Please note: DISCLAIMER / CONTAINS MATERIAL FOR MATURE AUDIENCES (AND IMMATURE, MATURE AUDIENCES) / READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
FADE IN:
EXT. ROUTE 36 OUTSIDE LEBANON KS -DAY
We see yet another green car coming at us from a distance. It speeds towards the CAMERA which does a whip pan as it passes and CLOSES on a green highway sign which reads: NEW YORK CITY 1,465 The car is a 1970 CHEVROLET MALIBU CHEVELLE.
FADE IN:
EXT. ROUTE 36 OUTSIDE LEBANON KS -DAY
We see yet another green car coming at us from a distance. It speeds towards the CAMERA which does a whip pan as it passes and CLOSES on a green highway sign which reads: NEW YORK CITY 1,465 The car is a 1970 CHEVROLET MALIBU CHEVELLE.
CUT TO:
INT. CHEVELLE -DAY
Steve McQueen, in another effortless cazhe-kool weekend look is behind the wheel. He shades his eyes and looks around the cabin.
STEVE
Where are my sunglasses?
Chris is in the passenger seat, grappling with a gas-station road-map.
CHRIS
Hmmmm, we're really getting close to the geographic center of the continental United States...
Jimmy Dean is is reclined in the back seat, reading Simone de Beauvoir's The Ethics of Ambiguity and wearing Steve's trademark sunglasses.
JIMMY
What sunglasses?
Steve looks at him in the rearview mirror.
STEVE
The ones you're wearing! Those cost me five-hundred bucks!
JIMMY
Consider it payment in full.
STEVE
(Smiles and CHUCKLES)...Worth every penny baby.
JIMMY
(Reading from book) Listen to this: "The goal toward which I surpass myself must appear to me as a point of departure toward a new act of supassing."
STEVE
Oh you sure surpassed yourself in the back seat of that Datsun.
Now Jimmy smiles and CHUCKLES.
STEVE
Reidy...reach in the glove box and get me a pair of sunglasses, please.
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
He opens the glove box and numerous pairs of sunglasses, each more cool than the last, tumble out.
STEVE
Gimme the ones with the gold rims--
JIMMY
You take the gold in "rimming" Terrence!
CHRIS
(Chris reacts to the name with pursed lips as he holds up a pair of Ray-Ban "Olympians") These, Steve?
INT. CHEVELLE -DAY
Steve McQueen, in another effortless cazhe-kool weekend look is behind the wheel. He shades his eyes and looks around the cabin.
STEVE
Where are my sunglasses?
Chris is in the passenger seat, grappling with a gas-station road-map.
CHRIS
Hmmmm, we're really getting close to the geographic center of the continental United States...
Jimmy Dean is is reclined in the back seat, reading Simone de Beauvoir's The Ethics of Ambiguity and wearing Steve's trademark sunglasses.
JIMMY
What sunglasses?
Steve looks at him in the rearview mirror.
STEVE
The ones you're wearing! Those cost me five-hundred bucks!
JIMMY
Consider it payment in full.
STEVE
(Smiles and CHUCKLES)...Worth every penny baby.
JIMMY
(Reading from book) Listen to this: "The goal toward which I surpass myself must appear to me as a point of departure toward a new act of supassing."
STEVE
Oh you sure surpassed yourself in the back seat of that Datsun.
Now Jimmy smiles and CHUCKLES.
STEVE
Reidy...reach in the glove box and get me a pair of sunglasses, please.
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
He opens the glove box and numerous pairs of sunglasses, each more cool than the last, tumble out.
STEVE
Gimme the ones with the gold rims--
JIMMY
You take the gold in "rimming" Terrence!
CHRIS
(Chris reacts to the name with pursed lips as he holds up a pair of Ray-Ban "Olympians") These, Steve?
STEVE
Yep.
Chris hands him the glasses and then attempts to fold the map which keeps getting in Steve's field of vision. He grabs the map and tosses it into the back.
