SONDRA
What is that? Is that a movie poster?
CHRIS
Sort of.
SONDRA
Why can't I make out any of the details?
CHRIS
It's printed on red paper for that very reason.
SONDRA
Oh, is that a thing?
CHRIS
Yeah--
SONDRA
What do you want for dessert? You want to share that chocolate moussey thing?
CHRIS
You mean chocolate "mouse."
SONDRA
Oh, that's a Ruth Gordon reference. I see what you did there. But you know, I never expected to win.
CHRIS
Wanna see--
SONDRA
Roll it!
What is that? Is that a movie poster?
CHRIS
Sort of.
SONDRA
Why can't I make out any of the details?
CHRIS
It's printed on red paper for that very reason.
SONDRA
Oh, is that a thing?
CHRIS
Yeah--
SONDRA
What do you want for dessert? You want to share that chocolate moussey thing?
CHRIS
You mean chocolate "mouse."
SONDRA
Oh, that's a Ruth Gordon reference. I see what you did there. But you know, I never expected to win.
CHRIS
Wanna see--
SONDRA
Roll it!
CHRIS
I loved her in that movie! "...how much you pay for a chair like thaaaat?"
SONDRA
Yeah, she was great. She deserved it.
CHRIS
She's a Masshole!
SONDRA
Pardon me?
CHRIS
A Masshole. It's anyone born in Massachusetts; and more particularly raised. She's from Quincy.
SONDRA
Oh, birthplace of Dunkin' Donuts...
CHRIS
Well, you do know your donuts! It seems to me there's like an inordinate amount of actor-slash-entertainers from The Bay State.
SONDRA
I would say the same about Tennessee.
CHRIS
I think The Volunteer State should have a name for it's kinfolk, like "Masshole."
SONDRA
Well then, I volunteer: Tennesshitheads.
CHRIS
Oh my god! I LOVE IT!
I loved her in that movie! "...how much you pay for a chair like thaaaat?"
SONDRA
Yeah, she was great. She deserved it.
CHRIS
She's a Masshole!
SONDRA
Pardon me?
CHRIS
A Masshole. It's anyone born in Massachusetts; and more particularly raised. She's from Quincy.
SONDRA
Oh, birthplace of Dunkin' Donuts...
CHRIS
Well, you do know your donuts! It seems to me there's like an inordinate amount of actor-slash-entertainers from The Bay State.
SONDRA
I would say the same about Tennessee.
CHRIS
I think The Volunteer State should have a name for it's kinfolk, like "Masshole."
SONDRA
Well then, I volunteer: Tennesshitheads.
CHRIS
Oh my god! I LOVE IT!
CHRIS
You know, Sondra...I don't want to use X anymore to promote my blogs.
SONDRA
X?
CHRIS
Oh, right...it's been a hot minute. X used to be Twitter--
SONDRA
Oh, right. Of course. That strange car mogul owns it or something.
CHRIS
Oh, you know about current events?
SONDRA
Well, unlike many of your other non-corporeal pals, I keep up with things. And I was here until fairly recently.
CHRIS
It's built into my blog; and hey, I didn't turn it into "X"! I like to think of it as that political thing where you like suck off the body politic, like a flea or tick. Or flick or tea, for that matter. Or Art Buchwald.
SONDRA
Well as my Granny might've said: "I don't want no truck with no Nazis." So, tell me more about that fuzzy poster. What movie is it for?
CHRIS
Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm...oh look, here comes the dessert!
You know, Sondra...I don't want to use X anymore to promote my blogs.
SONDRA
X?
CHRIS
Oh, right...it's been a hot minute. X used to be Twitter--
SONDRA
Oh, right. Of course. That strange car mogul owns it or something.
CHRIS
Oh, you know about current events?
SONDRA
Well, unlike many of your other non-corporeal pals, I keep up with things. And I was here until fairly recently.
CHRIS
It's built into my blog; and hey, I didn't turn it into "X"! I like to think of it as that political thing where you like suck off the body politic, like a flea or tick. Or flick or tea, for that matter. Or Art Buchwald.
SONDRA
Well as my Granny might've said: "I don't want no truck with no Nazis." So, tell me more about that fuzzy poster. What movie is it for?
CHRIS
Uuuuuuuhhhhhhhhmmmmmm...oh look, here comes the dessert!
SONDRA
That was yummy. Now tell me about this movie you're saying was inspired by you.
