DISSOLVE FROM WHITE:
INT. CHRYSLER BUILDING LOBBY -DAY
We see the spectacular lobby of NYC's celebrated skyscraper, it's gleaming tiles and art deco splendor glimmer in the light from the street.
INT. CHRYSLER BUILDING LOBBY -DAY
We see the spectacular lobby of NYC's celebrated skyscraper, it's gleaming tiles and art deco splendor glimmer in the light from the street.
A door opens and a man comes through the door. He's wearing an Armani suit that has no lapels. This is CHRISTOPHER "CHRIS" REIDY. At 59, he's extremely handsome, well built, suave and charming. And entirely modest! He hurries across the lobby to the elevators and starts jabbing the UP button. He turns when he hears the stentorian voice of the LOBBY ATTENDANT
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Excuse me! Excuse me Sir!
Chris looks around, pretending he doesn't hear.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
SIR!
Just as the door opens, the attendant comes between Chris and the elevator.
CHRIS
Pardon me--
He attempts to enter the elevator.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Where are you going?
CHRIS
(Glancing at directory) To see my dentist, Dr. Charles M. Weiss, D.D.S....
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Excuse me! Excuse me Sir!
Chris looks around, pretending he doesn't hear.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
SIR!
Just as the door opens, the attendant comes between Chris and the elevator.
CHRIS
Pardon me--
He attempts to enter the elevator.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Where are you going?
CHRIS
(Glancing at directory) To see my dentist, Dr. Charles M. Weiss, D.D.S....
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Do you have an appointment?
CHRIS
No. I just wanted to shoot the shit with him.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Oh, a wise guy, huh? Well, if you don't have an appointment in the building, you can't be in the lobby.
CHRIS
What? This is a public lobby. What do you mean I can't be in here?
LOBBY ATTENDANT
You can't. Now are you going to leave or do you want me to call--
We hear a WOMAN'S VOICE off screen.
WOMAN
That's all right. He's with me.
The two men turn to see SHELLEY DUVALL striding across the marble floor. She's dressed for lunch, exactly as one would expect.
Do you have an appointment?
CHRIS
No. I just wanted to shoot the shit with him.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Oh, a wise guy, huh? Well, if you don't have an appointment in the building, you can't be in the lobby.
CHRIS
What? This is a public lobby. What do you mean I can't be in here?
LOBBY ATTENDANT
You can't. Now are you going to leave or do you want me to call--
We hear a WOMAN'S VOICE off screen.
WOMAN
That's all right. He's with me.
The two men turn to see SHELLEY DUVALL striding across the marble floor. She's dressed for lunch, exactly as one would expect.
LOBBY ATTENDANT
Oh, so sorry Miss Duvall--(Straightening Chris' jacket) Nice material!
SHELLEY
Thank you Myron, that will be all.
MYRON
(Tipping his hat as he strides back to his post) Have a lovely lunch.
Shelley pulls Chris onto the elevator and the doors close.
INT. ELEVATOR -DAY
Shelley turns to the ELEVATOR OPERATOR, who looks exactly like Myron the Lobby Attendant. Chris does a double take.
SHELLEY
Sixty-eight, please Myron.
Chris does a triple take.
CHRIS
I heard they were doing renovations; but elevator operators? What is this, Nineteen-fifty-nine?
SHELLEY
I'm not sure. Myron, what year is it?
MYRON
Nineteen-seventy-two, Miss.
CHRIS
What the--
SHELLEY
Don't ask.
CHRIS
Okay. Say, do you know Cher? Or Farrah Fawcett?
SHELLEY
I've seen Cher on TV. I love when she flips her hair!
MYRON
Here we are. 68th floor. The Cloud Club.
The doors open and Shelley steps into the vestibule of a restaurant.
SHELLEY
Come on, Chris...
Chris follows Shelley to the hostess' stand. A BLONDE WOMAN, 25ish looks up from her seating chart. She looks very familiar.
CHRIS
Erin?
