Ciao
Chris
CFR 5/15/24
The thoughts & Musings of Christopher F. Reidy*
NOTE: Apparently this webpage has some glitches. It tends to randomly switch out visual material. Why? Don't ask me. So, if a pic doesn't match the text...it doesn't! Rest assured I am trying to amend this problem. When I get around to it.
*(may contain misuse of apostrophes, miss spellings, overabundance of semi-colons, wrong word usage, etc.
Please pardon our appearance while we create a new blog experience for you!)
​ALSO:
Please find an in-complete (or if you prefer; "ongoing") index of blog posts on the homepage, for your convenience!
AND YET ANOTHER NOTE:
The visual switcheroos on these blogs have reached a point where there's no way I can correct them all, so I'm just going to leave them be. If they don't match the text, just think of them as whimsical funsies decorating the text. I will continue to supply pictures; but I cannot guarantee their context: much like my mind.
Thank you for your patience!
A FURTHER NOTE:
I try to keep this website relatively free of anything truly morally reprehensible or obscene. However, in the pursuit of honesty; I will be quite frank about sexuality; as I feel one should be. To wit: this website is not for children. It is decidedly "adult"; although not necessarily not "childish." I do not feel it is suitable, in some instances, for anyone below the age of 17. Or maybe a very mature 16...or 15 even.
THIS WEBSITE IS RATED: PG-15
I always remembered this girl as being named "Beatrice" for some reason... Why Angela Lansbury? Why? What's the subtext with this one? I always wondered why I was supposed to know who she was. And why does it take them so long to recognize her? This one ran forever. It might still be running. And I just noticed something. They went back and reshot the part with the wife in the back. It's a different shirt hanging there! A 50 year old mystery (no one ever realized) solved! Here's the original and then the new and improved: It seems like they just reshot the one section. Yeah, so, I have way too much time on my hands.
Ciao Chris CFR 5/15/24
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One of my nieces, who grew up in Massachusetts, truly surprised me when not only did she not get her license as soon as she possibly could, she dragged her feet about it, well into her twenties. Although, I'm one to talk. When I was sixteen and thus able to secure a learner's permit, I didn't. Actually, I think some kids were putting the process in motion as young as fifteen and a half. Like my friend Scott. Although, he (and thus me) was already driving around completely illegally when he was like fourteen. Maybe even thirteen. And a late 60's Buick Electra 225 no less! When I finally did start driving; or learning to drive; it was behind the wheel of a mid-70's Oldsmobile '98 Regency. And my oh my, that car was yar! The Olds '98, which I believe was a 1975 model and possibly even longer than the one seen above, was our family car. Our dad had purchased it used, from a private seller, because we needed all that horsepower to pull a trailer; which we did, every summer. Usually to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. My dad has always been known for his frugal ways; so he must've gotten a good deal on it. His usual mode of transport was a VW bug. Not, I think, because of it's coolness factor; but because back then, that was the "cheap" car that frugal people bought. It was cheap, it was a workhorse and they lasted forever. That's why so many people had them. In fact, when he was in the Marines in the late 50's, he bought a bug somewhere in Europe and had it shipped to the States because that was actually cheaper than buying a new car in the U.S. Their advertising spoke to this. Isn't it interesting (well, it is to me), that we tend to think our parents didn't have lives until we became conscious of them? Especially parents as old as mine, for whom even snapshots were a luxury. Like, what was my father doing when he first became aware of the Volkswagen Bug and decided he wanted one. Did he see one on the street? Was he reading a magazine and saw an ad? Was he watching television, which at the time was a BRAND NEW medium, and saw a commercial. If the latter was the case, where was he? Where did the TV come from? What was he lying, sitting, standing on? What clothes was he wearing and where did he get them? These things can simply NEVER be known; because God knows he isn't going to remember them; or try to, if asked. "What?" he'd say, "I don't know. Why the hell would I remember that?" I guess this is why I write. Because I think about things like that. I can close my eyes and remember the smell inside those cars. The texture and feel of every feature. More to come!
Now we see in the above photo a very young Matt Damon. Pinskimbo and barefoot. And you clearly did not wash your feet for this; but that's not a deal breaker for some of us. The landscape behind you looks very New England, so I'm gonna hazard a guess that this was taken during the filming of School Ties. I see that your second toe appears to be longer than the big toe. Again: for some, a bonus. I wonder where I was and what I was doing at the exact moment this picture was snapped. I would definitely have been in Los Angeles, I think. Probably working some horrendous temp job. Maybe at that precise moment I was at the taco truck outside the Glendale Federal Loan File Vault building, which was quite close to the Moonlight roller rink. Have you ever been to the Moonlight Rollerway roller-skating rink? I have. Quite a bit. My friends and I used to go there when we had a Roller-Disco Jones. It must be the only roller rink in Los Angeles, because I've recognized it in numerous TV shows, movies and commercials. And that gets me to wondering about you. Like, before you were famous. Like, what was a day in the life of Matt Damon like before he became a working actor/Movie Star? Say, for example, a typical day in 1984 (a favorite year of mine!). So, you would've been like 13ish-14ish. In eighth grade maybe or a freshman in high school. What was a typical day? What happened when you woke up in the morning? Did you live in a house? An apartment? A townhouse? Did you have siblings (I haven't looked into any of this yet)? What was the first thing you saw when you woke up? A poster on the wall? Did you share a bedroom? What did you have for breakfast before school? Did you drink coffee yet? How did you get to school? A bus? Did one of your parents drive you? Did you know Ben yet? Did you have a lot of friends at school or were you more of a loner, like me? I wonder about things like that. Do you find it hard to make friends as you get older? Do you find it easier? Is it harder to make friends because you can't be sure of people's motives; now that you're rich and famous? Is