DISCLAIMER: PLEASE SEE PRIOR DISCLAIMERS!
FADE FROM BLACK: CHRIS' P.O.V. INT. CHEVELLE -NIGHT
From the car radio, we hear "We May Never Love Like This Again," The Love Theme from The Towering Inferno. As Chris' vision comes into focus, he GROANS. He is seeing the interior of the car from the back seat: the headliner, the domelight, the rear passenger side window, the front passenger headrest. He GROANS a bit louder and the radio VOLUME cuts out. Chris sees Steve McQ's head pop over the backrest.
STEVE
It lives!
CHRIS
Where am I? And why do I smell like Moo-goo Gai Pan?
STEVE
Well, you smell like the latter because you took a nosedive into Bob Lee's Seven Seas buffet and as for the former; you're in The Big Apple, kid.
CHRIS
(Bolts upright and cranes his neck to look out the window) ...You mean Manhattan?
JAMES
The City That Never Sleeps.
CHRIS
New York, New York?
STEVE
The Five Boroughs. The Empire City. Metropolis. Gotham!
CHRIS
Did we win the race?
STEVE
Once we get to Little West Twelfth Street, we'll know.
CHRIS
What's at Little West Twelftth Street?
STEVE
Really? That's one thing I figured you would know...
Chris tilts his head quizzically. Steve faces forward again and raises the SONG VOLUME.
CHRIS
(To no one in particular) We may never love like what, again?
JAMES
Up the butt!
FADE FROM BLACK: CHRIS' P.O.V. INT. CHEVELLE -NIGHT
From the car radio, we hear "We May Never Love Like This Again," The Love Theme from The Towering Inferno. As Chris' vision comes into focus, he GROANS. He is seeing the interior of the car from the back seat: the headliner, the domelight, the rear passenger side window, the front passenger headrest. He GROANS a bit louder and the radio VOLUME cuts out. Chris sees Steve McQ's head pop over the backrest.
STEVE
It lives!
CHRIS
Where am I? And why do I smell like Moo-goo Gai Pan?
STEVE
Well, you smell like the latter because you took a nosedive into Bob Lee's Seven Seas buffet and as for the former; you're in The Big Apple, kid.
CHRIS
(Bolts upright and cranes his neck to look out the window) ...You mean Manhattan?
JAMES
The City That Never Sleeps.
CHRIS
New York, New York?
STEVE
The Five Boroughs. The Empire City. Metropolis. Gotham!
CHRIS
Did we win the race?
STEVE
Once we get to Little West Twelfth Street, we'll know.
CHRIS
What's at Little West Twelftth Street?
STEVE
Really? That's one thing I figured you would know...
Chris tilts his head quizzically. Steve faces forward again and raises the SONG VOLUME.
CHRIS
(To no one in particular) We may never love like what, again?
JAMES
Up the butt!
CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET @ LITTLE WEST 12TH ST. -NIGHT
The green Chevelle pulls up the curb in front of 835. A dark, low industrial building sits there, giving no indication of what's inside. It's the meat-packing district; so, meat?
STEVE
(Slaps his thigh with a crisp WHAP) Hot damn! We won--
Just as he says this, a pair of headlights pierce the gloom from behind the Chevelle. James shades his eyes from the glare in the rearview.
JAMES
Ah, maybe not...
Steve and Chris turn as the headlights blink off and two DARK FIGURES emerge from the car.
CHRIS
Is that--
We hear Bronson's sardonic LAUGH from the dark.
STEVE
Shit!
He rolls down his window and Bronson leans down.
CHARLES
Looks like we got here at the same time.
STEVE
No, we--
PAUL
Don't try it McQueen. We saw you pass us when we were looking for a space.
BRONSON
Dead heat.
STEVE
(Considers)... Now there's a movie title!
Steve, James and Chris get out of the Chevelle and the five men look at the building.
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET @ LITTLE WEST 12TH ST. -NIGHT
The green Chevelle pulls up the curb in front of 835. A dark, low industrial building sits there, giving no indication of what's inside. It's the meat-packing district; so, meat?
STEVE
(Slaps his thigh with a crisp WHAP) Hot damn! We won--
Just as he says this, a pair of headlights pierce the gloom from behind the Chevelle. James shades his eyes from the glare in the rearview.
JAMES
Ah, maybe not...
Steve and Chris turn as the headlights blink off and two DARK FIGURES emerge from the car.
