Again; learning something new. I was not aware that St. Christopher is sometimes portrayed with a dog's head. Is it because God spelled backawrds(!) is Dog? Not so much. It gets pretty weird. Cannibalism...werewolves...and so forth. But I want to keep this Show-Bizzy. But what could be more Hollywood than The Wolfman?
My Confirmation name is Charles. Isn't that interesting? I think the most interesting thing about a Confirmation name is that you get to pick it yourself. Oh, Confirmation is a Catholic sacrament. It confirms, I suppose, one's commitment to being a Catholic. I was about 16 when I was Confirmed. I think it was probably kind of redundant to confirm it. It's one of those things you kind of can't escape. If you were raised Catholic, by gosh, even if you renounce it; you're going to be calling for those Last Rites when the time comes!
Your middle name, Mr. Lorre, is "Michael." And again, I find this really interesting. I almost picked Michael for my Confirmation name; but as it was already taken by my younger brother as his middle name, I opted for Charles. I thought "Christopher Francis Charles" had a nice ring to it. Kind of tony (and we're back to the idle rich again!). Charles was also a Saint. In fact, there were more than one St. Charleses. At least one of them was a writer. Although he's not cited as a patron Saint of writers; but, as we're both scribes, let's invoke him for, at the very least, good luck. And I apologize if I'm being presumptuous, since you're Jewish. I'm 1% Jewish myself, according to Ancestry.com. But as they say: "It couldn't hurt!"
Your middle name, Mr. Lorre, is "Michael." And again, I find this really interesting. I almost picked Michael for my Confirmation name; but as it was already taken by my younger brother as his middle name, I opted for Charles. I thought "Christopher Francis Charles" had a nice ring to it. Kind of tony (and we're back to the idle rich again!). Charles was also a Saint. In fact, there were more than one St. Charleses. At least one of them was a writer. Although he's not cited as a patron Saint of writers; but, as we're both scribes, let's invoke him for, at the very least, good luck. And I apologize if I'm being presumptuous, since you're Jewish. I'm 1% Jewish myself, according to Ancestry.com. But as they say: "It couldn't hurt!"
I think that's sage advice from St. C of S. Let's castigate our guilt! Your, I presume, Jewish guilt and my, I presume, Catholic guilt. Or Catholic-Jewish guilt, as I'm 1%, as I mentioned. Let's give those hair shirts to the Salvation Army! Let's return those chains to Lowe's (More saving! More doing!). I hope you kept your receipt, because those scourges are going back to The Pleasure Chest!
As I mentioned, I was doing a little background research on you. I read that your birthname was Levine; you grew up in Bethpage, Long Island and that your father opened a luncheonette. I couldn't find any further information on this luncheonette, which bummed me a little. I love luncheonettes. Diners. Coffee shops. Greasy spoons. They're becoming harder and harder to find, even in Los Angeles, where they may have had their salad days (so to speak!). I also couldn't find any information on whether or not you had/have any siblings. You may have gathered I'm trying to psychically put myself into your past. Astral project, if you will. You will probably think I'm crazy; and there are those who say I probably am (myself included); but that, as a writer, is just how my mind works. You may find this interesting. I came across this guy who is a chef, in a town very close to where you grew up: Farmingdale. He won Chopped, apparently; and has also been named the best chef on Long Island. His name is Eric LeVine (pronounced Leh-veen, and not Lay-Vine (also apparently); as one would think it would be. Could he be some long, lost relative? You mentioned in one of your Vanity Cards that you changed your name from Levine to Lorre because it was a source of pain for you; that your mother used it as an insult. Seems to me that the Levines (and the LeVines) have done pretty well for themselves!
He could easily pass for your brother!
So, you must be wondering: "Who is this person and why are they getting so personal with me?"
Well, firstly, I feel a connection to you. I'm not quite sure why, but I do. Secondly, you put forth your personhood and your world-view via your writing. Both the scripts and stories you produce for your TV shows; and those Vanity Cards, which have become a sort of stream of consciousness, running commentary on not just your views on life; but your life. And you are presenting this stream(!) to millions of eyeballs several times a week (and if you factor in re-runs, that runs into the thousands...). You have an online archive of these cards. These thoughts. You do not, however, have a way for people to respond to them; which I think is a little one-way. A tad on the pulpity side (which is maybe why this got so religiousy from the git-go (as Nancy Grace would say). So, this is my way of responding (if you're even reading this, which, I think at this point, is pretty plausible. Feasible even. I'm almost certain Steve Molaro is).
So, you must be wondering: "Who is this person and why are they getting so personal with me?"
