SFX: PHONE RINGING
FADE UP FROM BLACK
INT. BEDROOM -PRE-DAWN
We see the figure of an incredibly well built man in a bed, under the covers. We can't yet see his incredibly handsome face as the room is PITCH BLACK. As the camera and our eyes adjust, we see a shiining red Grauman's Chinese Theater nightlight in a corner and also the flashing light of the phone on the bedside table. There is a stirring and a sleepy, incredibly sexy GROAN as the firgure rolls over and starts fumbling for the phone. He picks up and we hear the incredibly dulcet yet amazingly resonant voice of the man in the bed. This is CHRISTOPHER "CHRIS" REIDY, late 50's.
INT. BEDROOM -PRE-DAWN
We see the figure of an incredibly well built man in a bed, under the covers. We can't yet see his incredibly handsome face as the room is PITCH BLACK. As the camera and our eyes adjust, we see a shiining red Grauman's Chinese Theater nightlight in a corner and also the flashing light of the phone on the bedside table. There is a stirring and a sleepy, incredibly sexy GROAN as the firgure rolls over and starts fumbling for the phone. He picks up and we hear the incredibly dulcet yet amazingly resonant voice of the man in the bed. This is CHRISTOPHER "CHRIS" REIDY, late 50's.
CHRIS
Hello...?
MINNIE GASTER
Mr. Reidy?
CHRIS
Yes?
MINNIE
It's Minnie.
CHRIS
Who?
MINNIE
(Flat, emotionless) He's supposed to say: "I don't want to die. I want to live."
CHRIS
Oh, hi Minnie! What's up?
MINNIE
I saw something so I wanted to say something!
CHRIS
Really? What?
MINNIE
You remember our conversation about that TV show, English Teacher?
CHRIS
Of course. How could I forget?
MINNIE
Well, I forgot. But then my phone started showing me some interesting articles over the past couple of days.
CHRIS
Do tell!
MINNIE
Apparently New York magazine published an article about the show and it's creator and a scandal that seems to be brewing around the whole thing.
CHRIS
That sounds scandalous. I'm listening.
MINNIE
Well...it's easier to just read it. Here's a link:
www.vulture.com/article/brian-jordan-alvarez-allegations-jon-ebeling-english-teacher.html
Hello...?
MINNIE GASTER
Mr. Reidy?
CHRIS
Yes?
MINNIE
It's Minnie.
CHRIS
Who?
MINNIE
(Flat, emotionless) He's supposed to say: "I don't want to die. I want to live."
CHRIS
Oh, hi Minnie! What's up?
MINNIE
I saw something so I wanted to say something!
CHRIS
Really? What?
MINNIE
You remember our conversation about that TV show, English Teacher?
CHRIS
Of course. How could I forget?
MINNIE
Well, I forgot. But then my phone started showing me some interesting articles over the past couple of days.
CHRIS
Do tell!
MINNIE
Apparently New York magazine published an article about the show and it's creator and a scandal that seems to be brewing around the whole thing.
CHRIS
That sounds scandalous. I'm listening.
MINNIE
Well...it's easier to just read it. Here's a link:
www.vulture.com/article/brian-jordan-alvarez-allegations-jon-ebeling-english-teacher.html
CHRIS
It put up a paywall...and I'm not going to subscribe just to read one article. Although I might. I found this Reddit thread I will look at later. But I'm at my computer now and seeing all kinds of stuff about it.
It put up a paywall...and I'm not going to subscribe just to read one article. Although I might. I found this Reddit thread I will look at later. But I'm at my computer now and seeing all kinds of stuff about it.
MINNIE
Well, what do you think?
CHRIS
It sure doesn't look good. And this might explain why FX hasn't reupped English Teacher yet; even though it's getting accolades and we know Dizzney loves being up for awards. But I'm having mixed feelings.
MINNIE
Would you grow a pair? You said this person st--homaged--you and now you feel bad for him?
CHRIS
I didn't say that. But I want to reserve judgment before I--
MINNIE
Oh please! Do you want me to go over the transcripts of our conversation?
CHRIS
You were transcribing our conversation?
MINNIE
Of course. Miss Fay keeps all her receipts and ducks in a row.
CHRIS
No need. I'll just repost it here myself. People can make up their own minds. But I don't want to look like I'm piling on.
MINNIE
But aren't you?
CHRIS
Am I?
MINNIE
Yes. Okay, maybe seizing an opportunity. Because if Mr. Alvarez did in fact borrow from you, maybe that's an inkling into his personality; that he maybe feels like he can just do whatever he wants, with impunity. Maybe. Allegedly.
CHRIS
Oh, you mean just do whatever shit he wants?
MINNIE
You got it.
CHRIS
But how does that make him different than anyone else in LaLaWood?
MINNIE
He got caught?
CHRIS
Minnie, I like you. You just tellz it like it is!
MINNIE
Like it T-I-Is!
Well, what do you think?
CHRIS
It sure doesn't look good. And this might explain why FX hasn't reupped English Teacher yet; even though it's getting accolades and we know Dizzney loves being up for awards. But I'm having mixed feelings.
MINNIE
Would you grow a pair? You said this person st--homaged--you and now you feel bad for him?
CHRIS
I didn't say that. But I want to reserve judgment before I--
MINNIE
Oh please! Do you want me to go over the transcripts of our conversation?
CHRIS
You were transcribing our conversation?
MINNIE
Of course. Miss Fay keeps all her receipts and ducks in a row.
CHRIS
No need. I'll just repost it here myself. People can make up their own minds. But I don't want to look like I'm piling on.
MINNIE
But aren't you?
CHRIS
Am I?
MINNIE
Yes. Okay, maybe seizing an opportunity. Because if Mr. Alvarez did in fact borrow from you, maybe that's an inkling into his personality; that he maybe feels like he can just do whatever he wants, with impunity. Maybe. Allegedly.