this why so many celebrities only hang out with other celebrities; like you and your new "bestie" Chris Hemsworth? I remember this song playing on WFNX in the mornings on the car radio when my mom sometimes gave me a ride to school (I commuted). She would always say: "Jesus? A turtleneck? What the hell is this all about?" Were you into music as a young person? If so, what kind? I wonder... So, I'm going to try and wrap things up in this blog. I think 6 blogs about you is, maybe, more than anyone might want. Particularly you. I mean, "6" is two sets of "3" which is a magic number. I mean, I could keep going to "9," which is 3 sets of 3 (and I certainly don't have to tell you that, math genius!). And, of course, "9" is your lucky number. But then, what is "9" if not simply an upside down "6"? Speaking of numbers; let's talk about my paycheck and just be done with it. So, by my calculations, you owe me 3 installments of of $250,000.000, That's the finders fee for the Good Will Hunting sequel. The advance on the finished script. And then the consult fees for Gemini and Tiburon. Oh, and Drugs and Other Love. So, that makes $1,250,000.00. That does not include, however, the original artwork of your mouth with toothbrush, which is as of yet untitled. I think we agreed on a price of $250,000.00 for that. So, our grand total is (according to my math), a cool $1.5 million. But I'll make a deal with you. I'll throw in the artwork gratis, as a nod to our newfound friendship. You could gift it to Chris H. (he would totally get it!). Speaking of Chris... So, he like "chaired" the Met Gala this year? Good on ya mate! I mean, Harvey Sid does mention Leo's flair for fashion. And of course your sister-in-law, J-Lo made quite the splash in her finery. And you and your wife were there. I'm assuming you all sat together and "glamped" out. And Matt; I gotta say. Awesome tux choice. Pure old-school bonafide! None of that silly, high-fashion frippery for you my friend. Let's take a look: Stunning. You guys stole the show with minimalism. LOVE it! Now let's talk about fur... On second thought, let's not. We all know it's wrong. Real fur, that is. What I'm saying is that anyone who attends the MET gala is condoning the attitudes and policies of one Anna Wintour. I don't know what her current personal stance on fur is; but I believe the magazine she presides over still features numerous companies who use real animal fur. Just something to think about. Vogue seems to be trying to shift the concern to faux fur and the pollution it produces. Yes and that's not good. But we'll leave that there for now. Can I kvetch about something real fast, before we wrap things up (and I promise, we are!)? Aren't you sick of all this bullshit about Hollywood being this like, vast conspiratorial cauldron. You know, like a hotbed of all that Pizza-Gate style craziness and Eyes Wide Shut-Anton Lavey-Black-Mass-Thrill-Kill-Sex-Cult business? Like the studios all have underground tunnels and secret rooms and shit where all this stuff supposedly goes on? Well, I don't know about you but I've never seen any of it. And I have been underground at studios. LIterally. I've been underground at Paramount Studios. And there are tunnels! And you know what's down there? Cats. Yeah, cats. Feral cats and a lot of cat shit. And old cardboard standees: And above ground a lot of people working all day long. Working their asses off. That's all I ever saw. I mean, even if people in Hollywood wanted to have Thrill-Kill-Sex-Orgies, they're just too busy! Remember my friend Paul, who I think looks like you--from certain angles--or maybe Brad Pitt kind of? Or more like if you and Brad Pitt had a baby. I haven't talked to him in a long time. He kind of disappeared. And he'd kill me if he knew I was posting pictures of him. He was an actor, too. Most actors enjoy and encourage pictures of themselves being displayed. He didn't. Hey, don't ask me. His body reminds me a lot of yours Matt. He had one of those God-given bodies that was nearly perfect; that he didn't have to make much of an effort to maintain. Like five minutes a week at the gym and he looked like this: Here's a few more: I have a friend who has supplied me with one of my all time favorite quotes: "Remember when it was our God-given right to be thin?" Paul even looked great in drag. Kind of an Ann-Margret thing happening. He turned into a completely different person too. It's kind of fascinating when a guy you know puts on women's clothes. It really is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're going to get! But when you're a guy, Matt...(I couldn't resist)...we get a lot of this: Senor, debe tener juevos muy grandes si necesita sentarse asi todo el tiempo! And now your picture is going to be all over these blogs because of the weird algorithm. But I don't think anyone will mind. I know I don't! So, since we're closing this out talking about friends; here's some insight into a couple of yours. And Ben was the example, natch! And here's another: And finally, Mr. Hemsworth's birthday: And that last line, I think, brings us back full circle to Billy Joel. I'm not sure what that means...but I think it means something. So, I hope you enjoyed this and I will leave you with another tune from Mr. Joel. And also leave you alone! CFR 5/13/24
Well, if you're still here Matt...or anyone, actually...let's continue our examination of all things Matthew Paige Damon. Oh, I decided to add an "s" to "pinkimbo"; so now it's "pinskimbo." I think this gives it more ways now to pronounce it. Or mispronounce it. Hal has informed me that you speak Spanish. I did not know this. I speak Spanish too! Or, perhaps I shoud say, I try. I had some trouble deciphering that passage from GQ Spain, but Hal tells me it says: "The Young Golden actor who became on of the biggest icons of Hollywood is still surprising us." And I love this photo because not only are you pinskimbo, you're barefoot and sitting on green velvet furniture again! Do we share this passion? Muerdes de terciopelo verde. I would love to know what you think of my Spanish pronounciation (you can leave comments below!). Don't worry...we're almost done. Or are we? Matt, what are your thoughts on sharks? I kind of feel bad for them. They get harassed; not just by the idiots hunting them for their fins to make soup; but the public in general. It's like, sharks need to eat too. They need to do their job, just like everyone else. Can they help it if they're so bad-ass? Why are we so obsessed with sharks? I mean, they do look super cool. And they are pretty bad-ass. But maybe we're just projecting onto them. I mean, I would think the odds of being killed by another human (who should know better) are waaaaaay higher than being killed by a shark. Or even like, grazed by a shark. I mean what are the odds? Let's ask Hal. Or, should