CUT TO:
INT. REVOLVING RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria and Jurgin enter the restaurant which is typically decorated for an office type Christmas party.  The prevailing mood is quiet, as a Muzaky version of "Silent Night" drifts down from the speakers.
JURGIN
Is this a Christmas party or a wake?  Where's the bar?
HONORIA
(Spotting Marlon, on the other side of the room, waving her over)  Could you get me...
JURGIN
Something stiff?  Coming right up!
He heads off to the bar as Honoria pushes through a clump of people.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria moves into the area where Marlon is holding court with numerous BUSINESS PEOPLE, all holding tight smiles.  Nobody seems very festive; or appears to want to be there at all.
MARLON
Oh, here's our girl wunderkind now!  Ri-ri Cummings, I'd like you to meet Don Weenow and Carol Ng.
Greetings are exchanged.
DON WEENOW
"Ri-ri"?  That's an unusual name.  I like it.  It's fun!
HONORIA
Thanks.  It's a nick-name.  One I don't usually use at work. (She side-eyes Marlon).
MARLON
Well, we're not at work--technically.
CAROL
Don and I work in the Walla-Walla branch, which is probably why we haven't met.  But I do know you've been the big push behind the Fujitsu collab.
HONORIA
Well, I was.  But now--
MARLON
--You've got a plane to catch!  (Looks at his watch).  Can't keep the good folks at Jerry Jingle's waiting!
DON
Jerry Jingle's?  Why do I know that name?
CAROL
Wasn't that a--
She's interrupted by Jurgin who's returned with Honoria's drink and a plate of Tannenbon-bons.
JURGIN
Hey everyone!  Listen, do yourselves a favor and try one of these.  I'm telling you, they are to die for!
Everyone sort of shrugs and takes one.  Honoria takes a long slug off her cocktail.
HONORIA
(Aside, to Jurgin) I hate flying.  Do you have any of those assistant's little helpers?
JURGIN
Little what?
HONORIA
Those candies you keep in your desk.
JURGIN
My Razzles?  You know, first they're candy, then they're gum!
HONORIA
No.  The other ones--
JURGIN
Sen-sen?
HONORIA
No, the other, other ones.
JURGIN
Les Anis de Flavigny?  The ones from France?
HONORIA
No, the ones in the Sucrets tin.
JURGIN
Oh, my Valavaxium!  You won't need it.
He points at Marlon, Carol and Don, who have bitten into the bon-bons.  We again hear the sound of WIND IN THE TREES and SLEIGH BELLS.  The heads of the three begin to sway back and forth.
CAROL
(Singing) ...Furby, you keep aaaammmmaaaazzzzing me...
DON
(In ELMO VOICE) ...that tickles...(GIGGLES like Elmo).
MARLON
Bop it!  Shake it!  Pull it!  Twist it!!!
HONORIA
What the...?
Jurgin pops a bon-bon in her mouth.  We hear a SOUND reminiscent of SPRINKLING FAIRY DUST, then:
DIZZOLVE to HONORIA'S DAY-DREAM: She imagines she's a toy fairy, flying over a winter wonderland.  She's soon joined by a flutter of fairies as she SINGS: "...fly for me, just for me...Skydancers dance for me..."
SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP of the last Tannenbon-bon as someone grabs it.  We hear pounding DANCE MUSIC.  The party has gone from dirge to surge: a clearly off-the-chain Rager-in-progress.  People crowd the dance floor.  We hear the VOICE  of the DJ.
DJ
All right party people, let's keep this mad-house going!  Here's a request for a song I've never heard of but is somehow in my bin; but whatever.  Let's get funky with "'Lil Ice Flo featuring Taylor Swift; with: The South Pole Shuffle!"
There are CHEERS and APPLAUSE. The beat drops as Marlon pulls Honoria onto the floor.
MARLON
I love this song!
HONORIA
I've never heard it before.
MARLON
Neither have I; but I LOVE it!  Let's dance!
HONORIA
What about my flight?
MARLON
It's my plane.  It can wait.
We hear the SONG LYRICS as the dancers form lines.  It's kind of like The Cha-Cha Slide, but with Christmas references. And wait a second...did they coreograph this?
LIL ICE FLO & TAYLOR SWIFT
(V/O SINGING THROUGHOUT) All right y'all, we're gonna get icy!  We're gonna get frosty!  We're gonna get presents!  We're gonna get egg-nog!  Like nutmeg all spicy!
TAYLOR
Listen up y'all.  Get down on that football!  Gonna give me left foot-fall...gonna give me right foot-fall!  Now PRANCE!
Gonna dance it like PRANCER; gonna prance it like DASHER; gonna dash it like DANCER!
LIL ICE FLO
Yo take my advice.  Like Taylor make nice!  Listen up to Miss Swift; now take your partner and LIFT!
At this point, Marlon lifts Honoria and spins her.
TAYLOR
Now be candy-cane sweet.  Put your partner on their feet.  Now you're gonna make your move-in; dip your partner, get groovin'!
Marlon slides toward Honoria and takes her in his arms and dips her.  When he pulls her back up, they find themselves in the clutch.  
HONORIA
I'm a little dizzy...
Marlon nods and escorts her off the floor as the song continues.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Marlon pushes through the crowd and escorts Honoria to a table.  They sit and she grabs a bottle of water and takes a drink.  
MARLON
(Points to windows) Hey, it's snowing! Are you okay? (She nods).  That was wonderful.  You're a really great dancer!  And you have really beautiful eyes.
HONORIA
(Nervously)  Oh, ah, thanks.  So, I like your sweater.  Pretty green.  And what is that?  Mohair?
MARLON
Yeah, it's a Costoso Maglione.  
HONORIA
But how is it ugly?  And or related to Christmas
MARLON
I'm the Grinch!  I like that pin...
HONORIA
The nose lights up when you pull the little cord.
MARLON
May I?
HONORIA
Sure.  Make a wish.
Marlon smiles and nods and grasps the jingle bell.  Then, like a little kid, he closes his eyes and pulls.  The CAMERA CLOSES on the pin as the nose lights up.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
HONORIA'S P.O.V.
A massive floor to ceiling window, which looks out on woodlands.  A row of pine trees rise from a blanket of snow.  The one in the middle is covered with Christmas lights.  There is also a light up menorah on the ground in front of the tree.  
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
Honoria sits up in a large Victorian canopy bed, complete with curtains, which are closed on one side.  Suddenly, the curtains part, revealing a figure wearing ancient Japanese samurai armor.  Honoria SCREAMS and the figure throws up its arms and stumbles backwards, falling into a gigantic gong.  We hear an extremely loud GONG sound.