CHRIS
Did you read my hypothetical blogs about it?
SONDRA
Oh, you mean those completely rhetorical, fictional, any similarities between any persons living and/or dead is entirely coincidental, satirical, fair use, for comedic purposes only, non-libelous entries about the movie--
CHRIS
Ahora by auteur filmmaker Stan Fraker?
SONDRA
Yes, those. Why everyone over the rainbow bridge is talking about them. Now, Ahora is about a whore, I take it?
CHRIS
She has sex for money; so yeah, I guess she's a whore.
SONDRA
I love whores! I played at least one in the movies!
CHRIS
I love 'em too! I almost played one in real life. Twice!
SONDRA
And yes, I read those indubitably speculative, suppositionally conjecurative, entirely fantastical, completely imaginary, utterly confabulated, never happened comparisons. Intriguing!
CHRIS
I've got just one more.
SONDRA
Oh, wait a second...can I wear a costume for this?
CHRIS
Sure. What?
SONDRA
Like a high-powered-lady-lawyer-skirt-suit with a super-cinched waist?
CHRIS
Go for it baby bear!
SONDRA
I'll be right back...
That was yummy. Now tell me about this movie you're saying was inspired by you.
CHRIS
Did you read my hypothetical blogs about it?
SONDRA
Oh, you mean those completely rhetorical, fictional, any similarities between any persons living and/or dead is entirely coincidental, satirical, fair use, for comedic purposes only, non-libelous entries about the movie--
CHRIS
Ahora by auteur filmmaker Stan Fraker?
SONDRA
Yes, those. Why everyone over the rainbow bridge is talking about them. Now, Ahora is about a whore, I take it?
CHRIS
She has sex for money; so yeah, I guess she's a whore.
SONDRA
I love whores! I played at least one in the movies!
CHRIS
I love 'em too! I almost played one in real life. Twice!
SONDRA
And yes, I read those indubitably speculative, suppositionally conjecurative, entirely fantastical, completely imaginary, utterly confabulated, never happened comparisons. Intriguing!
CHRIS
I've got just one more.
SONDRA
Oh, wait a second...can I wear a costume for this?
CHRIS
Sure. What?
SONDRA
Like a high-powered-lady-lawyer-skirt-suit with a super-cinched waist?
CHRIS
Go for it baby bear!
SONDRA
I'll be right back...
SONDRA
Ta-dah! What do you think?
CHRIS
I love it. So en pointe!
SONDRA
I feel like a cordial. Want one?
CHRIS
I'll still have what your having.
SONDRA
(Snaps fingers, WAITER appears) Charles, we'll have two yellow chartreuses, straight--
CHARLES
Chilled, ma'am?
SONDRA
Oh, you remembered! Yes!
Ta-dah! What do you think?
CHRIS
I love it. So en pointe!
SONDRA
I feel like a cordial. Want one?
CHRIS
I'll still have what your having.
SONDRA
(Snaps fingers, WAITER appears) Charles, we'll have two yellow chartreuses, straight--
CHARLES
Chilled, ma'am?
SONDRA
Oh, you remembered! Yes!
SONDRA
Okay, so what is this last, absolutely imagined, satirically fair use comparison?
CHRIS
You've read my blogs?
SONDRA
Every one! Except maybe the super gay ones.
CHRIS
Really? I would've thought...
SONDRA
Honey, I lived it--
CHRIS
Speaking of which; and just an aside here: what was going on with Clint and Geoffrey Lewis?
SONDRA
What do you mean?
CHRIS
Mr. Lewis used to make my pee-pee tingle. Still does.
SONDRA
Excuse me?
CHRIS
You know: make my Gaydar go into the red.
SONDRA
Are you speaking of Clint's frequent co-star and body-building companion; the three times married Mr. Geoffrey Lewis?
Okay, so what is this last, absolutely imagined, satirically fair use comparison?
CHRIS
You've read my blogs?
SONDRA
Every one! Except maybe the super gay ones.
CHRIS
Really? I would've thought...
SONDRA
Honey, I lived it--
CHRIS
Speaking of which; and just an aside here: what was going on with Clint and Geoffrey Lewis?
SONDRA
What do you mean?
CHRIS
Mr. Lewis used to make my pee-pee tingle. Still does.
SONDRA
Excuse me?
CHRIS
You know: make my Gaydar go into the red.
SONDRA
Are you speaking of Clint's frequent co-star and body-building companion; the three times married Mr. Geoffrey Lewis?