CHRIS
Oh, you mean just do whatever shit he wants?
MINNIE
You got it.
CHRIS
But how does that make him different than anyone else in LaLaWood?
MINNIE
He got caught?
CHRIS
Minnie, I like you. You just tellz it like it is!
MINNIE
Like it T-I-Is!
MINNIE
Okay Mr. Reidy. Let's keep each other posted if there are further developments.
CHRIS
Sound good. Ciao!
MINNIE
Arriverderci!
CLICK AND DIAL-TONE SOUND:
Okay Mr. Reidy. Let's keep each other posted if there are further developments.
CHRIS
Sound good. Ciao!
MINNIE
Arriverderci!
CLICK AND DIAL-TONE SOUND:
...He's supposed to say...10/22/2024
0 Comments
My phone rang early this morning.
I happened to be up because I had to pee like a racehorse coming in last and the cat seized the opportunity to hit me up for early breakfast. I let the answering machine pick it up, as I screened. Yes, I have an old school answering machine connected to a landline connected to a phone like the above.
So, after the robo-greeting I hear an older woman's voice:
"Hello. I hope I have the correct number. I'm calling Mr. Christopher Reidy on behalf of Teena Fay. Miss Fay asked me to forward you the following message: I-Y-S-S-S-S. I'm not quite sure what that mean as Miss Fay was in a rush but--"
I snatched the phone from it's cradle.
"Hello? Yes. This is Christopher Reidy."
Oh, hello Mr. Reidy. Yes, as I was saying, she told me to tell you "IYSSSS" and wanted you to tune-in to something called English Teacher.
Oh, do you mean the new show about a gay English teacher that airs on FX/Hulu; or, in other words DizzneyTV?
I don't know sir, I have no idea what any of this means. I'm just relaying the message. I take it English Teacher is a television show of some kind?
Yes.
Well, that's nice. But I don't watch much TV other than Hoarders, The Golden Bachelorette and that show about the heavy Southern girl who seems nice but really doesn't so much, once you get to know her.
Wait a second...you sound really familiar. Are you an actress?
I used to be.
You weren't in All That Jazz by any chance?
As a matter of fact I was...
The Script Lady!
That's me.
(Chris imitates flat, emotionless affect) "...he's supposed to say: 'I don't want to die. I want to live.'"
You got it.
You know, you really made the most of your moment.
Thank you. A lot of my stuff was cut out. Well, if there are no more questions--
Oh, there are more questions!
I suppose I can't say Miss Fay didn't warn me.
Did she tell you what "IYSSSS" means?
No.
Do you want to know?
Not really.
Oh, come on! As a fellow artist: one whose work I know was wrongfully relegated to the outs and trims bin...
Well...oh, all right. Let me put you on hold while I get some coffee. The office is dead today anyways...
A CLICK and then:
Okay, I'm back. What does IYSSSS stand for?
It stands for: "If you see something, say something."
Oh, like on those posters at Amtrak stations and airports?
Kind of.
Are you in danger?
I don't know if danger is the right word. Maybe jeopardy?
Now hold on. Are you that fellow Miss Fay said was possibly, well, if not paranoid then perhaps in need of mental wellness treatments?
You mean, am I crazy?
Yes.
Can you define crazy? I mean, aren't we all a little crazy--or at the very least, neurotic to some degree? Neuroses is considered a mental "illness" isn't it?
Mr. Reidy, I'm not a therapist. But you're the fellow who thinks the entertainment industry is tracking your every idea and stealing them for use in projects that you are receiving no credit or monetary compensation for, yes?
I do have OCD and I think that is officially a mental illness. So I guess I'm mentally ill! You know what?
What?
I'm gonna own that. I AM MENTALLY ILL! You know, it feels really great to just say it and get it out there and off my chest! WHEW! What a feeling! I'm a MANIAC! Ma'am, I'm gonna play a song now. I'm gonna put the phone next to the speaker and dance to it. I invite you to join me!
Okay, I'm back. Sorry that took so long; I had to find my leg warmers. Did you dance?
I may have shimmied a bit in my chair. Tapped my toes anyways. That's from that movie with that girl, oh, what's her name?
Jennifer Beals.
Oh yes! She was charming.
She and I were both born on December 19th!
Really?
Yes, along with Edith Piaf and Mike Lookinland, TV's "Bobby Brady"!
That's nice. So, what did you see and what do you have to say about it?
Oh, I'll get to that in a minute. I just looked you up on IMDB. So you go by two names, I see: Minnie Gaster and/or Minnie Gordon Gaster.
That's my names. Don't wear them out.
So what else have you done?
I did a touring company of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.
You mean this?
Is that you on the bottom right? Because I can't seem to find any pictures of you--or any real information for that matter...
I can neither confirm or deny.
'Cuz that lady in the upper left looks wicked familiar. And is that Gary Burghoff to your right? I bet he played Linus!
I can neither confirm or deny.
Linus was my very favorite of the Peanuts. I totally identified with him.
That's nice. So, tell me about this Math Teacher show. Now I'm curious.
It's English Teacher.
Okay. Is this the part where you accuse that show of acquiring what you consider your IP?
That's one way to put it. And let me say up front that I am no longer actively looking for these "acquisitions." I am simply now reporting them when I see them--IYSSSS; or, I should clarify, moments when I feel I see them. I'm now calling them EYEBROW RAISING MOMENTS or ERM for short. As in, "Errrrmmmm, did that show just have a drunk chick singing about her titties?"
I don't know; did it?
I'm gonna say, "yeah." And I invite anyone who feels I am mistaken to contact me. Send me an email. Write a comment. Get a cease and desist notice in the mail! But before we move on, let's look at your scene from All That Jazz! It comes at the 2.00 minute mark in this mini-compilation video. And you made the thumbnail!!!
