So many questions! Like, Tina...is that you?
I mean, the computer says it's you. Or is it one of your TV Commercial doubles for Booking Dot Yeah; or whatever it is? Or is it AI? Yes, I think it's AI because although it looks more like that actress Rose Byrne; or perhaps a mash-up of Julianne Moore and maybe Andie MacDowell...I guess it still sort of looks like you. I mean, I was looking for pics of you in lingerie for this, just to bug you; but I think you'd be really suprised at how much Fake Tina Fey in Lingerie there is out there. And some of them are sub-par. Like in the above "Tina." Where are the fingers of her left hand? Does she have her hand on a sliding closet door? And if she does, we should see at least one other finger from that angle. Or is that supposed to be the shadow being cast by the moulding around the door behind her? And if it is, is that shadow some other dimension that has claimed her digits? And the more you look at it, the more the angles of her arms don't seem right. Take a look at this one, if you dare...
I don't know what's more disturbing...that your left arm has grown into your body; or that you seem to be in a garage that is coated with asbestos. Is this where we are headed Tina? Some Brave New World of Real Fake Tinas? Can I even be sure if this one is you?
I say we all clear our palettes with one of your retro commercials. One we KNOW is really you because this tech didn't exist yet.
TINA FEY
Hey Chris. 'Sup?
CHRIS REIDY
Tina! Is it really you? The REAL Tina Fey?
TF
Depends on what you mean by "real."
CR
You know. Like really real. Not AI. Not a pretend Tina from a TV commercial.
TF
You do realize, I hope, Chris, that I'm not "real" in these blogs. I'm in your imagination. Please tell me you're aware of this.
CR
Oh, I know! I'm pretty sure I can still distinguish "reality" from the "imagined." Although nowadays, it's becoming a challenge; and not just for me--that is--people with busy imaginations. I mean everyone.
TF
I know. I was just looking at me in imaginary lingerie.
CR
You wouldn't think there would be that much interest in you wearing lingerie.
TF
Uhhmm, I might.
CR
No, I mean...well...let's say...about as much interest in pictures of me running around in nothing but Speedos, that sort of thing.
TF
Maybe if you shaved your back.
CR
Oh, that's so sweet!
TF
Now what do you want?
CR
Well you walked into my head; but I would love a tube of that Garnier Ultra Lift Transformer Moisturizer! I mean, did it transform your life? Was your "game changed"?
TF
They don't make it anymore.
CR
What? But it worked over time! Did it turn back time?
TF
Ask Cher.
Hey Chris. 'Sup?
CHRIS REIDY
Tina! Is it really you? The REAL Tina Fey?
TF
Depends on what you mean by "real."
CR
You know. Like really real. Not AI. Not a pretend Tina from a TV commercial.
TF
You do realize, I hope, Chris, that I'm not "real" in these blogs. I'm in your imagination. Please tell me you're aware of this.
CR
Oh, I know! I'm pretty sure I can still distinguish "reality" from the "imagined." Although nowadays, it's becoming a challenge; and not just for me--that is--people with busy imaginations. I mean everyone.
TF
I know. I was just looking at me in imaginary lingerie.
CR
You wouldn't think there would be that much interest in you wearing lingerie.
TF
Uhhmm, I might.
CR
No, I mean...well...let's say...about as much interest in pictures of me running around in nothing but Speedos, that sort of thing.
TF
Maybe if you shaved your back.
CR
Oh, that's so sweet!
TF
Now what do you want?
CR
Well you walked into my head; but I would love a tube of that Garnier Ultra Lift Transformer Moisturizer! I mean, did it transform your life? Was your "game changed"?
TF
They don't make it anymore.
CR
What? But it worked over time! Did it turn back time?
TF
Ask Cher.
CR
Now there's a lady who loves lingerie!
Now there's a lady who loves lingerie!
TF
I think she's having a double nip slip...
CR
Cher don't care, baby!
TF
Well, I don't think you summoned me here to discuss Cher's bosom. What's on your mind?
CR
Well....
TF
Well, what?