The figure falls to the floor and GROANS.  Honoria peers through the curtains.
HONORIA
Hello?
The figure GROANS again and Honoria, clutching a bed-sheet to her person, gets out of the bed and goes to investigate.
HONORIA
I'm really sorry.  You scared the heck out of me!
She crouches by the figure and removes its helmet, revealing a dazed and confused Marlon.  She cradles his head.
HONORIA
Marlon.  What's going on?  Where are we?
MARLON
You're in my bedroom--
HONORIA
WHAT!?!
She drops his head and he falls back and hits his head on the gong again, which we hear, LOUDLY.

MARLON
(Flatly) Owww.
HONORIA
What do you mean?  Why am I here?  Why are you wearing that?
MARLON
I wanted to surprise you. It reminded me of your sweater.
HONORIA
And exaxtly where is my sweater?
MARLON
I think it's in the entrance hall.
HONORIA
Why?  Why is my sweater there and not on me?
Marlon shakes it off, stands and starts removing his armor​.
MARLON
I'm not really sure.  Could you help me with this?
Honoria secures her sheet dress and starts helping him out of the armor.
HONORIA
What do you mean you're "not really sure"?
MARLON
The last thing I remember was being at the party and it started snowing and then you said "make a wish"; and now we're here.  What do you remember?
HONORIA
I remember dreaming I was this toy I had when I was a little girl.  I remember dancing with you.  That's about it.  Did anything happen last night?
MARLON
You mean, between us...here?
Honoria nods and goes to the window.
MARLON
I don't remember; and believe me, I don't think it's something I'd forget.  But I don't think so.
HONORIA
Wait a second.  I remember last night you said something about decorating a tree.  Not that one?
She points to the tree outside.  Marlon goes to the window and looks.
MARLON
You know...I think it was that one!
HONORIA
But how could you have.  It's the break of day.  How would you have had enough time?  (He shakes his head and CHUCKLES).  And why the menorah?
MARLON
I guess I wanted to cover my bases.  Or your bases.
A grandfather clock CHIMES six.
HONORIA
What about my plane?  Vermont?  The restaurant?
MARLON
Change of plans.  You're back on the Fujitsu project.  Ted can't do it.  
HONORIA
Why?
MARLON
He fell down an elevator shaft.
HONORIA
What?  Is he--?
MARLON
Oh, he's alive; but in a full body cast.  It seems the party got a little out of hand.  I got a text from Jurgin.  Apparently, there was an elevator surfing contest, and Ted lost.  And now I need you, to be Ted.  Literally.
HONORIA
What are you talking about?
MARLON
I need you to cut your hair, put on a three piece suit and take testosterone.
HONORIA
You're kidding, right?
MARLON
Nope.  Fukuyama will only do business with a man, which is why I put Ted on it to begin with.  You can go to Vermont when you close the deal.  However long it takes.  And the Japanese seem to like to drag these things out as long as possible.  It's like they're planning a wedding.  (Points to armor on the floor)  That was a present.
Honoria continues to look out the window.  She nods, then turns to Marlon who is now sprawled on the bed.
HONORIA
And just so you know.  I do not do one night stands.
MARLON
That's good, because (He points at nightstands) I have two night stands!
She shakes her head.
HONORIA
And I am not cutting my hair.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. TEA HOUSE OF THE CHERRY MOON RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Honoria, with short hair, dressed in a men's business suit, sits cross-legged on a pillow on the tatami mat of a Japanese restaurant.  She is holding out a square wooden sake vessel, known as a masu.  A GEISHA SERVER is pouring sake into a glass, inside the box.  It spills over as several JAPANESE BUSINESSMEN look on, including the CEO of Fujitsu Corp. MR. FUKUJAMA, 50's.  Honoria puts the sake to her lips and tilts her head back as the men chant.
