PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED (THIS ONE'S KINDA CHEEKY!)
The editors of Person's Blogazine are happy to announce their Mister Winter for the '25-'26 Season! And once again, Mr. Raul P. has sent our hearts and temperatures aflutter with his uncontainable scorchiness. Should we blame him for Global Warming? Well, at least a melting glacier or two! We asked our roving correspondent and commentator Miss Karen-Anne Incongraham Takes a.k.a. "Missy"; to drop some hot QWESS for our bare-bottom boy!
The editors of Person's Blogazine are happy to announce their Mister Winter for the '25-'26 Season! And once again, Mr. Raul P. has sent our hearts and temperatures aflutter with his uncontainable scorchiness. Should we blame him for Global Warming? Well, at least a melting glacier or two! We asked our roving correspondent and commentator Miss Karen-Anne Incongraham Takes a.k.a. "Missy"; to drop some hot QWESS for our bare-bottom boy!
MISSY TAKES (MT)
So Raul, you're on a roll!
RAUL PUDD (RP)
I guess...do you mean like a movie part: R-O-L-E?
MT
No. Like a dinner roll: R-O-L-L...you're standing on one. I think it's Sister Schubert's--
RP
Oh, now how did that get there? (LAUGHS) It must've rolled over from the Craft Service table. You have a sister, Schubert?
MT
Yes, I do.
RP
And she's a nun?
MT
No. She's a bun.
RP
Ah, okay. Speaking of buns...so you like my new pics?
MT
Oh, yes! How did you get your rear end so smooth?
RP
It took almost three bottles of Nair, but we did it!
MT
No if ands or butts!
(LAUGHTER FROM BOTH)
MT
Hmmmm. Wait a second...I'm seeing a lot of pink and blue here...
RP
Yeah, we wanted a summery vibe. Something to look forward to.
MT
Oh really? This isn't some kind of tacit condoning of the Trans community?
RP
Because of pink and blue? Is that a thing?
MT
Yes. It is. Don't play dumb.
RP
I had no idea. You know sometimes a color is just a color. But if you want to go with the Trans thing, I'm cool.
MT
But I don't.
RP
Well, you brought it up.
MT
Do you have anything that isn't a War Against Christmas?
RP
Yeah. But they're pre-Nair...
MT
As long as there's red and green.
RP
Hold my roll. I'll be right back...
MT
We'll be back after this non-sponsored word from Sister Schubert's Dinner Rolls (Speaking rapidly) I am a paid, non-attorney spokesperson. Any similarities between my buns and Sister Schubert's rolls are entirely coincidental and are solely the opinion of those providing them. Side effects of dinner rolls and my buns may include: dry mouth, mouth sores, trench mouth, rash at injection site, swelling of the peri-anal area, engorged tingling, floaters and flashers, fleeting thoughts and flat foot. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if dinner rolls are right for you.
So Raul, you're on a roll!
RAUL PUDD (RP)
I guess...do you mean like a movie part: R-O-L-E?
MT
No. Like a dinner roll: R-O-L-L...you're standing on one. I think it's Sister Schubert's--
RP
Oh, now how did that get there? (LAUGHS) It must've rolled over from the Craft Service table. You have a sister, Schubert?
MT
Yes, I do.
RP
And she's a nun?
MT
No. She's a bun.
RP
Ah, okay. Speaking of buns...so you like my new pics?
MT
Oh, yes! How did you get your rear end so smooth?
RP
It took almost three bottles of Nair, but we did it!
MT
No if ands or butts!
(LAUGHTER FROM BOTH)
MT
Hmmmm. Wait a second...I'm seeing a lot of pink and blue here...
RP
Yeah, we wanted a summery vibe. Something to look forward to.
MT
Oh really? This isn't some kind of tacit condoning of the Trans community?
RP
Because of pink and blue? Is that a thing?
MT
Yes. It is. Don't play dumb.
RP
I had no idea. You know sometimes a color is just a color. But if you want to go with the Trans thing, I'm cool.
MT
But I don't.
