RETHINK: PRETTY IN PINK

NOTICIAS!  CONTAINS IMAGE OF GLUTEI MAXIMI DE BILL PAXTON!

Okay, I probably have better things to do...but Molly Ringwald is involved in this; and what could be better, I ask?  Maybe Dweezil Zappa?  And I'm happy to see he made this sorta cast photo when he's only in the movie for like five seconds.  This must be from the set of that scene.  Oh, you remember the scene...

Yep, definitely.  Same chairs.
Now, do I think there should be a follow up or sequel or reboot or revisit to Pretty In Pink?  Nah, not really.  I mean, supposedly this St. Elmo's Fire sequel is happening and it seems to me that is...actually...a pretty good idea; since the story is already a "what happened to these people when they graduated college?"  So naturally a continuation; a, "what happened to these people after what happened to them when they graduated college" seems like a gimme.  I mean, if Pretty In Pink is basically Cinderella, do we need the "happily ever after" part?  But then again, what does happen to Cinderella after she and Prince Charming hook up?  Or is that the Princess Diana story?
So, what with all this Brat Pack nostalgia floating through the Zeither(TM/Pat.Pend./Copyright/Reg.)* it seems Funko is putting out a lot of their little figurines based on the Big Three John Hughes movies of the 80's: Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Pretty In Pink.  Oh, make that The Big Four; we can't leave out Ferris Bueller's Day Off.  But I think we can all agree that we can leave out Weird Science; although, I for one, would love to see Mattel's "Barbie as" take on Kelly LeBrock's "Lisa" from that movie:

Or any toy or novelty company's take on Bill Paxton's "Chet" from the same movie!

Bill, we hardly knew ye.
He seemed like a fellow who was really comfortable with who he was; and with being naked.  He did more than his fair share; and way before it became the "thing," so to speak, to do.  That is, male nudity.
You know, he was in the Fish Heads video.  I would pin-point the Fish Heads video as the start of the New Wave movement; not so much the music but the sensibility.  The aesthetic.  The Zeitgeistian moment. In the U.S. anyways. Let's take a look!

Who knew Will Robinson helped invent New Wave/Punk!  Of course, he was witness to this.  Lived it, in fact:

But back to Pretty In Pink, et. al.
Now, don't get me wrong.  I LOVE Molly Ringwald, as you may have guessed if you read these blogs.  And I've even made my own Molly Ringwald as Samantha Baker from Sixteen Candles pine-scented sachet (how many people can say that?).  That being said...
Do we really need three Molly Ringwald, Funko Pop! figurines?  No, wait, make that four, possibly five:

SIDENOTE:
I notice that Ms. Ringwald and I have quite similar cursive signature styles:

Lots of exaggerated loops, particularly in the "y" and the "r"  I have no idea what this means; but besides a suspected kinship, I'm thinking Big-Bold-Brassy-Brainy-Bodaciously-Electric-Excitement!!!
But why are we here?
Oh yes, Mr. Hughes and so forth.  You know, for all their belovedness, the Hughes movies have a lot of problems.  They hold up, I suppose; probably due to sheer quality; but some of those problems are so problematic, I simply can't watch some of them.  Particularly in the presentation of certain of the female characters from his oeuvre.  Like, for example, the older sister in FBDO.  But even more so, the older sister from Uncle Buck.  She's so thoroughly loathesome I simply can't enjoy the movie.  It seems as though she should be in some kind of hospital for the criminally insane.  I just looked her up.  Her name is Jean Louisa Kelly.  She's from Massachusetts, which explains a few things.  Apparently she sings.  Let's take a look (or a listen):

See, now I think I have to blame Mr. Hughes here, as he wrote and directed Uncle Buck.  Ms. Kelly seems like a sweet and lovely person.  I get the distinct impression Mr. Hughes had a real Madonna/Lillith take on women; but I'm not here to posthumously psychoanalyze Mr. Hughes.  I kinda forget why I am here...so I'll just tip-toe through the tulips of my mind.  Care to join me?
So, I asked my husband his thoughts on the profusion of Molly Ringwald Funko Pops--the why and the wherefors etc.  He said: "To make more money.  Sell four dolls instead of one."  I had to agree.  "But why," I asked, "don't they make another doll of Molly with one head and three interchangeable bodies with the different outfits, as she has the same hair in pretty much all the Hughes movies?  Huh?  Why can't they do that?"
"Or," he suggested, "one doll with two heads; one of the heads having two faces, like the Little Red Riding Hood/Grandma/Big Bad Wolf doll?"
Again, I had to agree.  He's a great sounding board.  He had a lot of great ideas for my pending rewrite of Pretty In Pink, you know, the version where Andie and Steff fall in love and Duckie and Blaine hook up?

