all day long. Working their asses off. That's all I ever saw. I mean, even if people in Hollywood wanted to have Thrill-Kill-Sex-Orgies, they're just too busy!
Remember my friend Paul, who I think looks like you--from certain angles--or maybe Brad Pitt kind of? Or more like if you and Brad Pitt had a baby. I haven't talked to him in a long time. He kind of disappeared. And he'd kill me if he knew I was posting pictures of him. He was an actor, too. Most actors enjoy and encourage pictures of themselves being displayed. He didn't. Hey, don't ask me. His body reminds me a lot of yours Matt. He had one of those God-given bodies that was nearly perfect; that he didn't have to make much of an effort to maintain. Like five minutes a week at the gym and he looked like this:
Remember my friend Paul, who I think looks like you--from certain angles--or maybe Brad Pitt kind of? Or more like if you and Brad Pitt had a baby. I haven't talked to him in a long time. He kind of disappeared. And he'd kill me if he knew I was posting pictures of him. He was an actor, too. Most actors enjoy and encourage pictures of themselves being displayed. He didn't. Hey, don't ask me. His body reminds me a lot of yours Matt. He had one of those God-given bodies that was nearly perfect; that he didn't have to make much of an effort to maintain. Like five minutes a week at the gym and he looked like this:
Here's a few more:
I have a friend who has supplied me with one of my all time favorite quotes: "Remember when it was our God-given right to be thin?" Paul even looked great in drag. Kind of an Ann-Margret thing happening. He turned into a completely different person too. It's kind of fascinating when a guy you know puts on women's clothes. It really is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get! But when you're a guy, Matt...(I couldn't resist)...we get a lot of this:
Senor, debe tener juevos muy grandes si necesita sentarse asi todo el tiempo!
And now your picture is going to be all over these blogs because of the weird algorithm. But I don't think anyone will mind. I know I don't! So, since we're closing this out talking about friends; here's some insight into a couple of yours.
And now your picture is going to be all over these blogs because of the weird algorithm. But I don't think anyone will mind. I know I don't! So, since we're closing this out talking about friends; here's some insight into a couple of yours.
And Ben was the example, natch! And here's another:
And finally, Mr. Hemsworth's birthday:
And that last line, I think, brings us back full circle to Billy Joel. I'm not sure what that means...but I think it means something. So, I hope you enjoyed this and I will leave you with another tune from Mr. Joel. And also leave you alone!
CFR 5/13/24