I keep getting these feeds in my phone feed (is that what the kids call it?) re: Matt and Ben reject Good Will Hunting sequel: "not pursuing that project..."
Now, about a year ago, I advised Matt to write a sequel.  I even gave him my phone number, you know, for a "confab" re: story ideas.  Despite the fact that he hasn't called me yet; allow me the liberty of indulging myself with a more fleshed out concept for the project.  It's title? Looking for Mr. Goodwill.

So, here's the schmear:
It's present day.  Will Hunting is now a middle-aged man.  He's...oh, let's see...if he was 18 in 1997...that would make him...by my math...43 now.  I suppose Matt could pass (and we can always CGI those extra lines out, right?  No, that always looks weird.  More on that later).
Will is going blind.  He has Leber's hereditary optic neuropathy; which he didn't learn about until he tracked down his birth mother, Linda, played by Diane Keaton.  Will is married to Tom, who you may recall was the esteemed mathematician Dr. Paul Lambeau's assistant at MIT.  Will was reunited with Tom at Dr. Sean Maguire's funeral, which we will see in flashbacks.  The story tells parallel stories: Will's life in 2023 and his remembrances of his past in the late 90's etc.; where the first film left off.
So Will, who discovered his bisexuality in California (San Francisco?  West Hollywood?  Let's go with San Fran) is now living with, married to and deeply in love with Tom (who doesn't have a last name in the first movie; so I will randomly pluck one from the phone book...Please hold...)
"Alderdice." So, he's Will Hunting-Alderdice.  He has a daughter, Allie who is now in her early twenties.  She assists him in his mathematical work, which is primarily teaching math to troubled youth at the Judge John J. Connelly Youth Center Juvenile Detention Facility in Roslindale.  One of his students, who is sullen and withdrawn when he's not acting out may in fact be a math savant.  Maybe even more so than Will.

Okay...so, ah, I just did a little research on the above facility and came across a first person account of some of the things that went on in that place.  I was going to write this as a piece of absurdism...but now I can't.
So here, in all seriousness, is where I would go with a sequel to Good Will Hunting.

Okay, I just saw a movie with Florence Pugh where she played a character named "Allie" so we'll have to change that.  Let me get the phone book...(please hold)...
"Lauryn" with a "y" (why?  we can find something cute to explain it later; like maybe as a child Lauren was always asking her parents (Will and Skylar) "Why?" so they started spelling her name with a y.  Oh, yes!  I love this!  As we know, in math, "y" represents a variable!  Cute, huh?
Lauryn will be played by Chloe Grace Moretz (who was born in 1997):

Our troubled young math savant/protege will be essayed by:
Well, I'm not sure.  I'm not that familiar with today's Tiger Beat set; so I would drum up some hype with a world-wide talent search for the young man who will play the "New Will Hunting."  It can't be a girl, because now that we have the juvie angle, it will have to be an all male atmosphere.  How about Ian Chen for the time being?

Works for me!
We'll get back to the present day storyline presently; but now, let's toss around some ideas for the flashback sequences.  As you may have thought, Minnie Driver's character from the original, "Skylar," has passed away from an as of yet undetermined cause.  However, Ms. Driver will be in the picture.  As will "young" Will.  How you ask, since they are both now in their 50's (like me!)? How could they possibly play college age?  Are you going to pull a Grease type sitch on me Chris? Nope.  Are you gonna use "de-aging" software? Nope. Are you gonna uncanny valley Will and Skylar with Zemeckisesque "motion capture"? Nope.  Well what the F are you gonna do Chris? 

This is what we're gonna do; and I don't think it's ever been done before.  We're going to use animation.  Old-school, hand-drawn animation!  All the flashback scenes will be done this way.  You see, by using animation, we can de-age Matt and Minnie back to their early twenties; but they'll still look like themselves and it will be their voices.  Now, I don't think this would be any more jarring then hiring two look-alike actors to play Will and Skylar.  You'd just be comparing for the entire length of the movie (and this problem would be exacerbated since we know exactly what Matt and Minnie looked like in 1997).  I'm thinking a style that is more graphic novelley than cartooney.  Oh, I don't know, something kinda like this:

Now see, here is synchronicity in action.  I did a search for "graphic novel animation style" and images from this movie, Flee, popped up.  I'd never heard of it.  Now I wanna see it.  And it's GAY!  How do you like them apples?
Yes, the graphic style of Flee would be perfect for Looking For Mr. Goodwill's flash-back sequences.
So, Chris, what happened to Will when he hit the Mass Pike and went looking for his girl, Skylar?  Does she have a last name in the original?  Let me get the phone book. (Please hold...)
Hmmm...how about Satenstein, the last name of Matt's then girlfriend.  Satenstein it is!  I wonder if Ms. Satenstein regrets having broken up with Matt.  I bet she does now!
Okay, I'm officially down a mole-hole.  We won't go with "Satenstein." Why?  Well, it seems there may be some hard feelings around Ms. Satenstein, so I'll just pluck another name from the phone book.  But it seems as though Ms. Satenstein rebounded.  She's a freakin' DOCTAH!

Okay, let me get that new name.  Please hold...
"Shankman."
Skylar Shankman, has gone off to San Francisco to pursue her dreams of organic chemistry.  She's taken a starting position in the Research and Development department of Ghirardelli Chocolate.  She is on the cutting edge of cocoa chemistry and she's also pregnant.  Guess who the father is?
​I should probably see the movie again, if I'm going to write a sequel (although, I'm not going to write it...this is just an ideathon.  Matt and Ben are going to write it and I will accept a finders fee for no less than A QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS).
I'm reading Wikipedia's plot synopsis and relying on my memory.  So, I'd forgotten that Will turned 21 at the end of the original, so that will give Matt a few years back (even though, it won't really matter due to the animation, which we've discussed).  And if I recall, Will broke up with Skylar on not very good terms; so his trip to "California" may be all for naught as she probably has lost trust in him and that she would likely be pissed.  But then, if she's carrying his baby, all may be forgiven.
So...logistics.  How does Will know where in "California" Skylar is?  I guess he'd go and ask her friends or try and reach her family in England.  But since in the original, we see him heading off to "California," I think it's safe to assume Will has already figured out where she is.  So, he would know the city and perhaps her place of work.  So, we could start outside the chocolate factory (and remember, these scenes will be animated).
EXT. LOMBARD STREET -DAY
Will's Chevy is moving down the winding street in a rather stop and start fashion.
CUT TO:
INT. -CAR -DAY
Will is trying to read MAPQUEST directions as he simultaneously is attempting to keep the car from hitting the curbs.
WILL
Is this even a road?  Where the hell is this factory? (Cars behind him start HONKING)  GIMME A BREAK! I'M FROM BOSTON!  
CUT TO:
INT. GHIRARDELLI CHOCOLATE FACTORY LOBBY -DAY
Will crosses the marble floor and comes to a reception desk.  A RECEPTIONIST looks up.
RECEPTIONIST
Can I help you?
WILL
I wanted to leave something for one of your employees, a Miss Skylar Shankman...
RECEPTIONIST
Would you like me to call her office?
WILL
No...but just please make sure she gets these...
He hands the receptionist an envelope with Skylar's name on it.  And a bag of Kraft caramels.  She looks at Will quizzically. 
RECEPTIONIST
You know this is a candy factory, right?
Will smiles and points at her and makes a CLICK-CLICK sound.
CUT TO:
EXT. YMCA HOTEL -DAY
Will parallel pahks and looks up at the sign.
WILL
The YMCA in San Francisco.  What would they say back home?
He grabs his suitcase from the trunk and heads inside.

