The Pits

Okay, we all know it's the pits right now in the good ole US of A and it's probably only going to get worse.  There's no use pretending otherwise.  But I'm not really a political pundit.  I'm not a watchdog.  I'm not a whistleblower, etc. etc. et. al.  That is for other people to do; people who do it much better than I.  And yes, I want to wallow in fear and worry but it's not productive.  All it achieves is more fear and worry.  And wrinkles.  But I can try to amuse myself by writing these blogs.  Amuse myself.  Make myself laugh.  Bring a smile to my face.  And if you're reading this, hopefully you'll achieve mirth via osmosis.  Let's face it.  This world is utterly absurd.  It's the pits, baby.  And speaking of pits...
LET'S TALK ARM-PITS!  and maybe FRUIT PITS, as what with all these pending tariffs, many of us won't be able to afford fruit for the forseeable near future.  Let us praise the avocado pit, shall we?

But before we get into that, let's all listen to "Poor, Poor PItiful Me" by Ms. Ronstadt to set the mood...

Okay.  Our first set of random celebrity armpits is: Mr. Seth Green!

Oh, wait...he's a ginger...I probably should find a color pic!  I tried but I couldn't find anything in color; plus there's not a lot of ginger hair there anyways.  Now, I don't know about you, but if he posed in Playgirl I would buy it!
Of course, no consideration of armpits, celebrity or otherwise, would be complete without Mr. Brad Pitt.  And Mr. Pitts, pits!

So, in reading that caption, a couple of thoughts come to mind.  
1. He dated Gwynnie Paltrow?  Oh, yeah, that's right...I kinda sorta remember that.  But then, so many celebs date one another when you factor in the space-time continuum, it's easy to lose track.
​2. Mr. Pitt is commanding me to figure it out as to why they broke up.  Okay, let's see...I figure that hygiene issues were involved, as Mr. Pitt has been famously known as one of thos "eau naturel" gentlemen who eschew regular showering, hair washing and deodorantationating themselves.  So, I wonder if for Gwyn, Mr. Pitt's pits were the pits?  Or maybe it involved flatulence, a phenomenon that males of the species seem to find hilarious and the females not so much.  Perhaps Ms. Paltrow suffered one "Dutch Oven" too many?  Or perhaps it was the dreaded "Fart Transportation."  What is "Fart Transportation" you ask?  Well, according to my husband, it's when a person (more than likely male) passes gas into a jar, clamps the lid on top, seeks out a recipient to "transport" the fart to and either:
A) Surprise unleashes the fart in the person's personal space and/or face.
B) Hands jar to unsuspecting person, claims the jar contains a "pleasant" scent and doubles over in mirthful hysterics once the person unlids and inhales "scent."
If it was the latter, perhaps this is what inspired Ms. Paltrow to launch her "Poop" line.  Err--I mean Goop.  Like, maybe Brad said to her, "Hey Gwynn, this goop smells great!" And then she opened the jar; and the rest is history.  Hey, Gwynnie: Pandora's got nuthin' on you!
3.  Mr. Pitt "believed."  Believed in what?  Not wearing deodorant?  That would explain it all, methinks.
Now, I'm not a celeb, but here's a pic of me with my pits looking the best that pits can be:

Thinking back on the history of pits; at least in fairly recent times, I have to say that perhaps it was Sly Stallone who was the first to realize and mine the palpitating potential of the pit.  Remember in Rocky (1976), when he did this?

That went on for like five minutes in the movie, which, in armpit time is an eternity. There was even a poster for sale of this shot from the movie! Italian men seem to enjoy showing off their pits as they are quite often in those Stanley Kowalski t-shirts.
How about one for the ladies?  The all time classic Patti Smith album cover.  Remember the shockwaves this caused in the 70's?

No pit chat would be complete without a visit from one of our favorite Pit-Pals...Mr. Chris Meloni!  Chris has been giving good pit for years; enthralling us with every nook and cranny of his underarm-underworld.  Often in his underwear!  I think it's time Mr. Meloni unleashed his musk with a new celeb scent!  How about...Christopit...oohh...I like that...never stop it, Chris!

Patti Smith's old pal Robert Mapplethorpe was into pits.  He turned the lowly pit into the highest art!

Yours for about a hundred grand!

