That's Elvis' profile juxtaposed with that of The Statue of Liberty. Uncanny, isn't it? Two American icons. I was reading a story to my husband the other night. Well, it wasn't a 'story." It actually happened. I was reading about the 1986 restoration of the Statue of Liberty and it was recounting the original dedication ceremony in 1886. When it got to the part describing Bartholdi, in the crown, unveiling her face which had been covered with the French tricolor, I started to get choked up. I had to stop reading. I had to ask myself why I was getting so emotional. Am I more of a patriot than I realize? Well, one thing I do know; I have loved that statue since childhood. I have come to love Elvis in certain ways; although I am certainly not a superfan. There's a sound bite of Elvis laughing at something and the first time I heard it I came to think of him in a different way. I think he started laughing because a man in the front row lost his toupee or something. Let's listen!
And "Blue Christmas" is definitely one of my top five fav Christmas songs!
What are some other "icons" that are truly American.? I mean, things you see and you immediately think of the The Good Ole U.S. of A? Here's a photogrid of some of my picks. My pic, picks, if you will:
What are some other "icons" that are truly American.? I mean, things you see and you immediately think of the The Good Ole U.S. of A? Here's a photogrid of some of my picks. My pic, picks, if you will:
And if this is the trophy that sort of represents it all for the All American Male...
Then this is the trophy that sort of represents it all for the All American Gay Male...
However, the Lombardi Trophy is made by Tiffany and Co. which, if you ask me, seems pretty gay as well. And question: are we supposed to like put a TM or Reg. Mark after the name Oscar and/or The Academy Award? Because it seemed like for a long time you saw that all the time and it started to get like, super-redick. So, just for the record, I am not doing that...
Because in this blog I am going to be discussing our little/BIG friend "Oscar" and the organization for which he works. Now, I've thought about the, shall we say, constructive nature of writing about what I am going to be writing about here. That is; will this be in anybody's best interests to examine here. Or any kind of interests, really? Because I think we all know what I'm going to be writing about; and even I'm not sure I want to write about it. I mean, I've already written a lot about this. And specifically about "this" in three recent blogs under the umbrella: TOUGH LOVE IN NEW CANAAN. Perhaps you've read them. Perhaps you haven't. They did meander somewhat. So, I want to put it all here in one continuous blog and then put it all away. If I can. Because I'm not sure how this might play out. Okay, so here's my first question. What does this mean?
Because in this blog I am going to be discussing our little/BIG friend "Oscar" and the organization for which he works. Now, I've thought about the, shall we say, constructive nature of writing about what I am going to be writing about here. That is; will this be in anybody's best interests to examine here. Or any kind of interests, really? Because I think we all know what I'm going to be writing about; and even I'm not sure I want to write about it. I mean, I've already written a lot about this. And specifically about "this" in three recent blogs under the umbrella: TOUGH LOVE IN NEW CANAAN. Perhaps you've read them. Perhaps you haven't. They did meander somewhat. So, I want to put it all here in one continuous blog and then put it all away. If I can. Because I'm not sure how this might play out. Okay, so here's my first question. What does this mean?
Okay, I'm gonna be SERIOUS here. SERIOUSLY, SERIOUS. SUPER-DUPER SERIOUS. That is; as much as my character will allow. My personality. For I find it hard not to bring a certain levity into even the most dry of undertakings. And I'm certainly not a lawyer; but we will be talking about legal matters. So, that being said; I've invited a Hollywood colleague to help me. Help us. Heaven, if you will, to help us. Ladies and Gentlepeople...
MISS SONDRA LOCKE!
MISS SONDRA LOCKE!
SONDRA LOCKE
Thank you. And I just have to ask; why am I here?
CHRIS
Well, as my former co-worker, I thought I would take the liberty of having you guide me and my audience through the finer points of Amercian Litigation.
SONDRA
You have an audience?
CHRIS
Yes.
SONDRA
Could've fooled me.
CHRIS
Well, the Weebly metrics assure me that I do.
SONDRA
Is that like the Metric System? I brought a clip.
Thank you. And I just have to ask; why am I here?
CHRIS
Well, as my former co-worker, I thought I would take the liberty of having you guide me and my audience through the finer points of Amercian Litigation.
SONDRA
You have an audience?