STEVE
Why don't you just use Waze?
CHRIS
Oh, you know what that is? I thought you did everything old school...(he starts putting the sunglasses back).
JAMES
(As he expertly folds the map) Everything about him is old school. Particularly his nuts.
CHRIS
Deez nutz!
STEVE AND JAMES
What?
CHRIS
I never can get that joke straight. So to speak.
STEVE
Jimmy, how many miles to that marker?
JAMES
About ten, it looks.
STEVE
(LAUGHS) Good. We'll beat Newman's ass again.
JAMES
Charlie's driving.
STEVE
Maybe not.
INSERT SHOT: STEVE'S WEEJUNED FOOT, PENNY LOAFING THE GAS PEDAL
CHRIS
Do we really need to go this fast?
STEVE
Does Walt Disney shit in a castle?
CHRIS
Wow. I don't know what you fellows have more of: a seemingly endless array of sportscars; or Apex-Alpha-Assholeism...
JAMES
I am not an "alpha male." Please. Couldn't be bothered.
STEVE
"Alpha bottom," is more like it.
CHRIS
Maybe, like me, you're a Beta man. We try harder. Maybe even Gamma...somebody's got to come in third.
JAMES
Well, if that's the case; I'm an Omega Man. Like Heston.
STEVE
Oh please, let's not talk about him.
JAMES
Oh Chuck, Chuck...you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!
STEVE
He's certainly stubborn...(CHUCKLES)
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT OF MONUMENT -DAY
Steve and James are leaning against a small monument in the shape of a pyramid, It has a plaque on it and a flagpole atop, flying the stars and stripes. A few small buildings are nearby. The lot is gravel. Other than the three men, it is deserted. Chris is crouched down, reading the plaque.
Yep.
Chris hands him the glasses and then attempts to fold the map which keeps getting in Steve's field of vision. He grabs the map and tosses it into the back.
STEVE
Why don't you just use Waze?
CHRIS
Oh, you know what that is? I thought you did everything old school...(he starts putting the sunglasses back).
JAMES
(As he expertly folds the map) Everything about him is old school. Particularly his nuts.
CHRIS
Deez nutz!
STEVE AND JAMES
What?
CHRIS
I never can get that joke straight. So to speak.
STEVE
Jimmy, how many miles to that marker?
JAMES
About ten, it looks.
STEVE
(LAUGHS) Good. We'll beat Newman's ass again.
JAMES
Charlie's driving.
STEVE
Maybe not.
INSERT SHOT: STEVE'S WEEJUNED FOOT, PENNY LOAFING THE GAS PEDAL
CHRIS
Do we really need to go this fast?
STEVE
Does Walt Disney shit in a castle?
CHRIS
Wow. I don't know what you fellows have more of: a seemingly endless array of sportscars; or Apex-Alpha-Assholeism...
JAMES
I am not an "alpha male." Please. Couldn't be bothered.
STEVE
"Alpha bottom," is more like it.
CHRIS
Maybe, like me, you're a Beta man. We try harder. Maybe even Gamma...somebody's got to come in third.
JAMES
Well, if that's the case; I'm an Omega Man. Like Heston.
STEVE
Oh please, let's not talk about him.
JAMES
Oh Chuck, Chuck...you stubborn, splendid, adorable fool!
STEVE
He's certainly stubborn...(CHUCKLES)
CUT TO:
EXT. PARKING LOT OF MONUMENT -DAY
Steve and James are leaning against a small monument in the shape of a pyramid, It has a plaque on it and a flagpole atop, flying the stars and stripes. A few small buildings are nearby. The lot is gravel. Other than the three men, it is deserted. Chris is crouched down, reading the plaque.
CHRIS
You know, I've read a lot of plaques in my day; but as far as-- quote, unquote--dryness; this one has to be in the top--
STEVE
Here they come...
REVERSE ANGLE
EXT. ROAD -DAY
(Continuous) A 1975 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight Regency glides down the road and turns into the small lot.
