Not to sound too Andy Rooney but: Toilet Paper Commercials Have Really Crossed the Line. There was one in particular that aired several years ago. I forget which brand it was for. The commercial showed a focus group watching a demonstration. A wet piece of toilet paper was dragged across what was supposed to represent a human limb of some kind and it left behind, so to speak, REMNANTS. One of the women in the group, as the camera closes in on her contorted face, proclaims with the utmost of disconcerted fear: "I dont' want that on me...!"
I now use this as a go-to line whenever I encounter anything that I indeed, do not want on my person. But now, it's crossed over into things more metaphorical, figurative and allegorical. Not to mention parable-lel, conceptual and psychological. For example, if I find myself getting Kareny at KFC, I'll realize I don't want the guilt that will surely come later if I make some poor high-schoolers day miserable; warranted as it may be. I take a breath and think to myself: "Oh, they just forgot the gravy again and blamed me for it; but there's no sense in getting upset. I mean: I DON'T WANT THAT ON ME!"
And I go on my merry way. But toilet paper commercials just keep pressing envelopes. Ones that dont need to be pressed. Here's one that really bugs me...well, I don't think I could possibly elaborate on this better than Sir Nekk. WARNING: CONTAINS FRANK AND GRAPHIC REACTIONS TO TOILET PAPER SNAFUS!
I now use this as a go-to line whenever I encounter anything that I indeed, do not want on my person. But now, it's crossed over into things more metaphorical, figurative and allegorical. Not to mention parable-lel, conceptual and psychological. For example, if I find myself getting Kareny at KFC, I'll realize I don't want the guilt that will surely come later if I make some poor high-schoolers day miserable; warranted as it may be. I take a breath and think to myself: "Oh, they just forgot the gravy again and blamed me for it; but there's no sense in getting upset. I mean: I DON'T WANT THAT ON ME!"
And I go on my merry way. But toilet paper commercials just keep pressing envelopes. Ones that dont need to be pressed. Here's one that really bugs me...well, I don't think I could possibly elaborate on this better than Sir Nekk. WARNING: CONTAINS FRANK AND GRAPHIC REACTIONS TO TOILET PAPER SNAFUS!
Why am I going off on a toilet paper tangent? I'm not sure. Maybe because things in this country are super-shitty right now and only getting shittier? That the White House has turned into The Out House? Perhaps the Charmin bears, in their RED and BLUE status are some kind of retro-predictive, meta-textual metaphor for what's going on? That we all have shitty toilet paper stuck to our collective ass and need to pick it off and flush it away fast? Works for me!
Hmmmmm...maybe there is something more political going on here. Why are the BLUE BEARS "soft"? And the question is inherent: Just who do THE BROWN BEARS represent?
Speaking of animation. You may have noticed Daffy Duck at the top. Why? Well, in a recent blog, I was having an imagined conversation with Sondra Locke, former lady-love of Mr. Clint Eastwood who is more-or-less-one-and-the-same with Warner Brothers. Did you see the recent release of theirs, featuring Daffy and Porky Pig: The Day the World Blew Up? No? Well, it's no wonder. Did it have any marketing behind it? I don't recall seeing a single trailer or TV commercial and I go to a LOT of movies and watch my fair share of TV. I thought it was terrific. A surprise delight and a solid movie. I went in with some trepidation. Why? Well, the Looney Tunes characters need almost non-stop, frenetic lunacy; or at least, that's what we expect of them. Sustaining that over feature length run times would be difficult, I would think; and even if successful; somewhat headache inducing. But they pulled it off, and then some. I think by concentrating on just two of the characters, they were able to focus the narrative. Which brings us to focus. It has always seemed to me that Warner Brothers has had trouble focusing, particularly in recent times. In particular, their very branding. They have never had an iconic branding, ever. Something that instantly said WARNER BROS. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Well, Chris, what about the Warner Bros. shield, huh? What about that famous shield logo of theirs, huh? What about that Chris?"
And I might say: "The shield sucks."
