If you're bored, you can always sing a love song to your Hugo puppet!  
​
(For maximum enjoyment; I highly advise watching the following video on 1.5 speed or faster. (It's over sooner).

Hugo was my first...
My first disguisable puppet!  I got him for Christmas (a request) in 1975.  We lost track of one another.  I heard he ran off to be a roadie with The Three Dog Night.  But I never forgot about him.  The things we would get up to in the basement.  The mystery.  The intrigue.  The disavowed missions.  The long staring contests he always won (he couldn't blink). 
Many years later, another Hugo came into my life.  A gift from my husband.  He knows about us; but he looks the other way.  He knows it's thin ice as far as Hugo is concerned.  Sometimes I simply can't take Hugo and his intensity.  Sometimes I have to turn his head to the side.  Or put him in his box.  But sometimes that intensity inspires me!  

Two lights that shine as one...morning glory and midnight sun.

But which is which?

Time, won't change the meaning of...one love...ageless and ever...evergreen...

  Hugo.  He puts the "hug" in Hugo!

My husband thinks I'm self-obsessed; or rather, obsessed with myself.  And I must confess, I do Google myself perhaps a bit more than I really should.  Self-Googling.  Googlebation.  Call it what you will.  I'm simply monitoring my online presence in the hopes for a breakthrough; particularly concerning my novel.  You know, that moment when the publishing world will arrive at my front-door with a battering ram, insisting that the world needs knowledge of my Tome For The Ages.  Or STARZ, anyways.
But, incrementally if not exponentially; since I started this blog...interest into moi's musings has grown.  That's just a fact.  If you type in my name, a bunch of stuff comes up, including a sub-category bar.  One of those sub-categories is CATS.  Apparently, people are interested in my cats, Lara and Marissa.  Also, apparently, more than they are in my book.  So, I will be "creating (cat) content" as they say in The Biz.  Speaking of which, Lara is currently staring me down for her dinner. So...

Here's the story, of a lovely lady, with hair of gold...
So, back in the day, I and some friends founded a little theater group.  We called ourselves "Off-Hollywood."  My friend Joel Craig pretty much bank-rolled the whole thing and we did most of our work under that aegis at The Hudson Avenue Theater in Hollywood.  It's now called "The Hudson Theaters" which arguably sounds a lot more regal.  This was back in the late 90's when theater in Hollywood was almost non-existent.  In fact, it was pretty much openly derided by the Show Biz Establishment (e.g.: Variety, "The Industry" etc.)  People didn't come to Hollywood to do theater.  You went to New York for that. Or maybe Pasadena.  If you were an actor in Hollywood you were there to go to auditions to appear in front of cameras.  Nobody was interested in seeing you trod the boards at some dumpy playhouse, loser.  But of course, Hollywood is flooded with kids coming out of theater schools trying to make it in front of cameras.  So if they don't get those call-backs, what to do?
Well, if you were like me and my friends, you wrote plays for yourself and put them up at dumpy playhouses.  Now though, Los Angeles and "The Industry" have caught on that theater in L.A. is a viable entity, if only for the fact that the town does have all those theater people.  L.A. actually now has a "Theater Row."  My, how times have changed.  Maybe it was because David Geffen had the foresight to put his name on a playhouse and attract movie stars to be in plays.  Monkey see, monkey do, right?  I snark.  It's a great thing.  I just harbor some resentment about all the snob-goblins back in the day.  Does the LA Weekly still exist?  Back in 1999 I made their "worst" theatrical list.  I was awarded the "Most Egregious Abuse of Camp"* honor in their year-end theater overview.  It's a badge I wear with pride.  Hey, at least I got noticed, right?  Back then, I would say that the vast majority of theater in Los Angeles was being written, produced and played by gay men.  A lot of gay women too; but mostly gay guys.
So, one of our troupers was a young woman; a gorgeous blonde from Massachusetts who had just hit town and somehow ended up in a gay theatrical group (not that we thought of ourselves that way; we were open to anyone).  Her name was (is) Nichole Hiltz.  She actually went on to TV series regular on a show called In Plain Sight and various and sundry other projects.  She was a free spirit and a lot of fun!

She was the first and last woman I've ever seen in her birthday suit at close proximity (two feet maybe?).  Like I said, she was fun.  She was in the dressing room and called my name and then threw back a curtain and there she was in all her blonde glory.  I gotta say, even I got a tingling sensation!
But Chris, you ask, what does this have to do with pussy...cats?