So, ah, I've been rethinking that last name "Shankman."  Those double K's make it so hard edged, it's practically comical (although, let's face it, this entire idea is somewhat, shall we say, tongue in cheek.  But, I think Skylar should have a prettier last name, or something that rolls off the tongue easier.  How about "Landry"?  Sure, let's go with that).
CUT TO:
INT. YMCA LOBBY FRONT DESK -DAY
Will is in the process of checking in.  The CLERK, male, 30's is quite friendly and quite good looking.
CLERK
...Okay Mr. Hunting, I've got a room available on the twelfth floor, twelve-oh-nine.  That's not too high up for you, is it?
WILL
Well that depends...
CLERK
On what?
WILL
If you have an elevator or not.
CLERK
(LAUGHS) Of course we do, Mr. Hunting!  So, how long will you be staying with us?
WILL
You guys do monthly rates, right?
CLERK
Oh, yes. Yearly too.
WILL
Well, I hope I'm not here for that long...
CLERK
I do.
WILL
(Turning red) Let's just keep it open--ongoing for now...
CLERK
Let me get your key...
The clerk gets the room key and presses it into Will's palm.
CLERK
The elevator is right through there.  Do you need help with your bag?
WILL
I'm good.  Thanks a lot.
CLERK
My pleasure.
CUT TO:
INT. -ELEVATOR -DAY
Will enters the elevator and just as the doors are about to close, a YOUNG MAN, 20'S in a striped shirt runs across the lobby.  He calls out to Will.
YOUNG MAN
Hold the elevator please!
Will holds the door and the young man enters.  Out of breath, he puts his back against the wall.
WILL
What floor?
YOUNG MAN
Twelve, please.
WILL
That's where I'm going.
They ride up in silence for a few moments.  The young man points at Will's shirt..
YOUNG MAN
The Cars.  That's my favorite band.
WILL 
Gotta love the Cars! (His "Cars" comes out "Cahhz").
YOUNG MAN
Ben Orr is my second cousin!
WILL
No kidding.
YOUNG MAN
You from Boston?
WILL
Is it that obvious?
YOUNG MAN
(LAUGHS) Well, I'm from Cleveland.  We have an accent too.
WILL
Really? 'Cuz I'm not getting anything.
YOUNG MAN
How long you been in the city?  Oh, did they tell you not to call it "San Fran"? Or "Frisco." It's "San Francisco" or "The City."  That's it.
WILL
Who's "they"?
YOUNG MAN
Well, everybody.
WILL
I literally just got here.  But now I know.

YOUNG MAN
We should hang out some time.  I'm Jake. Jake Doyle.
The elevator doors open and they step out into the hall.
WILL 
Will Hunting. (They shake hands).  Yeah, we could do that.  I only know one person in the city and I'm not even sure if they want to see me.
JAKE
I'm in room twelve-nineteen.  Just pick up the house phone and dial the room number.
WILL
Cool beans.  Nice to meet you.
JAKE
Yeah, you too.  Have a good night.
Jake heads in the opposite direction of Will.  Will looks up, gets his bearings and heads down the hall.
CUT TO:
INT. WILL'S ROOM -LATE AFTERNOON
The door swings open and Will enters the room.  It is small but kind of cozy.  Will puts his suitcase down and sits on the bed and looks around.  He SIGHS and rubs his face.  After a moment, he stands and goes to the window.  He parts the curtains and lifts the sash.  The view outside is of another wing of the hotel.  "L" shaped, Will's window looks out across the roof and to the opposite row of windows.  He turns to move from the window but something catches his eye.  The sun is beginning to fade and lights are coming on in some windows.  Directly across from him, Will sees a figure moving towards the window.  A young man in a striped shirt.  It is Jake.  Jake does not notice Will as he closes his own curtains.  Will puts his suitcase on the bed and opens it.  He removes a Dunkin Dounuts box, sits in the desk chair, pulls out a half eaten Boston creme and bites into it.  
CUT TO:
INT. CANDY FACTORY LOBBY -NIGHT
SKYLAR LANDRY, early 20's, steps out of the elevator with her purse and tote bag and starts towards the door.  The receptionist calls to her.
RECEPTIONIST
Miss Landry?
SKYLAR
Yes?
RECEPTIONIST
Someone left something for you...
Skylar walks to the desk where the receptionist retrieves the envelope and hands it to her.  
SKYLAR
Thanks. (She starts off but the receptionist stops her) Oh, wait...there's this too!  (She hands Skylar the bag of caramels) Skylar regards them and then opens the envelope.  It's a note-card depicting Snoopy from Peanuts. He's lying in his doghouse, his head on the grass as a rain cloud storms above him.  She opens the card and reads the inscription:
"Love means never having to say it's arbitrary"
I'm at the downtown YMCA if you want to come by.
Will
Skylar SIGHS, begins to wad up the card but then stops.  She crams it and the caramels into her tote bag and moves across the lobby.
RECEPTIONSIST
Have a good night!
SKYLAR
Not bloody likely!
CUT TO:
Jake Doyle will be played by:

Notice: Contains spoilers for the movie TAR, starring Cate Blanchett!

So, we watched TAR last night (sorry, don't know how to get that accent above the "A").  If I can say anything about the film, it would be that it was an "experience."  I'm not sure what I experienced...but let's look at the "teaser" trailer for the movie (which I saw several times in the cinema: we watched, TAR, however, via Netflix (a CD no less!).

Okay, my first question here is: what's happening?  Is she vaping?  Is she a smoker?  Well, as she does neither in the movie, I have to assume that she's just blowing smoke.  Whether or not it's up my ass is another question.  However, you can't know that she doesn't smoke or vape until you see the movie.  Which I now have.  Looking retroactively at the trailer, I have to wonder the filmmaker's intention: literally: "Is she just blowing hot air here?"
Okay, so let's take "TAR" one step at a time.  Here are some of the questions this clearly, deliberately obfuscating film raised for me.
1. Is this supposed to be a character study of a narcissist?
2. What is a U-Haul lesbian? (Okay, I just looked that up and now I know).
3. Exactly, just what does a conductor do with the orchestra; because I've never really known and will this movie make      it clear?​ E.g.: where do they get their batons?  Mail-order?  Batons-R-Us?
4. What, exactly, has Lydia done that gets her "cancelled?"
5. Is she really that pretentious?
6. Why does the Russian cello girl apparently live in an abandoned warehouse?
7. Why doesn't Ms. Tar have the slightest sense of humor?  Even Towering Geniuses like her don't get far in life                  without some charm.
8. Is Ms. Tar mentally ill?  Why is she hearing beeping sounds at night and then staring into the refrigerator?
9. Is Ms. Tar being stalked?  If she isn't, who is leaving cryptic drawings and fucking around with her metronome at            night?
10. Why does this story require two hours and thirty-eight minutes to be told?
So, in examining that trailer closer, I can't tell if Ms. Blanchett is actually expelling an actual cloud of smoke from her mouth or if it's CGI; or perhaps both.  There seem to be figures coalescing in the smoke: a skull perhaps?  What are we to make of the uber-serious, portentous narration over the image?  What does "...the bee fertilizes the flower it robs..." mean?  What is all this talk of gods?  Why does true power require camouflage?  Why in order to have true power, does one have to "obliterate" themselves in front of the public and God?  These comments seem to be sending out mixed messages.  Who wrote this narrative voice-over?  I'm guessing it was the writer/director of the movie, Mr. Todd Field.  I'm guessing Mr. Field is a pretty intelligent person.  Ergo, there is no way he wouldn't know the level of pomposity, pretentiousness and pontification of this trailer.  So, if he knows...what does that mean?  Is it satire?  Is he mocking the self-importance of the Art Film itself?  He must be!  For nothing could explain the absurd number of accolades regarding Ms. Tar that we hear coming from the moderator from The New Yorker that I'm assuming is taking place in Carnegie Hall.  How could it be anywhere less?  Yes, we know Mr. Field is intelligent (although there must've been a blip when he chose to purchase this hat):

Let's watch this other trailer that gives us more of an idea of the tone of TAR and features several moments of the opening "interview."