That was fun. So, about this French Teacher program?
English Teacher.
Whatever. You're supposed to say: "This is what that show stole from me," now, right?
Now "stole" is your word. I prefer "homaged."
I don't think that can be a verb.
I do. So, let's look at the trailer for English Teacher so we're all on the same page.
Fine.
Well?
Well, what?
What do you think?
About what?
Oh, right, I have to tell you what I think they homaged.
Go on...
Okay, here we go again. So, about two years ago, I launched a series of blogs called "Let's Write A Screenplay!" wherein I proceeded, in a somewhat "classroom" setting--now that's ironic--
What's ironic?
That the script I wrote as a kind of class ended up homaged by a show set in a school.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What exactly is irony. I've never been really clear on that.
I don't think anyone has.
Not even that Canadian girl?
What Canadian girl?
Atlantis Marinette.
Oh, especially her. And what's up with all these Canadians all over the place Go back to Canda, eh, yah hosers! Am I right Minnie? Oh, can I call you Minnie?
I'd rather you didn't. I believe Leland Palmer may have been Canadian.
Been? She's still alive.
What has she done lately? 'Cuz in this business, you're only as "alive" as your last project.
We're getting ahead of ourselves; but she gets a passport in perpetuity! She was teriff in that movie--and then she disappeared. Let's take a look!
But to answer your earlier question; irony is defined thusly:
Now, see I don't think what you're describing is "irony." You're saying that a show about a school that stole your script about a teacher is "deliberately contrary to what one expects." I don't know about you, but the first thing I expect in this business is theft. Deliberate theft and nothing contrary about it, honey.
Again, your word Minnie Ma'am.
Well, why the hell do you think they invented red script pages and that Steven Spielberg has a cone of silence in his office? I think Aeschylus would agree that only irony here is your naivete.
And maybe Annubis Marionette...
So, you wrote this script online, like it was an online class. What was it called?
Cheeseheads.
It's about a teacher and it's called "Cheeseheads"? That seems odd. Are his students none too bright?
Well, he lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin and his family is kind of obsessed with the Green Bay Packers. Like most of the people up there are. They call Packers fans "Cheeseheads."
Oh, because of the state's cheese industry.
Exactly. And fans of rival teams tried to disparage them by calling them this; but the Packers fans turned it around and embraced the would be insult as fun nickname. They even wear hats in the shape of cheese wedges.
Cute. So this English Teacher character wears a cheese hat?
No, English Teacher is set in Austin, Texas.
I would think you probably couldn't get much different than Green Bay, Wisconsin and Austin, Texas.
Right; but that's not really the point.
Are we going to be getting to the point at some point?
Ms. Minnie, I like your style! I'd like you to look at this promotional poster for the show.
We're on the phone.
Just go with it.
What's that book he's looking at?
I don't know, I can't quite make out the title...oh, it's the Scarlet Letter.
Is that ironic?
I don't know yet. It is, however one of my very favorite novels, which I've mentioned in my blog. Let's take a look!
Are you saying he got the idea of an English teacher reading The Scarlet Letter from your blog. I'm pretty sure that book is standard issue for English classes and has been since about the year after it came out.
Oh, I absolutely agree. I'm just making an observation. Speaking of Demi Moore--
We weren't.
Remember when she made a movie of it in the 90's and said that not that many people had read the book? And they gave it the Zalman King treatment?
Who is Zalman King?
He was an actor who became a director of soft or semi-hard-core erotica. Here he is playing a DJ on Charlie's Angels!
And you know it's a shame. That story doesn't need any ginning up. I mean they already had Gary Oldman.
Mr. Reidy, you're straying again.
Right, so the English teacher in my sitcom is gay and African-American. In fact, I went so far as to suggest casting this actor to play him:
And why wouldn't you?
Well, he's currently busy playing a character on that show, Emily In Paris.
Never saw it.
Neither have I. Let's take a look!
He's over dressed.
He's overdressed? What about her? It's like Sex and the City all over again but in Paris. With even more clothes. Oh, and the same producer. That explains a few things.
Now that show I used to watch. But then it started to look like the girls wandered into Vogue's sample closet when the lights were out and got dressed.
I know, right! It was distracting. I mean Coco Chanel must've been spinning! And I'm sure, like, Emily is an intern or something but still manages to pull together a dozen haute couture outfits per episode.
Back to Cheeseheads.
So, Lucien Laviscount would've been playing my English teacher "Colton Mitterand." He teaches English at a Green Bay high school. He's gay and at the beginning of the story, his older sister confesses to him she's a prostitute.
That doesn't happen every day.
There's also a scene in his classroom where he's assigning the class A Separate Peace to read and they start whining and then whining again when he tells them they can't read it on their phones, because nowadays kids do everything on their phones. Wanna see the scene?
Do I have a choice?
What's the takeaway here?
Well, the English teacher in English Teacher is gay.
But he's not African-American.
No; but hold that thought. I wanted to set up a dynamic between the teacher and the students that was comedic without being insulting. Like, yeah, maybe the kids may be a little lacking in their grasp of historical events and disconnected because of technology; but he is trying to connect with them because he actually likes young people.
Yeah, I got that.
Well, it's a major dynamic of English Teacher the TV show.
I'm not really convinced, however, that this show has homaged you.
Yeah, I know. I'm not trying to convince you. I'm just telling you my interpretation. You called me.
Fair enough.
So, early on in English Teacher, which has thus far aired eight episodes, they introduced another teacher. A would be love interest for the English Teacher. This is him:
He's overdressed.
I know, right. They got him out of his clothes faster than you can say Dimmesdale.
He looks a lot like your English teacher.
No comment.