I say "Sim"? I like Sim better (it stands for Super-Intelligence-Manifold, from our space opera flick, 'memba?). So, Sim says that the chances of being attacked/killed by a shark are 1 in 3.75 million. So, you're more likely to be struck by lightning than killed by a shark. That being said; the popularity of sharks in the world of entertainment seems only to be growing. So how can we get you in on the whole "Shark Thing"? Well, let's brainstorm. So far we've had regular old sharks. Super-intelligent sharks. Pre-historice sharks-- Time for a Jason Statham break! I really think you and Jason should do a collab. Oh, asterisk reminder! I asterisked an X earlier in one of these blogs. My question is this: how am I supposed to now interpret this letter? For example. The title of the movie Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire. How are we supposed to verbally express this? Like, "Godzilla (Times) Kong"? You're the math whiz; so I'll put it to you. Are they (and they being the marketing team at Warner Bros.) asking us to multiply Godzilla by King Kong? How would that even be possible? I mean, like, are they implying that Godzilla and King Kong should mate? I mean, they are apparently both capable of producing off-spring. Godzilla had a "son" back in the day; and I'm pretty sure King Kong has a kid in the latest movie. I didn't see it, but I did see the trailer several times, which featured an adorable Baby Kong. How did King Kong have a baby? How did Godzilla have a baby for that matter? I want answers Matt! Do you remember Creature Double Feature on Channel 56 back in the day? They used to play all those cheezy Japanese monster movies. So many great memories from the numerous afternoons spent laying on the sofa, absorbing this stuff. Who could forget this? But let's get back on track. So, Shark Projects. Yes, we've certainly run the gamut of shark scenarios. Why did we never get a Land Shark movie from the SNL factory? Probably because you couldn't really sustain that idea beyond a sketch? But how about this angle: THE SUPERNATURAL. This time, our shark is a spirit of some kind, from beyond. There are lots of legends about sharks as demons and gods and so on. Or, if instead of the supernatural we went with something like, Big Foot. Except it's a race of shark people whose territory is being encroached upon. You know, the cryptozoology angle. You would play an Interpol special agent, based on Ibiza or some other island. Matt, you would play Detective Alonzo "Al" Tiburon, who grew up in the Balearic Islands. Your family has a mysterious history; and when a rash of bizarre murders that bear a striking resemblance to shark attacks, that occur on land; it's up to you and your skeptical, irrascible, rumpled yet golden-hearted former partner (you have to drag him out of retirement) to solve the cases. This could be a stand alone movie or a high-end "limited series." Your partner would be played by Jason Statham (collab!). And he's playing a Frenchman. Yes. Because I want to challenge Jason to something other than what he's been doing in every single movie he's ever made. Not only is he French and all those other things; he's a former night-club performer, with a joie de vivre he tries to hide but simply can't when he has champagne or sees a plate of fromage. Or an attractive person of any sex. He's polyamorous. Also, pansexual. I mean, why not? His character is Agent Special Pierre Dauphin. Your character is deaf and navigates the world via sonar. Why not? You were subjected to mysterious experiments as a child; by your father, who was kind of a dark Jacques Cousteau type. You met Pierre in boarding school in Switzerland, which will afford all kinds of flashback stuff. The show is called TIBURON, natch. How'd Mahky-Mahk get in there? We've just got a few more things to go over and then I'll let you go. First, let's talk donuts! So, it seems Ben has dragged you into the world of donuts. Particularly Dunkin' Donuts, a Massachusetts brand which has gone, geez, I guess it's probably global now. I mean, I've lived in the Roanoke area for a long time and there were no Dunkins. There apparently was one, a long time ago, because I could recognize the architecture of the building, which had been repurposed. And also, make out the faded ghost sign of the original sign, which had been removed. I will readily admit I LOVE Dunkins coffee. It's the best coffee out there. Period. I know it. Ben knows it. J-Lo knows it. Chris Hemsworth knows it. Harvey Sid Fisher knows it and I'm guessing you know it. So I was bummed that we didn't have any. Then, about three or so years ago, all of a sudden, like a half dozen of them went up over night. Even in Vinton, the town I reside in. My husband loves their food-stuffs. Southerners in general love breakast food. The carbier, the gravier, the porkier, the hammier, the baconier the better! However, finding healthy food on their menu is next to impossible. Which brings us to the Dunkin Skewer; a drink that features integrated donut pieces. I don't have to explain it to you Matt, because we all saw you try one on national TV, at the behest of your best friend. You tried it but it was hard to tell if you liked it from your reaction. But, you did endorse it. And with that endorsement comes a responsibility. What is the nutrition information on this "drink" and the other items from the Dunkings menu? I think it behooves you Matt to disclose this. But how about endorsing Dunkins "healthy" menu? I mean, there sort of is one... Perhaps you and Ben could put your heads together and collab with Dunkin's and come up with more items for the "healthy" offerings. For example: The Big Ben LTL. That's like a BLT, except you replace the lettuce with more lettuce! Matt's Flatt Wraps. This a line of panini like sandwiches filled with healthy choices like kale and turkey and egg whites and stuff like that. Of course, you would brainstorm with the finest chefs to come up with the menu. Otherwise, if you're going to "introduce" stuff like the Dunkin Skewer, you might as well go all in and do some Dunkin' branded smokes. Now here's a ground floor opportunity. Two words: KANE'S DONUTS. Kane's is a donut brand that started in my hometown of Saugus. Speaking of cigarettes; back in the day, their donuts actually tasted like cigarettes because they allowed smoking in their small dining room. I can remember going in there on Sundays after mass at Blessed Sacrament to get a dozen "dones" for the fam and getting lost finding the counter due to the thick fog of Pall Mall, Chesterfield and Marlboro Red smog. But people swore by them. They've started to expand in the past couple of years, opening a downtown Boston location and a second Saugus location (right by the Big Orange Dinosaur!). I'm telling you, they're going to be BIG! It's a hot tip boys!
