Hey Matt Damon...'Memba this?
I do! I actually drew you from this image. Well, most of your nose and mouth and part of that toothbrush(!). This image keeps coming back to haunt me. Well, maybe "haunt" is not quite the right word. How about we make up a new word because I can't think of something precise enough to describe the feeling. It's got to be a word that captures...inspiration...melancholy...hope...excitement...artistic desire...
How about: ENSPIRATHRALLATIONATHEREAL. Yeah. I love it. Wrap it up and ship it! Speaking of shipping. I'll absorb the shipping costs for your original art piece pour moi once I receive your check for purchase.* In the meantime, I thought it might be a kicky gas to do a couple of things.
First...
I thought we might compare my etching to the photographic source material I worked from. Let's see...
How about: ENSPIRATHRALLATIONATHEREAL. Yeah. I love it. Wrap it up and ship it! Speaking of shipping. I'll absorb the shipping costs for your original art piece pour moi once I receive your check for purchase.* In the meantime, I thought it might be a kicky gas to do a couple of things.
First...
I thought we might compare my etching to the photographic source material I worked from. Let's see...
I reserve reserving judgment to you Matt.
Now, the other thing I wanted to do is this: I came across the Vanity Fair archive which contains the pages with this original article. I propose we revisit this what could only have been a heady time for certainly you; but also, the entirety of the Global Moviegoing Public!
Now this is where things get really interesting. I always thought this photograph was by Annie Leibovitz; but Hal is informing me that it was actually taken by one Mr. Bruce Weber. Curiouser and curiouser!
The original article was there but I didn't reread it and I'm not going to repost it here. I'm sure I read it in 1997 when I had the magazine in front of me, although that's not necessarily true. I have never liked magazine "profiles" on celebrities. Nine times out of ten they are just PR dispatches and the accompanying interviews are pap. Stuff about the person's latest project. Or if they're an actor, their "process." Or just sort of generalizations about whatever, that are posited as being way more important than they actually are. Like, Matthew McConnawaze waxing philosophic about how playing the bongo drums while "Donald Ducking" it, whilst tripping balls; somehow connects you with the deeper metaphysics of the Universe. Blecchh. I'm sure the cover story on you was all about your Rising Star and something along the lines of: Will Success Spoil Young Mr. Damon? Well, you're still here, Matt and I would argue that you have maintained a good degree of integrity; and I'll leave that right there. We're all human and we're all subject to the hubrises and temptilations and vicissitudes of that state. But you did go to the Met Gala and you weren't wearing something like this:
Now, the other thing I wanted to do is this: I came across the Vanity Fair archive which contains the pages with this original article. I propose we revisit this what could only have been a heady time for certainly you; but also, the entirety of the Global Moviegoing Public!
Now this is where things get really interesting. I always thought this photograph was by Annie Leibovitz; but Hal is informing me that it was actually taken by one Mr. Bruce Weber. Curiouser and curiouser!
The original article was there but I didn't reread it and I'm not going to repost it here. I'm sure I read it in 1997 when I had the magazine in front of me, although that's not necessarily true. I have never liked magazine "profiles" on celebrities. Nine times out of ten they are just PR dispatches and the accompanying interviews are pap. Stuff about the person's latest project. Or if they're an actor, their "process." Or just sort of generalizations about whatever, that are posited as being way more important than they actually are. Like, Matthew McConnawaze waxing philosophic about how playing the bongo drums while "Donald Ducking" it, whilst tripping balls; somehow connects you with the deeper metaphysics of the Universe. Blecchh. I'm sure the cover story on you was all about your Rising Star and something along the lines of: Will Success Spoil Young Mr. Damon? Well, you're still here, Matt and I would argue that you have maintained a good degree of integrity; and I'll leave that right there. We're all human and we're all subject to the hubrises and temptilations and vicissitudes of that state. But you did go to the Met Gala and you weren't wearing something like this:
And I think that says something, Matt. Although that jacket would be the fo-shiggity bomb on the red carpet for Dune 3.
Speaking of unusual fashion choices...
I think we really need to talk about the choices that were made for your pics at the hands of Mr. Weber and the styling team for your '97 cover shoot for Vanity Fair. And can I just say I have never understood the name of that magazine? Am I missing something? Is it supposed to be ironic? Is it connected to the classic novel by William Makepeace Thackeray (which I have not read) that is mostly concerned with satirizing the Social Climb? Is the magazine meant to mock the very personages (such as yourself) that it is ostensibly lionizing on its cover? And speaking of the cover. You're in a bathtub. Why are you in a bathtub? What led to your being in a bathtub? Was being in the bathtub your idea? Or was it, I suspect, perhaps Bruce's?
Speaking of unusual fashion choices...