JAPANESE BUSINESS MEN
Mr. Ted!  Mr. Ted!  Mr. Ted!
Once she's finished with the shot, she slams the masu down on the table, where numerous empty sake glasses already sit.  The geisha begins to pour more sake and Honoria puts her hands up in defeat.  She can take no more.
MR. FUKUYAMA
Mr. Ted: you have proven your business mettle!  We have now clinched the deal!
He bows to her and then extends a hand to shake.  Honoria also bows and then takes his hand.  As they shake, the other men LAUGH and CLAP and chatter in Japanese.
MR. FUKUYAMA
And now!  (There is immediate silence).  It is time to put business aside and as you say in America: "Cock out with your rocks out!"  So put up your dukes, Mr. Ted because you're about to be thrown under the cable-car!"
The camera CLOSES on Honoria as she gulps and watches as a geisha removes a Twister box from a cabinet and GIGGLES.

CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Several moments later.  Honoria's POV through several dark socked men's feet as she sees an upside down geisha spin the pin on the Twister board.
GEISHA
Right foot red!
There is much drunken LAUGHTER as attempts to do this are made.  Mr. Fukuyama places one of his hands on top of Honoria's.
MR. FUKUYAMA
(To BUSINESS MAN #1 - In Japanese)  Mr. Ted's hands are so soft!
BUSINESS MAN #1
(In Japanese) He's American, what do you expect?
The CAMERA ZOOMS on Honoria's reaction as someone FARTS and there is more LAUGHTER.

Please see: Hallmark Christmas Movie: Part 4 for continuation.

CFR 2/6/24

So, the above photo is from The Iron Claw, a movie from last year which received pretty much ZERO acknowledgement from the Showbiz Awards Military/Industrial Complex.  IMHO; it was one of the best--if not the best--movies I saw in 2023.  Let's look at this!
So, all this talk of "snubbing."  Look, everybody can't be nominated.  Do I feel The Iron Claw was "snubbed."  No.  Snub implies "disdain."  As though people were purposely left out due to some sort of animosity on the part of the people doing the nominating.  The Iron Claw was released really late in the game and it seems to me, with almost no marketing; let alone a political campaign to get it nominated for Oscars.  And let's face it, these things are pretty much entirely political.  If anyone does the snubbing, I would say it's the studios that make the movies.  My thinking is that the entity that made The Iron Claw said to itself (themselves?); well, a movie about wrestling, even though The Wrestler got all kinds of nominations, doesn't have much of a chance, particularly because it stars an actor that nobody really takes seriously because of things like High School Musical, Baywatch, Dirty Grandpa and a remake of Firestarter that nobody really wanted. Not even fire.  The element.  And the only reason The Wrestler got any Big Time Award Attention was because it was directed by Darren Aronofsky who could direct the phone book and get Big Time Award Noms. Something like that.
But.  A Big But here.
Did you see Firestarter?  I did.  At the movies.  Yes; I paid money to see Firestarter (2022) at the cinema.  At AMC, where they supposedly make movies better (and Nicole Kidman, I have a bone to pick with you about this; particularly the Salem Valley 8 in Salem, Virginia; which most decidedly does not make a movie "better." I'll see you in another blog, lady!).  Yes, I saw it.  And what I saw in it, was Zac Efron's eyes.

