Oh Joan, you minx!
Remember the good old days, when your phone wasn't "smart." It was just this dumb piece of metal and high impact plastic that sat on a desk or a table and rang until you picked it up; or until the caller hung-up? It didn't take photographs. It didn't have a "news" feed. It couldn't "text." It couldn't tell you about Taylor Swift's latest broken record--err--record breaking feat. Or how ugly someone who used to be beautiful is now, because they dared to age. Or the latest (CLANG OF DOOM HERE). And remember when it couldn't do all those things, how we still managed to do everything we still do now? In other words, remember when your phone wasn't a constant source of anxiety? I mean, sure, they weren't perfect back then. They might ring at three in the morning; and that was never good. You might get a busy signal that went on all day. You might miss a call. And you might even get a prankster. Or an obscene phone caller; but really; weren't those last two kind of fun?
I've already expressed my ASMR response to flaring nostrils in the male of the species. Let's take a look!
...ah, sure. Why not!
Wait, where were we going with this? Oh, yeah, I'm still on People. So, this was the "sexiest" picture in the whole article, IMHO. Every other dude and fellah was like FULLY clothed. And this too was rather a disappointment:
But anyways...back to The Phoney Awards! And none of these people I've mentioned strike me as phoneys; except perhaps Joan Crawford, who made phoniness an art form. She was a phoney; but she was a real phoney, baby!
The award itself, which is presented in Silver, Gold and Statue of Liberty Copper-Oxide, is an old school table phone, which really lends itself to the slamming of the receiver during a particularly enthusiastic hang-up.
(Also, the great thing about the Phonies is that there's no time limit. No parameters of any kind. A Phonie can be given posthumously. It can be given to any persons living or dead for past nominatable events! Isn't that terrif!?!).
Hmmm....
I seem to be having problems posting pics. Let's try a video...
Stephen couldn't be here tonight as he's filming The Bebe Rebozo Story in Florida; but he would like to thank HUAC and Egghead, his favorite Batman Supervillain.
APPLAUSE and OUTRO MUSIC