INT. MEMORIAM -DAY

I had recently purchased my first 35mm camera in 1989.  A Pentax K-1000. The above photo was taken off a TV.  I was experimenting at the time; just taking shots of basically anything, trying to find my "eye."  It's Diane Keaton as "Renata" near the end of Woody Allen's Interiors.  Her character is contemplating the recent death of her mother.  Yes, we're going to be talking about death here.  I kind of have to; because I'm OCDing about it: and thinking that by not talking about it or saying the actual word, it will make it not a thing is useless.  It is, in fact a "thing."  A Thing that is going to happen to all of us.  Hopefully later than sooner (Hail Mary).  And before us...many of the people we love around us.  Like our mothers.
But before I get more serious and somber; I want to keep this fun.  Light-hearted.  Gay.  "I want you to have a party Ann!  And be gay!  Be very, very gay!" That's a line from Dark Victory.  A Bette Davis joint.  But let's not get too dark.  Diane, of course, passed away recently and I think it was a shock for most everyone.  I mean, she wasn't all that old and she seemed to be in great health.  And I think a lot of people took it quite personally because in many ways, she was like America's Big Sister.  Our Cool Aunt.  She was a ditzy comedienne and also a fantastic dramatic actress; something she seemed to stop doing later in her career.  I've always loved her and I was trying to think back and pinpoint exactly when she became beloved.  My first thought was when I saw her in Annie Hall in the summer of 1977 at the Camp Lejeune drive-in.  But then I thought....maybe it was in Sleeper when I saw it on TV.  Found it!  It first aired in late September of 1975, two years before I saw Annie Hall.  And we watched it that night.  Doncha just love the InterwebNetwork?  It's like, if it's out there, you can find it!

I always vividly remembered her poetry recital from that movie...

Yeah, so, if Sleeper was the realization; then Annie Hall was the adoration.  I'm not quite sure how I came to love Interiors so much.  It was Woody Allen's first "serious" movie--right after Annie Hall, in fact--that was clearly his homage to Bergman.  It's interesting to recall that basically at the same time she was being the kooky, loveable silly Annie Hall she was doing the polar opposite in Looking For Mr. Goodbar playing sex addict "Theresa Dunn."  It's almost like it's the same character from both sides of a cultural coin.  And then, the next year, she went even deeper into a dark place with the character of Renata, who is a writer essentially having an Existential Crisis (which I think I'm kind of having right now (more on that further on).  I think perhaps I read Pauline Kael's review of Interiors which made me seek out the movie.  Renata's sister, in that film, is played by Mary Beth Hurt (who I'd come to know from The World According to Garp and it's constant loop on cable TV).  Mary Beth's portrayal of middle sister "Joey" (the family's surname is never uttered) cemented my love of that actress.  Joey is trying to "find herself" in a very 70's Me Decade kind of way.  Her attempts at photography are rather quickly dismissed by her older sister with nary a sideways glance at her work.  Maybe Joey just needed a simpler camera if she was just starting out.  Interestingly, my K-1000, which I still have, is now something of a cult camera!  Let's take a look!

Hmmm...I'll have to watch that later!
Here's another shot from my Interiors K-1000 sesh:

That's from a scene where Mary Beth is complimenting Big Sis on one of her poems and Renata just kind of dismisses the whole thing, and the compliment by proxy.  Yes, this family has some truly frosty dysfunction going on.  Let's take a look!

Interiors should be camp.  It should be ultra-camp.  Why?  Because it takes itself so utterly seriously on absolutely every single level from the acting choices to the props that it just should be.  Kael pointed out in her review that Interiors was just the sort of thing (and family) that Woody had poked fun at already (particularly Annie's family in Annie Hall); so how could we be asked to take it seriously?  Well the thing that really saves it is the acting.  It's truly flawless.  Unimpeachable.  And secondly the cinematography by Gordon Willis.  In fact, Interiors got a ton of Oscar noms, in particular for it's acting--Geraldine Page and Maureen Stapleton. I think Diane was worthy for this as well. She has a monologue at one point.  It's about dying.  Let's take a look!

"...I can't seem to shake..."

​It just dawned on me that perhaps Renata suffers from OCD and its often accompanying Objectless Anxiety.  Otherwise known as co-morbidity.  She might even have the OCD Variety Pack, which I mentioned earlier.  So, what is the OCD Variety Pack, you might ask...?