Musing on Mr. Efron's eyes; getting lost in them, so to speak.  I came up with a theory.  A new theory.  Which is mine.  My theory.

Ahem!
My therory, which is mine is as follows: "A theory, by Christopher Reidy, brackets "Mr." brackets" 
I think the lighter a persons eyes are, the younger their soul is. 
That is all.  That is my theory. It seems to me that people with brown eyes are more laid back.  Give off a kind of: been there, done that vibe.  You know, have tasted life, sowed some oats, dipped some toes and then, fine, I'm kind of done.  Then you go through green and hazel and when you get into the lighter shades of blue, I think you find the youngest souls.  Doesn't it seem that most of the crazy people you know; the ones who never seem to learn life lessons; the ones who keep getting into trouble; the ones who keep making the same mistakes over and over; tend to have blue eyes?
But then you get people like Mr. Efron, who have startlingly clear blue eyes and it seems as though they might be the oldest (and perhaps the youngest, simultaneously).  That you can see the whole of God's creation in them.  And the unbearable pain of being.  I think Mr. Efron has that; and the first place I noticed it, was in Firestarter.  That movie got roundly trashed.  Why?  I mean, it wasn't that bad.  The little pyro girl got nominated for a Razzie.  Why?  She was fine.  The latest version was certainly better than the first one, which had no less than George C. Scott in it.  Maybe Firestarter, the novel, is simply unfilmable.  And by that, I mean, it doesn't lend itself to the filmic medium.  Some things simply read better than they film.  I would argue a lot of Stephen King's work is that way.  There is nothing scarier than what your own mind can concoct whilst reading.  When you film something, you literalize it.  For example, The Langoliers.  That story features bizarre creatures that literally eat past time.  It describes them sparingly.  When they filmed it for television, yes, the creatures were more or less as described; but in rendering them as "real" they came across as laughable.
I guess this is a long about way of saying that I think Mr. Efron deserved to be nominated for an Oscar in a leading role.  Watching him in The Iron Claw, he didn't do a lot of "acting."  But he said volumes with just his eyes.  He doesn't even have to move his face very much.  It's like his spirit projects through his face.  This is not often the case with stunningly beautiful people.  Sometimes we can't get past the beauty.  But sometimes, we can.  Paul Newman, for example.  Or yes, Margot Robbie. (Both blue eyed!).  Margot was nominated for playing Tonya Harding in 2018, a role for which, I think she was not just justly nominated for; but should have won.  But everybody can't all win, either.  And not to diss Barbie, but that wasn't really much of an acting challenge.  Margot could've done that part in a wet paper bag.  Besides, Barbie won the Golden Globe for "Cinematic and Box Office Achievment."  So what is that?  Besides a new category.  An award for making the most money?  An award for being that year's Zeitgeist Phenom?  Both?  And isn't that just the sort of Award Barbie should receive?  Is that not the sort of Award Barbie deserves? I mean, isn't making ONE AND HALF BILLION DOLLARS what Barbie was all about.  I mean, those Dream Houses and Dream Cars and Dream Clothes and Dream Lives don't pay for themselves.
I sure hope Margot and Greta signed on for percentage points.  Now that's taking home the GOLD. No snub there! 

CFR  2/26/24

Marlon stands.
MARLON
In this world that we call our world; sometimes, things can slip through the cracks.  And in our business, as business people, we're in the business of doing business.  And sometimes it's none of our business.  But sometimes, it is our business and we have to get to business dealing with those...cracks.