As the moderator's obsequious list of Ms. Tar's achievements went on for what became a comical amount of time; after the second "...and if that wasn't enough..."  I imagined him saying things like:
"...and not only that, she can play the trombone...with her feet!"
"...in the early aughts, she dedicated herself to her one woman string quartet..."
"...her Concerto for Accordion in B-flat is considered the finest piece of accordion music in the history of accordions!"
"...music critic Paul Griffiths wrote, and I quote: 'Her mastery of the kazoo has left the music world racing to catch up; and audiences transported to places beyond the space/time continuum.  To wit: Lydia Tar IS the kazoo.' Unquote."
Yes, I jest.  But it really is so ridiculously imperious (everything, the tone, the dialogue, Lydia's demeanor, Cate Blanchett's acting, the directing...) that you can't help but ask yourself: "Is this a put on?"
I've seen Mr. Field's other directorial efforts.  In the Bedroom and Little Children.  All I remember from Little Children was, I think, Kate Winslet getting banged on top of a washing machine(?) by a hunky actor who looks exactly like two other hunky actors.  My husband and I call In the Bedroom "the smokingist movie ever." Just thinking about it makes me want a cigarette.  There was something to do with lobsters...
Both those movies, though, were pretty straight forward.  TAR is decidedly NOT straight forward.  It's not even straight!

What was the choice in making her a lesbian?  I think it would've been more interesting, from the "cancel culture" perspective, that she had a string of boy toys.  But that's just me.  She refers to herself as a "U-Haul" lesbian: that is, one who stereotypically "shacks up" with a girlfriend by the second date.  But she wasn't a U-Haul lesbian, clearly, if she's carrying on a string of dalliances with young women who it seems willingly throw themselves at her.  How, exactly, does this make her a "predator,"? the word being used in much of the language around this movie?  We never see her "preying" on anyone. We see her favoring the young Russian cellist.  But is it for sexual reasons or is it simply the politics of her workplace.  If she'd seduced the girl with the promise of the position, that would be one thing.  But she doesn't.  She's actually quite kind to the girl. And it's so unclear about anything about her relationship with the woman from the past who committed suicide, that it's impossible to form an opinion (as a viewer), as to her behavior.  At least in that regard.  We do see her threaten a child with implied violence; but again, it's ambiguous.  Are we supposed to see this as dangerously psychotic or merely as "Mama Bear" protective mode?
You know, I wanted to not like this movie; simply because it so full of itself in every way.  But I keep thinking about it; and for me, that's a sign that I've watched something with some depth.  That run time was punishing though.  It just wasn't necessary.  I think it will keep a lot of people away from seeing it, let alone re-watching it.
So, let me answer the questions I raised in the beginning.
1. I would say yes.  And no.  I mean, she's totally full of herself but I didn't see her doing any of the typical things narcissists do.  Like, she never gaslights anyone.  She's pretty up front about her behavior.  She puts her money where her mouth is.  If she's achieved all of the things the movie tells me she has, then I think she has the right to be a little big headed.
2.Answered.
3. I learned the conductor keeps time with their right hand and "shapes" with the left.  Other than that, no.  I did not learn anything else about conducting.  Why did we not see her conduct her own composition she was working on?  Take us through that?  Seems like the movie should have.  And it's a flop.  And that's what takes her down.
​4.Apparently she had an affair with a red-headed woman who ended up committing suicide.  Lydia advised an orchestra that this woman was unstable and shouldn't hire her.  This woman stalked Lydia then killed herself...so, yeah, clearly she was unstable.  A video was cobbled together and edited to make her seem like a bigot and a grabber of knees.  Clearly this was all out of context; anyone could see that.  So, I would say no.  She didn't do anything that should of lost her her job. Well, then again, she did try and delete all those emails...so, yeah...I suppose that's a dismissible offense. And who made the video?  It seemed to come from numerous sources that it couldn't have.  In reality, that is.
5. Yes.
6.The girl couldn't have lived there, as it is presented.  Which led me to believe that the girl didn't actually exist and that the movie was really about a woman having a mental come apart.  Which brings us to the bear...and the dog...(which I will get to later).
7. It seems to me that Lydia, in what we come to discover later in the movie, has created her persona from whole cloth (which would explain the scene in the tailor shop!).  In her mind, a "great Maestro" would be super-serious...so, nothing so low brow as humor.
8. It seems as though Ms. Tar is having some kind of mental breakdown; which, let's face it, is kind of a cliche.  Yet another crazy woman of The Cinema: Marnie, Black Swan, Repulsion, Fatal Attraction...the list goes on).  Why are all these crazy lady movies generally written and directed by men?  Gee, I wonder.  I guess a woman going off the rails is sexier.  But TAR refuses to come out and tell us.  Is she crazy or isn't she?  Who attacked her?  A large black dog, or some strange man, which is what she tells everyone is what happened.  Or, was she imagining the whole thing and simply tripped and banged her face?  Did the dog and the stuffed bear toy exist?  The black dog is a traditional symbol of a demon; so is Lydia being stalked by her demons, which are catching up to her?  
"In folklore worldwide, Bear sits in a position of judgment, often representing morality. They offer lessons in both what to do and what not to do in order to maintain the high ground. They grant rewards to the righteous and punish those who are immoral."  So is Lydia being punished for her immoral behavior.  For her "predatory" behavior.  I'm gonna say, yes.
9. Ms. Tar, I think, is being literally ghosted by the dead girl with the red hair.  It is this "ghost" that is leaving cryptic messages and so forth.  At least, that's how it should be taken in the world of this movie.  I think there's also a possibility that Lydia's wife is doing it.  She's the one gaslighting the narcissist.  I mean, she doesn't seem to like Lydia very much and later on withholds their daughter from Lydia, which, I'm sorry, you can't just do that.
10.  It doesn't.  A good forty minutes could've been shaved off, making the movie tighter and thus, better.  I mean, why did we have to see her jogging a dozen times?  Why did her conversations with everyone drag on for twice as long as they should have?

Hmmmm...I just noticed the word "FAG" can be seen in the graffiti in the reverse shot.  Coincidence?  I don't know.  Everything in this movie seems very deliberate.
Some more questions.  What is the meaning of the accordion?  Why is Ms. Tar's foundation for young, aspiring female musicians called The Accordion Project, or whatever it was.  And later, Ms. Tar "plays" an accordion in her second apartment.  Why the hell would high falutin' Lydia Tar have an accordion, the one musical instrument that is so low brow it is a literal punchline?  Is this a sly joke?  That Lydia is not quite as high falutin' as she thinks?
I must say, I loved the scene where Lydia tackled her replacement during Mahler's 5th symphony. I didn't see that coming!  Actually, I wished they had gone further with the scene.  Like, it would've been AWESOME to see a De Palmaesque slo-mo scene of Lydia, like, trashing musical instruments like a rock star.  She picks up a cello and bashes it over her rivals head.  She shoots him with a bow from a violin, using the violin like an archer.  Oh!  And then, pandemonium breaks out and the other musicians go nuts and start fighting with their instruments, in their formal clothes, all while Stravinsky's Rite of Spring plays over the scene.