You know, I've read a lot of plaques in my day; but as far as-- quote, unquote--dryness; this one has to be in the top--
STEVE
Here they come...
REVERSE ANGLE
EXT. ROAD -DAY
(Continuous) A 1975 Oldsmobile Ninety-Eight Regency glides down the road and turns into the small lot.
The Olds comes to a stop and the doors open. Bronson steps from the driver's side as Newman comes around and they start towards the monument. Paul is wearing denim cut-offs, a "Newman's Own" T-shirt and Keds with no socks. Bronson has on a black t-shirt and a pair of, to say the least--bright, Lily Pulitzer pants.
STEVE
If you ever run out of road flares you can just use those pants.
CHARLES
Oh you like these pants McQueen. And you like what's in 'em even more...
PAUL
Guys, could we please just put a sockarooni in the machorotica?
STEVE
(Striding over to Newman, getting in his face again)...Oh, I'll put a sock in it. A sock in that purty 'lil mouth to keep you from waking up the neighborhood when I--(fingers Paul's T-Shirt logo)--make Newman my own...
PAUL
(Coming closer)...your own what? Huh? Your own what...?
STEVE
(Licks his lips)...personal chef...yeah...in that little chef's hat...nothing else...shakin' that hot little ass in my kitchen...
PAUL
Oh yeah...are you gonna make me make something? What are you gonna make me make?
STEVE
A salad, fucker...slathered in olive oil...
PAUL
How about a pizza? Huh? How about a fucking Italian sausage and uncured Pepperoni fucking pizza?
STEVE
I thought your pepperoni was cured...
PAUL
You'll never find out.
JAMES
Sal Mineo's was uncured...
STEVE
Stay out of this. What else you gonna make for me chef? Huh? You got sauce for me? Some creamy white sauce for my annellini? Say 'yes' chef...
PAUL
How about Yum Yum sauce?
STEVE
On pasta?
PAUL
Just go with it--
STEVE
Yes Chef! Yum fucking Yum-Yum sauce, fucker!
PAUL
What do you want for dessert daddy? Does daddy want some fresh cookies? Huh? Does Terry want some of Paul's fresh cookies, warm from the oven?
STEVE
(Panting now, on some kind of verge) What kind of cookies baby? Daddy want's cookies! Tell me about the cookies!
PAUL
Newman's Own fucking Creme Filled...chocolate...cookie...just for Daddy...
Paul collapses into Steve who falls back against the monument. They PANT together for a few moments and then stand back, as though nothing has happened.
CHARLES
Right. So, ah, are we still racing?
If you ever run out of road flares you can just use those pants.
CHARLES
Oh you like these pants McQueen. And you like what's in 'em even more...
PAUL
Guys, could we please just put a sockarooni in the machorotica?
STEVE
(Striding over to Newman, getting in his face again)...Oh, I'll put a sock in it. A sock in that purty 'lil mouth to keep you from waking up the neighborhood when I--(fingers Paul's T-Shirt logo)--make Newman my own...
PAUL
(Coming closer)...your own what? Huh? Your own what...?
STEVE
(Licks his lips)...personal chef...yeah...in that little chef's hat...nothing else...shakin' that hot little ass in my kitchen...
PAUL
Oh yeah...are you gonna make me make something? What are you gonna make me make?
STEVE
A salad, fucker...slathered in olive oil...
PAUL
How about a pizza? Huh? How about a fucking Italian sausage and uncured Pepperoni fucking pizza?
STEVE
I thought your pepperoni was cured...
PAUL
You'll never find out.
JAMES
Sal Mineo's was uncured...
STEVE
Stay out of this. What else you gonna make for me chef? Huh? You got sauce for me? Some creamy white sauce for my annellini? Say 'yes' chef...
PAUL
How about Yum Yum sauce?
STEVE
On pasta?
PAUL
Just go with it--
STEVE
Yes Chef! Yum fucking Yum-Yum sauce, fucker!
