Hey Brahs and Broettes, it's the Wattermeister here, layin' down some deep-dive-no-jive Milk of Human Kindness on all y'all. My baby-brotious down to the Fox-Den of End of Times Inequity, one Killer Kat, Mr. Bri-Bri Killmediocre needs us baby! He lost his brow-brow babies, fightin' The Good Fight. Where'd those sexy caterpillars crawl off to? Nobody seems to know, bro-bros!
And here's my little Sistah-From-Annuder-Mistah-although baby-Blondie is actually a good ole twenny yeaahz oldah than moi--my dearest, distaff DTF Nordic gal-pal...ladies and gentlefolk...Mizzzz Laura Ingra-lay the hammer down--lay, lay, lay, lay-lady-lay- take it away Lauralassie!
JWATTERS
Hey, wait a secarooni...you're not the Ingrameister--
MS. LEAVE IT
HOW DARE YOU!
MR. REIDY
Ooops. My bad. I got the wrong blonde. But how are you Kar-kar? You've been MIA for a while.
KL
I most certainly have not. I've been doing my job. With aplomb, I might add.
JESSE
What's a "plomb"?
KL
Shut up Cyrano.
CR
I love the new lips, Kar. So that's where you've been! Some post surgery R and R downtime, methinks--
KL
HOW DOUBLE DARE YOU!!! It was a Frankenfacial!
JW
Don't you mean "vampire facial"?
KL
Stay out of this jungle-bush--
JW
Whoa!
CHRIS
This sounds like a song cue!
Hey, wait a secarooni...you're not the Ingrameister--
MS. LEAVE IT
HOW DARE YOU!
MR. REIDY
Ooops. My bad. I got the wrong blonde. But how are you Kar-kar? You've been MIA for a while.
KL
I most certainly have not. I've been doing my job. With aplomb, I might add.
JESSE
What's a "plomb"?
KL
Shut up Cyrano.
CR
I love the new lips, Kar. So that's where you've been! Some post surgery R and R downtime, methinks--
KL
HOW DOUBLE DARE YOU!!! It was a Frankenfacial!
JW
Don't you mean "vampire facial"?
KL
Stay out of this jungle-bush--
JW
Whoa!
CHRIS
This sounds like a song cue!
CR
I have to cut this short Kar-kars. My boss says I'm not supposed to talk to you because you're in politics.
KL
Fine by me. Who do you think you are anyways, to criticize ANYONE in a position of power in this country, including THE NEWS MEDIA?
CR
Well, I would say the word you want is "satirize"; and in that case, I would say I was as qualified as anyone. And as far as "criticizing"; I studied broadcasting in college, so I would say that gives me one up on a lot of people, since I was higherly edu-ma-cated in the subject. I studied journalism; but I think anyone with a modicum of intelligence would realize that FOX NEWS in anything else BUT journalism.
JW
Speaking of "buts"; I gotta go take out my Fox News Tool.
KL
Don't hurry back--
JW
Double-whoa!
KL
And again I say to you, whoever you are you little worm; HOW DARE--
CR
I think we need to call in Nancy Grace here:
I have to cut this short Kar-kars. My boss says I'm not supposed to talk to you because you're in politics.
KL
Fine by me. Who do you think you are anyways, to criticize ANYONE in a position of power in this country, including THE NEWS MEDIA?
CR
Well, I would say the word you want is "satirize"; and in that case, I would say I was as qualified as anyone. And as far as "criticizing"; I studied broadcasting in college, so I would say that gives me one up on a lot of people, since I was higherly edu-ma-cated in the subject. I studied journalism; but I think anyone with a modicum of intelligence would realize that FOX NEWS in anything else BUT journalism.
JW
Speaking of "buts"; I gotta go take out my Fox News Tool.
KL
Don't hurry back--
JW
Double-whoa!
KL
And again I say to you, whoever you are you little worm; HOW DARE--
CR
I think we need to call in Nancy Grace here:
MS. GRACE
CUT HER MIC!
CR
Thank you Nancy. Oh, look, here comes another blonde media personality. The one, the only, the THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING LEGEND OF THE DEAD: MS. LAURA INGRAHAMM!
CUT HER MIC!
CR
Thank you Nancy. Oh, look, here comes another blonde media personality. The one, the only, the THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING LEGEND OF THE DEAD: MS. LAURA INGRAHAMM!
CR
Laura, I have to say, that is an extremely profound statement. I dare say you've uttered an unassailable truism right there!
LI
Did I say you could call me "Laura," you little worm? It's Lady Laura, The Victorian Spankstress to you; and you only speak when spoken to.
CR
Why does everyone think my worm is so little?
LI
Because it is!
CR
Well, it works for me. Besides, I heard that more demure doinks are de rigueur nowadays.
JW
Really? Then this bro-bro is back on the cutting edge of off the chain Alpha-doggie-ness. (HOWLS like dog).
Laura, I have to say, that is an extremely profound statement. I dare say you've uttered an unassailable truism right there!