So, I'm going to wrap this installment up now and I promise, the next will be the last. Ciao. Chris CFR 5/12/24 I mentioned earlier, Matthew, your propensity for the "man-spread." I don't know...I find the term a bit on the crude side. But then, "spread-eagled" isn't much better, is it? And just what do eagles have to do with it, in this context, I mean? Spread-legged and man-sitting aren't much better (and kind of dirty!). Splay-legged is a bit too clinical. How about, legs akimbo. Or gams akimbo. Or how about we make up fanciul new word? How about "pins" plus "akimbo" and we get: pinkimbo. I like it! Wait. I don't just like it. I love it! Wrap it up and ship it! Now in the above three photos, we can see the reverse take on pinkimbo. Legs crossed. And crossed at the knee. I also love the knee cross; but you know, and this is truly sad, there are actually men out there who find this too feminine and won't do it. Isn't that like, stupid? But it's nice to see that you have no qualms about it. You also seem to have no problem showing your feet. Let me clarify here. Much like my astrological leanings; there are those who might assume that because I discuss feet more so than probably the average person, that I must be some kind of FOOT FREAK. Or foot fetishist, at the very least. Let's just say I'm a foot afficionado. I mean, it's not like I went out and made an entire website about people's feet (you're on there, by the way)! But Hal just slid this photo across my desk: Hal knows all. He knows that your shoe size is an 11, as you volunteered this info somewhere. And that your friend Ben's dogs are a size 13! Don't let Taylor Swift find out! So, when I saw Air (which I loved, BTW); I noticed Ben's feet. How could I not? They're featured in numerous scenes and even get CLOSE-UPs, if I'm not mistaken. I recall thinking that Ben's feet were quite attractive. You know, sometimes, when you get past the size 11 mark, for men anyways, the foot/feet can have real problems maintaining their aesthetic appeal. The struggle is real. But Ben seems to have stepped over the issue (see what I did there?). He's a Leo. And as Mr. Fisher sings, re: Leo: "...everything about me is right!" So, I wonder about things like this. Did Ben take special care for his feet scenes? Like, did he have a specialist come in and pedi-polish them to perfection; or did he like, just take some extra care in the shower on filming days so he didn't have grubby feet? Is there any professional jealousy when it comes to you and Ben's feet? Like, say, are you a little jealous that he has really big feet that are still "pretty"? Is he jealous of your more manageable 11s? Do you kid each other about your feet. Do either of you have ticklish feet? When you think about it, are there ANY humans who don't have ticklish feet? Do you ever think about this? Did you know there's an entire sub-genre of Adult Entertainment that features feet tickling? This dude looks like he's having fun; but is he? I don't know about you, but I find being tickled a kind of torture; which, I suppose in the above scenario is the point. I hope he's getting a nice paycheck! And now we all have a new use for our electric toothbrushes! Based on that tattoo, I'm guessing he's a Scorpio. Cue Harvey Sid!!! I'm sorry, I've gotten a little off track. And as far as tickling videos go; the most fascinating thing I find about them is hearing a persons untempered laughter. It's something a lot of us suppress. But let's tip-toe through the tulips back to you Matt. So, here's what one scribe has to say about the meaning of your name. As a matter of fact, they used you as the example! From, The Secret Universe of Names by Roy Feinson I had a major crush on not one, but two Matts in my life. One of them worked in that video store on Mass Ave. that I mentioned earlier and one of them is a poet. Neither one actually reciprocated these romantic longings; but I'm happy to report I remain Facebook friends with at least one of them! In fact, one of them is something of a public figure. Let's take a look! So, if you ever need a DJ/Poet, Matt is your man! The other Matt was this fellow: So dreamy! And then, there were these two guys that I also worked with at Action Video. Neither was named Matt; but they were both super sweet; and the one with the glasses had actually been a child actor and had appeared in an episode of Little House on the Prairie which he played for us one day. He was really good. I think I cried (and I hated that show!). Good times. I found this picture of you Matt, sitting in a chartreuse velvet chair. I love chartreuse velvet! I mean, who doesn't, right? And here we have the insouciant "cross at the ankle" position. A straight guy "go-to." Do you recall the super-abundance of chartreuse velvet chairs and throw pillows in the 70's and 80's? They were everywhere! "Crushed velvet" was all the rage. I would love a chartreuse, crushed-velvet, single-breasted, top-coat. It would have to be done just right though. Otherwise, you might look a little Huggy-Bearish. Come to think of it, you really don't see men's top-coats done in velvet. Sports jackets and smoking jackets and robes; but I'm talking like, a trench coat. And it has to be the exact fabric of that chair you're sitting in. Oh! Remember that friend of mine that I think you kind of look like? Well here's one of those weird coincidences. One day, back in the early 2000's, I came across this picture in the paper and it reminded me of something. Something I quite couldn't place. So I clipped it out of the paper. Here it is: You must've been at this event, Matt; seeing as you were in the movie. Much later, I was looking at some old photos and then it clicked! It reminded me of this photo: I knew it reminded me of something. And I knew it had to have some kind of meaning. And now, I think that meaning is here in this blog. And the nexus point is you. Or maybe Brad Pitt. But this is getting a little long again (that's what she said!); so this is actually going to go on to a fifth, read 'em, FIFTH blog. You're setting some kind of record Matt!