CR
I really didn't want to address this anymore.
TF
Then don't.
CR
But it's so, like glaringly obvious, I kind of can't not address it. And I get the feeling my "readership" is entertained by this; and who would I be to deny them?
TF
Are you talking about being "ripped off" again?
CR
I'm starting to think about it as a kind of collaboration. That's how rife it's become.
TF
"Rife." That's a good word.
CR
They used to call me "Mr. Big Words," when I was a kid.
TF
Did they really? How cute. Well, it's not a big word. But it packs a lot into a little--
CR
That's what she said! And you know, that saying was big at my high school long before The Office hit the airwaves.
TF
Is that what this is about? You think The Office stole "that's what she said" from your high school? I think it's been around since the 20's.
CR
No. Of course I don't think that.
TF
I may be in your mind; but I have no idea "what you think." So, are we talking about that IYSSSS bit, which you've asterisked above but have no corresponding footnote for?
CR
I hate when that happens!
TF
You do it all the time.
CR
Oh Tina, I love the way you never let me get away with anything! But yes: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING.
TF
So what did you "see" this time? And I'm not judging. I'm just curious. I've decided to start exercising some egalitarian equanimity in both my encounters and endeavours with you. How's that for some big words?
CR
Love it! And alliteration too. Tina, you're like, wicked smaht!
TF
Tell me something I don't know.
CR
Okay, how about Paul Rudd as an Irishman?
TF
That I do know, since we both guest on the same show. And I have to say, he wouldn't have been my first thought.
I think she's having a double nip slip...
CR
Cher don't care, baby!
TF
Well, I don't think you summoned me here to discuss Cher's bosom. What's on your mind?
CR
Well....
TF
Well, what?
CR
I really didn't want to address this anymore.
TF
Then don't.
CR
But it's so, like glaringly obvious, I kind of can't not address it. And I get the feeling my "readership" is entertained by this; and who would I be to deny them?
TF
Are you talking about being "ripped off" again?
CR
I'm starting to think about it as a kind of collaboration. That's how rife it's become.
TF
"Rife." That's a good word.
CR
They used to call me "Mr. Big Words," when I was a kid.
TF
Did they really? How cute. Well, it's not a big word. But it packs a lot into a little--
CR
That's what she said! And you know, that saying was big at my high school long before The Office hit the airwaves.
TF
Is that what this is about? You think The Office stole "that's what she said" from your high school? I think it's been around since the 20's.
CR
No. Of course I don't think that.
TF
I may be in your mind; but I have no idea "what you think." So, are we talking about that IYSSSS bit, which you've asterisked above but have no corresponding footnote for?
CR
I hate when that happens!
TF
You do it all the time.
CR
Oh Tina, I love the way you never let me get away with anything! But yes: IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING.
TF
So what did you "see" this time? And I'm not judging. I'm just curious. I've decided to start exercising some egalitarian equanimity in both my encounters and endeavours with you. How's that for some big words?
CR
Love it! And alliteration too. Tina, you're like, wicked smaht!
TF
Tell me something I don't know.
CR
Okay, how about Paul Rudd as an Irishman?
TF
That I do know, since we both guest on the same show. And I have to say, he wouldn't have been my first thought.
CR
Probably not mine either; but...
TF
First of all, let's cut to the chase. How do you think Paul Rudd borrowed from you? I mean, we all know you think Only Murders has been "borrowing" from you from the git go, as Nancy Grace would say. So what did Paul do?
CR
Like I said, I'm not looking for this stuff anymore. I will admit, for a while I was. My ears were perked up and at the ready like Mr. Spock's. So, rather than drive myself crazy, I gave it up. But now, it's like the Universe is dropping this stuff right in my lap. So, here we are.
TF
Get to the point.
CR
I wrote a screenplay on my blogs: HEARTFIGHT. I wrote it in real time, sort of as a class. Most of the lead characters were Irish and had pronounced Irish accents which were often pointedly pointed out by other characters. One of them was a scrappy, elfin fighter. I thought a line of Paul's dialog was also pointedly en pointe; which I will point out now. His character is an Irish stuntman named Glen who has a heavy brogue:
Probably not mine either; but...