So, I'm gonna wrap this up now.  I'm not even going to get into the massage parlor scene and its possible meanings.
I will say though, the ending, where Lydia is conducting an orchestra for what appears to be a Furry convention, although amusing, didn't really work for me.  I don't think Lydia would've taken a demeaning job like that.  I mean, why?  She didn't appear to need money.  In fact, she seemed quite wealthy.  Someone like her would just bide their time until the "problem" blew over, I think. And slowly start working back.  You know, like scoring a TV show. 
So, those are my thoughts about TAR.
I recommend it.  But you'll want a lot of things around to make those nearly three hours go by faster.  Do some bills.  Do your nails.  Organize your record collection.  Practice your batoning.  Blow some smoke.  Whatever.

CFR  4/13/23

And maybe just some plain old observations...
​It was October 1991.  I was half-way across the United States on my cross-country journey to Los Angeles.  Hollywood. A new life of spectacular promise!  Why had I waited so long?  I'd graduated from college three years earlier.  Those three years, more or less a giant party; the party I hadn't had while I was actually in college.  I was crossing the Mississippi river on I-40(?). I remember thinking: "Wow. I'm crossing the Mississippi River!" I looked to my right. "Wow!  There's the St. Louis Gateway Arch!" and then it was quickly in my rear-view mirror.
I had the fleeting thought that maybe I should pull off and go and see it.  But then, I didn't.  I was in an all-fired hurry, you see, to get to my new life in sunny California.  Glamorous Hollywood!  Looking back now, I wish I had stopped.

Joseph had been to see it as a kid.  His family knew people who were involved in the actual construction of the thing!  So, for sentimental reasons he wanted to go back.  I've always been fascinated by it.  It and myself came into the world at approximately the same time.  And it's still standing.  And so am I.  Actually, when you see it up close, one of the first things you think is that it doesn't seem possible.  It doesn't seem like it should exist, let alone that it can stand.  It is at once imposing and mercurial.  Overwhelming yet ethereal.  It is massive yet graceful.  You get the idea: it is simultaneously many opposing concepts at once.  I was stunned at how tall it is.  You don't get a sense until you are standing beneath it.  900 tons of stainless steel propelled 63 stories into the sky and down again.  And it seems even higher than that!  And yet, the Gateway Arch gets almost none of the hype of say, the Great Pyramids or The Eiffel Tower, or the Arch de Triomphe, even.  If you never visited it, I urge you to.  That is, unless you have claustrophobia, acrophobia, megalaphobia, or metallaphobia.  You see, to get to the top, you've got to wedge yourself into a drum that fits five adults (and remember, this was back before free refills, Big Gulps and high-fructose corn syrup).  The drum, like a Ferris wheel car, stays level as it goes up and down.

It's gotten stuck before.  Hey, I can say I did it now.  But I'm good.  I'm set for life on that one.
So, we stayed in a really cool hotel in the old downtown, just a skip and jump from the Arch.  Its restaurant was closed, so we went up the block to another hotel, The Hotel Saint Louis for a nice dinner.  It was quite swank.  Hoity-toity even.  So, here's the first synchronicity.  They had pheasant on the menu.  Not pheasant under glass; but pheasant.  It was the first time in my life that I can recall ever seeing pheasant on a menu.  And it was odd because I'd recently written a comedy sketch about Frances McDormand as the proprietress of a very strange diner.  A diner that had pheasant under glass as one of its menu items.  Weird?  I think it is!
It gets weirder.  A lot weirder.  If you read these blogs with any kind of frequency, you might know that I've talked about both Robin Williams and Tom Hanks at length.  So keep that in mind.  So, after dinner, we were exploring the hotel.  You know how hotels will always have like, furniture everywhere?  Tables and chairs, of course; but stuff like armoires, chifforobes, credenzas, bureaus, chests of drawers, side-boards: you know, like strategically placed around the premises to A) Keep the place from looking too sterile B) Surfaces to place objets d' art, floral arrangements etc. C) Just because.  I like to look in those things.  I will open the doors, pull out the drawers, push up the roll top...I need to know what's in there!!!  Usually it's nothing.  Sometimes it's stuff like plates and flatware. Extra napkins.  One time I opened up the drawer on an antique coffee grinder that was on a shelf at the Hotel Roanoke and found a note inside.  It read: "A curious mind is a beautiful thing."
Joseph does not usually join me in this activity.  In fact, he actively encourages me to cease and desist.  But at the Hotel St. Louis, for some reason he decided to open the door to a cabinet.  I joined him and we looked inside.  There was something cylindrical on one of the shelves.  It was wrapped in yellow tissue paper.  I picked it up and unwrapped it.  It was a votive candle, never lit.  It seemed as though someone might've received it as a gift and perhaps forgot about it?  Or didn't want it...
This was the candle:

Except this isn't the candle. Same person; but my candle is different.  I can't find my version on line, which I think is even weirder still.  I mean, how many versions of the Robin Williams votive candle can there be??? I will post a picture of mine later...
​So, here is my "Saint" Robin Williams votive candle from Saint Louis, MO:

Now, I say it's "my" candle.  Well, it is now.  Did I steal it?  I bitch here, A LOT, about stealing.  But I must confess I have a good bit of the sneak thief in me.  One of my favorite movies is Marnie, which is about a lady thief; and in that movie, you're always rooting for her to get away with it.  This may be rationalizing, but I feel this candle was trapped in that cabinet and called out to Joseph to open that door.  It was wrapped in yellow tissue paper.  It had never been unwrapped.  Why?  Why was it in there?  How did it get in there?  There was also a really cool retro style, portable turntable sitting next to it:

I coulda just walked out with that too, but Joseph put the kibosh on that one.  I already have like a half-dozen turntables as it is, so I let it be.  But Chris you exclaim: "You stole that candle!" And I might reply: "Did I though?  It was kind of in a no man's land of ownership, wasn't it?  I mean, it was clearly meant as a gift.  It was either never given, or it was received and lost.  Or received and forgotten.  Or received and rejected.  The UNIVERSE simply regifted it...to ME!!!"
Okay, yes.  I stole it.  But now it has a home.  A flame.  An answered prayer.
It was wrapped in yellow tissue paper.  Yellow is one of my favorite colors. But it's a color of contradictions...it represents creativity and joy; but it also warns and can cause anxiety.  Two sides of a coin.  Sounds like most of the artists I know.
So, this may not be synchronicity but I thought this was interesting.  Our hotel room was on the eighth floor, overlooking an intersection.  There wasn't as much traffic as you would think; but it was extremely LOUD traffic.  One morning I said to Joseph: "Did you hear that traffic?  It sounded like a muscle car drag race.  What's up with that?" He agreed.  I looked up "loud cars in Saint Louis."  It's a thing.  It's a downtown Saint Louis thing.  People are drag racing, drifting, doing stunts, revving engines, speeding etc.  It's like The Fast and the Furious all night long.  How weird is that?
We went to the downtown library.  One of the most beautiful I've ever seen.