CHRIS
Yes.
SONDRA
Could've fooled me.
CHRIS
Well, the Weebly metrics assure me that I do.
SONDRA
Is that like the Metric System? I brought a clip.
CHRIS
That was groovy Sondra; but I thought it was a bit light on the hard info
SONDRA
That's not my problem. And I just have to ask again; how are we co-workers?
CHRIS
Well, a long time ago in a LaLaWood far, far away; you were a client of an agency and I was the receptionist--
SONDRA
Yeah? So?
CHRIS
I consider it having been a kind of working relationship.
SONDRA
So we've met before?
CHRIS
Yes, several times. In the early 90's. So, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? I mean, for those who don't know who you are.
SONDRA
Well, sadly, I'm probably best remembered as Clint Eastwood's girlfriend. And then decidedly not. But I'd really rather not talk about my past...
CHRIS
Okay, well...if you won't, I will; because not only were we co-workers; in a strange way we're kind of family.
SONDRA
Do tell.
CHRIS
Well, you're from Tennessee.
SONDRA
I am. Shelbyville.
That was groovy Sondra; but I thought it was a bit light on the hard info
SONDRA
That's not my problem. And I just have to ask again; how are we co-workers?
CHRIS
Well, a long time ago in a LaLaWood far, far away; you were a client of an agency and I was the receptionist--
SONDRA
Yeah? So?
CHRIS
I consider it having been a kind of working relationship.
SONDRA
So we've met before?
CHRIS
Yes, several times. In the early 90's. So, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself? I mean, for those who don't know who you are.
SONDRA
Well, sadly, I'm probably best remembered as Clint Eastwood's girlfriend. And then decidedly not. But I'd really rather not talk about my past...
CHRIS
Okay, well...if you won't, I will; because not only were we co-workers; in a strange way we're kind of family.
SONDRA
Do tell.
CHRIS
Well, you're from Tennessee.
SONDRA
I am. Shelbyville.
CHRIS
Well, my father-in-law grew up in Shelbyville and attended Shelbyville Central High School where you were a grade behind him. And his mother and your mother, from my understanding, were good friends.
SONDRA
What was her name?
CHRIS
Granny Butts...what...you're not gonna crack a joke?
SONDRA
I'm from there. There's a town called Soddy-Daisy...so...
CHRIS
Anyways...you were born there. Grew up there. Went to school there. In the summer of 1967, a budding actress, you auditioned for a role in the screen version of The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter and beat out 600 or so other women to get the part, for which you were nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in 1968.
Well, my father-in-law grew up in Shelbyville and attended Shelbyville Central High School where you were a grade behind him. And his mother and your mother, from my understanding, were good friends.
SONDRA
What was her name?
CHRIS
Granny Butts...what...you're not gonna crack a joke?
SONDRA
I'm from there. There's a town called Soddy-Daisy...so...
CHRIS
Anyways...you were born there. Grew up there. Went to school there. In the summer of 1967, a budding actress, you auditioned for a role in the screen version of The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter and beat out 600 or so other women to get the part, for which you were nominated for an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in 1968.
CHRIS
You had a lot of career ups and downs for a while, and then, in 1975 you took a role in The Outlaw Josey Wales as Clint Eastwood's leading lady and then, as the say, the rest is history. Now, I would show the trailer; but you're barely in it. But let's jump ahead a couple of years and I'll tell you when you first hit my radar.
SONDRA
Fine. Just so you know, I'm not going to be offering a lot of commentary here. Think of this more as a Q and A.
CHRIS
Sure. So, a couple of years later you did a film with Clint called The Gauntlet. I didn't see it at the time. Still haven't. But for whatever reason I vividly recall staring at the poster for the film in the lobby of the Saugus Cinema when it was out.
You had a lot of career ups and downs for a while, and then, in 1975 you took a role in The Outlaw Josey Wales as Clint Eastwood's leading lady and then, as the say, the rest is history. Now, I would show the trailer; but you're barely in it. But let's jump ahead a couple of years and I'll tell you when you first hit my radar.
SONDRA
Fine. Just so you know, I'm not going to be offering a lot of commentary here. Think of this more as a Q and A.