TF
First of all, let's cut to the chase. How do you think Paul Rudd borrowed from you? I mean, we all know you think Only Murders has been "borrowing" from you from the git go, as Nancy Grace would say. So what did Paul do?
CR
Like I said, I'm not looking for this stuff anymore. I will admit, for a while I was. My ears were perked up and at the ready like Mr. Spock's. So, rather than drive myself crazy, I gave it up. But now, it's like the Universe is dropping this stuff right in my lap. So, here we are.
TF
Get to the point.
CR
I wrote a screenplay on my blogs: HEARTFIGHT. I wrote it in real time, sort of as a class. Most of the lead characters were Irish and had pronounced Irish accents which were often pointedly pointed out by other characters. One of them was a scrappy, elfin fighter. I thought a line of Paul's dialog was also pointedly en pointe; which I will point out now. His character is an Irish stuntman named Glen who has a heavy brogue:
And here's a scene from my screenplay where the character of Danny (who I was picturing being played by Colin Farrell as I wrote) addresses a very similar situation:
TF
I see your point. But anyone who has a comedic, bent, shall we say and is doing an Irish caricature--
CR
My character is not a "caricature"!
TF
Is he "comic relief"?
CR
I suppose.
TF
Anyone doing an Irish character as comic relief might very well find themselves riffing on Lucky Charms. Paul said he ad-libbed the lines. And maybe he did read your script. Who knows? Does it matter?
CR
Well it does to me. And that the character is a drunk with the DTs doesn't really further Irish culture; but I will say, despite online detractors, I think Paul's accent is pretty spot on. And he made me laugh; which for me is really the only ting that matters.
TF
I think it's supposed to be deliberately awful.
CR
You say "po-tay-toe" Tina... But I can't help but feel I'm being taunted.
TF
Taunted?
CR
Well, maybe not taunted. Teased maybe. I feel like my chain is being yanked. And that's great! I love the Ruddster. He's one of my hall passes!
TF
How many freakin' hall passes do you have?
CR
I don't hall pass and tell, Tina.
TF
Good to know.
CR
But yes. Paul can yank my chain at will. He can taunt me. He can tease me. He can bust my ghosts any time of day or night! He can bust me all night long!*
TF
TMI, Chris. TMI.
CR
You mean TMP.
TF
TMP?
CR
Too Much Paul. And there's no such thing. He is one of the Sexiest Men Alive and that was in a magazine!!!
I see your point. But anyone who has a comedic, bent, shall we say and is doing an Irish caricature--
CR
My character is not a "caricature"!
TF
Is he "comic relief"?
CR
I suppose.
TF
Anyone doing an Irish character as comic relief might very well find themselves riffing on Lucky Charms. Paul said he ad-libbed the lines. And maybe he did read your script. Who knows? Does it matter?
CR
Well it does to me. And that the character is a drunk with the DTs doesn't really further Irish culture; but I will say, despite online detractors, I think Paul's accent is pretty spot on. And he made me laugh; which for me is really the only ting that matters.
TF
I think it's supposed to be deliberately awful.
CR
You say "po-tay-toe" Tina... But I can't help but feel I'm being taunted.
TF
Taunted?
CR
Well, maybe not taunted. Teased maybe. I feel like my chain is being yanked. And that's great! I love the Ruddster. He's one of my hall passes!
TF
How many freakin' hall passes do you have?
CR
I don't hall pass and tell, Tina.
TF
Good to know.
CR
But yes. Paul can yank my chain at will. He can taunt me. He can tease me. He can bust my ghosts any time of day or night! He can bust me all night long!*
TF
TMI, Chris. TMI.
CR
You mean TMP.
TF
TMP?
CR
Too Much Paul. And there's no such thing. He is one of the Sexiest Men Alive and that was in a magazine!!!
TF
And that's it? The Lucky Charms bit is your Big Kvetch?
