FILM AT ELEVEN!
CHRIS
Good evening, and welcome to The Danvers State Mental Report. I'm Chris Reidy. Joining me, on our first broadcast are my cohosts, Miss Jean Seberg:
JEAN
Hello.
Good evening, and welcome to The Danvers State Mental Report. I'm Chris Reidy. Joining me, on our first broadcast are my cohosts, Miss Jean Seberg:
JEAN
Hello.
And Miss Edie Sedgwick.
EDIE
Hi.
EDIE
Hi.
CHRIS
I'm so happy to be joined by you ladies for this inaugural broadcast. Isn't our set beautiful? Can you believe this used to be one of the most notorious mental hospitals...in the world?
JEAN
I can.
EDIE
Me as well. It has vibes...is that still a thing? Vibes? I was in Bellvue once. No. Thank. You. I mean, I'll finish your show, but then I'm out. Permanently.
CHRIS
But look at how light and airy it is now! It's called "The Bradlee." It has a pool!
I'm so happy to be joined by you ladies for this inaugural broadcast. Isn't our set beautiful? Can you believe this used to be one of the most notorious mental hospitals...in the world?
JEAN
I can.
EDIE
Me as well. It has vibes...is that still a thing? Vibes? I was in Bellvue once. No. Thank. You. I mean, I'll finish your show, but then I'm out. Permanently.
CHRIS
But look at how light and airy it is now! It's called "The Bradlee." It has a pool!
CHRIS
And look at how clean and free-flowing the spaces are!
And look at how clean and free-flowing the spaces are!
JEAN
It puts me in mind of a set from The Crucible. Actually, aren't we pretty close to the tree where they actually hanged those poor, innocent people?
CHRIS
Ladies, I'm just trying to see the silver lining.
EDIE
I've already done the silver thing. Silver HIll, The Silver Sixties, silver hair...
CHRIS
Okay, okay. I'm just trying to make the most of a crazy making situation.
JEAN
Now that's more like it. We should all be proactive in our apporach to mental health; particularly our own. What do they call it nowadays?
CHRIS
"Self Care"!
JEAN
I like that. I think even just talking about mental health issues goes a long way towards breaking down the stigma.
CHRIS
Here, here! Or is that, "hear, hear"?
EDIE
Well, whatever it is, we're here now. So why are we here anyways? I thought we were filming an underground movie.
CHRIS
Well, let's say an "inner-mind" movie.
JEAN
I have to ask, who is that naked man with the big fists who came on before the credits?
CHRIS
Oh, that's Rob Gronkowski. His nickname is "Gronk" and he's a retired professional football player.
EDIE
What team did he play for?
CHRIS
The New England Patriots, most famously, when they were winning all those Super Bowls.
JEAN
I never really followed football. I was a theater kid to the core.
EDIE
I always gravitated towards men who weren't so preoccupied with balls. So what does this Mr. Gronkowski fellow have to do with mental health?
CHRIS
Well, I write these blogs and I've been doing it for several years now.
JEAN
My husbands were all writers. And I have to say, that maybe writers are a little too much in their own heads.
CHRIS
Jean, I'm not going to disagree with you. So, for a while, I was starting to think I was going crazy because it seemed to me I was seeing The Yellow Wallpaper, know what I mean?
EDIE
No, what do you mean?
CHRIS
Like, I was seeing my work in shows and films and stuff; to the point where I thought I was going crazy. And then I started actively looking; but that was too unsettling. So I stopped. And now it's like "The Universe" is just dropping it in my lap, without my asking. And I'm really tired of talking about it because I think it really is making me appear crazy; and yet, I kind of have to talk about it, because keeping it in my head is even worse.
EDIE
Because you're a writer! See, silver lining!
JEAN
Okay, why don't you give us an example of the most recent thing that the Universe dropped in your lap. Does it have to do with the naked football man?
CHRIS
Yes. Okay. So my phone keeps showing me these things--
JEAN AND EDIE (SIMULTANEOUSLY): Your phone?
CHRIS
Hold that thought. I'll explain in a minute. But first, let's watch this video clip of an event from around a year ago.
The women nod and we CUT to the clip.
It puts me in mind of a set from The Crucible. Actually, aren't we pretty close to the tree where they actually hanged those poor, innocent people?
CHRIS
Ladies, I'm just trying to see the silver lining.
EDIE
I've already done the silver thing. Silver HIll, The Silver Sixties, silver hair...
CHRIS
Okay, okay. I'm just trying to make the most of a crazy making situation.