RP
Well, you brought it up.
MT
Do you have anything that isn't a War Against Christmas?
RP
Yeah. But they're pre-Nair...
MT
As long as there's red and green.
RP
Hold my roll. I'll be right back...
MT
We'll be back after this non-sponsored word from Sister Schubert's Dinner Rolls (Speaking rapidly) I am a paid, non-attorney spokesperson. Any similarities between my buns and Sister Schubert's rolls are entirely coincidental and are solely the opinion of those providing them. Side effects of dinner rolls and my buns may include: dry mouth, mouth sores, trench mouth, rash at injection site, swelling of the peri-anal area, engorged tingling, floaters and flashers, fleeting thoughts and flat foot. Ask your doctor or pharmacist if dinner rolls are right for you.
RP
Okay Missy, I'm back with some holiday shots from my red-hot and green photo sesh!
MT
Show us those buns, hon!
Raul produces a bag of hamburger buns:
Okay Missy, I'm back with some holiday shots from my red-hot and green photo sesh!
MT
Show us those buns, hon!
Raul produces a bag of hamburger buns:
MT
Wow, Raul...your buns are delicious!
RP
I know...right!??! Go to town!
Wow, Raul...your buns are delicious!
RP
I know...right!??! Go to town!
MT
Speaking of smacking--
Speaking of smacking--
RP
Oooohphhhh! Simmer down now lady!
Oooohphhhh! Simmer down now lady!
MT
So, do you have a new part?
RP
Well, no new parts; but I have had my nipples--
MT
I meant movie parts, silly!
RP
Oh, right! Of course!!! Well...I have been working on a new project but it's top secret. Very hush-hush!
MT
I promise, my lips are sealed!
RP
Okay...so, I'm playing Orson Welles in a project for Mr. S.-- wink-wink--from a script that Chrissy Baranski and I penned.
MT
A biopic?
RP
Kind of. It's about the time he lived with Cybill Shepherd and Petey Bogdonavich.
MT
He did?
RP
Yes! He couch surfed at their pad. I'm playing Peter.
MT
You just said you were playing Orson.
RP
Oh, I am. And Cybill Shepherd.
MT
All three? My goodness! That must be a challenge!
So, do you have a new part?
RP
Well, no new parts; but I have had my nipples--
MT
I meant movie parts, silly!
RP
Oh, right! Of course!!! Well...I have been working on a new project but it's top secret. Very hush-hush!
MT
I promise, my lips are sealed!
RP
Okay...so, I'm playing Orson Welles in a project for Mr. S.-- wink-wink--from a script that Chrissy Baranski and I penned.
MT
A biopic?
RP
Kind of. It's about the time he lived with Cybill Shepherd and Petey Bogdonavich.
MT
He did?
RP
Yes! He couch surfed at their pad. I'm playing Peter.
MT
You just said you were playing Orson.
RP
Oh, I am. And Cybill Shepherd.
MT
All three? My goodness! That must be a challenge!
RP
Oh gosh yes! The scene where Orson attempts to eat Cybill is going to be totes nutz to get in the can!
MT
"Eat"?
RP
Yeah...there's this story that one night Orson got so in the bag on Paul Masson pinot g. that he started hallucinating and thought Cybill's foot was some Kentucky Fried Chicken and he went for it. She was taking a disco nap at the time.
MT
Was she okay?
RP
She was really good at The Hustle.
MT
No, I meant her foot...
RP
Oh. Well, she had to take Komodo dragon antivenom but otherwise she was fine. Hollywood, right? (LAUGHS)
MT
When you said "eat" I thought you meant...
RP
Oh, that happened too.
MT
My goodness! So, are you going to achieve Maximum Wellesianess with prosthetics?
RP
No way. I'm going total Method!
MT
Method acting?
RP
"Rhythm Method." Which is why I need to get into a rhythm with all these rolls. See, so I've got to gain all the weight and then film Orson's scenes and then lose the weight really fast; which is why I'm eating all these carbs! (Grabs his buns and slathers them in butter) Fancy another round?