Well, you see, it was Ms. Hiltz who arrived at the theater one day with a box full of kittens.  Her cat had just had a litter and she brought them to see if anyone was interested in taking one.  There were about eight of them.  Half were pure black and the other half were tiger-striped tabbies.  Call it an "impulse purchase" (although I was not charged); because I lived an apartment building that didn't allow pets.  More on that later.  I grabbed one of each.

*The show that received the critical raspberries was "Troggie Dearest."  It was a spoof of Joan Crawford movies.  I played Joan:

I very much look exactly like my mother during the 50's in the above photo.  Those shoes had four inch heels.  It was not fun.
So, back to those two kittens...

So, I live in Roanoke, Virginia.  In the heart of The Blue Ridge Mountains.  Unfortunately, I'm rather indifferent towards mountains.  Like, why does everyone want to climb Mount Everest?  Maybe Mount Everest doesn't want to be climbed.  Like, just leave Mount Everest alone.  But no!  People flock there to climb it.  To the point now where basically people with no mountain climbing skills are going there, like a tourist thing.  And they're dying.  People are dropping like flies.  Dropping into crevasses and falling off faces, North, South, East and West.  And it's too difficult to get the frozen dead people out; so if you go to climb Mount Everest, you'll have to skirt stiffs.  You couldn't pay me to climb Mount Everest.  And you'd really have to shell out some dough just to even get me to "The Rooftop of the World."  Rooftops are dangerous.  People should just stay off of rooftops.  Only Santa should be allowed on rooftops.  Him and professional roofers.  That's it. And don't get me started about all the trash people toss on their pointless quests up and down the Mountain.  If you can't respect Mount Everest; you don't belong there.  And he/she/they will KILL you.

​So, let me give you a little background on the area I live in.  The region is Southwest Virginia.  Roanoke is the Big City. It's nick-name is "The Star City." It also has a gigantic neon star beacon perched atop the highest "mount" in town.  I must say, it's pretty cool.  Now, as to which came first, the actual star or the town's nick-name; I know not.  I suppose I should look it up.  I've spent a good fifth of my life here now (geez Louise).  I live in a mid-size town called "Vinton" that borders Roanoke to the east. Vinton recently came up with a catchy slogan for itself: "It's All In Vinton!"

Now, I don't think it's really all in Vinton.  Vinton might be overplaying it.  But it is aggressively trying to drag itself into the 21st century.  I will say, some of the new eateries that are popping up in the old downtown are quite excellent!  For example, "Joe Goodpies."  The Best Fried Mozzarella Sticks I've ever had.  They often run out, so if you find yourself IN Vinton, call ahead!
Now, I would think that when most people think about this region, they probably think of the old "Appalchian Emergency Room" sketches from SNL.  And I can't say that that element does not exist here.  To get to my house, I have to pass one of the sketchiest trailer parks on the planet.  One time, we had a party and one of the guests left and then returned, in tears.  She had taken a wrong turn into the trailer park and I guess she feared for her life.  Not to trailer-shame; but that is a true story.  However, she was a bit on the dramatic side.  She was an actress.  Very Method.  Maybe she was trying to remember it if she was ever in a scene where she was trapped in a trailer park.  I kid: she was a terrific actress.  

You know...these sketches only slightly exaggerate.  Whoever wrote them must've been from around here.  There's a gas station in these parts where I like to go to fuel up, because I can observe what I call "The Mountain Mamas."  There is quite the preponderance of them at this particular BP.  Mountain Mamas are...well, in the above sketch Amy Poehler is playing one.  I'd say her portrayal is archetypical of the Mountain Mama of a certain age who wears clothes that show way too much skin.  One type of many.  They come in all shapes and sizes.  I guess I would say that their commonly shared trait is their ability to converse with anyone and everyone at top volume, with no self-censoring.  Of course, there are Mountain Pappy's too; but this particular Speed Mart seems to attract the ladies.

Now, conversely, this area offers a lot of high end education.  Virginia Tech is 45 minutes away.  University of Virginia is a couple of hours north.  In Roanoke itself you've got Hollins University, which is home to a highly regarded play writing program.  Roanoke College.  Radford University and so on.  Why are so many prestigious colleges out in the middle of Podunk U.S.A.?  I've never understood this phenomenon.  Another phenomenon around here is the abandoned, dilapidated house/gas station/barn/whatever.