PAUL
What do you want for dessert daddy? Does daddy want some fresh cookies? Huh? Does Terry want some of Paul's fresh cookies, warm from the oven?
STEVE
(Panting now, on some kind of verge) What kind of cookies baby? Daddy want's cookies! Tell me about the cookies!
PAUL
Newman's Own fucking Creme Filled...chocolate...cookie...just for Daddy...
Paul collapses into Steve who falls back against the monument. They PANT together for a few moments and then stand back, as though nothing has happened.
CHARLES
Right. So, ah, are we still racing?
STEVE
(Pushing Paul away) Spread out! (He takes off his sunglasses and polishes them on the hem of his shirt). Yes, we're still racing. And this time the loser picks up the tab at the convention. Room, board, cocktails; the whole sockarooni. Capice?
ALL nod.
ALL
Yeah, sure, sounds good, uh-huh, right...etc. etc.
STEVE
So here's what I propose. Chuck, you and Newman take the high road and us three take the low road and see who gets to Scotland afore ye.
CHARLES
What roads are we talking?
JIMMY
(Looking at the map) 80, North, High road. 70, south, low-road...both going East, natch.
NEWMAN
(Flipping a quarter) Heads, North. Tails South.
STEVE
(To Bronson) Call it...
BRONON
Heads.
Steve flips again, displays the coin. Tails.
STEVE
You're South. Let's go.
BRONSON
(Mumbling under his breath, like Fred Flintstone) Rasssa-frassa-bricka-frack-a-bracka....
NEWMAN
(As they head back to the Olds) Oh, cheer up Charlie; we can always go see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
CHRIS
(Whining) I wanna see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
STEVE
Fahghedaboudit.
(Pushing Paul away) Spread out! (He takes off his sunglasses and polishes them on the hem of his shirt). Yes, we're still racing. And this time the loser picks up the tab at the convention. Room, board, cocktails; the whole sockarooni. Capice?
ALL nod.
ALL
Yeah, sure, sounds good, uh-huh, right...etc. etc.
STEVE
So here's what I propose. Chuck, you and Newman take the high road and us three take the low road and see who gets to Scotland afore ye.
CHARLES
What roads are we talking?
JIMMY
(Looking at the map) 80, North, High road. 70, south, low-road...both going East, natch.
NEWMAN
(Flipping a quarter) Heads, North. Tails South.
STEVE
(To Bronson) Call it...
BRONON
Heads.
Steve flips again, displays the coin. Tails.
STEVE
You're South. Let's go.
BRONSON
(Mumbling under his breath, like Fred Flintstone) Rasssa-frassa-bricka-frack-a-bracka....
NEWMAN
(As they head back to the Olds) Oh, cheer up Charlie; we can always go see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
CHRIS
(Whining) I wanna see The World's Largest Ball of Twine!
STEVE
Fahghedaboudit.
CUT TO:
CAMERA ON TIGHT SHOT of INTERSTATE 80 SIGN:
CAMERA ON TIGHT SHOT of INTERSTATE 80 SIGN:
The green Chevelle ZOOMS past.
CUT TO:
INT. -CAR -LATE AFTERNOON
Jimmy, wearing eyeglasses, is now behind the wheel. Chris is once again in the passenger seat and Steve is reclining in the back, one of Jimmy's philosophy books over his eyes. Chris has his eyes on a copy of Kierkegaard's Works of Love.
JIMMY
Enjoying that?
CHRIS
I'm already confused...(Reading) Which is more difficult?--to awaken someone who is sleeping, or to awaken one who, awaking, dreams that he is awake?
JIMMY
Ah, "The Hidden Life of Love and its Recognition by It's Fruits..."
STEVE
(An ironic LAUGH from the back) Hah!
JIMMY
(Quietly) It takes a while. You just have to keep rereading it 'til it makes sense...
STEVE
Tell us more about that F1 movie.
CHRIS
Like what?
STEVE
More of those little trees. Some specifics.
CHRIS
Okay, sure. I can talk about this all day!