JEAN
Now that's more like it. We should all be proactive in our apporach to mental health; particularly our own. What do they call it nowadays?
CHRIS
"Self Care"!
JEAN
I like that. I think even just talking about mental health issues goes a long way towards breaking down the stigma.
CHRIS
Here, here! Or is that, "hear, hear"?
EDIE
Well, whatever it is, we're here now. So why are we here anyways? I thought we were filming an underground movie.
CHRIS
Well, let's say an "inner-mind" movie.
JEAN
I have to ask, who is that naked man with the big fists who came on before the credits?
CHRIS
Oh, that's Rob Gronkowski. His nickname is "Gronk" and he's a retired professional football player.
EDIE
What team did he play for?
CHRIS
The New England Patriots, most famously, when they were winning all those Super Bowls.
JEAN
I never really followed football. I was a theater kid to the core.
EDIE
I always gravitated towards men who weren't so preoccupied with balls. So what does this Mr. Gronkowski fellow have to do with mental health?
CHRIS
Well, I write these blogs and I've been doing it for several years now.
JEAN
My husbands were all writers. And I have to say, that maybe writers are a little too much in their own heads.
CHRIS
Jean, I'm not going to disagree with you. So, for a while, I was starting to think I was going crazy because it seemed to me I was seeing The Yellow Wallpaper, know what I mean?
EDIE
No, what do you mean?
CHRIS
Like, I was seeing my work in shows and films and stuff; to the point where I thought I was going crazy. And then I started actively looking; but that was too unsettling. So I stopped. And now it's like "The Universe" is just dropping it in my lap, without my asking. And I'm really tired of talking about it because I think it really is making me appear crazy; and yet, I kind of have to talk about it, because keeping it in my head is even worse.
EDIE
Because you're a writer! See, silver lining!
JEAN
Okay, why don't you give us an example of the most recent thing that the Universe dropped in your lap. Does it have to do with the naked football man?
CHRIS
Yes. Okay. So my phone keeps showing me these things--
JEAN AND EDIE (SIMULTANEOUSLY): Your phone?
CHRIS
Hold that thought. I'll explain in a minute. But first, let's watch this video clip of an event from around a year ago.
The women nod and we CUT to the clip.
EDIE
Wow. That kind of reminds me of my life from say, late 1964 to about November of 1971.
JEAN
Tell me about it. So, Chris: what on Earth, so to speak, does this have to do with you? Do you know this man? Are you a skydiver? Are you a football fan?
CHRIS
Only until fairly recently.
JEAN
Which one?
CHRIS
Oh, the football part. But the Gronkster won my heart from the moment I became aware of him.
EDIE
From watching football?
CHRIS
No. Well, you see, my niece is an ardent Patriots fan being as it is that she resides in the Greater Boston Area. It's kind of hard not to be, unless, like you Jean, a person was a (gestures with "air quotes") "Theater Kid," wink, wink.
EDIE
You can say it Chris. A fag.
CHRIS
No, no Edie. We don't use that word anymore. It's "gay," or "queer" if you're academically inclined.
EDIE
Oh, "fag" was what everybody called one another at The Factory. Those queens were vicious! But I'll use "gay," it's adorable!
JEAN
So, back to your niece.
CHRIS
Right. So, it was through her that I learned of the whole Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski era of the Patriots. Gronk quickly became a Boston celebrity. My niece even had a bottle of his hot sauce.
Wow. That kind of reminds me of my life from say, late 1964 to about November of 1971.
JEAN
Tell me about it. So, Chris: what on Earth, so to speak, does this have to do with you? Do you know this man? Are you a skydiver? Are you a football fan?
CHRIS
Only until fairly recently.
JEAN
Which one?
CHRIS
Oh, the football part. But the Gronkster won my heart from the moment I became aware of him.
EDIE
From watching football?
CHRIS
No. Well, you see, my niece is an ardent Patriots fan being as it is that she resides in the Greater Boston Area. It's kind of hard not to be, unless, like you Jean, a person was a (gestures with "air quotes") "Theater Kid," wink, wink.
EDIE
You can say it Chris. A fag.
CHRIS
No, no Edie. We don't use that word anymore. It's "gay," or "queer" if you're academically inclined.
EDIE
Oh, "fag" was what everybody called one another at The Factory. Those queens were vicious! But I'll use "gay," it's adorable!
JEAN
So, back to your niece.
CHRIS
Right. So, it was through her that I learned of the whole Tom Brady, Rob Gronkowski era of the Patriots. Gronk quickly became a Boston celebrity. My niece even had a bottle of his hot sauce.