Speaking of animation. You may have noticed Daffy Duck at the top. Why? Well, in a recent blog, I was having an imagined conversation with Sondra Locke, former lady-love of Mr. Clint Eastwood who is more-or-less-one-and-the-same with Warner Brothers. Did you see the recent release of theirs, featuring Daffy and Porky Pig: The Day the World Blew Up? No? Well, it's no wonder. Did it have any marketing behind it? I don't recall seeing a single trailer or TV commercial and I go to a LOT of movies and watch my fair share of TV. I thought it was terrific. A surprise delight and a solid movie. I went in with some trepidation. Why? Well, the Looney Tunes characters need almost non-stop, frenetic lunacy; or at least, that's what we expect of them. Sustaining that over feature length run times would be difficult, I would think; and even if successful; somewhat headache inducing. But they pulled it off, and then some. I think by concentrating on just two of the characters, they were able to focus the narrative. Which brings us to focus. It has always seemed to me that Warner Brothers has had trouble focusing, particularly in recent times. In particular, their very branding. They have never had an iconic branding, ever. Something that instantly said WARNER BROS. Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "Well, Chris, what about the Warner Bros. shield, huh? What about that famous shield logo of theirs, huh? What about that Chris?"
And I might say: "The shield sucks."
And I might add: "The shield doesn't work. The shield has never worked."
And herewith, I will go on another tangent and give you my two cents as to why I think the shield doesn't work...
WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR A SPECIAL REPORT!
And herewith, I will go on another tangent and give you my two cents as to why I think the shield doesn't work...
WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG FOR A SPECIAL REPORT!
PLEAS TUNE IN TO THE NEXT BLOG AND WE WILL THEN RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED BLOG!
Roight! So where we? Oh yes. I wanted to talk about why I think the Warner Brothers famous "shield logo" does not and never has worked. I mean yes. It's famous. I daresay it's ICONIC:
Yes, it's famous. "But why doesn't it 'work' Chris, in your humble opinion?", you might ask. And I might reply: "Well, in my humble opinion; I think it looks like a warning sign. It's almost like it's saying: KEEP OUT!"
And what is a shield? It's a device to protect oneself from hostile adversaries. So who is the "adversary" in this scenario? The viewer. The audience. The public who would go and see a Warner Bros. movie. And then there's those giant initials: W B. The W looks like a three-pronged pitch fork; and then that sharp blade-like point coming down. And the B looks like a set of brass knuckles with an attached blade. I mean, the whole thing is just violent. It's threatening. I know it comes from Art Deco days: the 1920's. And in Los Angeles, the coat of arms motif was quite popular what with the Spanish style that was so in vogue. Many houses had them incorporated into the design. For example, here is a coat of arms that were on Marilyn Monroe's doorstep of her house that was built in 1929:
And what is a shield? It's a device to protect oneself from hostile adversaries. So who is the "adversary" in this scenario? The viewer. The audience. The public who would go and see a Warner Bros. movie. And then there's those giant initials: W B. The W looks like a three-pronged pitch fork; and then that sharp blade-like point coming down. And the B looks like a set of brass knuckles with an attached blade. I mean, the whole thing is just violent. It's threatening. I know it comes from Art Deco days: the 1920's. And in Los Angeles, the coat of arms motif was quite popular what with the Spanish style that was so in vogue. Many houses had them incorporated into the design. For example, here is a coat of arms that were on Marilyn Monroe's doorstep of her house that was built in 1929:
So, it was a 20's thing that Warners simply stuck with. But they didn't know what to do with it. They generally had it just floating in a cloud covered sky-scape. But I think even Warners isn't really happy with their logo. As you can see in the diagram of the logo history, they completely changed it, several times. For about three years in the late 60's, they had this:
And this mess for a while:
And this polarizing Saul Bass design (and I think EVERYONE should just stay away from the black, white and red combo!):
So they keep on with the shield concept and that's, I think, the baseline problem. It's scary. Logos have a powerful effect on people. Most companies understand this; but some don't seem to. And if your logo is scary, it can have a deleterious effect on your brand. And your audience. There are a lot of Youtube videos about "scary" logos. It's a thing. More of a thing than you might imagine. In particular the horrifying Screen Gems logo. This short film, all about it, is quite funny. But there is a definite truth here. Worth the watch!