Well, firstly, I feel a connection to you. I'm not quite sure why, but I do. Secondly, you put forth your personhood and your world-view via your writing. Both the scripts and stories you produce for your TV shows; and those Vanity Cards, which have become a sort of stream of consciousness, running commentary on not just your views on life; but your life. And you are presenting this stream(!) to millions of eyeballs several times a week (and if you factor in re-runs, that runs into the thousands...). You have an online archive of these cards. These thoughts. You do not, however, have a way for people to respond to them; which I think is a little one-way. A tad on the pulpity side (which is maybe why this got so religiousy from the git-go (as Nancy Grace would say). So, this is my way of responding (if you're even reading this, which, I think at this point, is pretty plausible. Feasible even. I'm almost certain Steve Molaro is).
Now, back to your "failed" song, "Who Could Ask for More" (which, interestingly, does not have a question mark; and we might ask: "Why?"). You mentioned you wrote it 45 years ago. 45 years ago, it was 1979. I was 13 going on 14. You were 27. I was just about 27 when I first moved to Los Angeles, which is kind of late in the game to try and break into that world, speaking of failure. But I recall the year 1979. It was a great one! Studio 54 was in full swing (did you ever go there, during its heyday. Did you get in? Did you try to get in? What were you wearing in either case? Did you have on cologne? I never did get in. Or try. But I sure wanted to!!! And I would've been wearing this):
Oh heck. Let's check out my whole outfit for my night out at Studio! Jeans, courtesy of Mr. Klein, natch:
KIcks? Cortez!
This shirt, a Halston, which came from the Camp Lejeune PX. Why, here I am wearing it. In the year of our Lord, 1979, no less!
I so loved that shirt! And I really do look like a person from any other ethnicity, other than Irish. I kind of look like John Oates, who has Italian and Moroccan heritage. Time for a John Oates break!
And I just gotta ask...why were Hall and Oates always disrobing and/or scantily cladding so often in such close proximity? And why did they have matching necklaces? Matching necklaces? Gay dudes don't even do that. What's going on John and Daryll?
They have these matching necklaces on a lot in old pictures. And what is that? A palm tree? A marijuana leaf? What is going on Hall and Oates?
I'm getting off track, Charles. I do that a lot. My apologies. So, anyways...do you think I would've gotten in to 54? Would I have made it past the rope?
I'm getting off track, Charles. I do that a lot. My apologies. So, anyways...do you think I would've gotten in to 54? Would I have made it past the rope?
Who knew Studio 54 had a snack shop? I wonder if Halston and Liza ever popped by for weiners?
But again; back to your song. You wrote it in '79. It's about the idle rich. Dallas had been on the air for a year. Knot's Landing had just hit the airwaves. So that whole 80's motif of dripping in fabulous wealth with little to do but spend it was already wafting on the breeze. I'd say you were in on the ground floor, idea wise. Now, I'm not a songwriter--
Wait, a few questions spring to mind here. Now, does a songwriter neccessarily have to read music or play an instrument? Or can a songwriter be someone who simply supplies the words. The lyrics? Which is really just poetry, is it not? Could any poet claim the title "songwriter"? Is there a distinction between songwriter and lyricist? Can you be a songwriter and not have the ability to play an instrument and/or read music; which, let's face it, is a form of MATH. Yikes!
I wish I could read and write music. Or play an instrument. I have several musical insturments, none of which I can play. But that doesn't stop me from trying! But, as I was saying, I'm most decidedly not a songwriter. Looking at Who Could Ask For More (which I will henceforth refer to as "More") it seems to me that it doesn't have a chorus. The "Who Could Ask For More" part is literally confined to parentheses during the course of the song. I think you should retrofit the song and make the parentheses part the driving force, narratively; and the parts about the specifics about the haunting pair, more asides. Again, I'm not a songwriter. But I do like to think of myself as a "story-teller" and this song definitely has a story. As a matter of fact, I don't think this "song" wants to be a "song" at all. I think it might want to be a novel. Or...and hear me out Chuck...a night-time soap!
Night-time soap, Chris? Are you out of your mind? Nobody but nobody is doing night-time soaps, nowadays--err--nowanights! Besides, I specialize in sitcoms. I don't do drama. You might say.
And I might say:
But, don't you though? Kinda?