BUSINESS WOMAN ONE
(Under her breath, to Ted) Here come the cracks...
Marlon presses a button and a screen lowers.  He aims a remote at it.  
MARLON
People, what I am about to show you, shouldn't exist.  It's an anomaly.  A chimera.  A unicorn, if you will.  But you won't: because I hate buzz-words.  How about, since it's Christmas, Caravaggio's Nativity?
He presses a button on the remote and an image of the said painting appears on the screen.

MARLON
Now, this painting disappeared in nineteen-sixty-nine and has never been recovered.  Some say it was eaten by hogs when it was stashed in a barn.  Whatever the case, that same year, this appeared in the wilds of the North... 
He presses the remote again and now we see the image of somewhat rundown restaurant.  It is clearly Christmas themed.  A sign in the parking lot reads: JERRY JINGLE'S CAFE "Where Every Day is Christmas!"
BUSINESS MAN #2 (STAN)
I remember that chain!  We used to go there when I was a kid.  I haven't seen one of those since I can't remember!
MARLON
No one can remember Stan.  That's because the last one closed in nineteen-ninety-one.
BUSINESS WOMAN #2 (AGNES)
Wait a second...isn't that a Tesos in the parking lot?
MARLON
Yes, it is.
AGNES
But, how can that?  What--how--when--why--who--
MARLON
Before you go through all the wuh words, Agnes, let me stop you right there.  That is not only a Tesos, it's a late model one.  I should know, because it's mine.  And it's a ninety-eight-thousand dollar pile of poops.  It self-drove me into a rutuabaga field.  But I digress...

MARLON
Yes, people, you are looking at the last of the Jerry Jingle cafes.  It shouldn't be there.  No one in this company seems to know how or why it is still there, doing business.  When my grandfather founded Johnson Amalgamated, he had a motto: omne negotium nostrum est; which means, "it's all of our business."  And by "all," he meant--
HONORIA
Sorry to interrupt Marlon, but, why did you hijack my presentation for this?  Who cares about a forgotten diner in the middle of...wait, where is it?
MARLON
Vermont.
HONORIA
I'm from Vermont!
MARLON
I know.  Winooski Falls.
HONORIA
Yes!  You know it?
MARLON
I do now.  Because guess where the last of the Jerry Jingles is...
HONORIA
Winooski Falls?
MARLON
Bingo.  And guess who gets to go up there and clean out that crack?
Honoria looks around the table and then realizes who he's talking about.  Ted CHUCKLES as Honoria shakes her head in disbelief.
CUT TO:
INT. OFFICE -DAY
A moment later, as everyone files out of the boardroom.  Honoria stops Marlon by Jurgin's desk and puts down the box of uneaten Tannenbon-bons.
HONORIA
Marlon, wait--
MARLON
Look, I know what you're going to say.
HONORIA
I--
MARLON
You don't want to go because you might know some of the people that work there.
HONORIA
But--
MARLON
It's not fair that I'm sending you because you have unresolved issues with several of the townsfolk.  An old beau perhaps?
HONORIA
Maybe, however--
MARLON
Look, we could do this all day; but we can't; because you've got a plane to catch--
As they argue, the camera CLOSES on Jurgin, who picks up one of the Tannenbon-bons and sniffs it.  He takes a bite.  We hear, almost subliminally, the sound of WINTER WIND and DISTANT SLEIGH BELLS.  Jurgins eyelids flutter and he slumps back in his desk chair, a look of bliss on his face.
MARLON
...I know it's Christmas.  But business can't wait for Christmas.  So--ugly sweater party in ten minutes and then you, airport.  (Noticing Jurgin)  What's his damage?
Marlon strides off.  Honoria looks down at Jurgin, who seems to be asleep.  
JURGIN
(Mumble/singing)...Weebles wobble but they don't fall down...
HONORIA
Jurgin.  Jurgin?  Jurgin!
She shakes his chair and he sits up, coming out of his reverie.