I think we really need to talk about the choices that were made for your pics at the hands of Mr. Weber and the styling team for your '97 cover shoot for Vanity Fair. And can I just say I have never understood the name of that magazine? Am I missing something? Is it supposed to be ironic? Is it connected to the classic novel by William Makepeace Thackeray (which I have not read) that is mostly concerned with satirizing the Social Climb? Is the magazine meant to mock the very personages (such as yourself) that it is ostensibly lionizing on its cover? And speaking of the cover. You're in a bathtub. Why are you in a bathtub? What led to your being in a bathtub? Was being in the bathtub your idea? Or was it, I suspect, perhaps Bruce's?
Here is one of the bathtub pix in B/W and from a slightly different angle. Apparently you still have water in your ear and now, apparently, soap in your eye. I mean, I hope it was soap! I also found this other snap from what we'll call "The Bathtub Sesh" from here on in.
So, I guess we're all wondering, Matthew Paige...
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Personally, I doubt you're clothed; like in one of those "Ooops, I just fell into this bathtub/swimming pool fully clothed in my Armani suit which just happens to have an ad on the next page" type photo. Your pal George Clooney seems to embrace that trope.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?
Personally, I doubt you're clothed; like in one of those "Ooops, I just fell into this bathtub/swimming pool fully clothed in my Armani suit which just happens to have an ad on the next page" type photo. Your pal George Clooney seems to embrace that trope.
The Pittster too (interestingly both frequent co-stars). Can we expect a new pool themed franchise? Instead of the ocean, it's a swimming pool. Might I suggest: Poole's Three: The Great Drain Robbery?
Were you in your undies? Which is kinda gross. Maybe a swim-suit, which would make sense. A Speedo, if anything, on that set. But why can't I shake the notion that there might've been a talking you into doing it Full Monty style because that "naturalism" would come across in the pix; and then talking you out of your drawers? I mean, arguably it might've felt more natural. And if it were the case, then I hope they didn't froth up all that foam with Mr. Bubble because if you ever used that stuff when you were a kid; I'm sure you remember what if felt like during a post-Mr. Bubble-Bath pee-pee. Ouchies!!!
Were you in your undies? Which is kinda gross. Maybe a swim-suit, which would make sense. A Speedo, if anything, on that set. But why can't I shake the notion that there might've been a talking you into doing it Full Monty style because that "naturalism" would come across in the pix; and then talking you out of your drawers? I mean, arguably it might've felt more natural. And if it were the case, then I hope they didn't froth up all that foam with Mr. Bubble because if you ever used that stuff when you were a kid; I'm sure you remember what if felt like during a post-Mr. Bubble-Bath pee-pee. Ouchies!!!
Hey, that dude at the end looks a lot like the Pittster, doncha think?
But then, you apparently had zero problem with being in front of a camera in just your birthday suit, if what is arguably your first film role in School Ties is any kind of indication:
But then, you apparently had zero problem with being in front of a camera in just your birthday suit, if what is arguably your first film role in School Ties is any kind of indication:
The above picture is quite fascinating to me, in so many ways. So, that's clearly you, Matt, with your back to the camera and not a stand-in. That is unmistakably your very distinct shoulder/deltoid configuration. Now, we can't see if you are wearing a pair of what appears to be very singular "briefs," as we can see on Mr. Fraser and the young man behind the slate. And is the (what I assume is a) man holding the clapper, similarly attired? I would think with those showers going nonstop during filming, it must've got super wet(!) in there. Were those little shorts custom made for the movie. I'm gonna guess: yes. Were you wearing yours when this picture was taken? I'm gonna guess: ...yes? Here's a question (I have a lot of questions): did you hold on to your modesty briefs from School Ties and then when it came time to do The Bathtub Sesh six years later for Brucie, did you bring them along, just in case he insisted you wear them so there wouldn't be any kind of confusion or awkward moments? I'm gonna guess: no?