CHRIS
That would be him.
SONDRA
What about him?
CHRIS
I'm sure I'm not the only person whose pee-pee he made tingle...
SONDRA
They had a lot in common. Particularly muscles. They both love bulging pecs, jacked guns and super-firm glutes. (SMILES). And of course, the acting thing. Now let's get back to the picture about the whore.
CHRIS
Right. So, I just wanted to mention one last entirely notional, completely fantasmagorical ideation I noticed between Ahora and something from the, well, I guess you could call it an online "class" I put together for HEARTFIGHT.
SONDRA
Right. That stuff is all time-stamped and laid out chronologically. So I guess you have all "the receipts" as the kids say nowadays.
CHRIS
Let's hope so. So, the last scene of Ahora has our heroine getting busy in the front seat of a car with the Best Supporting Actor nominee; straddling him facing forward as he sits in the drivers seat. Then: FADE TO BLACK / THE END / ROLL CREDITS. It was an ending so emphatically ambiguous it's already become sort of iconic.
SONDRA
Yes, I watched it on the plane. It also had some pretty raw love scenes.
CHRIS
Yes, which I loved. It's like, yeah...people fuck...stop panning the camera over to the billowing curtains.
SONDRA
Here, here! Hear hear? So what's the completely nebulous, imaginary, fair-use, satirical connection?
CHRIS
I find it intriguing that I posted these "notes" in my "class":
Let's talk about love scenes set inside motor vehicles!
It's a grand tradition of the cinema...getting busy in cars. However, at least in mainstream movies, it's been almost the sole domain of heterosexual, shall we say, couplings. At least one of my favorite movie scenes is the taxi scene from Dressed To Kill where Angie Dickinson is seduced by a tall, handsome stranger. Actually, it's really part of a sequence (I can't find the entire clip online): the museum "cruising." The taxi seduction. And the "getting dressed" scene. The "getting dressed" scene is one of my all time favorite movie scenes, period. It just after her afternoon tryst and Angie gets out of bed in the pick-up's apartment and wanders around, finding her clothes and putting them on. There's no dialogue; but for me, it really captures all the feelings of what it's like to have a random tryst. I can't find that one either...but here's the beginning of the taxi scene:
The scene is both erotic and silly. Her orgasmic cry at the end makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it? Why?
Well, I recently found this out...it's not Angie Dickinson's voice but Rutanya Alda's. The human eye and ear really sense things on deeper levels...which is why it always seemed slightly off to me. Knowing that it's Carol Ann from Mommie Dearest makes it all the funnier.
There's a scene in Carnal Intentions, a 2001 gay porn spoof of Cruel Intentions, in the back of limo with two men getting it on. I can't post it here, of course--it is pornography--but I think it's as equally erotic as it is pornographic. So, with our second love scene between our two leads, I wanted to up the game a little...a little more graphic (but not too)...a little more sensuous...but also kind of fun and maybe a little campy. So, here's my idea: Kelly, Cupe and Sean have sabotaged Paddy's car. Cupe has Lathewaite, the Shannon's chauffeur, come in the Rolls Royce to pick up Paddy. Of course, Henry is already in the car and Lathewaite, who's in on the plot, does everything he can to make his two passengers "comfy." Playing over this will be the Habanera from Bizet's Carmen. We all know this song. It's part of the fabric of modern civilization. But do we all know what it's about? I know I didn't when it popped into my head to play over this scene. First of all, it's not in Italian; but French, the language of LOVE, n'est-ce-Pas? And it's literally a song about LOVE. Love as "a rebellious bird" that flies away when you want to catch it and lands on you when you don't. It's about love and flying and quiet men...I mean, it could've been written specifically for this story. Here is the famous aria with the words in both the French and in English:
That would be him.
SONDRA
What about him?
CHRIS
I'm sure I'm not the only person whose pee-pee he made tingle...
SONDRA
They had a lot in common. Particularly muscles. They both love bulging pecs, jacked guns and super-firm glutes. (SMILES). And of course, the acting thing. Now let's get back to the picture about the whore.
CHRIS
Right. So, I just wanted to mention one last entirely notional, completely fantasmagorical ideation I noticed between Ahora and something from the, well, I guess you could call it an online "class" I put together for HEARTFIGHT.
SONDRA
Right. That stuff is all time-stamped and laid out chronologically. So I guess you have all "the receipts" as the kids say nowadays.