And their collections were just as amazing.  I've been wanting to do some drawings for a project, utilizing Andy Warhol's early "broken line technique."  The first shelf I walked to in the library had a book on Warhol with an entire chapter devoted to how he may have achieved this effect (apparently, there is no definitive explanation).​

Last piece of the puzzle.
I wrote a blog about acting and actors and fame and success.  One of the pictures featured Tom Hanks.  On a candle.  Dressed as a Saint.
Weird?
​I think so.  But also kind of fantastic.

And Tom, I'm still waiting for my autographed copy of this picture.  And see, you're wearing yellow...
Weird.
Fantastic.
Ciao!

CFR  3/30/23
Addendum: So, the label on the back of the St. Robin candle is marked "Shop BobbyK.com" So, I looked it up. It's a funky boutique in Jacksonville Florida: kind of like WACKO in L.A.  Here's the thing...Joseph has been wanting to relocate from Roanoke, VA; and as fond as I've become of it, I'm ready for a change myself.  He asked me to pick some "warm" places.  After a little research, I put Jacksonville, Florida at the top of my list.  Very interesting...(Joseph says he will not live in Florida on principle.  We'll see...)

Ick stands behind Paddy, very close.  He makes some adjustments to Paddy's positioning.  It is very "hands on." Is Ick aware of his demonstrativeness? It's hard to say. Paddy tries to be stoic. Sean fidgets.
ICK
(Placing his hands over Paddy's) Okay, so you just want to take the tipper or cipin, as it's also called; and do a stroke like this...(Ick moves Paddy's hand so that the cipin gently glides across the skin) All right, well that's where we want to get; but let's put the tipper down and just use your hand.  It's all in the wrist.  You want to loosen up that wrist.
Ick demonstrates by flicking his wrist. Paddy follows in kind. Sean also flips his wrists; albeit in a somewhat mocking way.  Sean GIGGLES.  Paddy glares at Sean.
ICK
I said "loose" Sean.  Not "limp."
SEAN
I didn't say anything!
PADDY
I swear to God, Sean...
SEAN
(Laughing)  I'm sorry but it looks like you're having a roight proper wank!
Ick and Paddy look at their hands, consider, then break down LAUGHING as well.
CUT TO:
EXT. SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS -DAY
A vista of stunning hills, swathed in green.  Outcroppings of stone.  Rolling clouds.  We see the figures of Henry, Danny and Seamus, making their way across the grass.  Their goal: a massive stone castle at the top of a crag.

SEAMUS
Gentlemen, welcome to Duntulm!
DANNY
Aren't we staying at that wee little hotel we passed?
HENRY
"Wee" means "little," Danny.
SEAMUS
(Pointing) There's your hotel!
CUT TO:
EXT. DUNTULM CASTLE TRAINING CAMP -DAY
The castle is mostly ruins; but set up within the walls is a fairly modern collection of military style Sibley tents.  Seamus is leading Henry and Danny to the tent area when an extremely large man in a kilt walks towards them.  This is  CLAUDIO, late 30's.  He is Seamus' right hand man.  The two embrace.
CLAUDIO
Welcome back Captain.  
SEAMUS
Henry, Danny, this is Claudio.  Perhaps the finest trainer to come out of Switzerland since...well...ever!
CLAUDIO
I was just on my way to the mess tent for my second-and-a-half lunch.
DANNY
Don't tell me.  Haggis?
CLAUDIO
(Winces and sticks out his tongue and shakes his head) Nice to meet you both.
Claudio continues on his way and Seamus holds open the flap of a tent.
"Claudio" will be played by "Cesaro" the wrestler.  ​

You know, if you simply admit you're stealing something, does that make it okay?  But this is a case of "homage." Am I right people?

CUT TO:
INT.  TENT -DAY
The tent has four sets of bunk beds.  It is rather Spartan, as one might expect; but not the end of the world.
SEAMUS
You lads can take the bunk against the wall there...it's not exactly the Ritz; but then, you're not here for pillow mints.
DANNY
(Raising an eyebrow, pondering) Well, in any event, I can't stay... 
SEAMUS
It's a long hike back to Dunvegan.
DANNY
I'll spend the night at that wee tiny hotel we passed.
HENRY
"Wee" means "tiny" Danny.
DANNY
Will you stop busting my chops?
SEAMUS
I think we're all a wee bit hangry. (Pulls two kilts from hooks on the wall).  Put these on and meet me at the mess tent.
DANNY
I need to charge my phone. Where's the outlet?
SEAMUS
No outlets.  No phone. No electricity.
DANNY
How do you cook the food?
SEAMUS
The old fashioned way!
SMASH CUT TO:
Venison, an entire deer's worth, roasting on a spit above a fire pit.  Danny stares at it then proceeds to gag.  After a few moments he turns away and full on throws up.
SEAMUS
What?  You don't fancy venison?
Claudio, who is turning the spit CHUCKLES.

CUT TO:
EXT. CAMPFIRE -NIGHT
Danny and Henry are sitting on stones that are arranged in a ring around the fire.  They are alone.
HERNRY
Feeling better?
DANNY
I suppose.  I don't know what the hell I ate; but it wasn't too bad.  You know they got fellahs here from everywhere! Ladies too! I was talking to this one guy...he's a Maasai warrior.  He's "brushing up" on Krav-maga.  Says he wants to be a private body guard to the stars!  (Indicates kilt) Now why do I have to wear this?
HENRY
Beats me...are you gonna stay the night?
DANNY
This is your gig, Hank.  I can make it to that wee hotel in an hour or so...(He looks up to see roughly 30 FIGURES, in  a range of ages from 18 to ? carrying torches in one hand, logs in the other, emerging from the dark)  What's this now...?
The figures, all in kilts and cloaks, take their places: one at each rock.  Claudio is among them.  SIRONKA, the previously mentioned Maasai warrior, is there.  A MAORI MAN, (QUEEQUEG) with facial tattoos. CHEVAS, a Bolivian woman wearing a bowler hat. And ROB GRONKOWSKI who is playing a trainee named KEVIN.  Seamus moves into the circle and stands before Henry and Danny.
SEAMUS
Brothers and sisters!  We are here tonight to welcome two more into the circle...

​Danny shakes his head in startled surprise.
SEAMUS
Henry, please stand with me...(Henry stands and joins Seamus in front of the fire)...and Kevin, please join us...
(Danny breathes a SIGH of relief as Kevin stands and joins the other two men.  Seamus removes a pin in the shape of a sword from his kilt).  
SEAMUS
This is the symbol of clan O'Farrell, my clan.  Our clan.  And now you will be one with the clan as well...
Seamus makes a small cut on the underside of his forearm.  He nods at Henry, who presents his arm.  Seamus cuts it in the same place.  Seamus turns to Kevin and Kevin presents his arm.  The cut is made.  Seamus slaps his hand over Henry's arm, Henry grasps Kevin's and then Kevin, Seamus.  The palms of their hands are over the wounds, the three arms forming a triangle.