I'll admit, that's quite a coincidence.
But it's only a coincindence Mini. Theere are a few other things I should mention.
I did mean to ask you about the person singing about their titties. Can you elaborate?
I sure can!
Well, before you do that; can you tell me anything about the man reading The Scarlet Letter?
Let me do a little research and I'll get back to you.
Maybe you better do it an second blog. We have may reached the Attention Span Outerlimit.
Sounds good.
Call me on Monday. I've gotta run. There's a sale on sheets at Bloomingdale's.
Can I just say one more thing?
Sure.
The English teacher on English Teacher mentions he grew up in the 90's but the show is top-loaded with 80's songs.
F'rinstance?
F'rinstance, "Maniac", from Flashdance. I've written at length about Flashdance in my blogs.
Now that's just a coincindence Mr. Reidy. Pure and simple. Everybody loves that movie. I mean, what a feeling, right!
Right. Take that passion...
Make it happen honey. Make it happen.
CLICK
Please see: ...He's supposed to say...Part 2 for the second half!
0 Comments
My phone rang early this morning.
I happened to be up because I had to pee like a racehorse coming in last and the cat seized the opportunity to hit me up for early breakfast. I let the answering machine pick it up, as I screened. Yes, I have an old school answering machine connected to a landline connected to a phone like the above.
So, after the robo-greeting I hear an older woman's voice:
"Hello. I hope I have the correct number. I'm calling Mr. Christopher Reidy on behalf of Teena Fay. Miss Fay asked me to forward you the following message: I-Y-S-S-S-S. I'm not quite sure what that mean as Miss Fay was in a rush but--"
I snatched the phone from it's cradle.
"Hello? Yes. This is Christopher Reidy."
Oh, hello Mr. Reidy. Yes, as I was saying, she told me to tell you "IYSSSS" and wanted you to tune-in to something called English Teacher.
Oh, do you mean the new show about a gay English teacher that airs on FX/Hulu; or, in other words DizzneyTV?
I don't know sir, I have no idea what any of this means. I'm just relaying the message. I take it English Teacher is a television show of some kind?
Yes.
Well, that's nice. But I don't watch much TV other than Hoarders, The Golden Bachelorette and that show about the heavy Southern girl who seems nice but really doesn't so much, once you get to know her.
Wait a second...you sound really familiar. Are you an actress?
I used to be.
You weren't in All That Jazz by any chance?
As a matter of fact I was...
The Script Lady!
That's me.
(Chris imitates flat, emotionless affect) "...he's supposed to say: 'I don't want to die. I want to live.'"
You got it.
You know, you really made the most of your moment.
Thank you. A lot of my stuff was cut out. Well, if there are no more questions--
Oh, there are more questions!
I suppose I can't say Miss Fay didn't warn me.
Did she tell you what "IYSSSS" means?
No.
Do you want to know?
Not really.
Oh, come on! As a fellow artist: one whose work I know was wrongfully relegated to the outs and trims bin...
Well...oh, all right. Let me put you on hold while I get some coffee. The office is dead today anyways...
A CLICK and then:
Okay, I'm back. What does IYSSSS stand for?
It stands for: "If you see something, say something."
Oh, like on those posters at Amtrak stations and airports?
Kind of.
Are you in danger?
I don't know if danger is the right word. Maybe jeopardy?
Now hold on. Are you that fellow Miss Fay said was possibly, well, if not paranoid then perhaps in need of mental wellness treatments?
You mean, am I crazy?
Yes.
Can you define crazy? I mean, aren't we all a little crazy--or at the very least, neurotic to some degree? Neuroses is considered a mental "illness" isn't it?
Mr. Reidy, I'm not a therapist. But you're the fellow who thinks the entertainment industry is tracking your every idea and stealing them for use in projects that you are receiving no credit or monetary compensation for, yes?
I do have OCD and I think that is officially a mental illness. So I guess I'm mentally ill! You know what?
What?
I'm gonna own that. I AM MENTALLY ILL! You know, it feels really great to just say it and get it out there and off my chest! WHEW! What a feeling! I'm a MANIAC! Ma'am, I'm gonna play a song now. I'm gonna put the phone next to the speaker and dance to it. I invite you to join me!
Okay, I'm back. Sorry that took so long; I had to find my leg warmers. Did you dance?
I may have shimmied a bit in my chair. Tapped my toes anyways. That's from that movie with that girl, oh, what's her name?
Jennifer Beals.
Oh yes! She was charming.
She and I were both born on December 19th!
Really?
Yes, along with Edith Piaf and Mike Lookinland, TV's "Bobby Brady"!
That's nice. So, what did you see and what do you have to say about it?
Oh, I'll get to that in a minute. I just looked you up on IMDB. So you go by two names, I see: Minnie Gaster and/or Minnie Gordon Gaster.
That's my names. Don't wear them out.
So what else have you done?
I did a touring company of You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.
You mean this?
Is that you on the bottom right? Because I can't seem to find any pictures of you--or any real information for that matter...
I can neither confirm or deny.
'Cuz that lady in the upper left looks wicked familiar. And is that Gary Burghoff to your right? I bet he played Linus!
I can neither confirm or deny.
Linus was my very favorite of the Peanuts. I totally identified with him.
That's nice. So, tell me about this Math Teacher show. Now I'm curious.
It's English Teacher.
Okay. Is this the part where you accuse that show of acquiring what you consider your IP?
That's one way to put it. And let me say up front that I am no longer actively looking for these "acquisitions." I am simply now reporting them when I see them--IYSSSS; or, I should clarify, moments when I feel I see them. I'm now calling them EYEBROW RAISING MOMENTS or ERM for short. As in, "Errrrmmmm, did that show just have a drunk chick singing about her titties?"
I don't know; did it?