CHRIS
Let's hope so. So, the last scene of Ahora has our heroine getting busy in the front seat of a car with the Best Supporting Actor nominee; straddling him facing forward as he sits in the drivers seat. Then: FADE TO BLACK / THE END / ROLL CREDITS. It was an ending so emphatically ambiguous it's already become sort of iconic.
SONDRA
Yes, I watched it on the plane. It also had some pretty raw love scenes.
CHRIS
Yes, which I loved. It's like, yeah...people fuck...stop panning the camera over to the billowing curtains.
SONDRA
Here, here! Hear hear? So what's the completely nebulous, imaginary, fair-use, satirical connection?
CHRIS
I find it intriguing that I posted these "notes" in my "class":
Let's talk about love scenes set inside motor vehicles!
It's a grand tradition of the cinema...getting busy in cars. However, at least in mainstream movies, it's been almost the sole domain of heterosexual, shall we say, couplings. At least one of my favorite movie scenes is the taxi scene from Dressed To Kill where Angie Dickinson is seduced by a tall, handsome stranger. Actually, it's really part of a sequence (I can't find the entire clip online): the museum "cruising." The taxi seduction. And the "getting dressed" scene. The "getting dressed" scene is one of my all time favorite movie scenes, period. It just after her afternoon tryst and Angie gets out of bed in the pick-up's apartment and wanders around, finding her clothes and putting them on. There's no dialogue; but for me, it really captures all the feelings of what it's like to have a random tryst. I can't find that one either...but here's the beginning of the taxi scene:
The scene is both erotic and silly. Her orgasmic cry at the end makes me laugh out loud every time I watch it? Why?
Well, I recently found this out...it's not Angie Dickinson's voice but Rutanya Alda's. The human eye and ear really sense things on deeper levels...which is why it always seemed slightly off to me. Knowing that it's Carol Ann from Mommie Dearest makes it all the funnier.
There's a scene in Carnal Intentions, a 2001 gay porn spoof of Cruel Intentions, in the back of limo with two men getting it on. I can't post it here, of course--it is pornography--but I think it's as equally erotic as it is pornographic. So, with our second love scene between our two leads, I wanted to up the game a little...a little more graphic (but not too)...a little more sensuous...but also kind of fun and maybe a little campy. So, here's my idea: Kelly, Cupe and Sean have sabotaged Paddy's car. Cupe has Lathewaite, the Shannon's chauffeur, come in the Rolls Royce to pick up Paddy. Of course, Henry is already in the car and Lathewaite, who's in on the plot, does everything he can to make his two passengers "comfy." Playing over this will be the Habanera from Bizet's Carmen. We all know this song. It's part of the fabric of modern civilization. But do we all know what it's about? I know I didn't when it popped into my head to play over this scene. First of all, it's not in Italian; but French, the language of LOVE, n'est-ce-Pas? And it's literally a song about LOVE. Love as "a rebellious bird" that flies away when you want to catch it and lands on you when you don't. It's about love and flying and quiet men...I mean, it could've been written specifically for this story. Here is the famous aria with the words in both the French and in English:
SONDRA
Was Carmen playing over the scene in Ahora?
CHRIS
No, it wasn't. But I did include the following video clip; which again, I find super-duper interesting:
Was Carmen playing over the scene in Ahora?
CHRIS
No, it wasn't. But I did include the following video clip; which again, I find super-duper interesting:
SONDRA
As a director, I have to say that is pretty incredible; but it's so synthetic and stylized it kind of drains out any real passion.
CHRIS
I agree. And speaking of directing...let's talk Ratboy...
SONDRA
Must we?
CHRIS
I'm really curious about it.
As a director, I have to say that is pretty incredible; but it's so synthetic and stylized it kind of drains out any real passion.
CHRIS
I agree. And speaking of directing...let's talk Ratboy...
SONDRA
Must we?
CHRIS
I'm really curious about it.
SONDRA
What is there to say? It was a disaster.
CHRIS
Back in the mid 80's, this sort of went directly to cable where it went into heavy rotation. We didn't have cable at the time, but I had a friend who did. And I recall looking through their cable listings guide and there was a brief synopsis and a super-serious still from the movie. I assumed it was drama. But looking at that clip, it seems as though it's more of a comedy. Perhaps unintentional; but still, a comedy.
SONDRA
It was meant to be satirical and allegorical. I discovered that's really hard to pull off.