CHRIS
Is that--
We hear Bronson's sardonic LAUGH from the dark.
STEVE
Shit!
He rolls down his window and Bronson leans down.
CHARLES
Looks like we got here at the same time.
STEVE
No, we--
PAUL
Don't try it McQueen. We saw you pass us when we were looking for a space.
BRONSON
Dead heat.
STEVE
(Considers)... Now there's a movie title!
Steve, James and Chris get out of the Chevelle and the five men look at the building.
Bronson drops a black leather duffel bag to the sidewalk, crouches and unzips it. He pulls out garments and tosses them at the others.
BRONSON
Get dressed gents. There's a prize tonight and if we can't walk out of here with it, then we should be ashamed to call ourselves BEST ACTOR OSCAR WINNERS (TM/REG./Pat.Pend)!
CHRIS
Wait...ah...first of all, I've never been in a movie. And B: have any of you won the Oscar?
STEVE
Nominated.
JAMES
Nominated twice, posthumously.
CHARLES
Nope and nope.
They all look at Paul.
PAUL
Now you know that shit doesn't matter to me. I could care less that I was nominated ten times and took home the statue in '87.
JAMES
Where did you put it?
STEVE
Up his butt.
PAUL
Fuck you McQueen! I've had enough of your shit!
STEVE
Bring it on salad shooter!
Paul lunges at Steve as Bronson holds him back by his waistband.
CHARLES
And I've had enough of this shit. Save that energy for the backroom and get dressed.
He swings Paul against a dumpster like he's a Pinewood Derby toy. Paul gathers himself as he glares at McQueen.
BILLY SQUIER'S "LONELY IS THE NIGHT" Rises above following MONTAGE:
PUTTING ON LEATHER
BRONSON
Get dressed gents. There's a prize tonight and if we can't walk out of here with it, then we should be ashamed to call ourselves BEST ACTOR OSCAR WINNERS (TM/REG./Pat.Pend)!
CHRIS
Wait...ah...first of all, I've never been in a movie. And B: have any of you won the Oscar?
STEVE
Nominated.
JAMES
Nominated twice, posthumously.
CHARLES
Nope and nope.
They all look at Paul.
PAUL
Now you know that shit doesn't matter to me. I could care less that I was nominated ten times and took home the statue in '87.
JAMES
Where did you put it?
STEVE
Up his butt.
PAUL
Fuck you McQueen! I've had enough of your shit!
STEVE
Bring it on salad shooter!
Paul lunges at Steve as Bronson holds him back by his waistband.
CHARLES
And I've had enough of this shit. Save that energy for the backroom and get dressed.
He swings Paul against a dumpster like he's a Pinewood Derby toy. Paul gathers himself as he glares at McQueen.
BILLY SQUIER'S "LONELY IS THE NIGHT" Rises above following MONTAGE:
PUTTING ON LEATHER
AGAIN WE SEE A PABLO FERRO SERIES OF SPLIT/MULTI -SCREENS OF:
-THE GROUP OF MEN BEHIND THE DUMPSTER
-CLOSE ON THE NEWMANS OWN LOGO ON PAUL'S SHIRT AS THE SHIRT COMES OFF, REVEALING HIS CHEST
-CLOSE ON THE FLY OF BRONSON'S LILLY PULITZER PANTS AS HE UNZIPS / CAMERA PULLS BACK AS HE DROPS TROU
-THE CAMERA TILTING UP FROM MCQUEENS BARE FEET TO HIS LEGS TO HIS TIGHTY WHITIES TO HIS BUTTON-DOWN- BROOKS BROS. SHIRT WHICH HE IS IN THE PROCESS OF UNBUTTONING
-JAMES DEAN'S BARE ASS AS HE HIKES UP A BLACK LEATHER RACING SUIT OVER AND UPWARDS
-CHRIS DEMURELY ADJUSTING HIMSELF AS HE STEPS INTO THE LEGS OF HIS JUMPSUIT
STEVE
(As ALL continue to dress) So Reidy, you were telling us your first car was a Chevelle and you had no idea what it was. But did you have a dream car you wanted?
CHRIS
I guess so...
STEVE
What?
CHRIS
The '81 Mazda RX7. which you just don't see anymore--
STEVE
Yeah. Nobody can deal with that rotary engine. Second choice?