Again, another head-scratching phenomenon.  They're everywhere.  Five minutes from my house, just across from that trailer park, is a compound of deserted buildings that are frozen in time.  There's a two story convenience store, an old car, a trailer and a house.  Frozen in time, nature reclaiming it.  It's like the people who lived there just decided one day to leave and leave it all to Mother Earth.  It's spooky.  I'm driving by it later.  I'll take some pictures...

There's a two-story Cape Cod style house on the left of the above picture.  You can barely make it out, so camouflaged it is by the woods that have overtaken it.  And this group of buildings is on a major thoroughfare!  The one that's pretty much the only road to Smith Mountain Lake; which brings us to what any of this has to do with me being in Neil Simon's Rumors. 
So, Smith Mountain Lake was created in the 1960's to provide power for the Smith Mountain Lake Dam, which generates electricity: your basic hydroelectric enterprise (although it's not basic, but you can look all that up at your leisure).  There's also an underwater "ghost-town," supposedly, called Monroe.  Did it exist?  Is it down there at the bottom of the lake?  No one can either confirm or deny.  Besides being a power source, SML lake has become a thriving lakeside community and resorty-summer-vacationy home type place.  Quite wealthy, white and upper-middle class.  There are lots of year-round residents.  One of SML's claims-to-fame is that the movie What About Bob? was filmed there.  It starred Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfuss.  Released in 1991, the movie was a hit.  I've never seen it.  And I had no idea Uncle Walt made it.  ​Everything's connected...

Hmmm...typical Disney over-scoring.
Anyways...we're finally at Smith Mountain Lake, home of the "Smith Mountain Lake Players" (news to me too!) and how your boy got cast in a Neurotic New Yorker comedy in rural Virginia.

So, I have this actor friend, Wendy.  We've worked together on several occasions, the last being a somewhat uneven production of Private Lives.  In that, she played my ex-wife.  Now she's going to be playing my wife in Rumors.  Wendy recommended me to a lady named Nancy who is helming the production of Rumors for the Smith Mountain Lake Players (SMLP).  SMLP are not really a community theater, as they don't actually have a playhouse or a season.  For example, this production of Rumors is going to be staged at the "4-H Center."  I know as much about 4-H as Neil Simon probably did.  I know it has to do with farming, youth, blue-berry pies and blue-ribbon chickens.  I mean, that's what my mind conjures up.  I'll have to do some more research.  I don't think there's an official affiliation. I think SMLP are just using the facilities. Also, the play is opening months from now and will only be up for one weekend.  Which is kind of strange.  But fine with me.  After opening night, a show almost always turns into a job.  You actors know what I mean.  It's still fun; but it's also work.  Even though you're not getting paid...except in applause (uh-huh).
So, I met Nancy at her lovely lakeside house up at the lake, by its side.  I read for her and we had a nice conversation and then she cast me.  So, a recent email informs me that our first read-through will be in May.  Also, we'll be rehearsing in the basement of someone I've yet to meet.  It must be a pretty big basement: this show has a cast of ten!  I do know the basement is in the home of another lakeside resident not far from Nancy's lakeside home.  Oh, did I mention this was by the lake?  Here's the lake:

It's a strange lake.  It's a lake that lies in the nooks and crannies of a mountain range.  It looks like a Chinese dragon to me.  Which is cool.  They represent luck, among other things.  I'll take all the luck I can get!
So, more to come later in May.
Ciao
Chris
4/20/22
Oh, btw...speaking of 4-20...I (and everyone in Virginia) are legally allowed to grow four marijuana plants for personal use.  I haven't smoked pot since the 80's; but as I'm entitled to these plants, I figure, why not?  So, yours truly is going to try his hand at a mini-marijuana farm.  I'll fill you in on that too!

So, I'm starting to get excited.  I was recently cast in a local production of Neil Simon's Rumors.  It doesn't open until October, so it's going to be a long rehearsal process.  I'm still kinda in Covid/Lockdown mode, so I'm having quite the panoply of reactions.  That being said...
Since we all had so much fun with "Anyone Can Make A Sitcom!"; I thought I'd take you all (whoever y'all are) through this process from the beginning. Flop or TRIUMPH?  Who knows? Perhaps only Dionysus and Thalia.  But I love comedy and this will be my first Neil Simon.
​The last thing I did "theatrically" was my cover of "Free Man In Paris" by Joni Mitchell and I must confess, I was rather nervous.  But I think this will be a lot of fun!  Keep checking in for updates!
Yours,
Chris