Ciao for now. Chris CFR 5/9/24 I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to post all sorts of provocative pictures of you in various states of undress; but I don't feel like it. I do think, that despite whatever mixed feelings you have/had about walking on the wild side (read: gay); you were not averse to working that "boy-toy" vibe early in your career. I mean, you gave full on butt for School Ties. And I say, good on yah! Smoke 'em if you've got 'em, baby! I do, however, find it amusing that one of your "go-to" poses is the classic "man-spread." There is no dearth of these of you through the years. Tootsie bonus! Ya know, you look an awful lot like a friend of mine from back in the day. I took a lot of pictures of him. Let's take a look! Speaking of back in the day... I was thinking about this. I'm sure you've never thought about this; seeing as you don't know me. But I bet our paths crossed in the past. I mean, when I was in college at B.U., you were in high school in Cambridge, right across the Charles. For four years. And then, I got even closer when I worked across the river in Cambridge at a couple of establishments. One was Action Video, which was on Mass Ave. in Central Square. It's not there anymore, of course. I worked there in like the summer of 1990. There was a pizza place on the same block. Like on the west side of the street. Or would that be the South side? I got the job there because the place I'd been working at since '88 had closed. Perhaps you remember it. It was a bar called The Paradise and it was at 180 Mass Ave. Here's how it looks today: You probably were never actually inside; but you must remember this sign: It was like, literally, across the street from MIT. And right next door to the Necco candy factory. Surely you remember that! The air smelled like candy on that block and you could somtimes tell what they were making. Do/did you like Necco wafers? Me. Not a fan. Kind of like eating candied poker chips. Blecch! Or, maybe you were inside. I mean, maybe you scouted it for a location at some point for some thing. It was open and active as a club for the love that dare not speak its name at least until 2018. I mean, I'm guessing that even if you had wanted to go, your career after 1997 would've put the kibosh on any kind of "incognito" attempt. No anonymity. You know, research for a role, that kind of thing. Although, the Paradise wasn't necessarily "gay" during the day, back in the day. When I worked there, there was an oil portrait of an older woman in a pink waitress outfit. She kind of looked like the lady from the cover of the Breakfast in America LP: She was somewhat before my time there. Her name was Annie and from what I recall, she was a waitress there during the day; as they served food; and the clientele was mostly working men (who, I think we can assume were not there for the love that dare not speak its name). I'm guessing the Necco factory has a lot of working men in, around and about it. Maybe some working gals too. She became one of those beloved local figures who got awards and such. I mean, I doubt she herself commissioned that portrait painting. Another friend from back in the day found this for me: That's definitely her. But I have no idea what the story of this picture is. But you know there's a story! And who knows? Maybe one summer you worked at the Necco factroy and had lunch there with your fellow working men (and women) and had no idea that people went there at night, seeking the love that dare not speak it's name. And you know I'm talking about same sex love, right Matt? Just so we're all on the same page. Speaking of same sex love; and while we're on the subject. I just gotta ask. Why Mykonos? Why did you go on a vacation to one of the gayest places on Earth? I mean, outside of the Disney commissary in Burbank at lunchtime? Why were Chris and Liam Hemsworth there? Hal just informed me that you told Ellen you went "glamping" with Chris Hemsworth. I'm starting to think you and Chris should do a Challengers-esque flick now. MOVIE IDEA! Set in the exciting world of pickle ball, Competitors unfurls the sweat drenched story of Kurt Vandekamp and Avi Frieberger, two up and coming stars of the pickle ball world. Kurt and Avi meet at pickle ball camp and the story picks up as they traverse the trials and travails of the professional pickle ball tournament landscape. Under the tutelage of their coaches, Jack "Jackie" Jackson (that would be you, Matt) and Phillip "Phil" Phillipson (Chris Hemsworth, natch) the pair make their way to the PPA, The Pro Pickleball Tour. Kurt and Avi vie for the affections of Jack's daughter, Marissa; a no nonsense knock-out who knows how to put a nose or two to the grindstone and a pickle or three to the paddle. Meanwhile, Phil's wife is tragically taken from the world in a hay-baling accident during a Halloween hay-ride. Seeking solace in the arm's of his long-time friend and sometimes rival, Jack; the two men find themselves fighting feelings for one another they've surpressed since their days at Yale School of Drama. Yes, Jack is also a playwright and his new play, I Think I'm In Love With My Best Friend and Rival (Who's Name Is Definitely NOT Phil) which has it's premiere at the pickle ball camp he runs, has a lot of people asking questions; not least of which will be the audience! Will Marissa be forced to choose between Kurt and Avi or will she choose both? Or neither? Will Phil realize Jack's play is about him? What will happen if he does? I mean, that is, if he goes to see it; because plays are not really his "thing." Will he succumb to his unspoken yearnings? And what of his unspoken urges. Not to mention his unutterable impulses. Who will take home the pickle ball trophy? Find out from your courtside seat at Competitors! Well, you know, Chirs Hemsworth is a Leo. You have a lot of Leo's in your life Matt. Ben. J-Lo (I mean, I imagine she's in your life a lot, simply by default). Your wife. Libra's