CR
No...I mean, the whole Irish thing too. And then there's the other thing...
TF
There's more?
CR
Yes.
TF
I'm listening. Do you have any snacks?
CR
Ah, I have some Kroger brand chicken flavored crackers.
TF
I don't know...
CR
They're wicked good! Just try one!
TF
Oh, okay...
And that's it? The Lucky Charms bit is your Big Kvetch?
CR
No...I mean, the whole Irish thing too. And then there's the other thing...
TF
There's more?
CR
Yes.
TF
I'm listening. Do you have any snacks?
CR
Ah, I have some Kroger brand chicken flavored crackers.
TF
I don't know...
CR
They're wicked good! Just try one!
TF
Oh, okay...
TF
Wow! These really are good!
Wow! These really are good!
CR
They're actually better than Nabisco's. Tina, you should do the commercial!
TF
For Kroger's?
CR
No for Kroger's Chicken Bisquit Baked Crackers.
TF
Just the crackers? Like, just for these in-store brand chicken flavored crackers?
CR
Yes! I don't think it's ever been done. You could be the first. Maybe they'll put your picture on the box!
TF
Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. What's the next kvetch?
CR
You'll like this one. It has a Saturday Night Live connection.
TF
Oh, I'm not on that show anymore.
CR
Aren't you though? So, anyways...you know that Sarah Sherman gal who's on the show? The one who's into all that gross-out-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts-Swifty-Lazar-glasses-Phyllis-Diller-get-ups-gig?
TF
You know I know who she is.
CR
Yeah, well anyways...there was all this pre-publicity that she was going to be guesting on General Hospital because she's a long-time fan and bladda-blahbba-yadda-yowsa-yowsa...
TF
Do you have any more of these crackers? The box is empty?
CR
No, ah, how about some chocolate covered cherries?
TF
Ooooh! Yum!
They're actually better than Nabisco's. Tina, you should do the commercial!
TF
For Kroger's?
CR
No for Kroger's Chicken Bisquit Baked Crackers.
TF
Just the crackers? Like, just for these in-store brand chicken flavored crackers?
CR
Yes! I don't think it's ever been done. You could be the first. Maybe they'll put your picture on the box!
TF
Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. What's the next kvetch?
CR
You'll like this one. It has a Saturday Night Live connection.
TF
Oh, I'm not on that show anymore.
CR
Aren't you though? So, anyways...you know that Sarah Sherman gal who's on the show? The one who's into all that gross-out-greasy-grimy-gopher-guts-Swifty-Lazar-glasses-Phyllis-Diller-get-ups-gig?
TF
You know I know who she is.
CR
Yeah, well anyways...there was all this pre-publicity that she was going to be guesting on General Hospital because she's a long-time fan and bladda-blahbba-yadda-yowsa-yowsa...
TF
Do you have any more of these crackers? The box is empty?
CR
No, ah, how about some chocolate covered cherries?
TF
Ooooh! Yum!
So, anyways. Sarah turns up on GH--we fans call it "G-H"--playing this character named "Robin Finch" who's a dialect coach or something. Let's let her explain:
TF
Yeah, that was cute. And?
CR
I thought Lorne Michaels was like wicked strict about his employees moonlighting when they're on his show.
TF
Oh honey, those days are over. When Kristen Wiig is actually doing commercials legit, that started out as parody; you know the world is on its head.
Yeah, that was cute. And?
CR
I thought Lorne Michaels was like wicked strict about his employees moonlighting when they're on his show.
TF
Oh honey, those days are over. When Kristen Wiig is actually doing commercials legit, that started out as parody; you know the world is on its head.
CR
I don't know. I don't think satire should ever be subsumed by "corporate synergy."
TF
It's America Chris. We buy stuff.
CR
Yeah, but isn't that what the satire was for in the first place?
TF
Are you sure it wasn't a commercial to begin with?
CR
(Contemplates. Strokes chin with thumb and forefinger. Removes readers. Bites eyeglass temple) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Food for thought Tina. Food for thought.
TF
You're meandering again.