STEVE
So I've heard.
CHRIS
Okay, so in Heartfight, there's this character--
JIMMY
Sorry to interrupt; but what is Heartfight?
STEVE
Jimmy I told you all that...
JIMMY
My short term memory has been on the fritz lately; you know that... I really need to wear a helmet.
CHRIS
Here's the elevator pitch: Two macho professional fighters are recruited for a new sport that's a combination of indoor skydiving and martial arts. One of them has a possibly life-threatening heart problem but he fights anyways. The two men fall in love and enter into a passionate affair and have to decide if they're going to face life together. Heart to heart, as it were. The End.
JIMMY
Interesting. A couple of twists in there. The sky...fighting, is pretty original. And the queer love story; but of course it will never get made if that's in there...
CHRIS
You know it's pretty sad to say that even in twenty-fucking-twenty-five, you're probably right; because this story would require a pretty lofty budget. And even if it didn't...
JIMMY
(To Steve) Wasn't that movie that Bronson was in supposed to be queer?
STEVE
Which one?
JIMMY
The Mechanic.
CHRIS
I saw that at the Camp Lejeune drive-in! I was six...
STEVE
Yeah. I turned it down. I would've done it too; but I was developing The Getaway.
CUT TO:
INT. -CAR -LATE AFTERNOON
Jimmy, wearing eyeglasses, is now behind the wheel. Chris is once again in the passenger seat and Steve is reclining in the back, one of Jimmy's philosophy books over his eyes. Chris has his eyes on a copy of Kierkegaard's Works of Love.
JIMMY
Enjoying that?
CHRIS
I'm already confused...(Reading) Which is more difficult?--to awaken someone who is sleeping, or to awaken one who, awaking, dreams that he is awake?
JIMMY
Ah, "The Hidden Life of Love and its Recognition by It's Fruits..."
STEVE
(An ironic LAUGH from the back) Hah!
JIMMY
(Quietly) It takes a while. You just have to keep rereading it 'til it makes sense...
STEVE
Tell us more about that F1 movie.
CHRIS
Like what?
STEVE
More of those little trees. Some specifics.
CHRIS
Okay, sure. I can talk about this all day!
STEVE
So I've heard.
CHRIS
Okay, so in Heartfight, there's this character--
JIMMY
Sorry to interrupt; but what is Heartfight?
STEVE
Jimmy I told you all that...
JIMMY
My short term memory has been on the fritz lately; you know that... I really need to wear a helmet.
CHRIS
Here's the elevator pitch: Two macho professional fighters are recruited for a new sport that's a combination of indoor skydiving and martial arts. One of them has a possibly life-threatening heart problem but he fights anyways. The two men fall in love and enter into a passionate affair and have to decide if they're going to face life together. Heart to heart, as it were. The End.
JIMMY
Interesting. A couple of twists in there. The sky...fighting, is pretty original. And the queer love story; but of course it will never get made if that's in there...
CHRIS
You know it's pretty sad to say that even in twenty-fucking-twenty-five, you're probably right; because this story would require a pretty lofty budget. And even if it didn't...
JIMMY
(To Steve) Wasn't that movie that Bronson was in supposed to be queer?
STEVE
Which one?
JIMMY
The Mechanic.
CHRIS
I saw that at the Camp Lejeune drive-in! I was six...
STEVE
Yeah. I turned it down. I would've done it too; but I was developing The Getaway.
CHRIS
The gay element is kind of still there, isn't it?
STEVE
They were drinking rose...
CHRIS
You know, I think Jan-Michael Vincent made me gay...or was the first man I remember engendering those feelings in me.
JIMMY
How so?
CHRIS
I remember going to see The World's Greatest Athlete and getting tingly feelings whenever he was onscreen. I was seven.
The gay element is kind of still there, isn't it?
STEVE
They were drinking rose...
CHRIS
You know, I think Jan-Michael Vincent made me gay...or was the first man I remember engendering those feelings in me.
JIMMY
How so?