are attracted to fire signs. But before we get into that, let's see what Harvey Sid Fisher has to say about Leos! You know Matt, I mention astrology and astrological signs in my blogs more than I might care to admit. I mean, it's not like I'm into astrology, or anything. I mean, I could care less about my daily horoscope. I have no interest in fortune telling, whether that be via mediums, crystal balls, tarot cards (especially tarot cards), Ouija boards (no thanks!), tea leaves, palm reading, The Farmer's Almanac, Nostradamus, Weekly World News' Year End predictions or even Magic 8 balls (where's the evil Magic 8 ball movie? Get on that Matt and Ben!). And "normal" people tend to look down on anyone that has interest in the Cosmological, right? Who needs that stigma? Or stigmata? But I do find the personality aspect of astrology quite fascinating, and yes, I'll admit it: uncanny. Like, why do you have all those Leos in your life? Not just in it; but up close and personal. Why did my only three friends back during school days all have the sign of Sagitarrius, like me? I mean, the odds have to be astrological! Oh, I mean, astronomical. Why do I, a Sagitarrius whose "balancing sign" is Gemini, have Geminis coming out my ears in my own life? I'm talking like, my mother and my two brothers. I also am extremely intrigued by the cosmology surrounding days of birth and names. Like first names. So let's just get this over in one fell swoop and meet back here in an hour or so! Sigourney Weaver! Noice! There's another book I have to go find; so, I guess this isn't over yet. We're going into overtime Matt! So I'll see you in Part 4!!! OMG...if you add up all those numbers you get 9. Your lucky number Matt! CFR 5/7/24
I want to get something out of the way Matt. I want to clear the air. And before we move on to more of the ridiculousness; let's just get the puzzling, negative vibes dispensed with. I mean, I'm not trying to dredge up shit from the past. I'm not trying to muckrake. I'm not trying to retroactively "cancel." And could we please just cancel cancelling? I mean, seriously. Please. As The Big Kahuna In the Sky says: "Let he/she/them that is without SIN cast the first stone..." Or, the one about people who live in glass houses, shouldn't rinse their eyes with Windex (with Ammonia "D"!) See, I'm getting off track already. So, WTF, let's listen to a track from Billy Joel's Glass Houses and then meet back here in fifteen minutes or so... So, Hal keeps slipping these articles under my nose that concern you and the LGTB--Queer--what...world? Strata? Community? Demi-monde? 'Frinstance, the one where you and Ben wrote a graphic gay scene between "two male leads" in one of the early drafts of Good Will Hunting; betwixt "two of the professor characters." Now, I couldn't find any article about this that specifically named the characters; but I think it's pretty safe to assume it's "Prof. Gerald Lambeau" and his assistant "Tom," who has no last name in the original or title. The article, which I assume is paraphrasing you and Ben, Matt; goes on to say you did this in order to make sure that studio execs were actually reading your rewrites. I have to say, I find this a bit of a stretch. Really? Would you really have done that at that point in your careers? Cavalierly putting provocative material in your script that might jeopardize your project? I'm thinking, no. And yet, you're quoted as saying you did this; so why would you make that up? I just find this somewhat confusing. And then, if you really had no intention of those characters being gay; how did the story end up with so much homoerotic subtext anyway? And an openly gay director at the helm? Which is great and all; but how did that happen? I find it interesting that I quite immediately made "Tom" a gay character in my fan-fic sequel. I guess "Tom" was giving off that queer vibe after all. All the way to the final product. He was played by an actor named John Mighton (and I've supplied "Tom" with the last name "Alderdice"). Later on, you played Scott Thorson in Behind the Candelabra. That was a pretty darn gay role, I must say. Honestly, I was a little surprised you signed on for it. Not only you; but Michael Douglas! Before we move on, let's hear what Macho Chris has to say about Michael (you might want to fast forward to the 4.15 mark...): In 2014 or so you said something about actors shouldn't "come out" or whatever or talk about their sexuality because they therefore can't retain mystery about themselves and that it's an actor's job to retain their personal "mystery" so it doesn't leak into...what...their performance? The Public's perception of them? That was like ten years ago; which, all things considered, isn't that long ago. You said these comments were misconstrued and misrepresented and then went on Ellen to apologize for them. Going on talk shows and apologizing for not-particularly-well-thought-out-comments was par for the course then. And the actual course now. But looking back, do you think maybe you should apologize for apologizing on Ellen? I guess it will be her turn to get out of the dog-house soon. Everybody gets out at some point, except, apparently, Cosmo Kramer. And Kevin Spacey. Oh, and Armie Hammer, everyone's favorite "cannibal." It's interesting to me that you did Candelabra before you made the comments. But this kind of begs a question (and perhaps your feelings on this subject have changed): did you ever conceal your own sexuality? I mean, I think most of the world is pretty aware that you're married to a woman and have several children; which I would think, subsequently, most of the world makes the assumption that you're "straight." Did you ever feel you had to conceal this aspect of your life? To me, it's kind of like hiding your face. How can you hide it? Why should you hide it? Well, I think the implied "why" is that it's wrong to be gay. Matt, I'm not watching one of your movies and thinking about you making love; unless