I think the other MAJOR problem with the WB logo and its coming on is the lack of fanfare. Literally. They have never had a good, let alone great musical accompaniment for their logo. Oh, they tried "As Time Goes By"; but really, who even gets the reference. They've tried incorporating their water tower. No one cares. Paramount has a water tower too. Don't they all? I mean MGM. THE ROARING LION. Iconic. Paramount: THE MOUNTAIN: Iconic. Disney: THE CASTLE: Iconic. 20th Century Fox: THE SEARCHLIGHTS: Iconic. Universal: PLANET EARTH REVOLVING: Iconic. And in the latter case, made even more iconic by the inclusion of FANFARE. It wasn't always there, remember?
Fun fact: Eyvind "Sleeping Beauty" Earle desingned the above version of the Universal logo. So, much later on, the studio added a dedicated FANFARE that has become so successful, it can even be accapellaed!
And who can forget when 20th Century Fox "extended" their celebrated fanfare with a CINEMASCOPE EXTENSION?
That's so good, I'm disappointed if I don't get the long version! (That's what she said! (Or he. Or them).
So, I'd like to offer my humble suggestions about how I think the Warner Brothers logo and front bumper might be improved. Let's forget about shields. Let's forget about giant W's and B's...let's go back to square one and ask:
Just who are/were the Warner brothers?
Other than Jack Warner, who I only know in name; I know nothing about them. So this will all be new to me. Let's find out together, shall we?
So, I'd like to offer my humble suggestions about how I think the Warner Brothers logo and front bumper might be improved. Let's forget about shields. Let's forget about giant W's and B's...let's go back to square one and ask:
Just who are/were the Warner brothers?
Other than Jack Warner, who I only know in name; I know nothing about them. So this will all be new to me. Let's find out together, shall we?
I'm not sure which one is which...I think Jack is second from the left. The other three are Albert, Harry and Sam. Now, I would incorporate their faces into my logo rethink. However, they are not exactly, shall we say, matinee idols. Super masculine but not particularly good looking. So, I would do a kind of Pep Boys type thing. A classic, right? And I bet you can name them, can't you?*
Actually, the third Pep Boy looks exactly like the third Warner brother. Now, of course, The Pep Boys are a pretty famous logo; so I'd want to get the blessing of their company before rendering the Bros. Warner this way. But you could probably get pretty close. Make the Warners a bit more realistic...or even more abstract. Not as smiley. I mean, let's homage from something that really works! And then I'd have: The Warner Brothers Studios, spelled out. Maybe in classic script. Hey, it's worked for Paramount and Disney, right? See, you get the nostalgia angle and you get away from that threatening shield, right? I love this!!! I'll do some mock-ups. Maybe two of the brothers looking to the left and two looking to the right...like Janus. Get some highfalutin, classy culture references going. Jack Warner had a pleasing and dynamic signature. We could spell out THE WARNER BROTHERS STUDIOS in a font based on his cursive:
Maybe something along these lines?
And of course, I'm sure the Bros. Warner would agree: "You get what you pay for." So let's open our pocket books and pay for the very best in the biz for the FANFARE: MR./MAESTRO HONORARY MASSHOLE JOHN WILLIAMS.
So, those are my suggestions. You're welcome Warner Brothers. My going price for consulting is $250,000.00. You can send the check to me at: TURQUOISE CROW PRODUCTIONS / 103 WOODVALE COURT / VINTON, VA / 24179.
And I'll play us out on one of Mr. Williams' more dynamic compositions that still stands the test of time. The Season 3 "Theme from Lost In Space." You're welcome again.
*Manny, Moe and Jack
And I'll play us out on one of Mr. Williams' more dynamic compositions that still stands the test of time. The Season 3 "Theme from Lost In Space." You're welcome again.
*Manny, Moe and Jack
CFR 5/8/25