CHRIS
Sure. So, a couple of years later you did a film with Clint called The Gauntlet. I didn't see it at the time. Still haven't. But for whatever reason I vividly recall staring at the poster for the film in the lobby of the Saugus Cinema when it was out.
SONDRA
That's something else.
CHRIS
Isn't it? I remember staring and staring at it; wondering what on Earth might have led to that scenario. I had no idea who you were, but I sure was curious. Shall we look at that trailer?
SONDRA
If we must.
That's something else.
CHRIS
Isn't it? I remember staring and staring at it; wondering what on Earth might have led to that scenario. I had no idea who you were, but I sure was curious. Shall we look at that trailer?
SONDRA
If we must.
CHRIS
I have a feeling that image on the poster sort of sums up your relationship with Clint.
SONDRA
I played a prostitute in the movie.
CHRIS
There seems to have been, and I'm going to be frank here, a real Madonna/Whore complex happening. Now, the first film I recall seeing you in, where your persona and performance captured me, was Bronco Billy.
SONDRA
That was a good one.
CHRIS
I agree. You had a habit of doing real hard-bitten, frosty ice-queens for him. Zero humor required. In that one, you seemed to be having some fun once you put on the cowgirl outfit. Up to that point in the film, I kinda wanted to see you next Thursday. Know what I mean? Would you like to see--
SONDRA
Roll it.
I have a feeling that image on the poster sort of sums up your relationship with Clint.
SONDRA
I played a prostitute in the movie.
CHRIS
There seems to have been, and I'm going to be frank here, a real Madonna/Whore complex happening. Now, the first film I recall seeing you in, where your persona and performance captured me, was Bronco Billy.
SONDRA
That was a good one.
CHRIS
I agree. You had a habit of doing real hard-bitten, frosty ice-queens for him. Zero humor required. In that one, you seemed to be having some fun once you put on the cowgirl outfit. Up to that point in the film, I kinda wanted to see you next Thursday. Know what I mean? Would you like to see--
SONDRA
Roll it.
CHRIS
And then you directed--
SONDRA
Before we talk more about me; let's talk about you. What sort of interaction did we have? I presume you're referring to Robinson, Weintraub and Gross if it was the early 90's.
CHRIS
Yes. I think Bernie Weintraub was your agent. Well, mostly I talked to you on the phone. I would say, "Robinson, Weintraub and Gross; how may I help you?" And you'd say: "Bernie Weintraub please." And I'd say, "Who may I ask is calling?" And you'd say "Sondra Locke."
SONDRA
How did I say it?
CHRIS
Well, I'm not going to say pretentiously. Or portentously, even. But you did kinda drop your voice a half octave and sort of elongate the syllables.
SONDRA
Well, I am an actress.
CHRIS
Yeah, I sorta chalked it up to that at the time. And you weren't exactly, shall we say, chatty; which is kind of odd for a Gemini.
SONDRA
Clint is a Gemini too.
CHRIS
Oh Sandy baby, I know all about Geminis.
SONDRA
Please don't call me that. Did we ever meet in person?
CHRIS
Several times. You came in to see the Bernmeister and I sat you down in the waiting area and offered you a beverage as you raised one of the trades to sort of hide behind.
SONDRA
What beverage did I ask for?
CHRIS
Oh, probably Perrier or something. It was still the go to sparkling water in '92!
And then you directed--
SONDRA
Before we talk more about me; let's talk about you. What sort of interaction did we have? I presume you're referring to Robinson, Weintraub and Gross if it was the early 90's.
CHRIS
Yes. I think Bernie Weintraub was your agent. Well, mostly I talked to you on the phone. I would say, "Robinson, Weintraub and Gross; how may I help you?" And you'd say: "Bernie Weintraub please." And I'd say, "Who may I ask is calling?" And you'd say "Sondra Locke."
SONDRA
How did I say it?
CHRIS
Well, I'm not going to say pretentiously. Or portentously, even. But you did kinda drop your voice a half octave and sort of elongate the syllables.
SONDRA
Well, I am an actress.
CHRIS
Yeah, I sorta chalked it up to that at the time. And you weren't exactly, shall we say, chatty; which is kind of odd for a Gemini.
SONDRA
Clint is a Gemini too.
CHRIS
Oh Sandy baby, I know all about Geminis.