Is Young Sheldon almost as much a drama now as it is a comedy? Is Bob <3 Abishola so somber for most of its run-time now, that it qualifies as a half-hour dramedy? I mean, when I tune in, I feel like I'm watching Billy Gardell in an Arthur Miller play. Here's what I'm thinking. You branch out, Chuck, into drama. And I think a nice soft launch would be adapting More into a TV movie (another genre I feel is ripe for a big Broadcast TV comeback). If it does well in the ratings, then it's on to series. The hour long TV soap is back; and I think Succession proves it. And ones about idly rich fams, to boot. More is ripe for this! Ripe I say! Except, let's not call it Who Could Ask For More; although, I don't hate that. Let's go in for a place name, like back in the day, and you've already got one built into the song: Forest Hills. As in Forest Hills, New York. In my brief research, it said the burg was affluent. Works for me! And then you've got the whole tennis thing...
So, here's my pitch:
The show is called Forest Hills. It's about a Jewish family that has made a fortune in the sporting goods racket(!). Now, as you never specifically name any of the characters in the song; or indeed, a family name; I think there's one way to go here. Levine. So, the Levine family have this sportswear empire (think Nike or Wilson or whatever). There's of course the Scion of the family. The Patriarch who may or may not get knocked off. The Wandering Wife. Etc. So, the usual suspects. One of the offspring (or maybe several) are tennis champions; which would open up a whole set of storylines (and tennis movies are HOT right now...take a look):
But again; back to your song. You wrote it in '79. It's about the idle rich. Dallas had been on the air for a year. Knot's Landing had just hit the airwaves. So that whole 80's motif of dripping in fabulous wealth with little to do but spend it was already wafting on the breeze. I'd say you were in on the ground floor, idea wise. Now, I'm not a songwriter--
Wait, a few questions spring to mind here. Now, does a songwriter neccessarily have to read music or play an instrument? Or can a songwriter be someone who simply supplies the words. The lyrics? Which is really just poetry, is it not? Could any poet claim the title "songwriter"? Is there a distinction between songwriter and lyricist? Can you be a songwriter and not have the ability to play an instrument and/or read music; which, let's face it, is a form of MATH. Yikes!
I wish I could read and write music. Or play an instrument. I have several musical insturments, none of which I can play. But that doesn't stop me from trying! But, as I was saying, I'm most decidedly not a songwriter. Looking at Who Could Ask For More (which I will henceforth refer to as "More") it seems to me that it doesn't have a chorus. The "Who Could Ask For More" part is literally confined to parentheses during the course of the song. I think you should retrofit the song and make the parentheses part the driving force, narratively; and the parts about the specifics about the haunting pair, more asides. Again, I'm not a songwriter. But I do like to think of myself as a "story-teller" and this song definitely has a story. As a matter of fact, I don't think this "song" wants to be a "song" at all. I think it might want to be a novel. Or...and hear me out Chuck...a night-time soap!
Night-time soap, Chris? Are you out of your mind? Nobody but nobody is doing night-time soaps, nowadays--err--nowanights! Besides, I specialize in sitcoms. I don't do drama. You might say.
And I might say:
But, don't you though? Kinda?
Is Young Sheldon almost as much a drama now as it is a comedy? Is Bob <3 Abishola so somber for most of its run-time now, that it qualifies as a half-hour dramedy? I mean, when I tune in, I feel like I'm watching Billy Gardell in an Arthur Miller play. Here's what I'm thinking. You branch out, Chuck, into drama. And I think a nice soft launch would be adapting More into a TV movie (another genre I feel is ripe for a big Broadcast TV comeback). If it does well in the ratings, then it's on to series. The hour long TV soap is back; and I think Succession proves it. And ones about idly rich fams, to boot. More is ripe for this! Ripe I say! Except, let's not call it Who Could Ask For More; although, I don't hate that. Let's go in for a place name, like back in the day, and you've already got one built into the song: Forest Hills. As in Forest Hills, New York. In my brief research, it said the burg was affluent. Works for me! And then you've got the whole tennis thing...
So, here's my pitch:
The show is called Forest Hills. It's about a Jewish family that has made a fortune in the sporting goods racket(!). Now, as you never specifically name any of the characters in the song; or indeed, a family name; I think there's one way to go here. Levine. So, the Levine family have this sportswear empire (think Nike or Wilson or whatever). There's of course the Scion of the family. The Patriarch who may or may not get knocked off. The Wandering Wife. Etc. So, the usual suspects. One of the offspring (or maybe several) are tennis champions; which would open up a whole set of storylines (and tennis movies are HOT right now...take a look):
They're Manhattan adjacent; so you can work in all that idly-rich-glam (maybe there's a storyline where the spoiled brat daughter decides to resurrect Studio 54; which she does; but then becomes a cocaine addict! Cue Lou Reed song).
So, that's my bare-bones starting point. And you certainly have the pull and the pesos to get it made! Get crackin' Chuck!
Speaking of pesos.
