How Much Wood Would Nick Offerman Offer, If Nick Offerman Would Offer Wood (Advice)?

Artwork by Celebs on Sandwiches

So, I wrote a recent blog and Mr. Offerman ended up in the proceedings, somehow (don't ask).  I said I would post an addendum with pix of some woodworking projects I did in the 7th freakin' grade.  So, how many years ago was 1977?  Yeah, anyways...
So I'll post them.
​Here's my take on the classic "Clothespin Note Holder":

Andthe...well, I'm not sure what it is.  The Mini-Candle And/Or Flower Pot Holder?

Oh...and then there was the Phone Message Station which I do not have the original of but was kinda like this:

But I guess that's kind of moot, since I'm seeking assessments of my work here.  So, nevermind the Phone Roller.
So, my most recent woodworking project is this box I started putting together to house my vintage Milton Bradley "Voice of the Mummy" game.  I had this game as a child and I adored it!  Let's take a look at the original commercial!

Now, I don't really remember that commercial from childhood.  I believe I saw the game at the toy store and I HAD TO HAVE IT!  I was really into anything "Ancient Egypt" and this really checked all the boxes.  In the commercial, it seems like the kids are playing some kind of nearly complete prototype; because a lot of the elements are not correct.  The player pieces and the gemstones, for example (they are accurate on the box lid, seen above).  Here's another video that goes into a bit more detail:

And oh, what the heck...here's everything you would've heard the mummy say, in order (though, playback was random):

My original copy of the game, much like ancient Egypt, came to be swallowed by the mists of time; although, somehow, I managed to hang onto the lid of the sarcophagus and then even that disappeared.  But I received the game as a Christmas present several years ago.  The record player was repaired but broke and then was repaired again, then broke again (they are very tempermental pieces of equipment). Luckily, there are several apps out there with the messages so you can still play the game via the old Ipod shuffle.  So, another problem of time with the game is that the actual box it comes in is made of mid-grade cardboard, which deteriorates over time; and in this case, the bottom half of the box is meant to be the base for the actual game board, so it suffers extra wear and tear...which is a long way of going about telling you that my wood project is meant to be a storage unit for the entire game, box and all; and a functioning base for the main playing board, thusly sparing the original, delicate cardboard.  Let me take you on a visual tour; and Mr. Offerman (allow me the liberty of calling you "Nick," por favor), if you are reading this, I would love to get your professional opinion of my wood--err--woodwork!
​Here is an overall look at the concept:

Now the word "piecemeal" comes to mind here because this project (herewith to be referred to as "box" or "voicebox") is basically cobbled together wood scraps using whatever materials were handy: e.g. Elmer's glue, wood-putty, screws, nails, etc.
This box project was started several years ago and then literally put on a shelf, as, as in so much of life, some things take more precedence over others.  The box was put together in a fit of industriousness; but then things like writing novels and blogs and writing in general came to the fore.  I will say, my woodworking is a "hobby."  I would like to think that my writing, at this point, is more than just a "hobby."  So, the writing gets priority over playing around with the wood(!).  But then, I received from Santa C. the following:

I'm thinking (and hoping) that this table saw will make finishing the voicebox a breeze.  I haven't really used the thing yet, other than cutting a little "test' block of wood in half.  Needless to say, I'm looking forward to it!
Also, recently, I came across this absolutely pristine book in a thrift store.  It's like scary brand new like it just came out of it's wrapper.  I love the kitschy cover!!!

And here's some shots of the inside:

It's weird.  This book is from like, the late 50's era and it couldn't be in better shape than if they'd preserved it next to the Guttenberg Bible!
And now it's time for some Beef-Tobin-Cake!

Still from The Great North / Season ? / Episode: The Chippen-Dad-Bod Adventure

Huh.  I guess I missed that episode.  And now it's time for some Nick Offerman Beefcake!

You know, if you can imagine it...it's probably on the internet!

In close, I should probably pose some questions for you NIck.  Or for anyone who's into woodworking!  Please feel free to get back to me with any wood working advice or responses to the issues brought up here.  I suppose my BIGGEST questions are:

1. Can my BladeRunner X2 (by the fine folks at Rockwell) table saw handle the Voice of the Mummy box challenge?
2. Are my seventh grade wood shop products "up to snuff"?
3. Do you have or know where can be procured: working plans for the "phone roller" project in case I decide to make a new one?
4. When it comes to the designs for the Voice of the Mummy project; what might you suggest to render the designs on/into the wood? A wood-burner type situation?  Painting directly on to the wood?  Something more off the beaten path, e.g. decoupage?
5. Have you ever repaired a Voice of the Mummy record playing sarcophagus and if so, could you recommend any undertakings?
7. Is actor Sam Rockwell related to the Rockwell Company, maker of the BladeRunner X2?

You can send any replies to: [email protected]. Please put "Wood-work" in the subject line.
Ciao!
Chris

CFR   9/20/2025