you're making love on screen. Convince me of that. And convince me you did, in Behind the Candelabra. I have to say I loved that movie. My best friend's mom used to subscribe to The Enquirererrer. They were obsessed with Liberace and Scott at that rag. It was in those articles that we learned of their pet nick-names for one another: "Libby," for Liberace and "Boober" for Scott. This struck us as hilarious. But what I most liked about Behind the Candelabra was that it made those people seem human. It was funny; yes. Qutie scathingly so. But they seemed like real people to me. So, thanks for that. And speaking of Project Green Light (which I also never watched); did a project ever get greenlit? And released? I'll have to look that up. See, but then Hal slid another little memo under my nose that was a little more recent. This time it was numerous articles from 2021 about how your daughter got you to stop using the term "faggot." When you suggested cutting it down to just "fag"; apparently she wrote you a plea in the form of an eloquent letter to not use any form of it and why it was wrong. Your lame defense of using it at all (and yes, why were you using it up until 2021 (in it's long form yet?) was that it was common when you were a kid. And it was. Particularly in the Boston area in the 70's and 80's, when we were both "kids." You said it had a different meaning then. But did it? I can recall quite vividly being on the receiving end of that word in numerous forms and not taking it for much else than what it was. A verbal rock, usually coming from the sling-shot of a jock aimed squarely at the soul. Did anyone ever call you a faggot or a fag or faggy because you wanted to be an actor when you were in high school? I'm thinking no. So, maybe you need to publish that letter from your daughter some place and if you feel the need to apologize again; why don't you wait until it feels sincere. Particularly for yourself. Speaking of Hal 9000! You've played several astronauts at this point. Some nice. Some not so nice (although I think a lot of us have wanted to push Anne Hathaway off of a cliff in outer-space more than once! Just kidding; we love Anne. I think you and Anne and Jake Gyllenhaalll should get together and do a sequel to Love and Other Drugs. We could call it (I'll be taking a writing credit, thank you. $250,000.000, please)* Drugs and Other Love. Oh, it's a thrilling tale of mature adult love. It's a May/December type thing. Or maybe an August/September/September type thing? It's definitely a "Devil's Triangle" type thing; and if Challengers has taught us anything, it's that modern audiences are ripe and ready for Boy on Girl on Boy action! But are they ready for Middle-Aged-Man-On-Woman-On-Man action? So, in the sequel, Jake and Anne reprise their roles as "Jamie Randall" and "Maggie Murdock." Seeking to put a little spice back into their marriage, they proposition an Electro-Lux Vacuum Cleaner salesman (played by you Matt!) for a full, top to bottom carpet cleaning. Love, Laffs and Life Lessons ensue. And maybe you'll shed a tear or two (particularly during the controversial "beater-bar" scene!). That actually happened to me in real life. The part about the Electro-Lux salesman (it's a long story; but not as exciting as you might imagine). But back to astronauts. Did you know that Arthur C. Clarke, author of 2001: A Space Odyssey was gay? Well, he was. And when I watch that movie now, I can't help but see it as a kind of gay Fatal Attraction (Michael Douglas again!). I mean, Hal was constantly watching his male co-workers, particular Frank Poole, strutting around the ship in short-shorts: MOVIE IDEA! It's a thriller, set in outer space (which we already know you love!). It's kind of like ...And Then There Were None ("X")*/Alien/divided by Fatal Attraction by way of 2001/Fold in Eyes Wide Shut (but in this case it would be one eye, as Hal only has one). Oh, and let's toss in Gravity and get Sandy Bullock onboard. And how about George Clooney, too?Why not? So, you play the pilot of the Spaceship "Gemini." Your character's name is Captain David "Dave" Stanley. Your commanding officer is Col. Gordon "Gordo" Keller (played by Michael Douglas) and Lt. Col. Alex Forrest, who will here be essayed by the ever amazing Glenn Close (fun fact: Zero degrees of Reidyation! She was standing, waiting for a golf cart ride to her car after the Sunset Blvd. party at Paramount. She was right next to me!). Your co-pilot will be played by, well, how about Ben Affleck? He will play Captain Chuck "Chuckie" Flowers(!). You and he can finally have that love scene that, really, we ALL want, right? Jennifer Lopez will play his lady love; Major Victoria "Vicky" Krumholtz. You may have guessed we're going for that Challengers vibe with this story thread. The computer (the Hal 9000 character) will be voiced by...? How about Kevin Spacey? Works for me. The computer's name is SIM ("Superior Intelligence Manifold"). Guess what Matt? Sim is about to achieve that thing, what is it, when computers and humans are supposed to merge? Well, whatever it is; he wants to do it with you. Kind of like in that movie Demon Seed(!). So, Sim sets about getting you alone in outer space, as a series of grisly accidents begin to befall your co-workers. For example, Robert Downey Jr. (he plays "Commissioner Julian Ian") gets decompressed in an airlock. Or compressed. Denzel Washington gets Sputniked (don't ask; and it isn't pretty!). Lucy Liu gets cratered, literally. And so on. The deaths will be highly creative and mostly happen off-screen. Eventually, it's down to you and J-Lo to save the day, before Sim makes you his boy-toy. Man-toy? Man-Boy-Toy? The tagline? Love Can't Exist In a Vacuum. Or should that be the tagline for the other movie? Maybe we could get honorary Boston girl Aimee Mann to do the soundtrack! Well, I guess we've reached the "five minute read" mark and Lord knows we can't go past that. But I have more to say, bro...