LI
Did I say you could call me "Laura," you little worm? It's Lady Laura, The Victorian Spankstress to you; and you only speak when spoken to.
CR
Why does everyone think my worm is so little?
LI
Because it is!
CR
Well, it works for me. Besides, I heard that more demure doinks are de rigueur nowadays.
JW
Really? Then this bro-bro is back on the cutting edge of off the chain Alpha-doggie-ness. (HOWLS like dog).
LI
Can it, bush-whacker.
JW
Whoa! Why does everyone think I have such a massive bush?
CR
You just look like it. Based on your brow-brows, bro-bro. And your hairless chest--
Can it, bush-whacker.
JW
Whoa! Why does everyone think I have such a massive bush?
CR
You just look like it. Based on your brow-brows, bro-bro. And your hairless chest--
CR
Hey Lau-Lau; or should I say "Law-Law" since you have a Juris Doctor degree? Huh..."J.D." ...vewy intewesting...(WHISTLES Twilight Zone theme). Anyways, Law--oh, I mean, Miss Laura--ah, Lady Laura--since you are qualified to practice law, I gues that means you can you use the Esq. tag after your name, which would make your initials: LIE. Oh, well, maybe not.
LIE
MLTVS: MISS LAURA THE VICTORIAN SPANKSTRESS WORM!
JW
Hey, we were talkin' 'bout yours truly. I wanna know more about my pubic region!
LIE
Look in the mirror, PEON!
CR
Now, in my experience, dudes with smooth bodies; that is to say, almost no body hair, tend to have it all concentrated either under their arms or around their...doinks. Sometimes both. And you strike me as a both. Or should we say "bi"?
JW
Try "Bi Uncurious"! This dude is only into the PINK, bro-bro!
CR
Well, both doinks and buttholes can be pink, dude-dude--
JW
Errr--ahh--that is to say--
CR
Speaking of pink, I love your PRIDE pool-float! It's totes faboo!
JW
What? That pool float is so straight...so heavy with masculinity...it actually sank right after that photo was taken!
CR
It's a bird with rainbow colored tail feathers...
JW
It's a My Little Pony, Tony. I'm a "Brony" bro-bro!
CR
If you say so...
BKILLMEADE
How do you explain those nips, man?
JW
What nips?
BK
Those Uber-Worked-Over-Pencil-Erasers, dude!
Hey Lau-Lau; or should I say "Law-Law" since you have a Juris Doctor degree? Huh..."J.D." ...vewy intewesting...(WHISTLES Twilight Zone theme). Anyways, Law--oh, I mean, Miss Laura--ah, Lady Laura--since you are qualified to practice law, I gues that means you can you use the Esq. tag after your name, which would make your initials: LIE. Oh, well, maybe not.
LIE
MLTVS: MISS LAURA THE VICTORIAN SPANKSTRESS WORM!
JW
Hey, we were talkin' 'bout yours truly. I wanna know more about my pubic region!
LIE
Look in the mirror, PEON!
CR
Now, in my experience, dudes with smooth bodies; that is to say, almost no body hair, tend to have it all concentrated either under their arms or around their...doinks. Sometimes both. And you strike me as a both. Or should we say "bi"?
JW
Try "Bi Uncurious"! This dude is only into the PINK, bro-bro!
CR
Well, both doinks and buttholes can be pink, dude-dude--
JW
Errr--ahh--that is to say--
CR
Speaking of pink, I love your PRIDE pool-float! It's totes faboo!
JW
What? That pool float is so straight...so heavy with masculinity...it actually sank right after that photo was taken!
CR
It's a bird with rainbow colored tail feathers...
JW
It's a My Little Pony, Tony. I'm a "Brony" bro-bro!
CR
If you say so...
BKILLMEADE
How do you explain those nips, man?
JW
What nips?
BK
Those Uber-Worked-Over-Pencil-Erasers, dude!
JW
What? Oh, err--ahh--you see--that is to say--that water was COLD man! As cold as a Victorian Spankstress' teat!
LIE
Looks like the work of Colt Nipple Pro Suckers to me...
What? Oh, err--ahh--you see--that is to say--that water was COLD man! As cold as a Victorian Spankstress' teat!
LIE
Looks like the work of Colt Nipple Pro Suckers to me...
BK
Now hold on! I thought this was about ME. A fundraiser for my eyebrows. I thought you were going to donate one for me bro-bro-Jessie-Joe--
LIE
SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, TURD. Here's five bucks. Why don't you trot down to the Dollar General and get yourself an eyebrow pencil, tiny testes?
BK
Well!
JW
Here's a link that might help bro. Best I can do right now, lil bow-wow...
Now hold on! I thought this was about ME. A fundraiser for my eyebrows. I thought you were going to donate one for me bro-bro-Jessie-Joe--
LIE
SHUT YOUR PIE HOLE, TURD. Here's five bucks. Why don't you trot down to the Dollar General and get yourself an eyebrow pencil, tiny testes?
BK
Well!
JW
Here's a link that might help bro. Best I can do right now, lil bow-wow...
CR
Now, Lady Law-ra, whadda ya say we have a little chat?