MT
I just can't say no to your buns Raul!
RP
Wait'll you taste my biscuits!
MT
May I?
RP
Go for it!
Oh gosh yes! The scene where Orson attempts to eat Cybill is going to be totes nutz to get in the can!
MT
"Eat"?
RP
Yeah...there's this story that one night Orson got so in the bag on Paul Masson pinot g. that he started hallucinating and thought Cybill's foot was some Kentucky Fried Chicken and he went for it. She was taking a disco nap at the time.
MT
Was she okay?
RP
She was really good at The Hustle.
MT
No, I meant her foot...
RP
Oh. Well, she had to take Komodo dragon antivenom but otherwise she was fine. Hollywood, right? (LAUGHS)
MT
When you said "eat" I thought you meant...
RP
Oh, that happened too.
MT
My goodness! So, are you going to achieve Maximum Wellesianess with prosthetics?
RP
No way. I'm going total Method!
MT
Method acting?
RP
"Rhythm Method." Which is why I need to get into a rhythm with all these rolls. See, so I've got to gain all the weight and then film Orson's scenes and then lose the weight really fast; which is why I'm eating all these carbs! (Grabs his buns and slathers them in butter) Fancy another round?
MT
I just can't say no to your buns Raul!
RP
Wait'll you taste my biscuits!
MT
May I?
RP
Go for it!
MT
Delish!
RP
Thirds?
MT
I don't want to over do it. I'm watching my waistline! But Raul, wouldn't it make more sense to film the other parts now, then gain the weight so that you could lose it slowly?
RP
Can't. Scheduling conflicts with the other actors...
MT
But you're playing all three...so...
RP
Hey, you're right. Why didn't I think of that?
MT
Because you're a dimwit?
RP
That's it! Say, do you have any holiday pictures?
MT
Well, I do have my roommates and my latest Christmas card proof. How 'bout that?
RP
Lay it on me lady!
Delish!
RP
Thirds?
MT
I don't want to over do it. I'm watching my waistline! But Raul, wouldn't it make more sense to film the other parts now, then gain the weight so that you could lose it slowly?
RP
Can't. Scheduling conflicts with the other actors...
MT
But you're playing all three...so...
RP
Hey, you're right. Why didn't I think of that?
MT
Because you're a dimwit?
RP
That's it! Say, do you have any holiday pictures?
MT
Well, I do have my roommates and my latest Christmas card proof. How 'bout that?
RP
Lay it on me lady!
RP
Wow. Is that a photograph?
MT
Well, no...it's an illustration based on last year's Christmas party at our place.
RP
Looks like a pretty cazhe affair.
MT
It's clothing optional. And Lady's Only. But can you make a bread pudding?
RP
Oh lady, can I make a bread pudding?!!? Does Bambi shit in the woods?
MT
No, she uses our bathroom. And Rosarita too.
RP
I have this recipe for chocolate bread pudding. I use Hawaiian rolls and macadamia nuts. It's da bomb-diggity-schizz! Wanna try it?
MT
Raul, I would eat the nuts out of your pudding anytime!
RP
So I can come?
MT
I don't know, can you?
LAUGHTER
Wow. Is that a photograph?
MT
Well, no...it's an illustration based on last year's Christmas party at our place.
RP
Looks like a pretty cazhe affair.
MT
It's clothing optional. And Lady's Only. But can you make a bread pudding?
RP
Oh lady, can I make a bread pudding?!!? Does Bambi shit in the woods?
MT
No, she uses our bathroom. And Rosarita too.
RP
I have this recipe for chocolate bread pudding. I use Hawaiian rolls and macadamia nuts. It's da bomb-diggity-schizz! Wanna try it?
MT
Raul, I would eat the nuts out of your pudding anytime!
RP
So I can come?
MT
I don't know, can you?
LAUGHTER
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND JOVIAL CHRISTMAS FROM ALL OF US AT PERSON'S BLOGAZINE!
CFR 12/19/25
CFR 12/19/25