-THE GROUP OF MEN BEHIND THE DUMPSTER
-CLOSE ON THE NEWMANS OWN LOGO ON PAUL'S SHIRT AS THE SHIRT COMES OFF, REVEALING HIS CHEST
-CLOSE ON THE FLY OF BRONSON'S LILLY PULITZER PANTS AS HE UNZIPS / CAMERA PULLS BACK AS HE DROPS TROU
-THE CAMERA TILTING UP FROM MCQUEENS BARE FEET TO HIS LEGS TO HIS TIGHTY WHITIES TO HIS BUTTON-DOWN- BROOKS BROS. SHIRT WHICH HE IS IN THE PROCESS OF UNBUTTONING
-JAMES DEAN'S BARE ASS AS HE HIKES UP A BLACK LEATHER RACING SUIT OVER AND UPWARDS
-CHRIS DEMURELY ADJUSTING HIMSELF AS HE STEPS INTO THE LEGS OF HIS JUMPSUIT
STEVE
(As ALL continue to dress) So Reidy, you were telling us your first car was a Chevelle and you had no idea what it was. But did you have a dream car you wanted?
CHRIS
I guess so...
STEVE
What?
CHRIS
The '81 Mazda RX7. which you just don't see anymore--
STEVE
Yeah. Nobody can deal with that rotary engine. Second choice?
CHRIS
Well, I commuted to high school and college in Boston for a good seven years and there was a little garage near one of the bus stops and it had a little car yard and there was this car parked there that whole time and I fantasized about owning it--
JAMES
Why didn't you?
CHRIS
I don't know. I've never been a terribly agressive person; and I figured the car would cost more to put on the road than it was worth...and that I could afford.
PAUL
What was it?
CHRIS
(Excited) Oh, it was this cherry red Mercury Comet with white trim, probably a '61. It like, checked all my boxes!
Well, I commuted to high school and college in Boston for a good seven years and there was a little garage near one of the bus stops and it had a little car yard and there was this car parked there that whole time and I fantasized about owning it--
JAMES
Why didn't you?
CHRIS
I don't know. I've never been a terribly agressive person; and I figured the car would cost more to put on the road than it was worth...and that I could afford.
PAUL
What was it?
CHRIS
(Excited) Oh, it was this cherry red Mercury Comet with white trim, probably a '61. It like, checked all my boxes!
CHARLES
Signal Red.
CHRIS
I'm sorry?
CHARLES
It was called "Signal" red. What can I say? I'm a man of many colors. Now get dressed.
THE BILLY SQUIER SONG PUMPS UP AGAIN AS WE SEE:
FIVE SCREENS: FIVE BLACK LEATHER RACING-JUMP SUITS: FIVE ZIPPERS ZIPPING UPWARDS
THE CAMERA LINGERS ON THE RACING SUITS, WHICH ARE REPLICAS OF THE SUITS WE'VE ALREADY SEEN, COMPLETE WITH ALL THE ACCOMPANYING LOGOS; BUT NOW EMBOSSED IN BLACK LEATHER.
THE FIVE MEN WALK TOWARDS THE CAMERA IN A LINE, IN SUPER SLOW-MO-A-LA-ARMAGEDDON-ET-AL (WHICH WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IS REALLY KIND OF GAY)
Signal Red.
CHRIS
I'm sorry?
CHARLES
It was called "Signal" red. What can I say? I'm a man of many colors. Now get dressed.
THE BILLY SQUIER SONG PUMPS UP AGAIN AS WE SEE:
FIVE SCREENS: FIVE BLACK LEATHER RACING-JUMP SUITS: FIVE ZIPPERS ZIPPING UPWARDS
THE CAMERA LINGERS ON THE RACING SUITS, WHICH ARE REPLICAS OF THE SUITS WE'VE ALREADY SEEN, COMPLETE WITH ALL THE ACCOMPANYING LOGOS; BUT NOW EMBOSSED IN BLACK LEATHER.
THE FIVE MEN WALK TOWARDS THE CAMERA IN A LINE, IN SUPER SLOW-MO-A-LA-ARMAGEDDON-ET-AL (WHICH WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, IS REALLY KIND OF GAY)
They push through the door to THE MINESHAFT* and when the last one is through, the door swings shut with a BANG. The camera pans to the right, across a long arrow painted on the wall and the words PRIVATE CLUB painted in white letters on black.
CUT TO:
INT. MINESHAFT -NIGHT
The quintet belly up to the bar.
STEVE
The first round's on Speedy!
The CAMERA CLOSES on Chris' surprised face as he GULPS. He starts patting himself down.