So, the "OCD Variety Pack" is something I came across in a web-thread somewhere, wherein a fellow OCDer was talking about how one's obsessions can shift.  I am not a trained psychologist but I shall explain.  OCD stands for "Obsessive Compulsive Disorder."  The "obsessive" part really just refers to the the thought the person is having.  An unwanted or intrusive thought that simply won't go away.  Actually Intrusive Thought-Compulsive Disorder would probably be a better term: ITCD, maybe?  The intrusive thought gets stuck in a loop/echo chamber causing anxiety; and in many sufferers, compulsions.  The compulsion part is the behavior one might create to in some way combat the thought.  For example, the classic "Germaphobic" scenario, with it's most famous personage in the form of Mr. Howie Mandel:

Now if Howie has the compulsion part it would probably involve washing his hands.  He thinks about germs and getting sick/the thought won't go away/thinks washing his hands twenty time will help/ and it does for a while/ entire process starts over. 
That's a classic OCD scenario which I'm guessing is what Howie goes through if it's acting up.  Some people, like me, don't have the compulsion part.  I am known as what is a "pure obsessive" because I generally don't have some physical ritual that I enact (unless you include picking up a wine glass!).  When I first got hit with OCD in 1984, I had no clue what it was.  My obsessive thoughts were about spiritual matters (going to hell, becoming possessed, etc); but I didn't like, flip a light-switch thirteen times as some kind of combative measure.  When I finally found out what is was that I had, the simple relief of that knowledge went a long way towards putting my OCD into remission.  And of course, certain meds have helped.  But about three years ago, it came roaring back.  But this time the thoughts were about enacting random violence.  That's where the variety pack comes in.  The obsession switched up on it's own.  Obsessions tend to run in commonalities:

The violence obsessions finally abated; but this holiday season the Variety Show was back with the Existential Dread Oh Shit I'm Going To Die number.  And then Diane died and it seemed like every movie we went to see was about dying and then I re-watched Annie Hall and that movie was filled with references to death and then I thought, oh, why couldn't it just be something more benign, like what Howie Mandel has with the germs?  And then I thought: "Well, the germ thing is probably just as terrifying for Howie as the death thing is for me..."  And then I realized that with OCD it's not really what you're thinking about.  The terrifying thing is that you never stop thinking about it.  Even if it was the most wonderful thing, like say, ice cream...  Well, if you were thinking about ice cream on a non-stop loop, ice cream might become frightening and burdensome and anxiety producing.  You might find yourself doing the sign of the cross every time you passed an ice cream parlor.

I also may have had a concomitant EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.  We hear this term quite a bit; usually  in a comedic context.  Why?  Because our culture (e.g. American Consumer Capitalism) can't deal with the realization that we will indeed die and that everything we bought into and were told to buy into may have been/might be ALL FOR NAUGHT.  I would hazard a guess that this happens to a lot more men than women. Why? Because women seek out and find social networks that help support them.  They do it by default.  Men, not so much.  Questioning your life is seen as being weak; so men hide it. Diminish it's import. Any mental problems really.  But pretending it's not happening doesn't make it go away.

I think maybe men and our culture are wising up a little bit.  This made my heart leap when I saw it on the shelf at Krogers:

Yes, Pringles is advancing men's mental health/self-care!

I haven't looked into this yet; but even admitting that men might have mental health problems is kind of revolutionary, don't you think?  Particularly nowadays, when technology has isolated a lot of us even further.
Okay...
One little nod to morbidity...how about a guy with a moustache remembering his past on his deathbed?  Seems apropos.

That's Marcel Proust on his deathbed.  I drew this from a famous drawing.

I guess Proust on his deathbed is kind of a thing.  There are photographs.  I'm not sure if he's dying or already gone; but the picture has a magnetism.  Perhaps because he looks so truly peaceful?
And maybe I need to give myself a bit of a break.  I guess I'm in mourning in many ways.  I lost my mother and my older brother and my best friend from youth nearly all at once.  And numerous beloved pets.  And a couple of friendships have for all intents and purposes...expired.  And yes, we all have to face our eventual end here on Earth.  Writing this has helped alleviate that pain.  But we must press on.
So, in the words of John Irving and the voice of Rob Lowe from the movie of The Hotel New Hampshire:

                                                                "...Keep passing the open windows..."

Hmmm.  From Pringles to the Great Beyond in mere minutes.  You never know where these blogs will take you.

CFR   1/21/26