LIE
I told you to SHUT--
CR
No, Lady. You're on my time. Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass.
LIE
Hmmmph.
CR
Now...you were on the ladies softball team in high school and college, am I right?
LIE
No. That was Karoline Leavitt. I was on the basketball team.
CR
Hmmmmm...vewy, vewy intewesting...
LIE
Wait...are you trying to imply something?
CR
Well, if the Lady Cleats fit...
LIE
Just what are you trying to say?!!?
CR
Nothing...just that you were both All-American-Lady-Athletes-and Red-Blooded-Sports-Enthusiasts.
LIE
No. I think you're trying to say something else!
CR
Well, most of the gals that I ever knew who played softball and basketball--never mind field hockey--were, oh, how can I put this...let's just say a lot of them had secret recipes for clam dip...
LIE
HOW DARE YOU!!!
CR
Look, I'm just pointing out that if you guys played for the other team--or actually, just played for the team--and now you go around dissing and minimizing and mocking LGBTQ+ issues via your "platforms"; I, for one, find this the height of hipocrisy.
LIE
My platform does not "mock" those people's issues.
CR
Your "network's" ""comedy"" show found lobbing dildos at the WNBA hilarious, if I'm not mistaken. So, like, not only are you anti Lesbian, you're anti-feminist and anti Woman altogether.
LIE
I didn't joke about that--
CR
Yeah, but you did say "Good work" when you played a clip of a fellow woman being physically abused by an ICE agent, a man. And you had no problem with a co-worker saying that homeless people should be murdered. By lethal injection, was it?
Now, Lady Law-ra, whadda ya say we have a little chat?
LIE
I told you to SHUT--
CR
No, Lady. You're on my time. Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass.
LIE
Hmmmph.
CR
Now...you were on the ladies softball team in high school and college, am I right?
LIE
No. That was Karoline Leavitt. I was on the basketball team.
CR
Hmmmmm...vewy, vewy intewesting...
LIE
Wait...are you trying to imply something?
CR
Well, if the Lady Cleats fit...
LIE
Just what are you trying to say?!!?
CR
Nothing...just that you were both All-American-Lady-Athletes-and Red-Blooded-Sports-Enthusiasts.
LIE
No. I think you're trying to say something else!
CR
Well, most of the gals that I ever knew who played softball and basketball--never mind field hockey--were, oh, how can I put this...let's just say a lot of them had secret recipes for clam dip...
LIE
HOW DARE YOU!!!
CR
Look, I'm just pointing out that if you guys played for the other team--or actually, just played for the team--and now you go around dissing and minimizing and mocking LGBTQ+ issues via your "platforms"; I, for one, find this the height of hipocrisy.
LIE
My platform does not "mock" those people's issues.
CR
Your "network's" ""comedy"" show found lobbing dildos at the WNBA hilarious, if I'm not mistaken. So, like, not only are you anti Lesbian, you're anti-feminist and anti Woman altogether.
LIE
I didn't joke about that--
CR
Yeah, but you did say "Good work" when you played a clip of a fellow woman being physically abused by an ICE agent, a man. And you had no problem with a co-worker saying that homeless people should be murdered. By lethal injection, was it?
CR
No comment? Okay. Say, hey-hey, Lady Lay. Look what I found!
No comment? Okay. Say, hey-hey, Lady Lay. Look what I found!
CR
Why, whatever could all of that code mean? It's like some sort of Rosetta Stone of Connecticut Teenage Official Preppy Handbook Cuneiform Ancient Skull and Bones Skullduggery. I must decipher it! Oh, and by the way...love that sweater! Talbots?
LIE
L.L.Bean.
CR
What, Talbot's was too femme?
LIE
WHY YOU--
CR
Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass--
Why, whatever could all of that code mean? It's like some sort of Rosetta Stone of Connecticut Teenage Official Preppy Handbook Cuneiform Ancient Skull and Bones Skullduggery. I must decipher it! Oh, and by the way...love that sweater! Talbots?
LIE
L.L.Bean.
CR
What, Talbot's was too femme?
LIE
WHY YOU--
CR
Don't make me sic Nancy Grace on your ass--
NANCY
CUT HER MIC!
CHRIS
No, wait. Not yet Nancy. We've got more to herar from LADY LIE...
NANCY
We do? "Cuz she's boring the almighty Hades out of me!
CHRIS
Yeah. I say we continue this scintillating discussion in a second blog...so, join us for: BRONEY BROWS PT. 2: PLASTIC SURGERY STYLES OF THE RIGHT WING RICH AND INFAMOUS!
CFR 9/28/25
CUT HER MIC!
CHRIS
No, wait. Not yet Nancy. We've got more to herar from LADY LIE...
NANCY
We do? "Cuz she's boring the almighty Hades out of me!
CHRIS
Yeah. I say we continue this scintillating discussion in a second blog...so, join us for: BRONEY BROWS PT. 2: PLASTIC SURGERY STYLES OF THE RIGHT WING RICH AND INFAMOUS!
CFR 9/28/25