So, whoever's still reading; please see Part 3 of this: Matty Are You A Zaddy?/Part 3. CFR 5/5/24 Are you a Zaddy trapped in the body of a Daddy? Didn't you play a caddy once? No, but you played a golfer. HAL 9000 just informed me of that. I call my computer HAL; and he's become one real nosey parker! He's always informing me of unsolicited informational nuggets re: you, Matt. I mean, if I happen to be reading or writing about you or "borrowing" your I/P for fan-fiction screenplays about Will Hunting. Hal told me you trained your ass off to learn golf for that golfing movie. Did you get in any mini-golf, you know, for the finessing part of your performance as a golfer? And if you did, did you ever get in some putt-putt practice at Route 1 Mini-Golf in Saugus? I mean, it would've made sense, as it was mere minutes from Cambridge and probably the closest mini-golf course to you in 1999, when you probably would've been doing this. Or maybe you had been to Route 1 Mini-golf in your youth? I mean, if you ever travelled North on Route 1 in Massachusetts from the early 60's until about 2016, which I can't imagine you never did, Matt; you would've seen the orange dinosaur in his original perch. He was the first thing you saw when you entered or left Saugus at it's southern border. He remains and still reigns! In fact, he's become a symbol of the town; even more so than The Saugus Iron Works, which was established in 1620 or so; making Saugus one of the oldest established towns in the nation! Yippee! Yay for Saugus! A good ten years before Cambridge. How do you like thos ye olde aeppels? The Iron Works even got the Disney treatment! Check out the 7.50 mark: The town tries to lay claim to the steel industry, via the iron angle. Saugus! The Birthplace of Steel, the signs proclaim. But really, I think the signs should say: Saugus! The Birthplace of Wonder Woman! The guy who created her was born in Saugus. William Moulton Marston. But back to golf. Or should we say caddies. Or cads. You've definitely played a few of these; often in revealing swimwear. And sometimes, even no swimwear! You know, I've never seen either of those movies, either. But in the case of School Ties, I feel that I just watched the one scene I really needed too. You know, in order to get the gist of it. And I have a lot of questions. Like, did shampoo come in tubes in 1959. Let's ask Hal. Okay, I guess they did. Somebody on School Ties was doing their homework. But would boy jocks at a prep school use Prell? And I'm getting off track. Again. This is supposed to be a blog about where you fit on The Kinsey Sliding Scale of Pop Sexuality, Mr. Damon. So let's get back to it! In a minute. Please be aware that I am prone to go off on tangents; but I hope you'll find the tangential stuff interesting as well. I was wondering why I never saw School Ties, since it was a Paramount picture and I vividly recall being stared at by Brendan Fraser. Not in person; but in the form of a gigantic cardboard standee of Mr. Fraser pensively gazing out the window of a car. This standee was in an office at Paramount where I was assigned some, let's just say, "light typing and filing." Mr. Fraser's head must've been about five feet tall: So, I started working at Paramount in June of 1993. School Ties had come out in September of 1992. That tracks. But why was the giant cardboard Brendan Fraser still in that office? Did someone have a little crush? Did you have a little crush Matt? I mean Brendan is a Sagittarius. How could you not have? It was an early film for both of you; which brings us back to some of the questions I have about the "shower fight scene," the cardboard standee and the movie in general. 1. There is a group of young men reflected in the car window in the artwork. Were you in this group, because I can't make you out. Was there a dedicated photo shoot to capture that image for the reflection; or did they just pull a frame from the movie and use that? 2. Hal just informed me that the movie was mostly filmed on location in Massachusetts. In particular, Concord, which also is mere minutes from Cambridge, your hometown. Well, a little under an hour. Did you stay with your family during filming or did you take advantage (I know I would've) of the studio's responsibility to house you during production. And if so, did you share a hotel with Brendan? Or a room maybe? 3. How long did it take to film the shower scene? I'm guessing several days. Perhaps a week. Did you have to sign some kind of nudity waiver? 4. How nude were you? Were you supplied with a "modesty sock"? Also known as a "vanity sock." And I'm guessing a "c**k sock" as the set was overrun with mischievious young men? Did you get tired of trying to keep the willie warmer on your person as I would imagine it probably got sopping wet pretty quick, since it was a shower scene? Did you all just finally throw your c**k socks to the wind and get on with filming the scene, even though careful camera angles and placements were used so as not to get any male-junk on screen? 5. If this was shot over several days (or at least one) what happened when it was lunchtime? Did you all just go to a Naked Lunch? Bath towels? Robes? Did you have to go back to hair and make-up? I think about these things. 6. Do you remember what you had for lunch on any of the days you were filming this scene? I recall craft service meals, at least in Los Angeles, often featured bean dishes. Bean salads. A lot of bean burritos. Just beans in general. Perhaps the caterers on the set of School Ties served Boston baked beans, as you were in the Bay State. Did this cause any farting during the shower scene when you returned to the set. I would imagine mischievious young men would, perhaps, intentionally eat beans; because, you know, boys will be boys. 7. Did you worry about "shrinkage" whilst filming? 8. Did you visit Walden pond during the shoot? 9. Did you visit Nathaniel Hawthorne's house, which is in Concord? 10. Are you still in touch with any of the other guys in this scene? 11. Why does your character, who is clearly something of a churl, recite such a rambling and clunky anti-Semitic joke? Also, as they are all naked and have clear views (despite all the steam) of one another's junk; why is the joke not of the circumcision variety? It seems like it wants to be; but it's not. 12. Was/is Brendan Fraser, who has Canadian parents, uncircumcised (or should we use not circumcised, because "uncircumcised" implies one should be circumcised; because I think the Candians don't really go in for it on a national level? I could be wrong. So, if Brendan was playing a Jewish guy and he was not circumcised; did this create any sort of "acting challenge" for you? 13. Did any of you, if you had to pee, just pee, as you were in a shower anyways? 14. Do you dislike ending strings of questions on the number 13 and ask one more, even if it has no bearing on what's preceded it? Walden Pond, Concord Massachusetts
I've kind of completely gotteen away from the Zaddy questions. But this was getting kind of long (that's what she said!); so please see, Matty, Are You A Zaddy: Part 2 for the continuation. CFR 5/2/244 |
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May 2024
AUTHOR
Christopher Reidy is from the Boston area. He attended Boston University where he studied TV and film which eventually led him to Los Angeles. There he did the Hollywood thing (which he wasn’t particularly good at) and eventually met his partner Joseph. He was one of the co-founders of the short lived Off Hollywood Theatre Company which staged several of his original plays. 83 In the Shade is his first novel. He also dabbles in screenplays, toys with short stories, and flirts with poetry. Life brought him to bucolic Southwest Virginia where he now resides and is very active in community theatre. It may interest you to know Chris is officially an Irish citizen as well as an American. He also enjoys drawing and painting and looking after a passel of housecats and two turtles. |