ERIN
Oh, so sorry Miss Duvall--(Straightening Chris' jacket) Nice material!
SHELLEY
Thank you Myron, that will be all.
MYRON
(Tipping his hat as he strides back to his post) Have a lovely lunch.
Shelley pulls Chris onto the elevator and the doors close.
INT. ELEVATOR -DAY
Shelley turns to the ELEVATOR OPERATOR, who looks exactly like Myron the Lobby Attendant. Chris does a double take.
SHELLEY
Sixty-eight, please Myron.
Chris does a triple take.
CHRIS
I heard they were doing renovations; but elevator operators? What is this, Nineteen-fifty-nine?
SHELLEY
I'm not sure. Myron, what year is it?
MYRON
Nineteen-seventy-two, Miss.
CHRIS
What the--
SHELLEY
Don't ask.
CHRIS
Okay. Say, do you know Cher? Or Farrah Fawcett?
SHELLEY
I've seen Cher on TV. I love when she flips her hair!
MYRON
Here we are. 68th floor. The Cloud Club.
The doors open and Shelley steps into the vestibule of a restaurant.
SHELLEY
Come on, Chris...
Chris follows Shelley to the hostess' stand. A BLONDE WOMAN, 25ish looks up from her seating chart. She looks very familiar.
CHRIS
Erin?
ERIN
Shelley APPLAUDS
CHRIS
Congratulations! Have you picked out a name yet?
ERIN
For what?
CHRIS
Your baby!
ERIN
Oh, I'm not really having a baby. That was a monologue!
CHRIS
Okay. I was wondering why you kept calling me "Tony."
SHELLEY
I really wanted to know who "Franz" was!
(THEY ALL LAUGH)
CHRIS
(To Erin) Are you still at P___ C______'s?
ERIN
Yeah, and here sometimes when they need help.
CHRIS
I was reading Once Is Not Enough to my husband and thy kept mentioning P___C____'s and every time I thought of you!
ERIN
Oh, that's sweet! So, will it be just the two of you?
SHELLEY
We're joining some people. Cicely and Erich and maybe a Mr. O'Donoghue.
ERIN
Oh, yes. Follow me please...
She escorts them through the restaurant, which is an elegant Art Deco styled dining room with windows looking out on the Manhattan skyline. LITTLE FLUFFY CLOUDS float past the windows.
CHRIS
Congratulations! Have you picked out a name yet?
ERIN
For what?
CHRIS
Your baby!
ERIN
Oh, I'm not really having a baby. That was a monologue!
CHRIS
Okay. I was wondering why you kept calling me "Tony."
SHELLEY
I really wanted to know who "Franz" was!
(THEY ALL LAUGH)
CHRIS
(To Erin) Are you still at P___ C______'s?
ERIN
Yeah, and here sometimes when they need help.
CHRIS
I was reading Once Is Not Enough to my husband and thy kept mentioning P___C____'s and every time I thought of you!
ERIN
Oh, that's sweet! So, will it be just the two of you?
SHELLEY
We're joining some people. Cicely and Erich and maybe a Mr. O'Donoghue.
ERIN
Oh, yes. Follow me please...
She escorts them through the restaurant, which is an elegant Art Deco styled dining room with windows looking out on the Manhattan skyline. LITTLE FLUFFY CLOUDS float past the windows.
Erin guides them to a table near a window, where two people are already seated. They are the actress CICELY TYSON and the film director/actor ERICH VON STROHEIM. There is a fifth empty seat. General pleasantries are exchanged.
ERIN
Enjoy your lunch. (She leaves).
SHELLEY
(To Chris) Oh, by the way: Hello, I'm Shelley Duvall.
CHRIS
Yes. I know.
SHELLEY
And this is Cicely--
CICELY
Hello.
CHRIS
Hi! I'm a huge fan!
CICELY
Thank you.
SHELLEY
And Erich--
Von Stroheim, who is wearing one of his classic looks; stands, clicks his heels and bows.
ERICH
Guten tag.