SONDRA
Please don't call me that. Did we ever meet in person?
CHRIS
Several times. You came in to see the Bernmeister and I sat you down in the waiting area and offered you a beverage as you raised one of the trades to sort of hide behind.
SONDRA
What beverage did I ask for?
CHRIS
Oh, probably Perrier or something. It was still the go to sparkling water in '92!
SONDRA
Was that Orson Welles narrating; speaking of directing...?
CHRIS
Pretty sure. And don't you love how the Winchell's donut commercial comes on right after?
SONDRA
Now that I don't have to worry about watching my weight; I eat donuts all the time!
CHRIS
Really?
SONDRA
Yes. I always preferred Mister Donut.
CHRIS
Me too! There was one right near my first LaLaWood apartment in Burbank, just a stone's throw from Warners! Remember the jingle?
SONDRA
Sort of...
CHRIS
Sing it with me, pleeeeeeeeeeze?!!?
SONDRA
Well, all right...
SINGALONG ENSUES:
Was that Orson Welles narrating; speaking of directing...?
CHRIS
Pretty sure. And don't you love how the Winchell's donut commercial comes on right after?
SONDRA
Now that I don't have to worry about watching my weight; I eat donuts all the time!
CHRIS
Really?
SONDRA
Yes. I always preferred Mister Donut.
CHRIS
Me too! There was one right near my first LaLaWood apartment in Burbank, just a stone's throw from Warners! Remember the jingle?
SONDRA
Sort of...
CHRIS
Sing it with me, pleeeeeeeeeeze?!!?
SONDRA
Well, all right...
SINGALONG ENSUES:
SONDRA
Let's get back to that certificate you showed us earlier. Why? I mean, I can see that it's from the Writer's Guild. Are you a member?
CHRIS
No. I'm not.
SONDRA
What then, is the implication of that doucument?
CHRIS
Well, it means I registered my script with the Writer's Guild of America (West) and a copy of it is in their files and it's good 'til August of 2028!
SONDRA
Good for what? I mean, I know I should know all this but it's been a "hot minute," since I've dealt with legal documents; in particular ones related to the entertainment industry.
CHRIS
Hmmmmm. What is it good for? And is it a "legal" document? I guess it proves that I'm the author of that particular screenplay and they'll keep it on file until 2028.
SONDRA
What happens then?
CHRIS
I guess I'll renew it; if the world is still here.
SONDRA
Do you think it won't be?
CHRIS
I'm a wildly optimistic person Sondra; but you know...
SONDRA
All right. So, what's it good for now?
CHRIS
I guess it's supposed to somehow protect me from...something? Legally. It better. That thing cost me twenty-five bucks!
SONDRA
So, you don't have to be in the Guild to register a script?
CHRIS
Yes. Correct.
SONDRA
So any Tom, Dick or Dirty Harry or Crazy Mary can register their script with the WGA, even if they're not in the Guild?
CHRIS
Yes. For twenty-five U.S. dollars a pop.
SONDRA
I would imagine there are thousands of screenwriting hopefuls registering their scripts there. I bet those fees add up.
CHRIS
Yeah. Good point Sandy--err--Sondra.
SONDRA
How do you become a member of the Guild?
CHRIS
You have to acquire "24 Units" with a Guild signatory entity. It's all on their website. Basically, you have to get work as a screenwriter or whatever and then you can join; but of course, no one will look at an "unsolicited" screenplay...so, it's your basic Catch-22.
SONDRA
So the certificate is about as useful as the paper it's printed on; I suppose, that is, as far as using it as some kind of proof that you had an idea first, if you were going to take some kind of action against someone you felt had the idea, shall we say, second...or third?
CHRIS
Sounds about right.
SONDRA
And you brought me into this because you know that I had a highly publicized legal battle with not only Warner Brothers; but Clint; who was, at the time, more or less the defacto King of Warners; if not Hollywood itself.
CHRIS
I'm not gonna say he still isn't.
SONDRA
He's ninety-four. Ninety-five next month! Surely they've put him out to pasture by now?
CHRIS
Sondra! That's kind of harsh...
SONDRA
Is it? It's Hollywood. But then, he is a MAN, I suppose.