JURGIN
What happened?
HONORIA
I think you passed out.  It is a little warm in here.
JURGIN
I had the most wonderful...
HONORIA
What?
JURGIN
I'm not sure.  Did you ever have a dream and it was like, really amazing, and then you wake up and you can't quite remember it; and you try to fall asleep again so you can go back?
He puts his head down on his desk and closes his eyes.
HONORIA
That happens to me all the time.  But I don't have time for this.  Where's my ugly sweater?
JURGIN
It's in the shopping bag...somewhere...
She shakes her head, finds the sweater and and starts pulling it over her head.
CUT TO:
INT. REVOLVING RESTAURANT VESTIBULE -EVENING
An elevator door opens and Honoria steps out.  She adjusts her sweater in a mirror, noticing it for the first time.  It says "Merry Krampus" and features the holiday demon and a delightful "light up" feature.  She SIGHS.  A second elevator door opens and Jurgin steps out, wearing his own ridiculous sweater and carrying the Tannenbon-bons.  She regards him in the mirror.
HONORIA
Where did you get this?
JURGIN
A little old lady was selling them on the street when I went on my cigarette break.  I got one for myself, too!
He displays his sweater, which depicts Santa, flashing himself at an attached "Barbie" doll.*  His lights up as well.
HONORIA
I thought you eschewed "festive."
JURGIN
I usually do. I don't know what's wrong with me.  (He removes the Santa pin from his pocket and pins it on her sweater).  Just the finishing touch!
HONORIA
(Noticing pastries) Why did you bring those?  Nobody touched them at the meeting.
JURGIN
Nobody eats during a meeting.  This is a party.  They're really good!
HONORIA
You had one?
Before he can answer, a group of people, all wearing ugly Christmas sweaters, pile out of an elevator.
JURGIN
(To Honoria)  Let's plow!
They enter the restaurant.

CFR   1/28/24

DEAR MISS WHIFFINGTON:
I was planning on having an Insurrection Day Lucheon this past January 6th; but as I couldn't decide on a menu or decorations or who to invite, it didn't happen.  Was I remiss with my pre-planning?  Could you give me some tips for next year, to insure that my party storms the Capitol, metaphorically speaking?
---Patriotic Partier
​
My darling Patriot:
I think you want the word "ensure" here.  If our democracy lacks anything, it's insurance.  Liberty Mutual, sadly, does not offer any policies insuring that fascism in our great land will not ensure; if I may take some liberties with the language.  I am usually on board with ALL au courant fads, as long as they are pursuits of the somewhat mindless variety.  However, I am not sure how to interpret these Insurrection soirees that have lately been popping up on January 6th.  Something tells me  this is the work of wags of an ironic bent.  And bent, in general (you know who you are, ladies!).  I am a supporter of all things sardonic.  That being said, some things simply cannot be made light of; or we might find ourselves laughing all the way to the concentration camp.  Contraiwise, humor always alleviates tension; and if done correctly, can bring attention to otherewise serious topics we may not want to admit exist.  Does making light of Civil Unrest and looming political disaster have any affect (or effect) on the possible outcome?  Or is it more a case of whistling by the graveyard?  I don't know.  But, I am never one to pooh-pooh a party of any kind.  So, if I were you...
I would examine my strategy for next years' party, assuming there is a next year.  Yes dear Patriot, I'm afraid you were remiss.  A successful party requires scads of malice aforethought, particularly the guest list.  RSVPing is crucial as well.  There is nothing worse than  putting the grist to the mill and the alpacas don't return to Capistrano!  I have left more than one party to spare the hostess my witness to her folie a deux not to mention her pas de deux!  Once the promises to attend are secured the menu would be next.  I would think whimsical savories the order of the day.  The only thing coming to mind is a cake, a favorite, of course of those who prefer to guild their lillies ad infinitum.  In this case, I would take l'orange to the extreme.  Imagine if you will, a cake in the shape of a certain 45's pugnacious puss.  It's carrot, natch, with hair, perhaps constructed of what I'm told is sold as "Flamin' Hot Cheetos"; which have, for some reason which fails to interest me, become de rigueur for faddish desserts.  You might even have one of those startling edible photograph cakes made of Msr. tRumps visage.  Then, I would suggest dousing the entirety in Grand Marnier and setting it a-flambe.  You could both burn down the House and Eat the Rich in one fell swoop.
As for the other events at your future shinn-dig (music, decor, dance steps, etc.); I'm afraid you're on your own.  I think my ambiguity about this undertaking prohibits any further dissertation.
But please, dear Patriot; always remember: Prior Planning Prevents Pissoir Performance.  I learned that from my darling Pere, Col. PF Whiffington, USMC.
Ciao for Now!
C.P. Whiffington

CP Whiffington       1/16/244