He and Chris shake hands. Chris pulls out Shelley's chair for her and everyone sits.
CHRIS
Erich...as in Von Stroheim?
ERICH
Ja.
SHELLEY
Where's Michael?
CICELY
Who knows. I'm not waiting. Let's order. I'm starving.
A WAITER approaches the table with menus.
WAITER
Should I clear this spot.
SHELLEY
No, he might show up.
WAITER
Very good.
He hands out the menus.
WAITER
Our plat du jour is grenouille provencal and the soup is creme de watercress.
ERICH
Very good.
The waiter nods and leaves.
CHRIS
(AWFUL STAGE WHISPER) What's grenouille--ahh--the first thing he said?
ERICH
Fwags wegs...
ERIN
Enjoy your lunch. (She leaves).
SHELLEY
(To Chris) Oh, by the way: Hello, I'm Shelley Duvall.
CHRIS
Yes. I know.
SHELLEY
And this is Cicely--
CICELY
Hello.
CHRIS
Hi! I'm a huge fan!
CICELY
Thank you.
SHELLEY
And Erich--
Von Stroheim, who is wearing one of his classic looks; stands, clicks his heels and bows.
ERICH
Guten tag.
He and Chris shake hands. Chris pulls out Shelley's chair for her and everyone sits.
CHRIS
Erich...as in Von Stroheim?
ERICH
Ja.
SHELLEY
Where's Michael?
CICELY
Who knows. I'm not waiting. Let's order. I'm starving.
A WAITER approaches the table with menus.
WAITER
Should I clear this spot.
SHELLEY
No, he might show up.
WAITER
Very good.
He hands out the menus.
WAITER
Our plat du jour is grenouille provencal and the soup is creme de watercress.
ERICH
Very good.
The waiter nods and leaves.
CHRIS
(AWFUL STAGE WHISPER) What's grenouille--ahh--the first thing he said?
ERICH
Fwags wegs...
CHRIS
Hmmmm. I'm gonna pass on that. I ordered steak tartar on a first date once; big mistake.
SHELLEY
The date or the steak tartar.
CHRIS
Both!
He fusses with his napkin and arranges his tableware.
CICELY
Well, don't leave us hanging!
CHRIS
Oh, well, you see...I'd never had steak tartar before and decicded to be adventurous and give it a try.
SHELLEY
With someone you barely knew?
CHRIS
Yeah. I didn't like it very much but forced myself to eat it. I didn't want him to think I was weird. It seemed like there was a good pound of raw meat on that plate.
CICELY
How did the rest of the date go?
CHRIS
There was a good pound of raw meat, there too!
PAUSE. A BEAT. EVERYONE LAUGHS as Michael O'Donoughue approaches the table.
MR. MIKE
I know I'm America's Dark Prince of Comedy; but please, hold your applause.
He pulls out a chair and sits down.
CHRIS
Oh! Mr. O'Donoghue, I'm a fan. When I was a kid, your comedy opened--
MR. MIKE
Yeah, fuck that shit right now. I don't care.
CHRIS
Yeah yah do. I actually found a picture of you smiling.
Hmmmm. I'm gonna pass on that. I ordered steak tartar on a first date once; big mistake.
SHELLEY
The date or the steak tartar.
CHRIS
Both!
He fusses with his napkin and arranges his tableware.
CICELY
Well, don't leave us hanging!
CHRIS
Oh, well, you see...I'd never had steak tartar before and decicded to be adventurous and give it a try.
SHELLEY
With someone you barely knew?
CHRIS
Yeah. I didn't like it very much but forced myself to eat it. I didn't want him to think I was weird. It seemed like there was a good pound of raw meat on that plate.
CICELY
How did the rest of the date go?
CHRIS
There was a good pound of raw meat, there too!
PAUSE. A BEAT. EVERYONE LAUGHS as Michael O'Donoughue approaches the table.
MR. MIKE
I know I'm America's Dark Prince of Comedy; but please, hold your applause.
He pulls out a chair and sits down.