CHRIS
You had like unprecedented carte blanche to make a major motion picture. Why that one?
SONDRA
I had a modest budget; around nine million adjusted. It seemed doable. And different.
CHRIS
My only baseline retro-advice is that you shouldn't have starred in it. One, it distracts from the directing and B) it can only scream "vanity project."
SONDRA
Well, I suppose it was. It has it's fans...(LAUGHS)...in France. Now I can't stay all night. Let's call this a wrap, as they say in the biz. What's this about the red poster?
CHRIS
So, Hollywood and it's denizens, who all claim no one ever furtums material from anyone else; often prints scripts on red pages.
SONDRA
I don't recall that...
CHRIS
Yeah, It's so a script can't be copied and leaked. The red obscures what's on the page, for whatever reason.
SONDRA
And?
CHRIS
Well, the point is, is that if everyone in The Biz was so honest as they're always trumpeting; there would be no need for red script pages. Here's Chris Nolan, saying it's done for every reason other than...furtuming:
What is there to say? It was a disaster.
CHRIS
Back in the mid 80's, this sort of went directly to cable where it went into heavy rotation. We didn't have cable at the time, but I had a friend who did. And I recall looking through their cable listings guide and there was a brief synopsis and a super-serious still from the movie. I assumed it was drama. But looking at that clip, it seems as though it's more of a comedy. Perhaps unintentional; but still, a comedy.
SONDRA
It was meant to be satirical and allegorical. I discovered that's really hard to pull off.
CHRIS
You had like unprecedented carte blanche to make a major motion picture. Why that one?
SONDRA
I had a modest budget; around nine million adjusted. It seemed doable. And different.
CHRIS
My only baseline retro-advice is that you shouldn't have starred in it. One, it distracts from the directing and B) it can only scream "vanity project."
SONDRA
Well, I suppose it was. It has it's fans...(LAUGHS)...in France. Now I can't stay all night. Let's call this a wrap, as they say in the biz. What's this about the red poster?
CHRIS
So, Hollywood and it's denizens, who all claim no one ever furtums material from anyone else; often prints scripts on red pages.
SONDRA
I don't recall that...
CHRIS
Yeah, It's so a script can't be copied and leaked. The red obscures what's on the page, for whatever reason.
SONDRA
And?
CHRIS
Well, the point is, is that if everyone in The Biz was so honest as they're always trumpeting; there would be no need for red script pages. Here's Chris Nolan, saying it's done for every reason other than...furtuming:
SONDRA
Such a gentleman.
CHRIS
British discretion.
SONDRA
He's kind of sexy.
CHRIS
I know, right? Look at those mitts he's got on 'em. A Leo, like Mr. Lewis.
SONDRA
This is perhaps the third time you've mentioned the zodiac. Are you into astrology?
CHRIS
No.
SONDRA
Could've fooled me.
CHRIS
Well, I should say, I find the personality trait element of it, pretty uncanny.
SONDRA
What's Gemini all about?
CHRIS
Well, in my experience; that is, my mother, her sister, my sister-in-law, and my two brothers are all Geminis. Their symbol is the twins. To me, that says "duality." And in my experience it was a kind of bi-polar personality.
SONDRA
Go on...
CHRIS
The "good twin," "bad twin" trope has been around probably since Romulus and Remus. Certainly since General Hospital. I think that's because it's kind of true. Like, I think with you and Clint, there were actually four personalities at work. So when it was good, it was good. And when it got bad, it got Hellacious.
SONDRA
I won't disagree.
CHRIS
As far as furtuming in entertainment: this is how I see it. It seems there are two camps. For example, you'll see all kinds of stuff out there from fellow creatives, particularly writers and their attitude seems to be: "Nobody out there is stealing your work. Nobody needs to steal your work. There are plenty of people out there more talented than you; why would they need to? You sure think a lot of yourself to think that established people are stealing from you. So, go fuck off loser." And if this is true, then why do all these established entities have phallanxes-sez of lawyers standing back and standing by? If everyone's so honest, why do they need all that protection? Which brings us back to Art Buchwald.
SONDRA
It does?
CHRIS
Yes. He had a strong case. He won his argument, pretty much. But there were those in the establishment who disparaged him for even daring to use the very methods put in place that they protect themselves with. Here's what John Landis had to say:
Such a gentleman.
CHRIS
British discretion.