I'm gonna say, "yeah." And I invite anyone who feels I am mistaken to contact me. Send me an email. Write a comment. Get a cease and desist notice in the mail! But before we move on, let's look at your scene from All That Jazz! It comes at the 2.00 minute mark in this mini-compilation video. And you made the thumbnail!!!
That was fun. So, about this French Teacher program?
English Teacher.
Whatever. You're supposed to say: "This is what that show stole from me," now, right?
Now "stole" is your word. I prefer "homaged."
I don't think that can be a verb.
I do. So, let's look at the trailer for English Teacher so we're all on the same page.
Fine.
Well?
Well, what?
What do you think?
About what?
Oh, right, I have to tell you what I think they homaged.
Go on...
Okay, here we go again. So, about two years ago, I launched a series of blogs called "Let's Write A Screenplay!" wherein I proceeded, in a somewhat "classroom" setting--now that's ironic--
What's ironic?
That the script I wrote as a kind of class ended up homaged by a show set in a school.
Can I ask you something?
Sure.
What exactly is irony. I've never been really clear on that.
I don't think anyone has.
Not even that Canadian girl?
What Canadian girl?
Atlantis Marinette.
Oh, especially her. And what's up with all these Canadians all over the place Go back to Canda, eh, yah hosers! Am I right Minnie? Oh, can I call you Minnie?
I'd rather you didn't. I believe Leland Palmer may have been Canadian.
Been? She's still alive.
What has she done lately? 'Cuz in this business, you're only as "alive" as your last project.
We're getting ahead of ourselves; but she gets a passport in perpetuity! She was teriff in that movie--and then she disappeared. Let's take a look!
But to answer your earlier question; irony is defined thusly:
Now, see I don't think what you're describing is "irony." You're saying that a show about a school that stole your script about a teacher is "deliberately contrary to what one expects." I don't know about you, but the first thing I expect in this business is theft. Deliberate theft and nothing contrary about it, honey.
Again, your word Minnie Ma'am.
Well, why the hell do you think they invented red script pages and that Steven Spielberg has a cone of silence in his office? I think Aeschylus would agree that only irony here is your naivete.
And maybe Annubis Marionette...
So, you wrote this script online, like it was an online class. What was it called?
Cheeseheads.
It's about a teacher and it's called "Cheeseheads"? That seems odd. Are his students none too bright?
Well, he lives in Green Bay, Wisconsin and his family is kind of obsessed with the Green Bay Packers. Like most of the people up there are. They call Packers fans "Cheeseheads."
Oh, because of the state's cheese industry.
Exactly. And fans of rival teams tried to disparage them by calling them this; but the Packers fans turned it around and embraced the would be insult as fun nickname. They even wear hats in the shape of cheese wedges.
Cute. So this English Teacher character wears a cheese hat?
No, English Teacher is set in Austin, Texas.
I would think you probably couldn't get much different than Green Bay, Wisconsin and Austin, Texas.
Right; but that's not really the point.
Are we going to be getting to the point at some point?
Ms. Minnie, I like your style! I'd like you to look at this promotional poster for the show.
We're on the phone.
Just go with it.
What's that book he's looking at?
I don't know, I can't quite make out the title...oh, it's the Scarlet Letter.
Is that ironic?
I don't know yet. It is, however one of my very favorite novels, which I've mentioned in my blog. Let's take a look!
Are you saying he got the idea of an English teacher reading The Scarlet Letter from your blog. I'm pretty sure that book is standard issue for English classes and has been since about the year after it came out.
Oh, I absolutely agree. I'm just making an observation. Speaking of Demi Moore--
We weren't.
Remember when she made a movie of it in the 90's and said that not that many people had read the book? And they gave it the Zalman King treatment?
Who is Zalman King?
He was an actor who became a director of soft or semi-hard-core erotica. Here he is playing a DJ on Charlie's Angels!
And you know it's a shame. That story doesn't need any ginning up. I mean they already had Gary Oldman.
Mr. Reidy, you're straying again.
Right, so the English teacher in my sitcom is gay and African-American. In fact, I went so far as to suggest casting this actor to play him:
And why wouldn't you?
Well, he's currently busy playing a character on that show, Emily In Paris.
Never saw it.
Neither have I. Let's take a look!
He's over dressed.
He's overdressed? What about her? It's like Sex and the City all over again but in Paris. With even more clothes. Oh, and the same producer. That explains a few things.
Now that show I used to watch. But then it started to look like the girls wandered into Vogue's sample closet when the lights were out and got dressed.
I know, right! It was distracting. I mean Coco Chanel must've been spinning! And I'm sure, like, Emily is an intern or something but still manages to pull together a dozen haute couture outfits per episode.
Back to Cheeseheads.
So, Lucien Laviscount would've been playing my English teacher "Colton Mitterand." He teaches English at a Green Bay high school. He's gay and at the beginning of the story, his older sister confesses to him she's a prostitute.
That doesn't happen every day.
There's also a scene in his classroom where he's assigning the class A Separate Peace to read and they start whining and then whining again when he tells them they can't read it on their phones, because nowadays kids do everything on their phones. Wanna see the scene?
Do I have a choice?
What's the takeaway here?
Well, the English teacher in English Teacher is gay.
But he's not African-American.
No; but hold that thought. I wanted to set up a dynamic between the teacher and the students that was comedic without being insulting. Like, yeah, maybe the kids may be a little lacking in their grasp of historical events and disconnected because of technology; but he is trying to connect with them because he actually likes young people.
Yeah, I got that.
Well, it's a major dynamic of English Teacher the TV show.
I'm not really convinced, however, that this show has homaged you.
Yeah, I know. I'm not trying to convince you. I'm just telling you my interpretation. You called me.
Fair enough.
So, early on in English Teacher, which has thus far aired eight episodes, they introduced another teacher. A would be love interest for the English Teacher. This is him:
He's overdressed.