CR
Right! So...how is this connected to me?
TF
Sure...(unwraps another candy).
I don't know. I don't think satire should ever be subsumed by "corporate synergy."
TF
It's America Chris. We buy stuff.
CR
Yeah, but isn't that what the satire was for in the first place?
TF
Are you sure it wasn't a commercial to begin with?
CR
(Contemplates. Strokes chin with thumb and forefinger. Removes readers. Bites eyeglass temple) Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Food for thought Tina. Food for thought.
TF
You're meandering again.
CR
Right! So...how is this connected to me?
TF
Sure...(unwraps another candy).
TF
...go on, I'm listening...
CR
Okay so a little background on the scene from General Hospital in which Sarah appeared; oh, did I mention her dad is my hall pass?
TF
What now?
CR
Sarah Sherman's dad is my hall pass. He's in my top five!
TF
Okay. Now you're just being weird. How would you even know who he is?
CR
He was in an SNL sketch, Tina. Duh! Come on, keep up.
TF
I don't work for that show.
CR
Sure Tina.
...go on, I'm listening...
CR
Okay so a little background on the scene from General Hospital in which Sarah appeared; oh, did I mention her dad is my hall pass?
TF
What now?
CR
Sarah Sherman's dad is my hall pass. He's in my top five!
TF
Okay. Now you're just being weird. How would you even know who he is?
CR
He was in an SNL sketch, Tina. Duh! Come on, keep up.
TF
I don't work for that show.
CR
Sure Tina.
TF
I would so love to see you try and cash-in that chit.
CR
He would totally be into me!
TF
Sure Chris. So, ah, General Hospital?
CR
Right! So, Sarah is playing this new character who's been hired by Tracy Quatermain---
TF
Who?
CR
Just listen. It will all make sense. Tracy Quatermain is the matriarch of the rich and powerful Quatermain family who are the richest and most powerful family in all of Port Charles, which is in upstate New York, near one of the assumed Great Lakes. Think Buffalo. Tracy is the defacto head of Deception, a health and beauty company. Tracy's son Ned, who last year had split personality and was a rocker dude named Eddie and for some reason seems to be only a couple of years younger than his own mother is married to Olivia. His ex-wife, Lois who seems to live in the Quatermain mansion for some reason--oh, because Olivia and Lois were childhood friends in Bensonhurst, which I guess is a neighborhood in Brooklyn? Lois works for deception and is often on a Home Shopping Network type show pitching Deception's beauty products. The host of the show is Morgan Fairchild--
TF
As herself?
CR
I'm not sure about that. But it's really nice to see her on TV. Three Degrees of Reidyation aside: I waited on her once at the Polo store in Beverly Hills! She didn't look at me though...
TF
Were you in her eyeline? I'll tell you, that really throws me. It's a pet-peeve. Like, get out of my eyeline already Jane Krakowski. Jeez! Don't make me raise my voice.
CR
I got the feeling Morgan was just like, super shy. Although, she really seemed to enjoy lingerie too!
I would so love to see you try and cash-in that chit.
CR
He would totally be into me!
TF
Sure Chris. So, ah, General Hospital?
CR
Right! So, Sarah is playing this new character who's been hired by Tracy Quatermain---
TF
Who?
CR
Just listen. It will all make sense. Tracy Quatermain is the matriarch of the rich and powerful Quatermain family who are the richest and most powerful family in all of Port Charles, which is in upstate New York, near one of the assumed Great Lakes. Think Buffalo. Tracy is the defacto head of Deception, a health and beauty company. Tracy's son Ned, who last year had split personality and was a rocker dude named Eddie and for some reason seems to be only a couple of years younger than his own mother is married to Olivia. His ex-wife, Lois who seems to live in the Quatermain mansion for some reason--oh, because Olivia and Lois were childhood friends in Bensonhurst, which I guess is a neighborhood in Brooklyn? Lois works for deception and is often on a Home Shopping Network type show pitching Deception's beauty products. The host of the show is Morgan Fairchild--
TF
As herself?