But, before we get into that; let's talk about dolls!  I have loved dolls since childhood, since probably when I asked for and received my first Ken doll at around the age of five or so.  I still love them, as long as they're not creepy.  And I'm sorry Funko but for me, your wee dolls are a little on the creepy side.  Maybe it's the giant noggins, making everyone from Captain America to Molly Ringwald as Claire Standish look as though they're suffering head trauma.  Or the same face template that is applied to EVERY character.  Also, it's kinda like the old Woody Allen joke about the two old ladies at the Catskill resort.  They're finishing up their meal in the dining room and the first lady says: "The food here, really is awful..." and the second lady says: "I know.  And such small portions!"  It's kinda like that for me with Funko Pops.  They never do the obscure shows/movies I'm interested in (Space: 1999, Logan's Run, COMA) and when they do do something I'm interested in; for example, Pretty In Pink; we only get the main characters and often not all of them.  Like, how about Steff's girlfriend, "Benny Hanson" and her friend "Trombley"; as essayed by Gina Gershon in a very early role:  Let's take a look!

No, I think it's safe to say we are never going to see the Funko Pop! Gina Gershon as "Trombley" figurine any time soon. Or ever, probably.  Like, I'm super interested in acquiring a totem of some kind of Judd Nelson as "John Bender" from The Breakfast Club; but I don't like any of the current options.  There's a lapel pin:

I guess it's cool; but you can't make out the details of his face.  And with the Funko version, the details of his face are all wrong, IMHO:

I mean, do the Wayfarers come off?  Why can't we see Mr. Nelson's soulful brown eyes and super-sexy flaring nostrils?

I mean, the Funko version of Judd could just as easily be Rob Lowe in either St. Elmo's Fire or Youngblood. Or The Outsiders.  Am I wrong?

And hey, Mattel execs: Where's the Ken as Rob Lowe as "Dean Youngblood" from Youngblood doll?

I'd like to see that doll and the Lisa from Weird Science doll get together!  Yes, I also love your basic 11 and a half inch "fashion" doll.  They make terrific actors for short films.  You don't get a lot of "what's my motivation" and "that's my process."  You just need to supply the voice.  But sometimes, Mattel really drops the ball on likenesses when they do their "Barbie as" collab dealie-ohs.  Like their Debbie Harry doll.  I'm sorry; but she looks nothing like Ms. Harry:

I mean, surely Debbie signed off on using her likeness; so why did they even bother?
Actually, I think the "action figures" Mattel and others have come up with for their extensive line of wrestler releated merch are the best.  At seven inches, they're just the right size (no comment).  And the faces are often so close to the actual person, it's kind of uncanny.  Swiss wrestler Cesaro, for example, of whom I've recently become quite fond:

This is how close they got to his visage; and on a smaller scale than Debbie:

So, clearly, it can be done.
The other thing that bugs me about Funko Pops is the eyes.  They all have dead, black eyes; like a shark.  All I can think about is Quint's speech from Jaws or Baby Button Eyes from The Simpsons:

Copyright 20th Cent--err--Dizzney / All Rights Reserved

And I'm not into bobble-heads.  What's with the giant heads?
So, BIG IDEA Mattel Toys:  Issue versions of beloved Pop characters as good and accurate as your WWE figures.  Back in the day you did three "action figures" from my favorite TV show, Space:1999!  Your likenesses of Martin Landau, Barbara Bain and Barry Morse(!) were great!  Let's take a look:

You know, the above Barbara Bain as "Dr. Helena Russell" looks exactly like the actress.  In fact, I don't think that's the doll that made it to stores.  Let's take a second look:

Yeah, that first one was probably the prototype.  But look how close you got to the real thing:

So let's make this happen Mattel!  Funko hasn't done St. Elmo's Fire yet.  Maybe you could start with that!  But it has to include characters like "Ron the Decorator," "Mr. and Mrs. Beamish" and "Jules 'date'" from the opening scene.  And the dolls need to be seven inches...I mean, it's really the Goldilocks size, isn't it?
So, enough about dolls.  Let's get down to the meat and bones of this.  Our rewrite of Pretty In Pink; and I  promise, we'll stay on topic!
So please see: Pink ReThink / Part 2 for the continuation!

​CFR   12/19/24