I know, right. They got him out of his clothes faster than you can say Dimmesdale.
He looks a lot like your English teacher.
No comment.
I'll admit, that's quite a coincidence.
But it's only a coincindence Mini. Theere are a few other things I should mention.
I did mean to ask you about the person singing about their titties. Can you elaborate?
I sure can!
Well, before you do that; can you tell me anything about the man reading The Scarlet Letter?
Let me do a little research and I'll get back to you.
Maybe you better do it an second blog. We have may reached the Attention Span Outerlimit.
Sounds good.
Call me on Monday. I've gotta run. There's a sale on sheets at Bloomingdale's.
Can I just say one more thing?
Sure.
The English teacher on English Teacher mentions he grew up in the 90's but the show is top-loaded with 80's songs.
F'rinstance?
F'rinstance, "Maniac", from Flashdance. I've written at length about Flashdance in my blogs.
Now that's just a coincindence Mr. Reidy. Pure and simple. Everybody loves that movie. I mean, what a feeling, right!
Right. Take that passion...
Make it happen honey. Make it happen.
CLICK
Please see: ...He's supposed to say...Part 2 for the second half!
...He's supposed to say...Part 210/27/2024
1 Comment
...Hello?
What, who is this?
It's Chris Reidy.
Oh, Mr. Reidy. I thought we were going to talk on Monday. It's Sunday. You woke me up.
Sorry. This couldn't wait.
How did you get my home number?
It's 2024. Everything about you is on the internet, more or less.
I suppose. Oh, I don't care. Who the hell is interested in me?
I am.
That's nice.
So, did you get any deals at Bloomies?
I got some nice Ralph Lauren sheets on close-out.
Oh, I love Ralph's sheets. Only problem is he's constantly discontinuing designs and if you like something, in a couple of years you're screwed.
I just mix and match.
Oh, the shabby-chic thing. You either have the knack for that or you don't.
See, now, if I was super rich, I would much rather have a smaller house with beautifully appointed rooms than a gigantic house with a ton of rooms I never would or could use.
Oh, I agree. So, what did you find out about the English teacher?
The character or the show or the actor who plays him?
Pick one.
Well, his name is Brian Jordan Alvarez.
Hmmm. That's both WASPY and exotic at once.
He's bilingual.
Bilingual or bilingual curious?
Oh, you made a joke Minnie. Good on yah!
Tell me more.
Well, his mother is Columbian and he was born in Manhattan and he grew up in Winchester, Tennessee.
That's a big state. What part?
It's kind of in the central easternish part and sort of south of Nashville and borders Alabama. It's about an hour from Nashville. My husband grew up in that general neck of the woods as well, which I find odd and highly interesting.
Why?
Well, because that state has come to figure as a big part in my life and I never would've thought it would. I mean, to the point where it seems to me that destiny comes into play.
Interesting. So, did this Mr. Alvarez create the show and if he did, why did he set it in Austin?
The interweb is telling me he did create it, along side a Mr. Paul Simms. I don't know why he would've set it in Austin. Perhaps to get the extreme dynamic of liberal vs. conservative to generate story ideas.
Yes, but Nashville seems as though it would have the same dynamic. And what with the country music industry being there--even more story ideas.
You would think. But I don't know what goes on inside Mr. Alvarez's head. Or if it's in English or Spanish or Spanglish. I speak Spanish!
You do?
Well, no; but it doesn't stop me from trying! Let's take a look!
And I'm learning to not speak French, too! I'll post a video, bientot!
So, does Mr. Alvarez appear "undraped" as his colleague does?
Thus far he's managed to get out of his clothes in pretty much every episode, which is fine by me.
Oh, I just looked him up. Apparently he will give you the full Monty as well.
Well, male "full-frontal" is all the rage; and he's certainly frontiful--so go for it Alvmeister!
Does FX allow full-frontal male full-frontalness?
I don't know. It's basically Disney...and Little Brian might scare away the family audience. I'm all for it. Hey, if you've got it, flaunt, it! FREE THE DING-DING!
Speaking of ding-dings and knick-knacks and hoo-hoos and ta-tahs and bum-bums and tit-tats, et. al: so who is this woman who was singing about her "titties" and what does it have to do with you?
Okay, so on the most recent episode of the show, Season 1, Episode 8 "Birthday"; our hero's best friend, sometimes lover, is he my boyfriend or not? pal, throws a surprise birthday party for Evan at an Austin area gay bar called "Tom's of Austin."
Who is Evan?
Oh, Evan is the name of the English teacher. "Evan Marquez." He's written his Latino heritage into the character, which is great.
Wait, is "Latino" an acceptable term any more?
Minnie, I really don't know. Or Hispanic...gee, that sounds wrong. I guess you cant go wrong with "Latinx," which I'm not even sure how to pronounce.
What are you?
Oh, I'm Irish. Or how about IrishX?
My husband was Irish and IrishX with him lasted about four minutes. And sometimes even shorter!
Oh, I get it. Because Irish men have small penises!
No, my husband was hung like Rasputin.
Really?
No disputin'!
Oh, how nice for you.
Not really. My theory of penises is pretty much like your theory of houses. So, go on. Birthday party, gay bar, best friend, etc.
Here's a snippet of the episode. At the 12 second mark, we can see Evan's lady BFF and teaching colleague Gwen Sanders (Stephanie Koenig) commandeering the bar's karaoke mike and singing a song off the cuff, wherein she sings about her cleavage. Let's take a look!
That was fun.
Yeah.
And?
Well, in my script my gay English teacher's sister--
The prostitute?
Yes. Her. They meet at a bar and she gets so drunk she jumps up and grabs the karaoke mike and starts singing an off the cuff song wherein she proclaims her career choices and sings the praises of her breasts. Here are the pages:
Well, it was one page...