SEAMUS
This bond between brothers...this ternion of arms...cannot be broken...you are now and always will be Clan O'Farrell!
(SHOUTS, CALLS, ULULATIONS, ETC. rise from the gathering).  And now...we FIGHT!
CHANTING in unison, each person moves, one at a time, from their position.  As they pass the fire, each one throws their log and their torch onto it.  With each passing fighter, the flames grow higher and higher.  Each person moves on to a second circle on the grass, and again, form a ring.  Seamus leads Henry and Kevin into the circle.
SEAMUS
Sons of the clan...please remove your shoes and your upper garments...
KEVIN
(In an extremely American accent) What about my skirt?  I'm wearing skivvies...(LAUGHTER from the crowd).
SEAMUS
It's a kilt, Kevin.  You may leave it on.  (Henry and Kevin, strip down to just their kilts).  All right, lads.  Let's see what you've got.  No particular fighting style...just who's first to hold the other down for a count of three.
DANNY
What does he win?
SEAMUS
Oh, nothing...we just want to see a fight.
A Celtic drum starts BEATING and Henry and Kevin move around the circle, sizing one another up.  We see surreptitious exchanges of chits in the crowd.  People are betting.  Kevin is a good two inches taller than Henry; but then Henry is a good six foot two inches.  After a couple more circles, Kevin rears up his massive frame and charges at Henry; apparently going for the takedown.  Just before he is about to reach Henry; Henry leaps up and throws his legs over Kevin's shoulders, facing forward, in a sitting position.  Henry's kilt, of course, blinds Kevin who tumbles backwards on to the ground.  Henry turns, grabs Kevin's ankles and yanks his legs out to the side, easily pining him for the count of three.  The crowd CHEERS.  Henry stands and offers his hand to the stunned Kevin, who doesn't seem to realize what's happened.  Kevin staggers off and Seamus grabs Henry's wrist and hoists his arm into the air.  Henry, for his part, seems rather dispassionate about it all.  
SEAMUS
Let the games begin!
More CHEERS as different fighters start pairing off into groups for some impromptu matches; which seems much more like playing than fighting.
CUT TO:
EXT. -CAMP FIRE -NIGHT
Some time later.  People are still grappling; but the crowd has thinned.  Seamus, Claudio, Kevin, Henry and Danny are staring into the flames; their faces smeared with dirt and grass-stains.
SEAMUS
So Danny, when are you off to your wee little hotel?
DANNY
Oh, just about now, I should think.
CLAUDIO
Are you sure about that, lad?
DANNY 
Of course I'm sure.  It's just nine o'clock...
CLAUDIO
You're not worried about the kelpies?
KEVIN
What's a kelpie?
CLAUDIO
You want to tell them Captain?  Or should I?
SEAMUS
I'll tell them.  A kelpie is a horse...
DANNY
Why would I be worried about a horse?
SEAMUS
A kelpie isn't just any horse Danny.  It's a dark horse...

KEVIN
You mean it's a black horse?
SEAMUS
It can be black...but it can be grey sometimes, or even white.  The kelpie, you see, comes from the loch...or a river; both of which are on the path back to your wee tiny hotel Danny.  Travelers come across the kelpie at night.  It can be in bright moonlight or the pitch of black.  It will raise its head to you...gently graze its hoof against the ground, beckoning you.  You'll be drawn to it.  You won't know why; but you will.  It's too late you've noticed that it's hooves are facing the wrong way and that it's tail has fish-scales; because you've already climbed on to it's back.  It takes to the night sky and it doesn't turn back. Neither can you because you'll find you're stuck to the devil...like glue.  You can't dismount.  And that's when the kelpie screams its blood freezing whinny that shatters the sky like glass as it plunges back into the loch...where you too scream and when you do your lungs fill with water and you meet your ignominious end.  If you're lucky...they might find your entrails on the banks...because it's eaten the rest of you.
There is suddenly utter silence as everyone ponders this.
DANNY
That's just fooking creepy.
KEVIN
(To Henry) You're not wearing skivvies, are you?
CUT TO:
INT. TENT -NIGHT
Danny, in the top bunk, pulls the blanket up to his chin. Henry is in the bunk below him.
HENRY
Good night Danny.
DANNY
Good night Hank.
There is silence for a few moments and then Henry starts slapping his thighs, creating the sound of HOOF BEATS.
DANNY
Stop!
Henry WHINNIES and SNORTS.
DANNY
That's not funny!
FADE OUT...
HERE COMES THE...TRAINING MONTAGE!
We see a blank screen: a black void.  An out of focus image begins to appear and the soundtrack is muffled.  When the image comes into focus after a moment, we can see that it's a close-up of the surface of the skin of a drum.  A hand holding a cipin begins to move over the bodhran's surface and we can now clearly hear the DRUMBEATS.  The camera pulls out and we see that the player of the drum is Paddy, whose marked proficiency with the instrument is clear. Ick, grinning ear to ear, is watching Paddy play; as well as Sean and Cal.
ICK
You're a natural Paddy!  You play that thing like you were born with it!
CAL
Is there nothing you can't do Paddy?
PADDY
Fly, apparently.
ICK
You're getting there man!  Ever since you picked up that drum...
SEAN
...Now, if you could fly and play the drum at the same time...that'd be something.
Sean winks at Ick.  The scene we're watching contracts to a square: a screen within the screen.  A black grid of squares and rectangles of various sizes appears and we see different scenes playing out in each.  Sometimes the same scene, sometimes different scenes.  Sometimes the action is happening at the Duntulm training camp; other times at the Lani-Batali headquarters. Sometimes both.  A plane of action can take up the entire screen, particularly if there is dialogue.
The music over this montage, unlike "Kick of Destiny"s cheesy pop-song, will not be...well...a cheesy pop song.  My mind is showing it to me with classic Celtic music (think The Chieftains); but that's become something of a cliche now as well.  Maybe a classic rock tune?  Something from Heart maybe?  "Barracuda"?  "Crazy on You"? "Magic Man"?  Oh wait...Heart!  Why did Heart just come to mind?  Heartfight perhaps?  I guess it's gotta be Heart now...

A rectangle comes forward, filling the screen.  Roddy is standing on the training ground in front of Paddy and a half-dozen other Lani-Batali fighters.  Roddy, in a designer track suit, is holding a staff which is about six feet long.  On one end is a knob, about the size of a softball, covered in padded leather.  At the other end is a paddle, roughly the size of one on a canoe oar, also covered in padded leather.  Roddy displays the staff.
RODDY
Gentlemen, this is the Tao-Stick, a device you are going to come to know well.  Intimately.  On this end, we have the tenilo (he indicates the knob); and on the other end, meet the remeti (he flips the staff to the paddle end).  You'll soon be asking yourselves which of the two is the worse...or the greater...depending on your viewpoint.  Now, I designed this gentlemen; but that doesn't mean I know how to use it.  Let's meet someone who does...
A large POLYNESIAN GENTLEMAN, MAKANI, 30'S, steps forward and takes the staff.  Roddy steps back and Makani starts spinning the Tao-stick...
The rectangle recedes and some squares come forward:
Inside the squares we see:
​EXT. SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS -DAY
Henry is on one end of a log.  The log is on the loch.  On the other end of the log is CHEVAS, 30's.  She is a Bolivian "Cholita" (lady wrestler).  She is wearing a kilt, a bowler hat and a jogging bra.  Henry, also in a kilt, is barefoot, as is Chevas.  They are in the process of "birling" or log rolling.  Henry seems a little unsure of himself.  Seamus is on the shore with a megaphone.  Next to him, Claudio is looking at a stopwatch.
SEAMUS
Engage your core Henry!
HENRY
My what?
Chevas speeds up her footwork and launches Henry into the water.
SEAMUS
Time.
CLAUDIO
Fifteen seconds.
HENRY
Better than fourteen.
CHEVAS
(To Henry) Estas todo lavado! (LAUGHS).
The squares move across the screen and reform, then split into two rectangles.  In one rectangle we see Paddy doing bench presses, with Cal spotting him.  In the other we see Henry on the grass, doing curls...with rocks. 

