SPOILER ALERT: CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE 2024 MOTION PICTURE, IT ENDS WITH US. ALSO SPOIL-SPORT COMMENTARY ABOUT SPOILED HOLLYWOOD STARS. AND CANADIAN STARS. OH AND AUSTRALIAN STARS. ALSO THE SPOILS OF WEALTH. OH, AND SPOILED CHEESE; AS IN GOOD OLD FASHIONED HOLLYWOOD CHEESINESS. AND I SUPPOSE, SPOILED BRATS.
No, the reason I'm writing this is because I actually sought out the work of Ms. Colleen Hoover earlier this year. Why? Well, because she sort of flew directly into my radar like one of the Wallendas. I'm a writer you see. I've written two novels thus far. One self-published, like Ms. Hoover's first; although I did not know this. Let me back up to the beginning and tell you the story...
It starts with this:
One fine day, after my 300th rejection from a literary agent, I thought: "Hmmm, Chris. What are we doing wrong?" (I often use the Royal "We"; as I'm a Biq Queen when I'm in the mood. I'm also a Big King when I'm in the mood; but that's a blog for another day. Or night, wink-wink). Then I thought: "Maybe you should sachet down to the local book store chain and see what's on the best-seller list, buy one, read it and see what they're doing that you're not doing and what the Reading Public is buying and reading and I suppose, loving?" So, I ambled down to the Barnes and Nobell at the Valley View Mall and my eyes fell on the Colleen Hoover display, which was still in the window. "Hmmmm," I said to myself, "How about her? The New York Times assures me she's a best-selling authoress of 8 million copies that listed her for 140 weels. She must be doing something right..."
So, I went in and looked at her books. On the first perusal I thought: "Oh, okay...well, maybe I'll just check and see if her stuff is at the library..." I felt the $16.99 would be better spent on printer ink. The next day I went to the Vinton Library and checked out Verity.
The book opens with a woman on her way to a job interview in New York City. Somehow, she's in close enough vicinity to get spattered in blood when a man gets hit by a bus. Well, more like his head run over. And she still goes to her interview! Well, that is, after she meets this guy who gives her his shirt in the bathroom of a donut shop or something. It's the least cute, meet-cute you'd ever wanna read. And then, of course, he's there when she goes to her interview. It was here that I put the book down and DNF, as they say over at Goodreads. Why did I DNF? Ah, I'm not here to trounce Ms. Hoover or even review her work; but I will say her prose (what little I read of it) I found to be on a par with the venerable E.L. James, authoress of the 50 Shades series. I will say her work does not make my inner goddess dance and leave it at that. Over at Goodreads, Verity has a 4.3 star rating. Goodreads member Ana Lopes Miura said in her 1 star review of Verity that it should've been titled, Horny Headboard Biter. Giving equal time to 5 star reviewer of Verity, Lisa of Troy, she proclaims: "I will never look at Steak and Shake the same way!" I'm not sure what that means; but I think it's a rave.
But back to Blake.
So now, all this stuff about Ms. Lively is surfacing in a backlashish attempt to label her a "mean girl." Tina Fey, are you listening? "Mean Girl" is just a new way to say the kennel line from The Women. If Blake Lively is emulating people like Ava Gardner and Lana Turner and other cool blondes from back in the day, then she really can't not have a certain "bitchy" quality. Femme Fatales don't get fatale by being sweet and nice. I think it's hilarious that people expect these pampered, entitled princesses to be Ovaltine swiging, Khol's shopping, let's hang out with the little people kind of people. And of course if you're gorgeous, blonde and have nice boobs it makes it all the less likely.
Lively is being criticized for not taking domestic abuse seriously enough. But really, did Ms. Hoover take it seriously enough? Did her readers take it seriously enough? Did the filmmakers take it seriously enough--this source material that wants to have its' cake and eat it too. Or it's crushed flowers and flower shop too?
I guess that's the end of our 15 minute read. Do I have more to say about any of this? Actually, I do, so please see: It Trends With Us Part 2 for the next installment.
Ciao!
Chris
CFR 8/18/24