SONDRA
He's kind of sexy.
CHRIS
I know, right? Look at those mitts he's got on 'em. A Leo, like Mr. Lewis.
SONDRA
This is perhaps the third time you've mentioned the zodiac. Are you into astrology?
CHRIS
No.
SONDRA
Could've fooled me.
CHRIS
Well, I should say, I find the personality trait element of it, pretty uncanny.
SONDRA
What's Gemini all about?
CHRIS
Well, in my experience; that is, my mother, her sister, my sister-in-law, and my two brothers are all Geminis. Their symbol is the twins. To me, that says "duality." And in my experience it was a kind of bi-polar personality.
SONDRA
Go on...
CHRIS
The "good twin," "bad twin" trope has been around probably since Romulus and Remus. Certainly since General Hospital. I think that's because it's kind of true. Like, I think with you and Clint, there were actually four personalities at work. So when it was good, it was good. And when it got bad, it got Hellacious.
SONDRA
I won't disagree.
CHRIS
As far as furtuming in entertainment: this is how I see it. It seems there are two camps. For example, you'll see all kinds of stuff out there from fellow creatives, particularly writers and their attitude seems to be: "Nobody out there is stealing your work. Nobody needs to steal your work. There are plenty of people out there more talented than you; why would they need to? You sure think a lot of yourself to think that established people are stealing from you. So, go fuck off loser." And if this is true, then why do all these established entities have phallanxes-sez of lawyers standing back and standing by? If everyone's so honest, why do they need all that protection? Which brings us back to Art Buchwald.
SONDRA
It does?
CHRIS
Yes. He had a strong case. He won his argument, pretty much. But there were those in the establishment who disparaged him for even daring to use the very methods put in place that they protect themselves with. Here's what John Landis had to say:
CHRIS
But then Landis had absolutely no problem suing Michael Jackson over profits from writing and directing the Thriller video. Which begs the question...which part of it was "written"?
SONDRA
Hooray for Hollywood.
CHRIS
It's probably a good thing your trials weren't televised...
SONDRA
Why?
CHRIS
I think you would've lost.
SONDRA
Why?
CHRIS
Because I think people would've thought they wanted to see you next Tuesday.
SONDRA
Excuse me?
CHRIS
How can I put this? You're very reserved and a bit introverted. That can come across as being aloof. I think the spectators would've only seen your bad twin.
SONDRA
Fair enough. And speaking of trials...are you going to pursue what you've been discussing here in any sort of litigational way?
CHRIS
Ahhhhh....
SONDRA
I thought we were going to face our fears...
CHRIS
Well, I don't have bags of cash lying around to pursue lawsuits.
SONDRA
Neither did I.
CHRIS
Really? Come on Sondra...what about Clint's money?
SONDRA
(LAUGHS) I thought we were leaving personalities out of this.
CHRIS
Toosh. Well, I know what's gonna happen. I'll contact a coalition of lawyers who are supposed to help poor artists in these kinds of straits; they'll hook me up with a freebie consultation with a law firm. The law firm will tell me A) These cases are nearly impossible to win, i.e.: a waste of time; or 2) You may have a case. Please fork over seventy thousandd dollars for a retainer.
SONDRA
Well, you've got to spend a little money to make a little money.
CHRIS
More like, break even. And then all you're left with is more than likely membership on some blacklist because you're now seen as a litigious nuisance. And for me, this isn't about making a quick buck. It's about being credited for my work; and I'm sure you know that's as good as money in The Biz.
SONDRA
Sure. If you're work is good. And makes money. Well, why don't you post links for your readers; some of whom may be going through similar issues.
CHRIS
Sure. Here you go:
www.calawyersforthearts.org
But then Landis had absolutely no problem suing Michael Jackson over profits from writing and directing the Thriller video. Which begs the question...which part of it was "written"?
SONDRA
Hooray for Hollywood.
CHRIS
It's probably a good thing your trials weren't televised...
SONDRA
Why?
CHRIS
I think you would've lost.
SONDRA
Why?
CHRIS
Because I think people would've thought they wanted to see you next Tuesday.
SONDRA
Excuse me?
CHRIS
How can I put this? You're very reserved and a bit introverted. That can come across as being aloof. I think the spectators would've only seen your bad twin.
SONDRA
Fair enough. And speaking of trials...are you going to pursue what you've been discussing here in any sort of litigational way?
CHRIS
Ahhhhh....