Now really, shouldn't there be a WikiPit website for this?  I mean, if feet can have an entire webempire built around them, then why not the armpit?  I would love to launch a website exclusively for armpits, celeb and otherwise.  I would call it: Wide World of Pits or WeWoPits for short. But I don't really have the time (although certainly the interest) to concentrate all my energies/thougts/etc. on an armpit website. Which brings us to a CELEBRITY TOOTSIES BREAK!  I asked my husband to randomly shout out a male, female and "in between?" celebrities.  His responses: BRIAN BENBEN, JUDITH LIGHT and CHAPPELL ROAN.  "Is Chappell Roan a they/them person?"  He wasn't sure; so I looked them up and they go by "she."  So, she was out.  Then I found someone named Rain Dove who really seems to be all things at once and/or at any given time; so RAIN DOVE is in!  And here are their feet, in that order:

Speaking of Brian Benben's feet.  My husband has been revisiting Dream On, a show he enjoyed in it's original airing.  I never had HBO at that time, so I'd never seen it; a full episode, at least.  I was aware of the show, of course, at the time.  I recall reading a review from back then and the reviewer opining that he thought Mr. Benben's face "looked like a foot."  And to this day, I can't unsee it; especially as I'm watching along now and seeing said face in motion.  Luckily, I love feet!  The show features a lot fo Mr. Benben in various states of undress; and again, I'm not complaining.  Here's his face at rest:

And here's the Benben-full-backside:

Mr. Benben and I share similarly demure derrieres!

And here's some more Benben pit-bits:

Mr. Benben is originally from Winchester, VA, which is about three hours from where I reside in Ole Virginny; so, we're kind of spiritual neighbors, in oh, so many ways.  And he's a Gemini, my balancing sign!  I wonder if he smells like a foot.  And ya know, that wouldn't really be a dealbreaker for me.  But in a good way.  A good way.
Remember when Julia Robert's did this:

I mean, she kept raising her arms, clearly showing it off.  But why though?  I'm sure she had some high falutin' explanation; but sometimes, armpitting can be simply a "hey, look at me" scenario.   Wait, didn't she go out with Brad Pitt?  I'm confused...
Does armpit hair count as pubic hair?  
I'll get back to those pressing questions in a moment; but first:
APOLITICAL ASIDE!
Now, at the top of this blog, I mentioned that I was not a political commentator; and I'm not.  Nor am I a namedropper; although, maybe I am a namedropper; but in this case it's a name I'm happy to drop: Mr. Ian Bremmer!  I can say I knew him when.  And I can.  When he was a child!  We went to school together.  And worked at school together, occasionally.  And though I've never seen his bare feet or armpits, here he is, back in the day:

Is there such a thing
as a
b
o
t
t
o
m
l
e
s
s
P
i
t
?
?
?

Okay, so there's all kinds of stuff about "The Bottomless Pit" in the Bible; particularly Revelations.  I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want what Revelations is all about revealed to me any time soon.  You're on your own there but I feel were really all in the same boat.  You know, if and when it comes to Armageddon.  I'm afraid we'll all be Armagettin' It!
But let's put that on the back burner, for now, shall we?
So back to pits or another kind; or the first kind.  Fuit pits.  Arm pits.  Jungle pits, which were definitely a concern for Boomer and Gen X youngsters.  That and quicksand.  But quicksand on TV never looked like sand.  It was always watery.  Why wasn't it called quickmud?  And it was always in jungles, never in dry deserts, where I would think it might actually be a real concern.  Remember in 1941 when the two girls fall into the covered pit?  No?  Well, here's most of the rest of the scene:

Steven Spielberg ought to do a remake of It's A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.  Same length.  Same period.  Same script; or at least plot.  And stock it with today's comedy stars.  Might I suggest Matt Berry in the Terry Thomas role?

I'm seeing Barbra Streisand in the Ethel Merman role.  How about Tom Hanks in the Milton Berle role (perhaps the only time Milton was actually likeable)?  And for Dorothy Provine, maybe Scarlett Johansson?  It's really  fun to just kind of muse and cast the thing: so many roles!
We're going a bit far afield here.
So, back to that question: is armpit hair considered pubic hair?  No, not officially; but I would argue it is just as sexually charged.  Like so much else, you can find endless depictions of hairy underarms on the web.  Like, lots of stock images, which kind of makes you wonder what they might be used for, right?

When my husband and I go to see period movies and the women bare their armpits, they are 9 times out of 10 shaved, even if the events are unfolding in France.  Women shaving their underarms wasn't really a thing until probably the 1920's?

Anyways...
Let's wrap this up with a selection of really high quality male celeb armpits.  I will scan the web and pick some quck top-pit choices!  Let's see if you agree...

Old school Antonio...Simu Limu...Even an eighth of Idris...
​Third Runner Up:

Mr. Ruffalo...Italian, natch.  Thatch.  Natch thatch.
Second Runner Up:

Shaved, au naturel, trimmed, full-bushed: Mr. Gyllenhaal might want to change that last name to Gyllenpitts!
First Runner Up: 

I mean, wouldn't you just like to lick Mimosa from Momoa's pits?  Yeah, you would!
And I think we have to give first place to Mr. Nick Jonas.  We know.  You know it.  I know it.  They know it.  And he knows it...

And finally...
Here's a video on how to grow a cherry tree from a cherry pit.  And I cannot tell a lie; I think we may need to sooner than we think.  Stay safe.

Live, love, laff!
Ciao for now.

CFR   2/8/25

ADDENDUM:
I took the liberty of adding a little color to Mr. Green's  B&W pit-shot.  I think he looks like a Glam-Hot Van Go-Go-Boy!

FIN