CHRIS
I see your point Sondra; but you know, I hate Ageism; and that Mr. Eastwood has sort of defied it, is kinda great.
SONDRA
Whatever. I'm famished. Would you like to go to The Smokehouse for a bite?
CHRIS
Sure! I love that place!
SONDRA
Then let's go...
Let's get back to that certificate you showed us earlier. Why? I mean, I can see that it's from the Writer's Guild. Are you a member?
CHRIS
No. I'm not.
SONDRA
What then, is the implication of that doucument?
CHRIS
Well, it means I registered my script with the Writer's Guild of America (West) and a copy of it is in their files and it's good 'til August of 2028!
SONDRA
Good for what? I mean, I know I should know all this but it's been a "hot minute," since I've dealt with legal documents; in particular ones related to the entertainment industry.
CHRIS
Hmmmmm. What is it good for? And is it a "legal" document? I guess it proves that I'm the author of that particular screenplay and they'll keep it on file until 2028.
SONDRA
What happens then?
CHRIS
I guess I'll renew it; if the world is still here.
SONDRA
Do you think it won't be?
CHRIS
I'm a wildly optimistic person Sondra; but you know...
SONDRA
All right. So, what's it good for now?
CHRIS
I guess it's supposed to somehow protect me from...something? Legally. It better. That thing cost me twenty-five bucks!
SONDRA
So, you don't have to be in the Guild to register a script?
CHRIS
Yes. Correct.
SONDRA
So any Tom, Dick or Dirty Harry or Crazy Mary can register their script with the WGA, even if they're not in the Guild?
CHRIS
Yes. For twenty-five U.S. dollars a pop.
SONDRA
I would imagine there are thousands of screenwriting hopefuls registering their scripts there. I bet those fees add up.
CHRIS
Yeah. Good point Sandy--err--Sondra.
SONDRA
How do you become a member of the Guild?
CHRIS
You have to acquire "24 Units" with a Guild signatory entity. It's all on their website. Basically, you have to get work as a screenwriter or whatever and then you can join; but of course, no one will look at an "unsolicited" screenplay...so, it's your basic Catch-22.
SONDRA
So the certificate is about as useful as the paper it's printed on; I suppose, that is, as far as using it as some kind of proof that you had an idea first, if you were going to take some kind of action against someone you felt had the idea, shall we say, second...or third?
CHRIS
Sounds about right.
SONDRA
And you brought me into this because you know that I had a highly publicized legal battle with not only Warner Brothers; but Clint; who was, at the time, more or less the defacto King of Warners; if not Hollywood itself.
CHRIS
I'm not gonna say he still isn't.
SONDRA
He's ninety-four. Ninety-five next month! Surely they've put him out to pasture by now?
CHRIS
Sondra! That's kind of harsh...
SONDRA
Is it? It's Hollywood. But then, he is a MAN, I suppose.
CHRIS
I see your point Sondra; but you know, I hate Ageism; and that Mr. Eastwood has sort of defied it, is kinda great.
SONDRA
Whatever. I'm famished. Would you like to go to The Smokehouse for a bite?
CHRIS
Sure! I love that place!
SONDRA
Then let's go...
SONDRA
That was pretty transition music.
CHRIS
Yeah...hey isn't Clint like a skilled pianist and like, composer?
SONDRA
Yes. The fucker can do anything.
CHRIS
Let's have a listen...
That was pretty transition music.
CHRIS
Yeah...hey isn't Clint like a skilled pianist and like, composer?
SONDRA
Yes. The fucker can do anything.
CHRIS
Let's have a listen...
CHRIS
Tom Hanks bonus!
SONDRA
I loved this place. Everyone from Warner's would come over here. This was mine and Clint's booth.
CHRIS
Oh, do you want to sit--
SONDRA
No. This is fine. I brought a clip. You might want to fast forward a few minutes; she's easily distracted.
Tom Hanks bonus!
SONDRA
I loved this place. Everyone from Warner's would come over here. This was mine and Clint's booth.
CHRIS
Oh, do you want to sit--
SONDRA
No. This is fine. I brought a clip. You might want to fast forward a few minutes; she's easily distracted.
CHRIS
The struggle is real! You know, I loved the Copper Penny which was about a half mile east of here. But Warner's tore it down to put up some generic office building. I mean, really. Come on! They could've worked around it. Oh, have you ever been to Emon, which is even a little further up? I loved that place!
