Put My Money Where Your Mouth Is / Part 2: Greek Active

(Contains celebrity nudity and aspiring "Blog-lebrity" nudity...parental discretion is advised...)
​*$249,999.22

That is what you owe me, Matthew, for the original etching of your nose and mouth which is now officially titled: Matt's Mug With Toothbrush.  That is, with the shipping charge officially waived.

Okay Matt.  I have a question for you, since we've been talking about onscreen nudity.  Were you on the Oppenheimer set the day they filmed this scene?

Now, clearly Emily Blunt was involved in the proceedings.  And of course Mr. Murphy and Ms. Pugh.  And as I recall, there were at least four or five gentlemen as well, in this scene.  I'm not, however, sure whether you were in it or not.  I'm just like super curious about Emily Blunt's acting choices here.  I mean, it was supposed to have been in her character's imagination, right?  Sure.  But how long did Emily have to actually sit in that corner and watch this office chair intercourse(!).  Or the other actors in the scene?  Did Emily have, like a "back of the head" stand-in? Or was like, the set cleared and it was just Flo and Cills?  But if I also recall correctly, we see this scene from Emily's POV and those other actors can be seen at the table whilst Flo and Mr. Murphy knock boots next to the conference table.  Were modesty briefs utilized here?  Did Ms. Pugh have a modesty bra (or at least modesty pasties?)?  Probably not, since Ms. Pugh has that whole "Free the Nipple" policy happening (is she still doing that?); and as my friend Terry Sue Starker would've said: "Cillian Murhpy...he will give you bush!" And everything else, apparently!  Now Matt, you have happily given butt; but I don't believe you've ever given bush.  Hold on...
Hey HAL...has Matt Damon ever given bush?

Yes!  Now we can all say it: "Matt Damon.  He will give you bush!"
And apparently Ms. Pugh will give you major "side-boob," too!

Wow!  Flo is bustin' out all over.  Boobs, bush and butt!  Now that's a Trinity Project!  
And Emily, after further research, seems to have done her fair share of nudity and high fashion looks like the following:

Emily Blunt. She will give you red-carpet under-boob!
Which is not something you see every day...
​Oh what the hell, I might as well join the party too!  Let me go find some of me giving bush!
Now, I don't do this for just anyone Matthew...but here goes...​

Now, granted, I'm not giving a lot of bush here; but then, neither were you in Behind the Candelabra.  But I say this: Never hide your light under a bushel basket!  Or perhaps: Never hide your bush behind a candelabra. Or maybe even: Don't ever hide your bush beneath a bushel basket or behind or even beside a candelabra!  I hope you don't mind if I take the liberty of giving both of us more bush to give:

Or how about burning bushes?!!?

Mine looks more like mustard and ketchup splotches.
Oh Matt...perhaps I've taken too many liberties.
Let's get back to what we started talking about.  The VF/Weber cover story and it's accompanying pix. So the first thing we see is this double page man-spread, spread.  Here is the left page: 

Okay Matt...
Since we've already let our hair down as far south as it can go; let's just be real here.  Like, honest.  Come on:
"Meet Matt Damon"?  The text hovering over your crotch.  And in case you didn't get the double entendre; let's position the text so that the "ME" in "Meet" and the "AT" in Matt spell "MEAT" like the Robert Indiana "LOVE" sculpture displays that word:

And then why is the coat positioned that way?  Why was a photo chosen where your face was partially obscured?  Why does it look, quite frankly like you've you got a phallus in your face?  Why is your left hand positioned where it looks like you just finished or are about to start fapping your "coat flap"?  Why are you in a military jacket with military medal bars on it?  Now, I don't think you were in the Army.  But were you in the Navy?

You know who else wasn't in the Navy?  Dean Spencer:

Who is Dean Spencer?  He starred in Code of Conduct (a Falcon Video joint) the year before your Weber shoot and I can't help but draw comparisons.  I betcha Bruce had seen it.  I know I did...on a loop!!!
​Know who else wasn't in the military?  Bruce Weber:

No wonder Top Gun is such a homoeroto-fest!  Yes.  He liked his boys in uniform!  And who doesn't?!!?

All photos by Bruce Weber / Copyright Bruce Weber / Used for satirical purposes without permission.

Here is the double page spread:

So, the picture on the right has your pants unzipped and a flower stuck in your crotch.  Bruce's idea?  Don't tell me...it's a rosebud.  And I don't really get that picture.  As far as I know you're not a song and dance man.  Unless we count your rendition of "Afternoon Delight" from Good Will Hunting; but perhaps that doesn't count.  Hey, wait a second...

OH!  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE tell me that The Odyssey is actually a MUSICAL and they haven't been revealing that in the promos!  OH, I BESEECH THEE, EUTERPE: LET US REVEL IN THE MUSIC OF THE ITHACANS!

Then there's this picture:

No real comments here, as I too enjoy the donning of Japanese garments and balancing cups (in my case, athletic cups) on my head.  I do not, however, understand or condone this picture:

I can only see this as condoning Irish hooliganism as a result of the positioning of your character "Will Hunting" as Irish and thusly yourself.  Now, if you had done the whole false eyelash, A Clockwork Orange thing, that woulda been different.  But you didn't.

Here is another Weber portrait which was not part of the '97 VF article but might as well have been.  And again, your pants are undone for no good reason.  And this begs the question: are you putting them on; or taking them off.  And are you wearing your modesty briefs?  And you should've punched whoever did that to your hair.  It's dumb. 
But do not fear, my friend...I will be seeing The Odyssey at my local AMC (I'm a Stubbs member!).  Will there be any tie-ins?  Like a Greek column shaped popcorn bucket or something?

Tzatziki Nachos, maybe?

We can only hope!  

Matt...that picture on the left is fantastic.  But the one on the right?  Sir, you need to stand up for yourself and stop doing whatever these stylists ask of you.  I mean, I know you're a nice guy and you spread cheer and appreciation like every day is October 17th...but sometimes you just have to put your foot down.
And Matt...if this picture is a hit and Chris Nolan decides to do The Iliad...please...I beg of you...TALK HIM OUT OF IT.  I had to read it in college and I still have residual brain lapses from it.
That is all (for now...).
Ciao!
Your pal, 
Chrissy

CFR   6/22/26