CHRIS
I remember going to see The World's Greatest Athlete and getting tingly feelings whenever he was onscreen. I was seven.
CHRIS
I forgot about the "witch doctor" character. And of course, nowadays it's John Amos who gives me the tingles!
STEVE
Man you get off track faster than Newman at the Indy 500. F1!
CHRIS
Right. F1. So, speaking of stock characters...that movie is toploaded with them. The character of the Cocky Upstart Apprentice. In this movie his name was "Joshua Pearce" and he was played by British-Nigerian actor Damson Idris.
STEVE
Any relation to Idris Elba?
CHRIS
None; but isn't that kind of a weird coincidence?
STEVE
If you say so...
JAMES
How is that a coincidence?
CHRIS
I had "cast" Idris Elba in Heartfight; just another thing that makes me go "Hmmmm."
STEVE
Continue.
CHRIS
So, that character in F1 happens to live with his mother and there are several moments in the script where he is mocked for this.
JAMES
Significance?
CHRIS
In Heartfight, two of the main characters live with their grandmother and razz one another over it. The grandmother character in Heartfight is the Tiger Mama type; think Helen Mirren. She has a pronounced Irish accent.
JAMES
Is she Irish?
STEVE
No Jimmy. She's Lithuanian--
JAMES
Well, I don't know!
I forgot about the "witch doctor" character. And of course, nowadays it's John Amos who gives me the tingles!
STEVE
Man you get off track faster than Newman at the Indy 500. F1!
CHRIS
Right. F1. So, speaking of stock characters...that movie is toploaded with them. The character of the Cocky Upstart Apprentice. In this movie his name was "Joshua Pearce" and he was played by British-Nigerian actor Damson Idris.
STEVE
Any relation to Idris Elba?
CHRIS
None; but isn't that kind of a weird coincidence?
STEVE
If you say so...
JAMES
How is that a coincidence?
CHRIS
I had "cast" Idris Elba in Heartfight; just another thing that makes me go "Hmmmm."
STEVE
Continue.
CHRIS
So, that character in F1 happens to live with his mother and there are several moments in the script where he is mocked for this.
JAMES
Significance?
CHRIS
In Heartfight, two of the main characters live with their grandmother and razz one another over it. The grandmother character in Heartfight is the Tiger Mama type; think Helen Mirren. She has a pronounced Irish accent.
JAMES
Is she Irish?
STEVE
No Jimmy. She's Lithuanian--
JAMES
Well, I don't know!
CHRIS
Isn't Mr. Bronson Lithuanian?
JAMES
Yes.
STEVE
What?! I thought he was like, from Atilla-the-Hun-land!
JAMES
You mean Mongolia?
STEVE
The place with the barbeque...which reminds me...I'm hungry--
CHRIS
I love Mongolian barbeque. There was this Mongolian barbeque place in Los Angeles that I went to once. It was like a total hole in the wall; but it had this really cool old neon sign--
JAMES
Was it on Beverly?
CHRIS
Maybe...or Melrose? I went there for lunch once when I fist moved to L.A. It closed down shortly thereafter.
STEVE
Health department?
CHRIS
I don't know. But it's really weird to drive by a closed down restaurant all the time that you actually ate in once.
STEVE
Now I'm craving Chinese. There's a Chinese place at one of the next exits, Jimmy. Chris, call ahead to see if they're open.
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
CUT TO:
INT. -BOB LEE'S ISLANDER ASIAN RESTAURANT -DAY
Isn't Mr. Bronson Lithuanian?
JAMES
Yes.
STEVE
What?! I thought he was like, from Atilla-the-Hun-land!
JAMES
You mean Mongolia?
STEVE
The place with the barbeque...which reminds me...I'm hungry--
CHRIS
I love Mongolian barbeque. There was this Mongolian barbeque place in Los Angeles that I went to once. It was like a total hole in the wall; but it had this really cool old neon sign--
JAMES
Was it on Beverly?