SONDRA
No, I haven't.
CHRIS
The Spicy Chicken Teriyaki was the best! I brought a clip!
The struggle is real! You know, I loved the Copper Penny which was about a half mile east of here. But Warner's tore it down to put up some generic office building. I mean, really. Come on! They could've worked around it. Oh, have you ever been to Emon, which is even a little further up? I loved that place!
SONDRA
No, I haven't.
CHRIS
The Spicy Chicken Teriyaki was the best! I brought a clip!
SONDRA
It seems we haven't gotten to the...spicy beef teriyaki...of all this. Tell me more about wanting my advice on legal matters.
CHRIS
Okay. So. Have you ever heard of Art Buchwald?
It seems we haven't gotten to the...spicy beef teriyaki...of all this. Tell me more about wanting my advice on legal matters.
CHRIS
Okay. So. Have you ever heard of Art Buchwald?
SONDRA
Wait a minute. Before we get into that. I was just thinking that when we "knew" each other; when I would be coming in to see Bernie Weintraub, it was during the time I was pointedly not getting work due to the, unbeknownst to me at the time; fake production deal with--
CHRIS
Let's leave the personalities out of this, shall we? But yes. It was smack dab in the middle of all that. Your first trial in that regard was in June of 1995. Now I'm thinking that your nearly catatonic state when I knew you makes perfect sense. And for the record, I don't think Bernie Weintraub was "in on it."
SONDRA
Neither do I. He was a sweetheart.
CHRIS
Yeah. He wore Kouros cologne, which can be a lot. Other than that; he was a real mensch.
SONDRA
But yes, I know who Art Buchwald is. Why do you bring him up.
CHRIS
Well, when I was mulling over things; I was trying to think of a high profile case of a writer suing over IP--you know, I dislike the word "theft." Let's come up with something else.
SONDRA
How about Latin?
CHRIS
My phone is telling me the Latin word is furtum. I like that. Let's use that. So, I recalled the whole Coming To America case, where Buchwald sued Paramount for furtuming his idea for the concept.
SONDRA
I'm sorry to interrupt but is Buchwald actually standing in The Reflecting Pool in that photograph?
CHRIS
You know, I have wondered about that since I was kid and I first saw that photo. Let's see what my phone says...
Wait a minute. Before we get into that. I was just thinking that when we "knew" each other; when I would be coming in to see Bernie Weintraub, it was during the time I was pointedly not getting work due to the, unbeknownst to me at the time; fake production deal with--
CHRIS
Let's leave the personalities out of this, shall we? But yes. It was smack dab in the middle of all that. Your first trial in that regard was in June of 1995. Now I'm thinking that your nearly catatonic state when I knew you makes perfect sense. And for the record, I don't think Bernie Weintraub was "in on it."
SONDRA
Neither do I. He was a sweetheart.
CHRIS
Yeah. He wore Kouros cologne, which can be a lot. Other than that; he was a real mensch.
SONDRA
But yes, I know who Art Buchwald is. Why do you bring him up.
CHRIS
Well, when I was mulling over things; I was trying to think of a high profile case of a writer suing over IP--you know, I dislike the word "theft." Let's come up with something else.
SONDRA
How about Latin?
CHRIS
My phone is telling me the Latin word is furtum. I like that. Let's use that. So, I recalled the whole Coming To America case, where Buchwald sued Paramount for furtuming his idea for the concept.
SONDRA
I'm sorry to interrupt but is Buchwald actually standing in The Reflecting Pool in that photograph?
CHRIS
You know, I have wondered about that since I was kid and I first saw that photo. Let's see what my phone says...
CHRIS
I mean, if it's thirty inches deep in the middle and he was five feet eight inches; that seems about right.
SONDRA
You couldn't pay me to go in that water. I mean you don't know where that water's been.
CHRIS
I bet Clint would surf in it if he could.
SONDRA
I thought we were leaving personalities out of this.
CHRIS
Toosh. So, let's get on the same page about Mr. Buchwald. And can I just say if I'd known him in 1942 and was in the Marines with him I would be bending over backwards to be bending over forwards for him?
SONDRA
I suppose you can say that. But I think the real question is, just who wants to hear it?