CHRIS
Gee, I seem to have left my wallet in the car...
BRONSON
(Throws back his head and GUFFAWS LOUDLY for some time) That's your line McQueen!
LAUGHTER ALL AROUND
BRONSON
Barkeep, a round of Gubernija for the bar, on me!
The BARTENDER smooths his handlebar 'stache as he raises an eyebrow.
BARTENDER
Goob-a-what now?
Bronson LAUGHS again, leans down and hoists up a beer cooler with the Gubernija logo on it. He opens it and starts tossing beers to the crowd.
BARTENDER
Wait, that's against--
BRONSON
My good man, I will compensate your establishment for any lost revenue.
PAUL
(To Steve, as they regard the cans, SOTTO VOCE) What the hell is this? I've never heard of it...
STEVE
When in Rome...
EVERYONE pops their tops at the same time as Charles raises his can:
CHARLES
(In Lithuanian) I SVEIKATA!
ALL
I SVEIKATA!
Everyone drinks at the same time and apparently the beer is a hit because EVERYONE CHEERS.
CUT TO:
INT. MINESHAFT -NIGHT
The quintet belly up to the bar.
STEVE
The first round's on Speedy!
The CAMERA CLOSES on Chris' surprised face as he GULPS. He starts patting himself down.
CHRIS
Gee, I seem to have left my wallet in the car...
BRONSON
(Throws back his head and GUFFAWS LOUDLY for some time) That's your line McQueen!
LAUGHTER ALL AROUND
BRONSON
Barkeep, a round of Gubernija for the bar, on me!
The BARTENDER smooths his handlebar 'stache as he raises an eyebrow.
BARTENDER
Goob-a-what now?
Bronson LAUGHS again, leans down and hoists up a beer cooler with the Gubernija logo on it. He opens it and starts tossing beers to the crowd.
BARTENDER
Wait, that's against--
BRONSON
My good man, I will compensate your establishment for any lost revenue.
PAUL
(To Steve, as they regard the cans, SOTTO VOCE) What the hell is this? I've never heard of it...
STEVE
When in Rome...
EVERYONE pops their tops at the same time as Charles raises his can:
CHARLES
(In Lithuanian) I SVEIKATA!
ALL
I SVEIKATA!
Everyone drinks at the same time and apparently the beer is a hit because EVERYONE CHEERS.
CUT TO:
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -NIGHT
We see a silver Harley Davidson Fat Boy coming down the street. The RIDER, apparently a woman, is wearing Halston high-heels and a mauve gown with a pluging decolletage. The gown is flying out behind her like flames. We can't see her face as she's wearing a helmet. She slows the bike and pulls up onto the sidewalk. The CAMERA CLOSES on the gas tank of the bike, which bears the key art of THE EYES OF LAURA MARS, except it says EARS instead of EYES. We TILT UP from the tank to the visor of the helmet, which also has the face of LAURA MARS emblazoned on it (a two way decal). An elegant female hand reaches for the visor and lifts it. It's the same face! It's FAYE DUNAWAY A.K.A. MS. LAURA MARS herself. Faye removes her helmet, shakes out her hair and regards the building.
FAYE
Let's get to work!
EXT. WASHINGTON STREET -NIGHT
We see a silver Harley Davidson Fat Boy coming down the street. The RIDER, apparently a woman, is wearing Halston high-heels and a mauve gown with a pluging decolletage. The gown is flying out behind her like flames. We can't see her face as she's wearing a helmet. She slows the bike and pulls up onto the sidewalk. The CAMERA CLOSES on the gas tank of the bike, which bears the key art of THE EYES OF LAURA MARS, except it says EARS instead of EYES. We TILT UP from the tank to the visor of the helmet, which also has the face of LAURA MARS emblazoned on it (a two way decal). An elegant female hand reaches for the visor and lifts it. It's the same face! It's FAYE DUNAWAY A.K.A. MS. LAURA MARS herself. Faye removes her helmet, shakes out her hair and regards the building.
FAYE
Let's get to work!
Wait...Part 6?
Youbetchass, Part 6!
PLEASE SEE: RACIN' AND RAPPIN' PART 6 for the next installment.
*www.nyclgbtsites.org/site/mineshaft/
Youbetchass, Part 6!
PLEASE SEE: RACIN' AND RAPPIN' PART 6 for the next installment.
*www.nyclgbtsites.org/site/mineshaft/