Here's a fun game that anyone can play! Simply take any passage from EL James' masterwork, Fifty Shades of Grey and replace the names and pronouns of your choice with your favorite(?) Fox News pundits. The dirty parts, for sure. But somehow it's even funnier (I think) if you use the more banal parts of the text. Well, even the dirty parts are pretty banal; but you get what I mean. For example, here is a classic exchange between our two leads from pages 110-111:
"Come," Tucker murmurs.
"We're going to rectify the situation right now."
"What do you mean? What situation?"
"Your situation Sean. I'm going to make love to you, now."
"Oh." The floor has fallen away. I'm a situation. I'm holding my breath.
"That's if you want to, I mean. I don't want to push my luck."
"I thought you didn't make love. I thought you f***ed hard." I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry.
He gives me a wicked grin, the effects of which travel all the way down there.
"I can make an exception, or maybe combine the two, we'll see. I really want to make love to you. Please come to bed with me. I want our arrangement to work, but you really need to have some idea of what you're getting yourself into. We can start your training tonight--with the basics. This doesn't mean I've come over all hearts and flowers; it's a means to an end, but one that I want and hopefully you do, too." Tucker's gaze is intense.
I flush...oh my...wishes do come true.
"But I haven't done all the things you require from your list of rules." My voice is all breathy, hesitant.