​The grid of images continues to shift.  In one we see Queequeg demonstrating the Maori haka dance.  In another we see Henry, Chevas, Queequeg, and other trainees running barefoot up the hill towards the castle.  From out of nowhere, Sironka comes from behind and overtakes everyone.  He retrieves a bouquet of heather from atop a boulder and waves his arms in triumph.  When the others start reaching the boulder, he LAUGHS as he showers them with the flowers.
We see Paddy in the wind chamber, now wearing an outfit that has sensors on it, wielding the Tao stick.  His opponent, Makani, jabs Paddy in the chest with the tenilo.  A BUZZER sounds and a scoreboard registers 10 points.  We hear Roddy on Paddy's headset:
RODDY
You just lost the round mate...
PADDY
I'm aware, Roddy.
Roddy turns to Cal.
RODDY
We've got to give him a real feel for it.  We're gonna throw him out of an airplane.
In Scotland: caber tossing, rock throwing, greased pole climbing.  We see Queequeg doing his haka dance as the camera pulls back to show us others, including Henry, doing it as well.  The scene changes.  Henry is practicing Scottish Backhold wrestling with Kevin.  At one point Kevin hurls Henry to the grass and exacts a little revenge by sitting on Henry's face.
KEVIN
Guess what Hank; I'm not wearing skivvies.
HANK
(From beneath Kevin's kilt) I'm aware Kev...
In another square we see Henry, resting on his bed in the tent.  Claudio enters and approaches Henry and places a set of uilleann pipes on his chest.
CLAUDIO
The Captain wants you to play these.  Thinks it will enhance your breath control.
HENRY
Well, I played clarinet in the high school band.  Poorly, I might add.
CLAUDIO
The Captain will help you when he gets back.  In the meantime, Ozan could give you some pointers.  He's quite proficient.
HENRY
The Turkish guy?  He barely speaks any English.
CLAUDIO
I'm just the captain's messenger.
HENRY
Where is he, anyways?
CLAUDIO
On a pilgrimage.
HENRY
A pilgrimage to where?
CLAUDIO
Saville Row.  He's doing the Graham Norton show tomorrow night.
Claudio leaves and Henry sits up. He bemusedly tries to figure out the instrument.

More parallelograms, more scenes:
Paddy going at training dummy with the Tao stick.  He spins it.  Thrusts and jabs.  He jabs it so hard he knocks it over.  He looks sheepishly at Cal.
CAL
That was an eleven Paddy.  You're gonna need to dial that back to about a six...
As the MONTAGE concludes; we see a split screen.  On the right, a  Twin Otter is soaring over England.  We can see the green patchwork of the terrain.  Inside the plane, suited up for a skydive, are Paddy, Roddy, Ick, Sean, Cal and several employees of the skydiving company.
ICK
(To Paddy) Are you excited?
PADDY
I think I pissed myself.
ICK
(LAUGHS) No worries Paddy. I've got you covered, literally.
And with that, he puts Paddy in front of him and buckles himself to Paddy for a tandem jump.  Roddy pairs with Sean and Cal with Kelly O'Kelly, who is along for the ride.  The instructor, TASHA MORGAN, is in charge of the jump.
TASHA
All right everyone.  Final safety check and we're go!
She begins checking the rigs.
CAL
(To Kelly)
Are you sure you've done this before?
KELLY
I'm fully licensed Cal.  I won't lose you!
​On the left side of the screen we see a Skyvan threading the sky over the Scottish highlands.  On that plane is Henry and Kevin and Seamus and Claudio and several INSTRUCTORS.  INSTRUCTOR #1 is checking the hooks on Seamus' tandem rig. He's connected to Henry.  Claudio is behind Kevin.
KEVIN
I'm not sure about this.  Can I change my mind?
SEAMUS
Your mind?  This is going to change your life, laddie!  Are you ready Henry.
Henry nods. 
The instructor gives a thumbs up and launches Seamus and Henry from the back of the Skyvan.  Claudio and Kevin quickly follow.
KEVIN
AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
On either side of the screen we watch the divers in free-fall.  As the camera closes on the faces of Henry and Paddy, it's as though they're diving together.  The usually stoic Henry is grinning like a fool.  The usually happy-go-lucky Paddy seems as though he's staring down death.
ICK
Relax Paddy.  I've got you...
When the parachutes are opened, the one on the right side of the screen is the Union Jack.  On the left is the white cross of St. Andrew on the field of blue.  The sides of the screen retract into squares as the screen goes black.
FADE UP:
INT. GRAN'S KITCHEN -DAY
Donna is sitting at the kitchen table.  Opposite her is Gran who pours some tea for them.  A smart phone, on speaker, is in the middle of the table.
DONNA
I don't understand why I can't talk to him Danny.
CUT TO:
INT. APARTMENT IN LONDON -NIGHT
Danny is sitting in a very sparsely furnished, slightly run down room.  He walks around inspecting things as he talks.
DANNY
He doesn't have a phone up there Donna.  How many times do I have to tell you that?  Besides, the training is wrapping up in a couple of days and then he'll be in London with me.
DONNA
I thought you were in Scotland.
DANNY
Roddy Shannon is based here and I'm this close to getting him to sign Hank.  Then he'll have to train to learn this Lani-Batali stuff.
DONNA
That is the stupidest name I've ever heard for a sport.
DANNY
How about Pickled balls? (Donna GIGGLES on the other end of the phone) Made ya laugh!  I will have him call you the second I see him.
DONNA
Thank you Danny.
DANNY
(V/O) You're welcome.  Bye Gran--
GRAN
G'bye love.
Donna clicks the phone off.
DONNA
Wanna go to London?

Please see HEARTFIGHT PT. 4 for the next installment.

​CFR  4/14/23

So ABC are you just flat out stealing from me now?  You know, I'm getting tired of hearing myself bitch about this.  But I have to put it out there...again.
So last nights episode of The Goldbergs did a show all about, guess what?  Annie, that's what.  The beloved musical about Americas favorite, red-headed little orphan girl:

Who the hell is Morris Weiss?  And how does he get what he wants?

Now as you faithful followers of my blogs know; I did a little play called The Son'll Come Out Tomorrow--
Oh, that janky little theatrical you staged in a church basement?
Oh, hey everyone...it's Teena Faye...Hey Teena!

I like your new...glasses...
​Thanks.
And you got a haircut.
It's a wig.
Oh, okay...so what brings you by Teena?
The janky little theatrical you staged in a church basement somewhere in Rumproast Virginia.
Well, you know it was originally staged at the Hudson Avenue Theater in Hollywood, USA!
Not exactly Broadway...
No, not exactly.  Look Teena, I think we got off on the wrong foot.  Can we just start over?
​That's why I'm here Chris.  This time I'm on your side.
What, now?
I happened to catch The Goldbergs and I was immediately put in mind of your play.
You were?
Yes, particularly when Erica Goldberg did a dance with a mop; which isn't in the movie.
It's not?
Nope.  Mops appear during It's A Hard Knock Life; but they are neither danced with or even used to mop the floor.
Check it out!

You know Teena, my friend Stephen Baltz created that dance himself.  He's very funny and talented.  He's also a playwright and a director.  Check out his Tommy Wiseau!