Fun fact Matt! I was the proud owner of a pair of boxer shorts that once graced the swimsuit area of one Mr. John Turturro!!! Yes! It's true! Calm down Matthew, I'll tell you! So, when I worked at Lakeshore Films at Paramount, they had done a little flick called Box of Moonlight, in which Mr. T. starred, along with Oscar (TM/Reg./Pat.Pend./All Rights Reserved) winner Sam Rockwell in an early role. Well, Mr. Turturro traipses through much of the film in little more than said boxer shorts:
Fun fact Matt! I was the proud owner of a pair of boxer shorts that once graced the swimsuit area of one Mr. John Turturro!!! Yes! It's true! Calm down Matthew, I'll tell you! So, when I worked at Lakeshore Films at Paramount, they had done a little flick called Box of Moonlight, in which Mr. T. starred, along with Oscar (TM/Reg./Pat.Pend./All Rights Reserved) winner Sam Rockwell in an early role. Well, Mr. Turturro traipses through much of the film in little more than said boxer shorts:
One fine day I was sent to a storage unit somewhere near Tarzana in which Lakeshore kept a totes random collection of various and sundry items that had been used in some of their features. Curious cat that I am, I spent the better part of a lunch hour rummaging around in there and I came across the boxers. I examined them and found Mr. T.s name on the inside of the waistband. A quick eyeballing assured me that they were "clean." Did I sniff them to be doubly, nay triply, nay, nay quadruply sure? Matt, I never sniff and tell! Interestingly, the fly was sewn shut, I suppose to ensure/insure/assure Mr. Turturro's modesty during filming. Which was not the case with Mr. Rockwell, who traipses through much of one scene with 'Lil Sam flopping around in the breeze. I did in fact wear the Box boxers when I was in the mood (I'm more of a boxer briefs type fellah) until they became threadbare and were no longer a viable garment. But I can't not express adequately to you, Matt, the thrill I felt every time I donned them and went about my day knowing that they had once cradled the loins of John "Barton Fink" Turturro! And that is not a sentence that many humans can utter!
Back to that School Ties pic. The date on the slate is 10/17/91. A Thursday. You had just turned 21 nine days prior; so I guess any and all decisions you made during the School Ties shower scene were yours and no one else's to make. Whew! Check this out:
Back to that School Ties pic. The date on the slate is 10/17/91. A Thursday. You had just turned 21 nine days prior; so I guess any and all decisions you made during the School Ties shower scene were yours and no one else's to make. Whew! Check this out:
Okay, well I think it's safe to assume you didn't wear anything "gaudy" that day (if anything at all, really). And I also think it's safe to assume you were spreading kindness even thought you spent probably the entire day being a total asshole to Brendan Fraser. I'm sure between takes you showed appreciation and spread kindness like nobody's business because that's just you, Sir! MWAH!
So where was I that day when that picture was taken? I guess it depends on what time of day it was. I mean, I was more than likely in bed, which could've been as late as 4 in the afternoon. I mean, this was my party period and I did work in a bar...
So where was I that day when that picture was taken? I guess it depends on what time of day it was. I mean, I was more than likely in bed, which could've been as late as 4 in the afternoon. I mean, this was my party period and I did work in a bar...
Which I think I've told you about. In any event...
So exactly where were you, Matt?
So exactly where were you, Matt?
Methinks this needs more investigating...
Yeah, so Matt...if you'da needed me, you just coulda called out my name and I'da come running...or more than likely driving in my Tercel. I coulda been there in about forty minutes or so (depending on traffic):
Yeah, so Matt...if you'da needed me, you just coulda called out my name and I'da come running...or more than likely driving in my Tercel. I coulda been there in about forty minutes or so (depending on traffic):
And then when I'dve picked you up to give you a ride back to Cambridge, we coulda stopped into the Paradise (where I worked) and had a drink (because I hung out there too. Shit, I practically lived there!) to celebrate your recent 21st birthday and you probably wouldn't have been cahhhded 'cuz I don't recall ever being carded there.
Isn't this fun, going out for a drink in our retroactive, imaginary friendship? You coulda come by my house and listened to records, too! Like this one:
Or is it just sad?
Late October of 1991 was when I left home for the second time, more or less for good. I drove that very same Tercel I picked you up in, out to L.A. I didn't have any set itinerary and I remember my mother kept getting me to put it off, effectively using my penchant for procrastination against me. It worked. She managed to keep me there for most of October. I think she didn't want me to leave. According to everyone (including my siblings!); I was her "favorite." Wait...would you have come over to listen to records; or were you already so ambitious at barely twenty-one that that woulda been corny kids stuff? I mean, I'm only five years older than you...and you are a Libra. What would the stars have said?
Late October of 1991 was when I left home for the second time, more or less for good. I drove that very same Tercel I picked you up in, out to L.A. I didn't have any set itinerary and I remember my mother kept getting me to put it off, effectively using my penchant for procrastination against me. It worked. She managed to keep me there for most of October. I think she didn't want me to leave. According to everyone (including my siblings!); I was her "favorite." Wait...would you have come over to listen to records; or were you already so ambitious at barely twenty-one that that woulda been corny kids stuff? I mean, I'm only five years older than you...and you are a Libra. What would the stars have said?
But I wax maudlin. Or perhaps gaudy. We've taken another turn, young Matt and we haven't even got past the Bathtub Sesh yet. So you know what that means...
Yes, another blog.
So, I'll meet you in Part 2 of Money/Mouth.
CFR 6/19/26
Yes, another blog.
So, I'll meet you in Part 2 of Money/Mouth.
CFR 6/19/26