CHRIS
Maybe...or Melrose? I went there for lunch once when I fist moved to L.A. It closed down shortly thereafter.
STEVE
Health department?
CHRIS
I don't know. But it's really weird to drive by a closed down restaurant all the time that you actually ate in once.
STEVE
Now I'm craving Chinese. There's a Chinese place at one of the next exits, Jimmy. Chris, call ahead to see if they're open.
CHRIS
On it McQueen!
CUT TO:
INT. -BOB LEE'S ISLANDER ASIAN RESTAURANT -DAY
The restaurant is kind of dark. HAWAIIAN MUSIC plays softly. BOB LEE, 40's, Asian, in a sharkskin suit, approaches a table where Chris, James and Steve are seated, looking at their menus. Mr. Lee has a Yashica J camera around his neck.
BOB LEE
Excuse me, but aren't you Mr. Steve McQueen and (nodding) you Mr. James Dean?
STEVE
Guilty as charged. And you must be Bob Lee.
BOB
Yes! I'm so very pleased and honored to have you here. And who is this? (He indicates Chris).
STEVE
Oh, he's a film actor from...Ireland. This is Speedy O'Hara.
BOB
(Extending his hand) Oh! So very nice to meet you Mr. O"Hara! Have I seen one of your pictures?
CHRIS
Perhaps you've seen Was It Good For You on Youtube? I filmed a scene outside your Boston location. I also co-directed...
BOB
Ah, so nice! I would like to send a Flaming Volcano Bowl to the table, on the house.
ALL
Great! Thank you! Love it! Etc.
BOB
And I was wondering if I could get a picture with you? (He indicates his camera).
ALL
Yeah, sure, great...etc.
The three stand as Mr. Lee starts speaking to a WAITER in Cantonese, to whom he hands the camera. They ALL pose and the picture is taken.
MR. LEE
Thank you so much. Please, enjoy your meal!
The waiter stands, his pad at the ready and waits as Mr. Lee disappears into the gloom.
WAITER
Are you gentlemen ready?
STEVE
Man I'm jonesing for some Chop Suey...but how about a Pu-Pu platter while we decide...boys?
Chris and James nod as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
BLUE ORANGE FLAMES flickering in a CLOSE-UP.
The camera DOLLYS OUT and we see it is the flames atop the communal cocktail, from wich Chris is taking a copious slurp via his extra long straw (that's what she said!).
BOB LEE
Excuse me, but aren't you Mr. Steve McQueen and (nodding) you Mr. James Dean?
STEVE
Guilty as charged. And you must be Bob Lee.
BOB
Yes! I'm so very pleased and honored to have you here. And who is this? (He indicates Chris).
STEVE
Oh, he's a film actor from...Ireland. This is Speedy O'Hara.
BOB
(Extending his hand) Oh! So very nice to meet you Mr. O"Hara! Have I seen one of your pictures?
CHRIS
Perhaps you've seen Was It Good For You on Youtube? I filmed a scene outside your Boston location. I also co-directed...
BOB
Ah, so nice! I would like to send a Flaming Volcano Bowl to the table, on the house.
ALL
Great! Thank you! Love it! Etc.
BOB
And I was wondering if I could get a picture with you? (He indicates his camera).
ALL
Yeah, sure, great...etc.
The three stand as Mr. Lee starts speaking to a WAITER in Cantonese, to whom he hands the camera. They ALL pose and the picture is taken.
MR. LEE
Thank you so much. Please, enjoy your meal!
The waiter stands, his pad at the ready and waits as Mr. Lee disappears into the gloom.
WAITER
Are you gentlemen ready?
STEVE
Man I'm jonesing for some Chop Suey...but how about a Pu-Pu platter while we decide...boys?
Chris and James nod as we...
DISSOLVE TO:
BLUE ORANGE FLAMES flickering in a CLOSE-UP.
The camera DOLLYS OUT and we see it is the flames atop the communal cocktail, from wich Chris is taking a copious slurp via his extra long straw (that's what she said!).