Funny!  Who's the other guy?
Oh, that's Taylor James "TJ" Radley.  Loved working with him!
He's hot!  Was he named after James Taylor, the singer?
As a matter of fact, he was.
Cool. Anyways...so, yeah...they basically structured the entire episode around the plot of your play: two people fighting over the role of Annie.
They weren't the first.  Young Sheldon was.  That was about a little boy playing Annie...the star of the show...and then Jason Alexander.
Hmmmm.  Did you catch Not Dead Yet?  Their last episode featured Scottish highland dancers whose kilts flap up and then their naughty bits are pixelated.  Now why would Scottish highlanders be at a wine festival?  You would've thought they'd be Italian...or French, right?
Well, I would.  
Didn't several of your recent blogs features those very things?  Those things being Scottish men in kilts, references to kilt malfunctions and also the pixelation of schvantzes?
As a matter of fact, yes.
This could all be coincidence, couldn't it?
No Teena...at this point, I don't think it could be.
Well, what are you gonna do about it?
What can I do about it?  Nothing, that's what. Sue? That's pointless.  Stop writing? I guess I'll just have to live my own life, vicariously.
I gotta admit: everyone in this business is a thief.
I'm not.
But your not in the business, are you?
At this point, I'm not sure.  I'm certainly not getting paid.
​So sad. Anyways, let's go out to eat.  I'll put on my new Cato turtleneck. Do you like my hair up?

I like it better than the wig.  Where do you want to go to eat?
How about Howard Johnson's?
I love Howard Johnson's...but there are none left...
​I can pull some strings...
FLASH-BACK SOUND EFFECT...

This clam-roll is to die for!
You know, I'm from New England and I've never liked clams...or oysters...or mussels...I didn't go near fish until I was in my twenties...
So, you've been "near fish?"  I thought you liked schvantzes...
​Ha, ha!
You know, Amy Poehler is from New England.  Massachusetts, I think.
Yeah, Burlington.  There's a mall there.  I've only been to it once. In the 70's, when I was staying with an aunt.  I remember she wore go-go boots that day.
What did you think of my go-go outfit?
A little over-stated...and you were giving some nippage.
Was I?  I'm thinking of doing a line of go-go gear.  A collab with Wonderbra...or maybe Playtex...
Do they still make Playtex?
Conversation fades into restaurant chatter.

CFR  3/10/23

Okay, here I go again...starting another blog when I haven't finished the ones I've started.  I guess I have a lot on my mind.  That's what the voices tell me, anyways.  I watched an early episode of The Beverly Hillbillies last night and it was amazingly cinematic.  There was even a scene where Miss Hathaway (Nancy Kulp) was having a conversation with both the voice of her conscience and the audience; as she was breaking the fourth wall.
Okay, so why do I have a picture up of Theresa Russell as Marilyn Monroe?  Well, I'm thinking this blog is going to be about FEMALE ARCHETYPES.  Like Marilyn is certainly one of those.  So is Theresa, I think.  You know, she's always sort of puzzled/fascinated me.  I can't and never have been able to figure her out.  It's like, what was she up to?  She was never a household name.  Never a huge star.  There's only one movie of hers that I recall vividly: Black Widow.  And I think it was because this enigma of an actress was playing a character that was an enigma.  She was kind of the whole puzzle, wrapped in a riddle, inside an enigma with a side of cheesecake.  Joseph once said to me, as we were watching one of her movies: "I can't tell if she is like, the worst actress I've ever seen; or one of the best actresses I've ever seen." And I knew exactly what he was talking about.  She seemed to search out somber roles that she would then underact, to the point of poker-facedness.  Her speaking voice was a bit on the inelegant side. Almost masculine.  The rest of her couldn't have been more feminine.  Or should I say, womanly.  Tall, blonde, shapely, pretty, great pair of breasts (set of breasts?  Boobs?  What do women prefer when referencing their chests?  Boobs maybe?) and an actress!
I might go on some tangents here...
That picture of Theresa is from a movie she filmed for her husband, Nicholas Roeg, in 1985: Insignificance. I know of it, but I've never seen it.  But it's gotten stuck in my head.  I was recently in Boston, helping to relocate my parents, and my sister, myself, and my niece, and her chocolate lab, Ellie were there.  My sister, Kate, had a Google music player so I said, "Hey Google, play New Wave favorites."  The songs started playing and one of them, which I hadn't heard in years, came up.  I knew it was Big Audio Dynamite but I didn't know the name of the song.  So, I did a little research.  It's called E=MC2.  I watched the video, which I'd never seen before.  It was peppered with clips from Nicholas Roeg movies.  In fact, the entire song (which I'd never listened to (more on that later) was about Nicholas Roeg movies.  Who knew that Joe Strummer would've been so moved by Roeg's oeuvre to write and record a song about it?

​My sister Kate is kind of iconic.  I mean, she's my only sister and she did all the things that sisters do.  And she's also the "cool aunt" to my niece, so she's iconic in that way too.

Kate's a Virgo; which means she's really good at organizing, scheduling, arrangements, cleaning: in short, getting things done.  Which is great, because I'm a bit of a procrastinator.  Even for stuff that doesn't require procrastinating.  Kate is so great at getting stuff done that I sent her this:

She loved it!
In our youth, Kate gave me two nuggets of wisdom that I have never forgotten.
"Girls never get bored because they can always find something to do."
When I pressed further on this, she explained: "...you know; like, we can do our nails...take a magazine quiz...do needlepoint...practice our cheers..." Kate was not a cheerleader.  She tried out once in high school and didn't make the cut.  She was in tears when my mother picked her up.  My mother said: "Oh, you never wanted to be a cheerleader anyways!"  Kate stopped crying and said, "Yeah, you're right!"
The second was regarding how to clean a bedroom: "You make the bed, then put everything like dirty clothes, etc. on the bed and then you work from there. When you're finished, the bed is made!"
I still use this method to this day.
Kate is also really good at recalling film plots.  She once explained the entire mini-series Sins to me, with such thoroughness that I felt I had seen it.  It starred Joan Collins.  She was running from the Nazis of something...
Speaking of archetypes and icons: MOM.  Here's mine:

Shortly thereafter, doing MOM stuff.
That's me in the front.  Get a load of that car seat.  The height of mid 60's infant safety!
My mind wanders...
What is this about?
Oh yeah, FEMALE ARCHETYPES.
I mentioned Miss Hathaway from the Beverly Hillbillies.  She was definitely a TYPE.  The epitome of the gangly, tom-boyish spinster.  But damn she was funny!  Here's the episode I mentioned:

She gets to spar with another kind of type: the blonde, not too bright stripper.  I daresay this episode borders on the risque, particularly for early 60's prime-time.
So, I'll leave you with another clip.  It's from Insignificance.  "The Actress" (Theresa Russell doing Marilyn Monroe) explaining the theory of relativity to Einstein.  I think it's an amazing piece of acting.  Ahh Theresa...we hardly know ye!
You know, I was in her presence once.  Within a couple of feet.  I was working the BAFTA awards at Universal.  There was a live feed from England for all the Brits in Los Angeles.  She arrived with Nicholas Roeg and they walked by me as the photogs phlashed.  She was wearing pants and heels and a sort of backless halter top (I think it was beaded) with a plunging neckline.  Her hair was up.  Her top was entirely inappropriate for an awards show...which I admired.  But then, British women (she's American, but Brit by marriage) seem to really enjoy showing off their...pairings.  And they were spectacular!  And 100% real.  You just can't fake that.  I also recall Dennis Christopher being there, smoking a cigarillo and smirking for some indecipherable reason.  

CFR  3/19/23