CHRIS
Oh! Mr. O'Donoghue, I'm a fan. When I was a kid, your comedy opened--
MR. MIKE
Yeah, fuck that shit right now. I don't care.
CHRIS
Yeah yah do. I actually found a picture of you smiling.
MR. MIKE
How dare you! Take that down before I plunge eighteen-inch steel needles into my eyes.
CHRIS
And one of you playing with a cat!
How dare you! Take that down before I plunge eighteen-inch steel needles into my eyes.
CHRIS
And one of you playing with a cat!
(SIGHS) What can I say? I love pussies.
CICELY
It looks like you're trying to hypnotize it.
MR. MIKE
I was. It was my lunch.
THEY ALL LAUGH
CHRIS
Oh, Mr. Mike, you're just an old softie! And I'm an old smoothie! Hit it gang!
At this point, ALL stand (joined by Erin and the waiter) and launch into the following number:
CICELY
It looks like you're trying to hypnotize it.
MR. MIKE
I was. It was my lunch.
THEY ALL LAUGH
CHRIS
Oh, Mr. Mike, you're just an old softie! And I'm an old smoothie! Hit it gang!
At this point, ALL stand (joined by Erin and the waiter) and launch into the following number:
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -THE MAGIC HOUR
Everyone is eating dessert: Baked Alaska flambe.
ERICH
...and so the old lady says, "That's not sauerkraut!"
LAUGHTER
SHELLEY
(To Chris) Did you enjoy your Quenelles Eminence?
CHRIS
I did afte I put Tabasco on them. Who knew fish dumplings were a thing?
ERICH
Herr Christoph (Holds up Chris' "smartphone" which he's been looking at) Ziss device is fascinating. The quality of its "cinema mode" is, I sink, better than celluloid.
CHRIS
I know, right. People walk around today with movie studios in their pockets. Speaking of movies--
EVERYONE GROANS
SHELLEY
(Changing subject) Chris, why were you in the lobby anyways? I mean, before I intercepted you. Where were you headed?
CHRIS
Oh, I was going to do some urban spelunking in the building's spire. Or attempt to, anyways.
CICELY
You mean, up in the rafters? Why would you want to do that? I don't really like being above the second floor in a building, if I can help it.
ERICH
Curiosity, Cicely.
CICELY
The only thing "curiosity" does is kill cats, honey.
ERICH
Oh, look. The device is showing me diss vud-ee-oh, as though it has read our collective minds.
CHRIS
Let's take a look! Oh, shit. We have to sit through the commercial first--
INT. RESTAURANT -THE MAGIC HOUR
Everyone is eating dessert: Baked Alaska flambe.
ERICH
...and so the old lady says, "That's not sauerkraut!"
LAUGHTER
SHELLEY
(To Chris) Did you enjoy your Quenelles Eminence?
CHRIS
I did afte I put Tabasco on them. Who knew fish dumplings were a thing?
ERICH
Herr Christoph (Holds up Chris' "smartphone" which he's been looking at) Ziss device is fascinating. The quality of its "cinema mode" is, I sink, better than celluloid.
CHRIS
I know, right. People walk around today with movie studios in their pockets. Speaking of movies--
EVERYONE GROANS
SHELLEY
(Changing subject) Chris, why were you in the lobby anyways? I mean, before I intercepted you. Where were you headed?
CHRIS
Oh, I was going to do some urban spelunking in the building's spire. Or attempt to, anyways.
CICELY
You mean, up in the rafters? Why would you want to do that? I don't really like being above the second floor in a building, if I can help it.
ERICH
Curiosity, Cicely.
CICELY
The only thing "curiosity" does is kill cats, honey.
ERICH
Oh, look. The device is showing me diss vud-ee-oh, as though it has read our collective minds.
CHRIS
Let's take a look! Oh, shit. We have to sit through the commercial first--
Please see: PREVAILING VISIBILITY / PART 2 for second half, natch.
CFR 12/6/24
CFR 12/6/24