CR
I'm not sure about that. But it's really nice to see her on TV. Three Degrees of Reidyation aside: I waited on her once at the Polo store in Beverly Hills! She didn't look at me though...
TF
Were you in her eyeline? I'll tell you, that really throws me. It's a pet-peeve. Like, get out of my eyeline already Jane Krakowski. Jeez! Don't make me raise my voice.
CR
I got the feeling Morgan was just like, super shy. Although, she really seemed to enjoy lingerie too!
TF
Was she buying lingerie at the Polo store?
CR
Honestly, I forget what she was buying. But I can quite vividly recall what Donna Dixon was buying when I rang her up!
TF
You mean the former Mrs. Dan Aykroyd? Oh, do tell!
CR
Like several armloads of dresses. Like a couple of dozen. She dropped some benjamins! I remember because that collection had an unusual medieval theme and/or Elizabethan vibe. Let's take a look!
Was she buying lingerie at the Polo store?
CR
Honestly, I forget what she was buying. But I can quite vividly recall what Donna Dixon was buying when I rang her up!
TF
You mean the former Mrs. Dan Aykroyd? Oh, do tell!
CR
Like several armloads of dresses. Like a couple of dozen. She dropped some benjamins! I remember because that collection had an unusual medieval theme and/or Elizabethan vibe. Let's take a look!
TF
Enough with the asides Chris. You're vascillating.
CR
Good word, Teens! It sounds kind of medieval. Anyways, Tracy hires the diction coach to polish Lois' speaking voice so that when she's pitching Deception products, she doesn't sound like a rube, I guess. So, in the backstage clip, when Sarah's character announces who she is, she claims she's a "...dialect theorist and tutor to the stars."
TF
Yeah, I watched it...
CR
So it cuts off there. But when she's challenged on her credentials, re: "stars," she mentions Meryl Streep. Then there is not only a prolonged exchange about Meryl and the film A Cry In the Dark; but an impersonation of the infamous: "The dingo took my baby!" line. Presented comically, of course.
TF
What's that all about? Why is a dingo snatching a child and--well, why is that still a joke?
CR
I suppose because it's so unfathomably horrific the only way to deal with it is by making it a joke?
TF
Agreed. So, again I ask. How is this connected to you?
CR
Well, a few months ago, I wrote a blog entitled: "Now You Can Ask Nicole Kidman About AMC and Excedrin P.M." It was a spoof of a call in radio/blog show that was being moderated by Meryl Streep. She was fielding questions for Nicole. And then I called in--
TF
Called in where?
CR
The radio show.
TF
What radio show?
CR
The radio show within the blog. Oh, it was imaginary. So was Meryl. And Nicole. Oh, you were in it too!
TF
And you were in it. Were you imaginary?
CR
You just blew my mind Miss Fey! Anyhow, A Cry In the Dark came up, and Lindy Chamberlain and the dingo, natch.
Take a look!
Enough with the asides Chris. You're vascillating.
CR
Good word, Teens! It sounds kind of medieval. Anyways, Tracy hires the diction coach to polish Lois' speaking voice so that when she's pitching Deception products, she doesn't sound like a rube, I guess. So, in the backstage clip, when Sarah's character announces who she is, she claims she's a "...dialect theorist and tutor to the stars."
TF
Yeah, I watched it...
CR
So it cuts off there. But when she's challenged on her credentials, re: "stars," she mentions Meryl Streep. Then there is not only a prolonged exchange about Meryl and the film A Cry In the Dark; but an impersonation of the infamous: "The dingo took my baby!" line. Presented comically, of course.
TF
What's that all about? Why is a dingo snatching a child and--well, why is that still a joke?
CR
I suppose because it's so unfathomably horrific the only way to deal with it is by making it a joke?
TF
Agreed. So, again I ask. How is this connected to you?
CR
Well, a few months ago, I wrote a blog entitled: "Now You Can Ask Nicole Kidman About AMC and Excedrin P.M." It was a spoof of a call in radio/blog show that was being moderated by Meryl Streep. She was fielding questions for Nicole. And then I called in--
TF
Called in where?