CHRIS
He was a hottie!
I mean, if it's thirty inches deep in the middle and he was five feet eight inches; that seems about right.
SONDRA
You couldn't pay me to go in that water. I mean you don't know where that water's been.
CHRIS
I bet Clint would surf in it if he could.
SONDRA
I thought we were leaving personalities out of this.
CHRIS
Toosh. So, let's get on the same page about Mr. Buchwald. And can I just say if I'd known him in 1942 and was in the Marines with him I would be bending over backwards to be bending over forwards for him?
SONDRA
I suppose you can say that. But I think the real question is, just who wants to hear it?
CHRIS
He was a hottie!
CHRIS
So, there are whole books on the subject of Buchwald V. Paramount. The upshot is that he settled even though he had a really strong case. I suppose it was getting very expensive for him to continue and that the settlement proved some kind of point. No one ever seems to take these cases to the very end, which is what I suppose the people holding all the cards rely on. And there's a quote in this clip: "...well, I don't like to label myself; I'm against whoever's in power." That probably sums it up right there.
So, there are whole books on the subject of Buchwald V. Paramount. The upshot is that he settled even though he had a really strong case. I suppose it was getting very expensive for him to continue and that the settlement proved some kind of point. No one ever seems to take these cases to the very end, which is what I suppose the people holding all the cards rely on. And there's a quote in this clip: "...well, I don't like to label myself; I'm against whoever's in power." That probably sums it up right there.
WAITER
Good evening Miss Locke. Welcome back!
SONDRA
Good evening, nice to see you again. We'll have the New York steak, for two, medium. The house salad and oh, something Southern to start...how about the fried pickles?
CHRIS
Sure.
WAITER
Very good.
CHRIS
I've never had someone just order for me like that; let alone a lady--well, besides my mother when I was a kid--it's so...butch?
SONDRA
If I'm paying, I'm ordering. Now tell me: do you really find Mr. Buchwald attractive?
CHRIS
Yeah. I mean when he was young. He got a little inadvertantly sweaty when he got older. Clint was kind of pretty when he was younger.
Good evening Miss Locke. Welcome back!
SONDRA
Good evening, nice to see you again. We'll have the New York steak, for two, medium. The house salad and oh, something Southern to start...how about the fried pickles?
CHRIS
Sure.
WAITER
Very good.
CHRIS
I've never had someone just order for me like that; let alone a lady--well, besides my mother when I was a kid--it's so...butch?
SONDRA
If I'm paying, I'm ordering. Now tell me: do you really find Mr. Buchwald attractive?
CHRIS
Yeah. I mean when he was young. He got a little inadvertantly sweaty when he got older. Clint was kind of pretty when he was younger.
CHRIS
Okay. So, like, Sondra...can I just address the elephant in the room?
SONDRA
I don't see an elephant.
CHRIS
Right. How about the sperm whale in my head?
SONDRA
Address away.
CHRIS
I just gotta ask. What was going on?
SONDRA
Going on where?
CHRIS
Where to start? You were married to an openly gay man who styled your clothes and did your hair and make-up that you never consummated your marriage with and then started dating Clint while you were still married to the gay guy.
Okay. So, like, Sondra...can I just address the elephant in the room?
SONDRA
I don't see an elephant.
CHRIS
Right. How about the sperm whale in my head?
SONDRA
Address away.
CHRIS
I just gotta ask. What was going on?
SONDRA
Going on where?
CHRIS
Where to start? You were married to an openly gay man who styled your clothes and did your hair and make-up that you never consummated your marriage with and then started dating Clint while you were still married to the gay guy.
SONDRA
It was Hollywood. In the 70's. It was complicated.
CHRIS
You married Gordon before you got to Hollywood!
SONDRA
I was ahead of my time, what can I say?
CHRIS
Actually, I gotta say; your Oscar dress could be worn today and look amazeballs! The Golden Globes look, not so much.
SONDRA
I agree. (Laughs) I look like a Southern Fried Pickle!
CHRIS
And there are some pictures of Clint that really kind of make me go: Hmmmmmm.
It was Hollywood. In the 70's. It was complicated.
CHRIS
You married Gordon before you got to Hollywood!