You spelled applaud wrong. It doesn't have an "e" on the end.
Yeah. I know. It's a typo. My life is a typo. That sounds like something Truman Capote might say: (Imitating Capote's pinched, flat, nasal falsetto): "...his resume says 'writer'; but that was just a typo..."
How about: (Imitating Capote) "...his book is a real word salad...with bleu cheese on the side..."
You might want to work on that one a bit.
Fair enough.
Oh, and did you notice that behind "Gwen" were large black and white photos of leather daddies?
No, what's a leather daddy?
It's a man of a certain age, usually gay, who puts on leather outfits to go clubbing and/or do stuff with hoo-haas and bum-bums and pee-pees et. al.
Oh. Let me take another look...
I see it. Well half of it anyways. And?
Well, in one blog I wrote of that time I was a giant poster in a Boston leather gay bar...
You were?
Yes...
Are you into leather?
KInd of. You can read all about it in my blog entitled "Daddy Chris Will See You Soon" Here's a link:www.christopherfreidy.com/blog/daddy-chris-will-see-you-soon
Well, I'll take a look at it when I get a chance. So Chris, what do you hope to accomplish by telling me about all of this; and I'm not saying I don't believe you. Although I won't say it's "evidence" it does seem to go beyond coincidence. But what do you hope to gain by making these claims; other than alienating people in the industry who don't exactly cotton to being called homagers?
Anyone I j'accuse! or yo acuso! is certainly welcome to refute me. In fact I welcome it. As I've said before, tell me how I'm wrong. Explain to me how this is mere coincindence; because I would really love to hear the answer. I also do this because people love conflict and gossip and all that Real Housewives shit--so, in a sense, I'm entertaining whoever might be reading this.
There's no business like show business. I mean, people don't watch Showgirls to see Nomi and Crystal being nice to one another.
So true, darlin'!
Oh, I see here no less an endeavour than TIME magazine named English Teacher the best sitcom of 2024!
Oh, how nice.
Here's a link:
time.com/7013554/english-teacher-review-fx/
Gee thanks.
Well, I've gotta run Mr. Reidy. The dog won't walk herself. Is there anything you would change about English Teacher, I mean, other than having it be your script?
F'rinstance?
F'rinstance, storylines. Acting tips? Character arcs? Plot points?
Well Minnie, full disclosure: I really like the show. I don't usually give other actors unsolicited advice, but in Mr. Alvarez's case I would advise him to lighten up on the high-dudgeon "go to" he seems to favor.
What do you mean?
Well, the character of "Evan" seems really bitter and disgusted most of the time. Like, about everything, except maybe getting laid. Like, this is his facial expression, most of the time:
I mean, maybe this is the character; but it's not exactly endearing. His negativity makes it hard to root for him. And there was a moment in one episode, #8 I think, where a student came to him for advice on coming out and he was really kind of nasty towards him. Kind of kicked him to the curb. I didn't understand what the scene was trying to say. I don't know how they thought it was playing; but it wasn't playing with any sort of kindness. It made me really dislike the English teacher when he did that.
Fair enough. Anything else?
Oh, when I showed my husband the picture of Mr. Alvarez with the 4 cent postage stamp and then the one without the stamp he said: "You really should have given him an eight cent stamp; maybe a nine cent..."
So here it is:
Go to the head of the class Chris!
Thanks Minnie, I will.
Ciao!
Adios!
Bon voyage!
Say HI to Teena for me!
CLICK
1 Comment
...Hello?
What, who is this?
It's Chris Reidy.
Oh, Mr. Reidy. I thought we were going to talk on Monday. It's Sunday. You woke me up.
Sorry. This couldn't wait.
How did you get my home number?
It's 2024. Everything about you is on the internet, more or less.
I suppose. Oh, I don't care. Who the hell is interested in me?
I am.
That's nice.
So, did you get any deals at Bloomies?
I got some nice Ralph Lauren sheets on close-out.
Oh, I love Ralph's sheets. Only problem is he's constantly discontinuing designs and if you like something, in a couple of years you're screwed.
I just mix and match.
Oh, the shabby-chic thing. You either have the knack for that or you don't.
See, now, if I was super rich, I would much rather have a smaller house with beautifully appointed rooms than a gigantic house with a ton of rooms I never would or could use.
Oh, I agree. So, what did you find out about the English teacher?
The character or the show or the actor who plays him?
Pick one.
Well, his name is Brian Jordan Alvarez.
Hmmm. That's both WASPY and exotic at once.
He's bilingual.
Bilingual or bilingual curious?
Oh, you made a joke Minnie. Good on yah!
Tell me more.
Well, his mother is Columbian and he was born in Manhattan and he grew up in Winchester, Tennessee.
That's a big state. What part?
It's kind of in the central easternish part and sort of south of Nashville and borders Alabama. It's about an hour from Nashville. My husband grew up in that general neck of the woods as well, which I find odd and highly interesting.
Why?
Well, because that state has come to figure as a big part in my life and I never would've thought it would. I mean, to the point where it seems to me that destiny comes into play.
Interesting. So, did this Mr. Alvarez create the show and if he did, why did he set it in Austin?
The interweb is telling me he did create it, along side a Mr. Paul Simms. I don't know why he would've set it in Austin. Perhaps to get the extreme dynamic of liberal vs. conservative to generate story ideas.
Yes, but Nashville seems as though it would have the same dynamic. And what with the country music industry being there--even more story ideas.
You would think. But I don't know what goes on inside Mr. Alvarez's head. Or if it's in English or Spanish or Spanglish. I speak Spanish!
You do?
Well, no; but it doesn't stop me from trying! Let's take a look!
And I'm learning to not speak French, too! I'll post a video, bientot!