CHRIS
This is muy delicioso! (Takes another long sip) Just what is in this "secret brew" for two?!!?
STEVE
Don't bogart the Flaming Volcano man...
JAMES
Let him. He's not driving and I'm not drinking it.
STEVE
Well, I'd like a little myself.
He grabs his straw and he and Chris suck 'til we hear:
This is muy delicioso! (Takes another long sip) Just what is in this "secret brew" for two?!!?
STEVE
Don't bogart the Flaming Volcano man...
JAMES
Let him. He's not driving and I'm not drinking it.
STEVE
Well, I'd like a little myself.
He grabs his straw and he and Chris suck 'til we hear:
The waiter returns and removes the barren Pu-Pu Platter. He smiles.
WAITER
You didn't like, eh? Your dinners be right out.
CHRIS
Could I trouble you for a...(glances at drink menu)...a "Bachelor's Downfall"?
WAITER
Sure. Coming right up. But remember, management not responsible!
He LAUGHS and scurries off.
CHRIS
I feel so, relaxed! (Looks around) Oh look, a stage!
Chris stands, steadies himself, and goes to a small stage where there is a microphone, a small drum kit and some other instruments. As he's doing this, Mr. Lee returns to the table.
MR. LEE
Are you enjoying yoursevles?
STEVE
Very much so. Would it be okay if Mr. Reidy sings?
MR. LEE
Can he sing?
STEVE
He's, ah...Irish. Of course he can sing! A big Irish Film School Movie Star like that?
MR. LEE
Most excellent. I play ukulele for him?
STEVE
Without a doubt.
Mr. Lee goes to the stage and picks up a nearby ukulele and turns to Chris.
CHRIS
Yeah, ah, how about "Little Grass Shack"?
Mr. Lee nods enthusiastically and he and Chris launch into the song, which, for some reason, is backed by the Ray Conniff Singers:
WAITER
You didn't like, eh? Your dinners be right out.
CHRIS
Could I trouble you for a...(glances at drink menu)...a "Bachelor's Downfall"?
WAITER
Sure. Coming right up. But remember, management not responsible!
He LAUGHS and scurries off.
CHRIS
I feel so, relaxed! (Looks around) Oh look, a stage!
Chris stands, steadies himself, and goes to a small stage where there is a microphone, a small drum kit and some other instruments. As he's doing this, Mr. Lee returns to the table.
MR. LEE
Are you enjoying yoursevles?
STEVE
Very much so. Would it be okay if Mr. Reidy sings?
MR. LEE
Can he sing?
STEVE
He's, ah...Irish. Of course he can sing! A big Irish Film School Movie Star like that?
MR. LEE
Most excellent. I play ukulele for him?
STEVE
Without a doubt.
Mr. Lee goes to the stage and picks up a nearby ukulele and turns to Chris.
CHRIS
Yeah, ah, how about "Little Grass Shack"?
Mr. Lee nods enthusiastically and he and Chris launch into the song, which, for some reason, is backed by the Ray Conniff Singers:
As Chris SINGS, he starts to wobble a bit as the Flaming Volcano begins to erupt in his head. After three bars of the song, he pitches foward and deadfalls off the stage. The MUSIC comes to a halt.
MR. LEE
Mr. O'hara!!! Nooo!
CUT TO TABLE
Steve turns to Jimmy.
STEVE
Looks like this is going into a part five.
JAMES
Sure looks like it.
PLEASE SEE: RACIN' AND RAPPIN' PART 5 for the thrilling conclusion (for I can't imagine this could go any further...)
For further viewing:
MR. LEE
Mr. O'hara!!! Nooo!
CUT TO TABLE
Steve turns to Jimmy.
STEVE
Looks like this is going into a part five.
JAMES
Sure looks like it.
PLEASE SEE: RACIN' AND RAPPIN' PART 5 for the thrilling conclusion (for I can't imagine this could go any further...)
For further viewing:
CFR 7/16/25