CR
The radio show.
TF
What radio show?
CR
The radio show within the blog. Oh, it was imaginary. So was Meryl. And Nicole. Oh, you were in it too!
TF
And you were in it. Were you imaginary?
CR
You just blew my mind Miss Fey! Anyhow, A Cry In the Dark came up, and Lindy Chamberlain and the dingo, natch.
Take a look!
TF
Can I have some of these pickles? I'm still hungry.
CR
Sure!
Can I have some of these pickles? I'm still hungry.
CR
Sure!
CR
So...?
TF
Oh, you're done? That's it? So Paul Rudd and General Hospital?
CR
Yes. Thoughts?
TF
Well, you do sort of have to wonder why General Hospital would go on about a movie that came out, what? Twenty years ago? Twenty-five years ago?
CR
Thirty-six.
TF
Damn. That long ago, huh?
CR
Yep.
TF
So that guy who was asking Sarah who she was, the one who plays, Ned, was it?
CR
Yes.
TF
He kind of looks like you. Is he a hall pass?
CR
(Coy) I'll never tell...he sings too!
So...?
TF
Oh, you're done? That's it? So Paul Rudd and General Hospital?
CR
Yes. Thoughts?
TF
Well, you do sort of have to wonder why General Hospital would go on about a movie that came out, what? Twenty years ago? Twenty-five years ago?
CR
Thirty-six.
TF
Damn. That long ago, huh?
CR
Yep.
TF
So that guy who was asking Sarah who she was, the one who plays, Ned, was it?
CR
Yes.
TF
He kind of looks like you. Is he a hall pass?
CR
(Coy) I'll never tell...he sings too!
TF
That was cute. Is he "Ned" there; or "Eddie" and is that Tracy?
CR
No, Tracy is his mother. That's his wife, Olivia. And I think he's Ned here.
TF
Good to know. I wonder if GH would let me guest...
CR
I'm sure they would! You could play Port Charles' premiere travel agent, Khaki DuShane. But here's the thing: she's not just a travel agent...she's also a secret agent, working for the WSB! She's kind of a seductress, which would allow for lots of lingerie scenes! She's brainy, busty, ballsy and bi-curious. And bespectacled.
TF
Of course. What's the WSB?
CR
The World Security Bureau.
TF
Perhaps GH is reading this as we speak...
CR
Who knows...
TF
I've gotta go. Any last thoughts?
CR
How about a publicity still of you as "Khaki DuShane"?
TF
I don't think--
That was cute. Is he "Ned" there; or "Eddie" and is that Tracy?
CR
No, Tracy is his mother. That's his wife, Olivia. And I think he's Ned here.
TF
Good to know. I wonder if GH would let me guest...
CR
I'm sure they would! You could play Port Charles' premiere travel agent, Khaki DuShane. But here's the thing: she's not just a travel agent...she's also a secret agent, working for the WSB! She's kind of a seductress, which would allow for lots of lingerie scenes! She's brainy, busty, ballsy and bi-curious. And bespectacled.
TF
Of course. What's the WSB?
CR
The World Security Bureau.
TF
Perhaps GH is reading this as we speak...
CR
Who knows...
TF
I've gotta go. Any last thoughts?
CR
How about a publicity still of you as "Khaki DuShane"?
TF
I don't think--
TF
Is that Lake Erie?
CR
Under there?
TF
Under where?
CR
Made you say underwear!!!
TF
Chris...
CR
Yes?
TF
Don't call us. We'll call you.
CR
IYSSSS, Teens!
*(Oh, I mean, bust my ba--chops. Yeah. My chops.)
CFR 9/23/24
Is that Lake Erie?
CR
Under there?
TF
Under where?
CR
Made you say underwear!!!
TF
Chris...
CR
Yes?
TF
Don't call us. We'll call you.
CR
IYSSSS, Teens!
*(Oh, I mean, bust my ba--chops. Yeah. My chops.)
CFR 9/23/24