JEAN
I had a bottle of Tabasco in my fridge for so long, it turned brown. I think it came from The Brown Derby.
CHRIS
Oh, hot sauce becomes a HUGE thing in the 2000's. Gronk's is pretty good. And I love that it features his armpits on the bottle.
EDIE
Do you have a thing for armpits?
CHRIS
I'm not gonna say I don't.
EDIE
Me too!
JEAN
I don't know. I don't generally want to be thinking about armpit hair when I'm seasoning my food. So, go on...
CHRIS
So, once I became aware of Gronk, he was on my radar. And then one day I was at the doctors office and they had ESPN magazine and there was a picture of him with a kitten and I just lost it.
I had a bottle of Tabasco in my fridge for so long, it turned brown. I think it came from The Brown Derby.
CHRIS
Oh, hot sauce becomes a HUGE thing in the 2000's. Gronk's is pretty good. And I love that it features his armpits on the bottle.
EDIE
Do you have a thing for armpits?
CHRIS
I'm not gonna say I don't.
EDIE
Me too!
JEAN
I don't know. I don't generally want to be thinking about armpit hair when I'm seasoning my food. So, go on...
CHRIS
So, once I became aware of Gronk, he was on my radar. And then one day I was at the doctors office and they had ESPN magazine and there was a picture of him with a kitten and I just lost it.
EDIE
Aww, the big lug! So precious!
JEAN
Why do I keep thinking of Of Mice and Men?
CHRIS
Okay, let's just address the elephant in the room. He's not Albert Einstein.
JEAN
That doesn't mean he's not a nice person.
CHRIS
Exactly, Jean. I mean, he likes kittens. And his "not the brightest bulb in the basket" persona is part of his appeal. In fact, he's taken that and run with it, so to speak. And he's taken his hits. The Simpsons has presented him as nothing more than a drooling dolt who literally says, "Duuhhhh" and nothing else, like Moose from the Archie comics. Here's a clip.
Aww, the big lug! So precious!
JEAN
Why do I keep thinking of Of Mice and Men?
CHRIS
Okay, let's just address the elephant in the room. He's not Albert Einstein.
JEAN
That doesn't mean he's not a nice person.
CHRIS
Exactly, Jean. I mean, he likes kittens. And his "not the brightest bulb in the basket" persona is part of his appeal. In fact, he's taken that and run with it, so to speak. And he's taken his hits. The Simpsons has presented him as nothing more than a drooling dolt who literally says, "Duuhhhh" and nothing else, like Moose from the Archie comics. Here's a clip.
EDIE
Well, that's not very nice. I mean, he is a real person.
JEAN
I'm still wondering what your phone has to do with any of this.
CHRIS
In today's world, the phone looms larger than it ever has. Like the Universe, it unveils things. Not just to me; but to all.
EDIE
I could never find a pay-phone when I needed one. And Andy hogged the one at the factory all day and night!
Well, that's not very nice. I mean, he is a real person.
JEAN
I'm still wondering what your phone has to do with any of this.
CHRIS
In today's world, the phone looms larger than it ever has. Like the Universe, it unveils things. Not just to me; but to all.
EDIE
I could never find a pay-phone when I needed one. And Andy hogged the one at the factory all day and night!
Now, you would have a phone in your purse, Edie. With video and a continuous news and information feed. It's called a smart phone. Take a look. (Passes her his phone).
EDIE
Wow. It's like The Jetsons!
CHRIS
Yes. And it foretells your interests.
EDIE
How?
CHRIS
It listens to your conversations--
Jean snatches the phone and SMASHES it against the anchor desk.
JEAN
Sorry...
CHRIS
I understand. I can't tell you how often I've wanted to do that. We really all should. It's taken our privacy away and nobody seems to care. I can easily get this replaced.
JEAN
Oh, I'm glad.
CHRIS
They practically give these away. It's essentially a monitoring device.
JEAN
And people nowadays are okay with that?
Chris shrugs and makes a noncommittal gesture.
EDIE
So, how does it figure into your story?
CHRIS
Well, since the phone feeds back to me what it knows I'm interested in, it showed me an ariticle about Rob Gronkowski jumping out of a helicopter and it gave me an ERM moment.
JEAN
What's an "ERM" moment?
CHRIS
It means; Eyebrow Raising Moment; like, something that catches my attention for whatever reason.
JEAN
What was the reason?
CHRIS
There was a headline in my news-feed about Gronk jumping out of a helicopter over the ocean and it piqued my interest. But you know, I never actually read the article or watched the video...
