Policia de Ensueno

I had a dream last night.  Or was it this morning?  It was very vivid.  It was a school themed dream.  I have a lot of those.  I read somewhere, some kind of advice to writers type dealie-o-article, that you should never write about your dreams.  People don't want to hear about your dreams; neither the metaphorical or the literal.  Who are they, The Dream Police?

I love to hear about dreams.  Particularly the literal.  Everyone dreams, more or less; but very few people talk about what they dream of at night.  Are they embarrassed?  Is it too revealing?  Was Freud right about that one?  I thought I would write my dream, which wasn't particularly lengthy, but decidedly "narrative" as a screenplay.  I will share that with you later.  But right now, I have some other issues to address.  Are they connected?  I don't know!  But here goes.
I keep thinking about this new TV show that's on ABC.  It's called Doctor Odyssey.  I think it has thus far aired two episodes.  I have not seen either.  But I have seen the promotional commercials on ABC and Hulu and it looks like a doozy!  Let's take a look:

So, it's Emergency! on The Love Boat.  Let's take another look:

So Gina Gershon is doing her thing.  Whoda thunk she'd still be working after all this time?  Me for one!  Remember when she was in Pretty In Pink?

But back to Dr. O.  So, in just one episode we have rogue plastic surgery on board and a possible contagion?  Has there been a shark attack yet?  Or a shark jump?  I guess if you jump the shark before you've even left the dock, there's nowhere to go but...up?  I say Mr. Murphy and company just go for broke, pull out all the stops and go all-in on magical absurdism.  What's magical absurdism you ask?  Well, it's like magical realism; except it's absurd.  It's nice to see Don Johnson back on the airwaves.  Is it me or does he just keep getting better looking?

You gotta love Don.  He will just "go there."  And guess what, I just looked up his Zodiac sign.  Sagittarius, natch.  December 15, 1949.  One of his first gigs was with Sal Mineo:

Fortune and Men's Eyes was a play, then a movie.  I don't think Don was in the movie; but he was in the play.  This play had the most--speaking of absurd--ridonkulous promotional stills I think I've ever seen.  I'm gonna do Don a favor and not post them; but they're easily found online.  So Silly!
Speaking of silly...
So, I watched a full episode of Dr. O. tonight.  It had Amy Sedaris as a guest star.  If anyone is silly, it's Ms. Sedaris.  She acquired copper poisoning and had to be hospitalized in the ship's Mayo clinic-sized medical suite, complete with operating theater.  She got to vomit on screen!  That was fun!  Margaret Cho's lung collapsed and a nurse had to have her appendix removed (the nurse's, not Ms. Cho's...DURING AN ALL CONSUMING HURRICANE!  At the end, Amy was hanging on to a gold plated I-V pole.  I thought this was for comedic purposes; but when they cut back to the hospital ward, all the I-V stands were gilded, as were the surgical instruments and medical supply jars.  Don Johnson took his underwear off.  It was a lot! 
I really hope that Sandra Bernhard guest stars.  She's been in a coupla Murphy Manor joints.  Me and Miss Bernhard go way back!  I actually saw her in person at the Inn Square Men's Bar (Ladie's Invited) in Cambridge, MA back in the early 80's.  Back when she used to incorporate Hannah Schygulla into her act.  Look it up!  Here's my idea.  Sandra is hired as the entertainment on the Odyssey and causes a sensation when she recreates this number from her repertoire:

Well, pasties and a G-string are still a little too risque for Prime Time Network TV...but she sings Little Red Corvette.  We could get into hot button issues and ripped from the headlines stories about ageism and sexual harrassment: like, can a performer sexually harass an audience?  Better yet, hire Sandra full time as the Odyssey's chanteuse in residence!  Give her a tight ten every week and let her do her thing...because she doesn't really do her thing much nowadays.  She doesn't speak of pavillions any more...and isn't that a shame?  And yes Sandra, I WANNA FUNK.  SHOW ME HOW AGAIN, LIKE YOU DID WITH HANNAH SHYGULLA.

Maybe every week the Odyssey lounge could feature songsters and minstrels and troubadours and comics we knew and loved but just don't see much of anymore.  Like maybe we could get Lois Bromfield.  Where the F has she been?  

Or how about Emo Phillips?  I always liked him...or how about Taylor Dane?  Or Pebbles.  Where has Pebbles been?  Pebbles, we miss you!

I think that Doctor Odyssey should just get off-the-chain-crazy.  Like Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea crazy.  Like storylines where they leave the dock and sail into the Bermuda Triangle and the cruise ship is carried off into the sky while Styx (the actual band) is playing this in the lounge...

And they go to ET's home planet and he probes Don Johnson.  His heart!  With his magic finger! Because Don had a heart attack that Doc Odyssey couldn't treat, even though he has a state of the art open heart surgery kit. Or, since it might be hard to get the rights to ET, how about Stitch's home planet and Stitch slobbers on Don Johnson (I know I'd slobber on Don Johnson if I got the chance, am I right people!!!).

Dizzney Corp. All Rights Reserved

Luckily, Stitch has magical slobber and Don is saved! Speaking of Lilo and Stitch; how about this...the Odyssey hires David, the surfer dude from that movie as the onboard surfing/water sports instructor--ah, I mean, water athletics.  But, get this: HE'S ANIMATED.  Yes, he's an animated character (think Roger Rabbit) and he interacts with the human crew and guests, and--get this--NOBODY NOTICES!  It's never explained.  None of the supernaturallyabsurd stuff is ever even commented on once the ship returns to port.  Like, no one mentions that guest star Philip Michael Thomas has time travelled from the 80's to sail on the Odyssey as Ricardo Tubbs in order to bust a cocaine smuggling in the cargo hold which turns out to be medical grade cocaine for the sick bay.  Or that pirates attack the Odyssey, led by Captain John Bender (played by Judd Nelson) and lady pirate Claire Standish (essayed by Molly Ringwald) who dress and act as though they're from the 18th century, as is their ship, The Jolly Johnson (no relation to Don).  They kidnap the doctor and force him to be their cabin boy for A VERY SPECIAL EPISODE.  He's saved from a life of indentured erotica, of course, and no one ever mentions it again.
It's funny, I started writing this and my creepy, eavesdropping computer started sending me stories today about a "conspiracy theory" making the rounds about his show.  That the proceedings are a "fever dream" happening in the doctor's mind and that he may be about to cross the rainbow bridge.

I did not know about this theory when I started writing this blog, which was supposed to be about dreams but then had me riffing on this show.  Why?  Yes, why Chris?  I don't know why.  Perhaps I'm having a fever dream about this show and it doesn't really exist, as I write this...as you read it...

Quick, call the Dream Police, I want to report an Emergency!

Huh.  Well, that song is kinda disturbing.  It sort of sounds like they're singing about what it's like to have OCD; except you don't have to be asleep for OCD.  I don't remember that song bugging me at all when I was a kid. But then, I didn't have OCD when I was a kid.  In any event, how about a song about dreaming that's more pleasant?  How about this?

Or maybe this?

Or what about this?de

I really like the vibe of this one...

Well, this was super vid heavy...so I'm gonna wrap this up.  I decided not to write my school dream script.  As dreams will, they kind of evaporate over time and unless you seize upon them fast, you can lose them.  Dreams are like paper...they tear so easily.

Join us for scenes from next week's Odyssey To the Bottom of the Sea!

Keep dreamin' babies!

CFR   10/24/24