SAT IN MY LAP or; Is My Smartphone the Universe? or; How About A Game of Trivial Pursuit?

Some say knowledge is something sat in your lap...
Immortal words from the genius noggin' of Ms. Kate Bush, she of the English blood and Irish heart.  Let's listen to her song!

What's going on now, Chris?  Another, if you see something, say something sitch?
Yeah, I guess.
So, tell us...
CLOCK TICKS

Is that your idea of a Tik-Tok video?
Yep.
It's not even a video.  The clock's hands never move.
Waiting for Godot.
Heady, dude.
Why are they always putting that play up?  
People love it.
Do they though? I find it punishingly boring.  It feels like you're waiting for Waiting for Godot, know what I mean?
No.
Okay, maybe I'm Waiting for Broh-dot.
Who?
Josh Brolin.
Do you know him
No.  But he's the only reason I'll watch The Goonies.
Roger that!  What does this have to do with him?
​Well, my phone recently slid this under my nose...

Did you read it?
I tried; but I kept hitting paywalls.  So, ah, no.
Wait.  Please don't tell me you're going to tell me that Josh Brolin--

Again, you're saying that--

So, you're saying Josh Brolin wrote about "tough love" from his stepmother, what?  After he read your "freelance" comedy sketch?
Well...ahh...no...not exactly...huh...why....well, you see...ummmm...that is to say--
Isnt' that an excerpt via the Wall Street Journal from his new biography Get Under That Truck!: My Boudoir?
It's actually titled: From Under the Truck: A Memoir.
Oh, right.  That.  Isn't it from that book?  An excerpt?
I thought I saw it tagged as an "essay."  Can an excerpt be an essay?
I don't see why not.  And since you're about to trash him, I think you should give him a freebie.
Any time!  He's my hall pass!
Publicity.
​Oh, right.​

He looks quite a bit like my dad in that photo.  My dad had like a mega-butch, classic butch haircut from like when he joined the Marines all the way into the early 90's!

Do you have DADDY issues?
Don't we all, really; in some way?  So what did Matthew McConaughey have to say?
About what?
Josh's book.
I don't know.
​Well, let's see:

And I'm not here to "trash" Josh.  Or Matthew.  Hey, we're all Irish here!
"Brolin" is Swedish.
Well, I love meatballs. And I hear voices too.  And listen to them!
Do they answer?

Before Chris can answer, the curtains rustle and we hear the opening strains of the theme song of Is This A Coincidence?!!? Everyone's favorite imaginary gameshow!

APPLAUSE!
BETTE DAVIS emerges from behind the curtain and takes center stage.
BETTE
Thaaannnkkkk you!  Good evening America and welcome to Is This A Coincidence?!!?, where you, the audience decide!
We'll be back after this message from our sponsor, Lincoln-Mercury; so stay tuned!
BUMPER
CUT TO COMMERCIAL:

BUMPER
BETTE
And, we're back.  Now, if you're just tuning in--
We hear a CRASHING sound from backstage:

The curtains rustle some more and JOAN CRAWFORD, in all her resplendence comes out.
JOAN
Wait!  Hold on!  Stop!!!
BETTE
Oh, Christ...
JOAN
I'm sorry Bette darling, but I have to put the proverbial kibosh on this.
BETTE
Well, this is Chris' joint.  We're in his cabeza; so hadn't you better ask him?
JOAN
​(To Chris) Well Mr. Reidy?
CHRIS
Yeah, thanks Bette.  I appreciate your support; but my heart's not in this.
BETTE
Aww.  Too bad! I was looking forward to some hot goss!

We hear the opening strains of "My Heart Belongs to Me" as the curtains part and Barbra Streisand emerges into a spotlight.  The audience goes INSANE as she starts to sing:

There is more ecstatic APPLAUSE as Barbra drops the mic and glides over to Chris.
BARBRA
Hello gorgeous!
Chris blushes as Barbra air-kisses him.
CHRIS
Wow.  I don't know what to say.
BARBRA
Don't say anything boobala, just sing.  Before we get to some tough love, sing a duet with me...
CHRIS
Me?!!?
BARBRA
No, Jeffrey Toobin.  Yes, you!  HIT IT!

As we've reached the Event Horizon of Attention Deficit, we'll continue this in: SAT IN MY LAP / PART 2
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CFR   11/17/24