EDIE
Can we watch it on your phone?
CHRIS
Well, we can't now. But we can through the magic of the Internert!
EDIE AND JEAN
What's the Internet?
EDIE
Wow. It's like The Jetsons!
CHRIS
Yes. And it foretells your interests.
EDIE
How?
CHRIS
It listens to your conversations--
Jean snatches the phone and SMASHES it against the anchor desk.
JEAN
Sorry...
CHRIS
I understand. I can't tell you how often I've wanted to do that. We really all should. It's taken our privacy away and nobody seems to care. I can easily get this replaced.
JEAN
Oh, I'm glad.
CHRIS
They practically give these away. It's essentially a monitoring device.
JEAN
And people nowadays are okay with that?
Chris shrugs and makes a noncommittal gesture.
EDIE
So, how does it figure into your story?
CHRIS
Well, since the phone feeds back to me what it knows I'm interested in, it showed me an ariticle about Rob Gronkowski jumping out of a helicopter and it gave me an ERM moment.
JEAN
What's an "ERM" moment?
CHRIS
It means; Eyebrow Raising Moment; like, something that catches my attention for whatever reason.
JEAN
What was the reason?
CHRIS
There was a headline in my news-feed about Gronk jumping out of a helicopter over the ocean and it piqued my interest. But you know, I never actually read the article or watched the video...
EDIE
Can we watch it on your phone?
CHRIS
Well, we can't now. But we can through the magic of the Internert!
EDIE AND JEAN
What's the Internet?
JEAN
It seems the U.S. military has been heavily involved in these jumps out of aircraft.
CHRIS
Oh, yeah, he's a brand ambassador for USAA insurance.
JEAN
What's a brand ambassador?
CHRIS
Hold that thought, Jean. Apparently this is a thing now...there was even a cute cartoon logo for the airplane dive:
It seems the U.S. military has been heavily involved in these jumps out of aircraft.
CHRIS
Oh, yeah, he's a brand ambassador for USAA insurance.
JEAN
What's a brand ambassador?
CHRIS
Hold that thought, Jean. Apparently this is a thing now...there was even a cute cartoon logo for the airplane dive:
JEAN
Chris, a lot of unanswered questions are piling up here. Not least of which is: what does this have to do with you?
EDIE
Yes Chris. What does it have to do with you?
CHRIS
Jean, Edie. I'm going to tell you. But you must promise to not think I'm crazy.
JEAN
We're in a nearly 150 year-old insane asylum that's been converted into condos; who are we to judge?
Chris, a lot of unanswered questions are piling up here. Not least of which is: what does this have to do with you?
EDIE
Yes Chris. What does it have to do with you?
CHRIS
Jean, Edie. I'm going to tell you. But you must promise to not think I'm crazy.
JEAN
We're in a nearly 150 year-old insane asylum that's been converted into condos; who are we to judge?
CHRIS
I appreciate that; and you know, strangely, I feel like I'm in a safe space here.
JEAN
Well I don't. I don't care how much you brighten the place. It still gives me the creeps.
EDIE
Yeah, me too!
CHRIS
What do you say we go to my childhood bedroom to continue this? It's only ten minutes down Route 1; besides, we're already well past a ten minute read.
JEAN
I don't understand...
CHRIS
Oh, nowadays, the computer tells you how long it will take to read something, in case you don't want to invest that much time.
EDIE
Ten minutes?
JEAN
The Atlantic Monthly used to have articles that filled up dozens of pages.
CHRIS
Times have changed, ladies.
JEAN
For the better?
CHRIS
So they tell me. I prefer pictures anyways.
I appreciate that; and you know, strangely, I feel like I'm in a safe space here.
JEAN
Well I don't. I don't care how much you brighten the place. It still gives me the creeps.
EDIE
Yeah, me too!
CHRIS
What do you say we go to my childhood bedroom to continue this? It's only ten minutes down Route 1; besides, we're already well past a ten minute read.
JEAN
I don't understand...
CHRIS
Oh, nowadays, the computer tells you how long it will take to read something, in case you don't want to invest that much time.
EDIE
Ten minutes?
JEAN
The Atlantic Monthly used to have articles that filled up dozens of pages.
CHRIS
Times have changed, ladies.
JEAN
For the better?
CHRIS
So they tell me. I prefer pictures anyways.
Please see: THIS JUST IN PART 2: THE GRONKOWSKI EQUATION
CFR 11/22/24
CFR 11/22/24