You know, a person can go on the internet, stroke a few keys, and find out your net-worth. Your real estate holdings. The car you drive. The suits you wear. And if one were to do this, one could turn from the computer screen and say to themselves: "Boy, that Chuck Lorre. He may not have been the Bernie Taupin of his time; but he sure was the Sitcom King of his time! Yeah, that Mr. Lorre. He is a SUCCESS by anyone's estimation. In the world, on the planet, in the Universe. But particularly in America. Yes, that Mr. Lorre embodies THE AMERICAN DREAM."
Yes, that is what someone might say. You have quite literally embodied THE AMERICAN DREAM. And yet, that you were not (in your own estimation) a success in what you originally set out to do; you seem to have regrets, sadness and retroactive doubt. It's like you're still kicking yourself over it. Why? I don't know why. And I can't answer the question for you. Not that you've asked me to. Although, come to think of it; through your Vanity Cards you have asked the dialectic; of which, I'm a part. Apropos of nothing: Daryll Hall is a Libra. John Oates is an Aries (Fire sign). But maybe it is apropos...
I have a couple of friends in Los Angeles. Joel and Donovan. They're married. Joel is a Libra. Donovan (a Gemini) is also a songwriter/singer. I think I should try and hook the three of you up. Not for anything kinky, mind you. Just to hang out. I think you'd all get along. You and Donovan are around the same age. They have a piano in their house. It's the first thing you see when you walk through the door. Donovan has recorded and released a few albums. He has a funky, jazzy style all his own. Here's a video for his song, "At the Drive In Show":
So, that's my bare-bones starting point. And you certainly have the pull and the pesos to get it made! Get crackin' Chuck!
Speaking of pesos.
You know, a person can go on the internet, stroke a few keys, and find out your net-worth. Your real estate holdings. The car you drive. The suits you wear. And if one were to do this, one could turn from the computer screen and say to themselves: "Boy, that Chuck Lorre. He may not have been the Bernie Taupin of his time; but he sure was the Sitcom King of his time! Yeah, that Mr. Lorre. He is a SUCCESS by anyone's estimation. In the world, on the planet, in the Universe. But particularly in America. Yes, that Mr. Lorre embodies THE AMERICAN DREAM."
Yes, that is what someone might say. You have quite literally embodied THE AMERICAN DREAM. And yet, that you were not (in your own estimation) a success in what you originally set out to do; you seem to have regrets, sadness and retroactive doubt. It's like you're still kicking yourself over it. Why? I don't know why. And I can't answer the question for you. Not that you've asked me to. Although, come to think of it; through your Vanity Cards you have asked the dialectic; of which, I'm a part. Apropos of nothing: Daryll Hall is a Libra. John Oates is an Aries (Fire sign). But maybe it is apropos...
I have a couple of friends in Los Angeles. Joel and Donovan. They're married. Joel is a Libra. Donovan (a Gemini) is also a songwriter/singer. I think I should try and hook the three of you up. Not for anything kinky, mind you. Just to hang out. I think you'd all get along. You and Donovan are around the same age. They have a piano in their house. It's the first thing you see when you walk through the door. Donovan has recorded and released a few albums. He has a funky, jazzy style all his own. Here's a video for his song, "At the Drive In Show":
And Joel goes to a pole dancing class. I think you should join him for that. You could kill numerous birds with one stone. You could continue to take good care of your body. Have some fun. And see what it's like from the pole dancer's P.O.V (I mean, your shows do feature a lot of pole dancing type gals, am I wrong?). Here he is in action:
So, I guess that's it Charles. I hope this helped...whatever. Or at least made you smile.
So, I'm gonna play you out on fellow songwriters, Hall and Oates, who, fingers crossed, will kiss and make up. We can only hope.
So, I'm gonna play you out on fellow songwriters, Hall and Oates, who, fingers crossed, will kiss and make up. We can only hope.
ADDENDUM:
I want to change my shoe choice for my night at Studio 54 to the following (not neccessarily either of those pair; but those boots ROCK!); as this was the "go-to" brand during the disco era. I recall cramming my feet into a size too small pair of CJ boots that I found at Filene's Basement in the 80's. Damn, did they kill. But DAMN, DID THEY KILL! Jourdan shoes were hard to find. Then they went away. And now, are maybe coming back? See, there's always hope!
I want to change my shoe choice for my night at Studio 54 to the following (not neccessarily either of those pair; but those boots ROCK!); as this was the "go-to" brand during the disco era. I recall cramming my feet into a size too small pair of CJ boots that I found at Filene's Basement in the 80's. Damn, did they kill. But DAMN, DID THEY KILL! Jourdan shoes were hard to find. Then they went away. And now, are maybe coming back? See, there's always hope!
CFR 3/24/24