So, does Mr. Alvarez appear "undraped" as his colleague does?
Thus far he's managed to get out of his clothes in pretty much every episode, which is fine by me.
Oh, I just looked him up. Apparently he will give you the full Monty as well.
Well, male "full-frontal" is all the rage; and he's certainly frontiful--so go for it Alvmeister!
Does FX allow full-frontal male full-frontalness?
I don't know. It's basically Disney...and Little Brian might scare away the family audience. I'm all for it. Hey, if you've got it, flaunt, it! FREE THE DING-DING!
Speaking of ding-dings and knick-knacks and hoo-hoos and ta-tahs and bum-bums and tit-tats, et. al: so who is this woman who was singing about her "titties" and what does it have to do with you?
Okay, so on the most recent episode of the show, Season 1, Episode 8 "Birthday"; our hero's best friend, sometimes lover, is he my boyfriend or not? pal, throws a surprise birthday party for Evan at an Austin area gay bar called "Tom's of Austin."
Who is Evan?
Oh, Evan is the name of the English teacher. "Evan Marquez." He's written his Latino heritage into the character, which is great.
Wait, is "Latino" an acceptable term any more?
Minnie, I really don't know. Or Hispanic...gee, that sounds wrong. I guess you cant go wrong with "Latinx," which I'm not even sure how to pronounce.
What are you?
Oh, I'm Irish. Or how about IrishX?
My husband was Irish and IrishX with him lasted about four minutes. And sometimes even shorter!
Oh, I get it. Because Irish men have small penises!
No, my husband was hung like Rasputin.
Really?
No disputin'!
Oh, how nice for you.
Not really. My theory of penises is pretty much like your theory of houses. So, go on. Birthday party, gay bar, best friend, etc.
Here's a snippet of the episode. At the 12 second mark, we can see Evan's lady BFF and teaching colleague Gwen Sanders (Stephanie Koenig) commandeering the bar's karaoke mike and singing a song off the cuff, wherein she sings about her cleavage. Let's take a look!
That was fun.
Yeah.
And?
Well, in my script my gay English teacher's sister--
The prostitute?
Yes. Her. They meet at a bar and she gets so drunk she jumps up and grabs the karaoke mike and starts singing an off the cuff song wherein she proclaims her career choices and sings the praises of her breasts. Here are the pages:
Well, it was one page...
You spelled applaud wrong. It doesn't have an "e" on the end.
Yeah. I know. It's a typo. My life is a typo. That sounds like something Truman Capote might say: (Imitating Capote's pinched, flat, nasal falsetto): "...his resume says 'writer'; but that was just a typo..."
How about: (Imitating Capote) "...his book is a real word salad...with bleu cheese on the side..."
You might want to work on that one a bit.
Fair enough.
Oh, and did you notice that behind "Gwen" were large black and white photos of leather daddies?
No, what's a leather daddy?
It's a man of a certain age, usually gay, who puts on leather outfits to go clubbing and/or do stuff with hoo-haas and bum-bums and pee-pees et. al.
Oh. Let me take another look...
I see it. Well half of it anyways. And?
Well, in one blog I wrote of that time I was a giant poster in a Boston leather gay bar...
You were?
Yes...
Are you into leather?
KInd of. You can read all about it in my blog entitled "Daddy Chris Will See You Soon" Here's a link:www.christopherfreidy.com/blog/daddy-chris-will-see-you-soon
Well, I'll take a look at it when I get a chance. So Chris, what do you hope to accomplish by telling me about all of this; and I'm not saying I don't believe you. Although I won't say it's "evidence" it does seem to go beyond coincidence. But what do you hope to gain by making these claims; other than alienating people in the industry who don't exactly cotton to being called homagers?
Anyone I j'accuse! or yo acuso! is certainly welcome to refute me. In fact I welcome it. As I've said before, tell me how I'm wrong. Explain to me how this is mere coincindence; because I would really love to hear the answer. I also do this because people love conflict and gossip and all that Real Housewives shit--so, in a sense, I'm entertaining whoever might be reading this.
There's no business like show business. I mean, people don't watch Showgirls to see Nomi and Crystal being nice to one another.
So true, darlin'!
Oh, I see here no less an endeavour than TIME magazine named English Teacher the best sitcom of 2024!
Oh, how nice.
Here's a link:
time.com/7013554/english-teacher-review-fx/
Gee thanks.
Well, I've gotta run Mr. Reidy. The dog won't walk herself. Is there anything you would change about English Teacher, I mean, other than having it be your script?
F'rinstance?
F'rinstance, storylines. Acting tips? Character arcs? Plot points?
Well Minnie, full disclosure: I really like the show. I don't usually give other actors unsolicited advice, but in Mr. Alvarez's case I would advise him to lighten up on the high-dudgeon "go to" he seems to favor.
What do you mean?
Well, the character of "Evan" seems really bitter and disgusted most of the time. Like, about everything, except maybe getting laid. Like, this is his facial expression, most of the time:
I mean, maybe this is the character; but it's not exactly endearing. His negativity makes it hard to root for him. And there was a moment in one episode, #8 I think, where a student came to him for advice on coming out and he was really kind of nasty towards him. Kind of kicked him to the curb. I didn't understand what the scene was trying to say. I don't know how they thought it was playing; but it wasn't playing with any sort of kindness. It made me really dislike the English teacher when he did that.
Fair enough. Anything else?
Oh, when I showed my husband the picture of Mr. Alvarez with the 4 cent postage stamp and then the one without the stamp he said: "You really should have given him an eight cent stamp; maybe a nine cent..."
So here it is:
Go to the head of the class Chris!
Thanks Minnie, I will.
Ciao!
Adios!
Bon voyage!
Say HI to Teena for me!
CLICK
CFR 12/24/24
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