SONDRA
I was ahead of my time, what can I say?
CHRIS
Actually, I gotta say; your Oscar dress could be worn today and look amazeballs! The Golden Globes look, not so much.
SONDRA
I agree. (Laughs) I look like a Southern Fried Pickle!
CHRIS
And there are some pictures of Clint that really kind of make me go: Hmmmmmm.
SONDRA
Show me...
CHRIS
Okay, how 'bout these?
Show me...
CHRIS
Okay, how 'bout these?
SONDRA
Standard issue publicity stills. They were always dragging male contract players down to the gym.
CHRIS
Clint's armpit hair looks awfully well groomed, particularly for the late 50's.
SONDRA
The studio again. If they could trim or wax or pluck something, they would.
CHRIS
A toy, toy dog?
SONDRA
He loves animals.
CHRIS
Straight men don't do cats, I'm sorry.
SONDRA
He loved pussies.
CHRIS
How about this?
Standard issue publicity stills. They were always dragging male contract players down to the gym.
CHRIS
Clint's armpit hair looks awfully well groomed, particularly for the late 50's.
SONDRA
The studio again. If they could trim or wax or pluck something, they would.
CHRIS
A toy, toy dog?
SONDRA
He loves animals.
CHRIS
Straight men don't do cats, I'm sorry.
SONDRA
He loved pussies.
CHRIS
How about this?
SONDRA
He also loved really big shooters. The biggest of the big. Ones that could blast huge payloads for rounds at a time. (SMILES). Oh, here come the pickles. Clint loved those too. (SMILES).
CHRIS
And then you were on the girl's basket-ball team in high school.
SONDRA
So?
CHRIS
Not really somthing a lot of Southern ladies would do, particularly back then, n'est-ce pas?
He also loved really big shooters. The biggest of the big. Ones that could blast huge payloads for rounds at a time. (SMILES). Oh, here come the pickles. Clint loved those too. (SMILES).
CHRIS
And then you were on the girl's basket-ball team in high school.
SONDRA
So?
CHRIS
Not really somthing a lot of Southern ladies would do, particularly back then, n'est-ce pas?
SONDRA
What can I say? I was ahead of my time.
CHRIS
Why do you look like fifteen years older in 1959?
SONDRA
The hair and make-up made us all look middle-aged. Here's a headshot from '69 or so:
What can I say? I was ahead of my time.
CHRIS
Why do you look like fifteen years older in 1959?
SONDRA
The hair and make-up made us all look middle-aged. Here's a headshot from '69 or so:
CHRIS
Was that your very first headshot?
SONDRA
You know, I don't think I even had any at the start. That might be a studio publicity still.
CHRIS
Wanna see my first head shots?
SONDRA
All right.
Was that your very first headshot?
SONDRA
You know, I don't think I even had any at the start. That might be a studio publicity still.
CHRIS
Wanna see my first head shots?
SONDRA
All right.
CHRIS
Some of them are doubles...
SONDRA
I think I like the middle row, first on the left.
CHRIS
Thanks. I never used them for anything.
SONDRA
Why not?
CHRIS
My acting ambitions were stultified for a variety of reasons. Fear, I suppose, being one of them.
SONDRA
Fear...oh, what is the word? Sucks. Yes, that's it. So, are we going to talk about more of your fears?
CHRIS
Yes. I've got to face them Sondra! And I fear we're going to have to go into another blog...
SONDRA
Well, that will work out. Because here comes dinner. See; everything happens for a reason. Oh, look, there's Phyllis Diller!
Some of them are doubles...
SONDRA
I think I like the middle row, first on the left.
CHRIS
Thanks. I never used them for anything.
SONDRA
Why not?
CHRIS
My acting ambitions were stultified for a variety of reasons. Fear, I suppose, being one of them.
SONDRA
Fear...oh, what is the word? Sucks. Yes, that's it. So, are we going to talk about more of your fears?
CHRIS
Yes. I've got to face them Sondra! And I fear we're going to have to go into another blog...
SONDRA
Well, that will work out. Because here comes dinner. See; everything happens for a reason. Oh, look, there's Phyllis Diller!
Please see: THE STATSUE OF LIBERTY PART 2: Y AHORA, ANORA!
CFR 4/14/25
CFR 4/14/25