SONDRA
I thought we were going to face our fears...
CHRIS
Well, I don't have bags of cash lying around to pursue lawsuits.
SONDRA
Neither did I.
CHRIS
Really? Come on Sondra...what about Clint's money?
SONDRA
(LAUGHS) I thought we were leaving personalities out of this.
CHRIS
Toosh. Well, I know what's gonna happen. I'll contact a coalition of lawyers who are supposed to help poor artists in these kinds of straits; they'll hook me up with a freebie consultation with a law firm. The law firm will tell me A) These cases are nearly impossible to win, i.e.: a waste of time; or 2) You may have a case. Please fork over seventy thousandd dollars for a retainer.
SONDRA
Well, you've got to spend a little money to make a little money.
CHRIS
More like, break even. And then all you're left with is more than likely membership on some blacklist because you're now seen as a litigious nuisance. And for me, this isn't about making a quick buck. It's about being credited for my work; and I'm sure you know that's as good as money in The Biz.
SONDRA
Sure. If you're work is good. And makes money. Well, why don't you post links for your readers; some of whom may be going through similar issues.
CHRIS
Sure. Here you go:
www.calawyersforthearts.org
SONDRA
You know, I'm probably not one who should say this; but all your current President seems to do is file lawsuits. And play golf. Kinda makes you miss Reagan.
CHRIS
That would be hilarious if it weren't pathetic.
SONDRA
Have we reached a point in this country where we can't live honestly without having to sue? Or counter-sue?
CHRIS
Well, we claim to hate lawyers and yet:
You know, I'm probably not one who should say this; but all your current President seems to do is file lawsuits. And play golf. Kinda makes you miss Reagan.
CHRIS
That would be hilarious if it weren't pathetic.
SONDRA
Have we reached a point in this country where we can't live honestly without having to sue? Or counter-sue?
CHRIS
Well, we claim to hate lawyers and yet:
SONDRA
Now that's a lotta lawyers! Perhaps some kindly Lawyer for the Arts will read these blogs and take on your case pro-bono. Maybe someone like that nice Raymond Burr. Now he always gave me lady tingles!
CHRIS
He was gay.
SONDRA
Are you sure of that?
CHRIS
I'm not really too sure about anything nowadays Sandy--oh, I mean--
SONDRA
No, It's fine. You can call me that. Well, here's my car...
CHRIS
Thanks for dinner.
SONDRA
My pleasure. Don't take any wooden nickels! CIAO!
Sondra air-kisses Chris, climbs into her white limo and disappears into the night. Chris walks deeper into Burbank.
CHRIS
Come to think of it...Perry Mason kind of gives me tingles too! Such kind eyes...
He WHISTLES the Perry Mason theme as he walks down the sidewalk.
Now that's a lotta lawyers! Perhaps some kindly Lawyer for the Arts will read these blogs and take on your case pro-bono. Maybe someone like that nice Raymond Burr. Now he always gave me lady tingles!
CHRIS
He was gay.
SONDRA
Are you sure of that?
CHRIS
I'm not really too sure about anything nowadays Sandy--oh, I mean--
SONDRA
No, It's fine. You can call me that. Well, here's my car...
CHRIS
Thanks for dinner.
SONDRA
My pleasure. Don't take any wooden nickels! CIAO!
Sondra air-kisses Chris, climbs into her white limo and disappears into the night. Chris walks deeper into Burbank.
CHRIS
Come to think of it...Perry Mason kind of gives me tingles too! Such kind eyes...
He WHISTLES the Perry Mason theme as he walks down the sidewalk.
CFR 4/18/24
Notes: The Copper Penny was and Emon Sushi is, North of The Smokehouse.
Ms. Locke's agent was, I think, actually Mr. Ken Gross at RWG.
I think The Smokehouse is in Toluca Lake; but to this day I have no idea where the lake is.
Mr. Burr was a Gemini(!)
Any assessments of Mr. Eastwood's personality are entirely satirical and purely dociousaliexpisticfragicalirupus.
Notes: The Copper Penny was and Emon Sushi is, North of The Smokehouse.
Ms. Locke's agent was, I think, actually Mr. Ken Gross at RWG.
I think The Smokehouse is in Toluca Lake; but to this day I have no idea where the lake is.
Mr. Burr was a Gemini(!)
Any assessments of Mr. Eastwood's personality are entirely satirical and purely dociousaliexpisticfragicalirupus.