A BIG HOLLYWOOD STUDIO EXECUTIVE CONFERENCE ROOM, HOLLYWOOD U.S.A.
Seated around one side of the table are various and sundry good-looking people in expensive casual wear from Fred Segal, Kitson, Prada, etc. Through the large glass windows, we can see palm trees lazily swaying in the Santa Ana wind.
A FEMALE ASSISTANT in a Chanel suit enters.
FEMALE ASSISTANT
Your three o'clocks are here...
MALE EXECUTIVE PHIL
Great Marissa, send them in...(to others)...I can't wait to hear their vision! (Everyone nods in agreement)
The door opens again and Marissa escorts in an entourage of more good-looking people, mostly in black, expensive casual wear from Fred Segal, Kitson, Prada etc...They take seats on the other side of the conference table.
Seated around one side of the table are various and sundry good-looking people in expensive casual wear from Fred Segal, Kitson, Prada, etc. Through the large glass windows, we can see palm trees lazily swaying in the Santa Ana wind.
A FEMALE ASSISTANT in a Chanel suit enters.
FEMALE ASSISTANT
Your three o'clocks are here...
MALE EXECUTIVE PHIL
Great Marissa, send them in...(to others)...I can't wait to hear their vision! (Everyone nods in agreement)
The door opens again and Marissa escorts in an entourage of more good-looking people, mostly in black, expensive casual wear from Fred Segal, Kitson, Prada etc...They take seats on the other side of the conference table.
PHIL
So great to have you all here. Let me introduce the team. This is Bill, Will, Jill and Lil from development and John, Don, Von and Kwan from production.
AHS EXEX DAN
Thanks Phil. And this is our writing team of Pam, Sam, Jan and Stan. And our producers Gary, Larry, Harry and Mary.
(Greetings are exchanged)
PHIL
So, let's get to it. What do you have for us for Season 11, Dan?
DAN
Al Pacino!
PHIL
Al Pacino...where are you going with this?
DAN
Cruising!
PHIL
Are you referring to the 1980 film by William Friedkin?
DAN
Bingo!
JOHN
Wasn't that about the gay leather scene?
KWAN
Yeah...it was...and a killer who was murdering gay men...
So great to have you all here. Let me introduce the team. This is Bill, Will, Jill and Lil from development and John, Don, Von and Kwan from production.
AHS EXEX DAN
Thanks Phil. And this is our writing team of Pam, Sam, Jan and Stan. And our producers Gary, Larry, Harry and Mary.
(Greetings are exchanged)
PHIL
So, let's get to it. What do you have for us for Season 11, Dan?
DAN
Al Pacino!
PHIL
Al Pacino...where are you going with this?
DAN
Cruising!
PHIL
Are you referring to the 1980 film by William Friedkin?
DAN
Bingo!
JOHN
Wasn't that about the gay leather scene?
KWAN
Yeah...it was...and a killer who was murdering gay men...
JILL
Isn't that movie considered, well...a turkey?
DAN
It's been reassessed. It's now considered a classic!
JILL
Is it?
WILL
Is Pacino the murderer?
JAN
No, he's a cop who goes undercover into the leather scene to try and flush out the killer!
STAN
But it turns out he gets in over his head and--
PHIL
Okay...I get the gist. Murderer in leather land; conflicted cop...period piece?
DAN
We're setting it in 1981, at the beginning of the AIDS crisis...
KWAN
Why?
DAN
To give it verisimilitude. And an extra layer of creepiness and horror...
KWAN
I would argue that Cruising is already a horror movie; so why not just straight up remake it? Or just set it now and do like a Grindr killer type thing?
DAN
We need that metaphor! AIDS was fucking scary man! It's like our secondary element of horror in this...
KWAN
So, you want to make the AIDS virus an actual horror element?
DAN
Well, of course...
KWAN
You do know that AIDS was a real thing right? That AIDS actually happened and a lot of people who lost people to it and almost lost themselves are still alive and kicking, right?
DAN
They'll love it! Here's one of the posters for the marketing...we didn't have time for a Powerpoint on this so; Gary...if you will...
(Gary opens a large black folio, removes a poster and puts it on an easel):
Isn't that movie considered, well...a turkey?
DAN
It's been reassessed. It's now considered a classic!
JILL
Is it?
WILL
Is Pacino the murderer?
JAN
No, he's a cop who goes undercover into the leather scene to try and flush out the killer!
STAN
But it turns out he gets in over his head and--
PHIL
Okay...I get the gist. Murderer in leather land; conflicted cop...period piece?
DAN
We're setting it in 1981, at the beginning of the AIDS crisis...
KWAN
Why?
DAN
To give it verisimilitude. And an extra layer of creepiness and horror...
KWAN
I would argue that Cruising is already a horror movie; so why not just straight up remake it? Or just set it now and do like a Grindr killer type thing?
DAN
We need that metaphor! AIDS was fucking scary man! It's like our secondary element of horror in this...
KWAN
So, you want to make the AIDS virus an actual horror element?
DAN
Well, of course...
KWAN
You do know that AIDS was a real thing right? That AIDS actually happened and a lot of people who lost people to it and almost lost themselves are still alive and kicking, right?
DAN
They'll love it! Here's one of the posters for the marketing...we didn't have time for a Powerpoint on this so; Gary...if you will...
(Gary opens a large black folio, removes a poster and puts it on an easel):
PHIL
Is that a corpse? Was he one of the murder victims?
DAN
Oh, no...he's still alive...but barely...
KWAN
Don't tell me...he's dying of AIDS...
DAN
Bingo! You're getting it Don!
KWAN
I'm Kwan. So he's dying of AIDS but he still puts on glam-leather? I mean, would he actually have the...strength... to do that?
DAN
You're overthinking it...
KWAN
Am I?
DAN
You're starting to harsh my buzz, Ken...
PHIL
Thank you for your comments Kwan. Do you have any more artwork for us?
(Dan gestures and another poster is placed on the easel):
Is that a corpse? Was he one of the murder victims?
DAN
Oh, no...he's still alive...but barely...
KWAN
Don't tell me...he's dying of AIDS...
DAN
Bingo! You're getting it Don!
KWAN
I'm Kwan. So he's dying of AIDS but he still puts on glam-leather? I mean, would he actually have the...strength... to do that?
DAN
You're overthinking it...
KWAN
Am I?
DAN
You're starting to harsh my buzz, Ken...
PHIL
Thank you for your comments Kwan. Do you have any more artwork for us?
(Dan gestures and another poster is placed on the easel):
VON
Oh, is Madonna in this? I love her. Does she have AIDS?
STAN
Oh, no, that's not her. She's not even a character in the show...
JOHN
Then why is she on the poster?
DAN
'Cuz she looks cool; You guys are really overthinking this...
(Another poster is produced)
Oh, is Madonna in this? I love her. Does she have AIDS?
STAN
Oh, no, that's not her. She's not even a character in the show...
JOHN
Then why is she on the poster?
DAN
'Cuz she looks cool; You guys are really overthinking this...
(Another poster is produced)
PHIL
More women...so your version is about leather lesbians in the early 80's? Was that a thing?
PAM
Well, we wanted inclusivity in our version. The original was kind of man heavy...(laughter from her side of the table).
KWAN
Wasn't that the point?
DAN
Are you on board here, Shawn?
PHIL
Look, you know, I've been around. I was in New York in the late 70's. I stumbled out of the Mineshaft at dawn more than once; but I don't recall a lot of heavy leather lesbians in men's clubs. Show me another poster with some man-candy.
(A poster is quickly put up):
More women...so your version is about leather lesbians in the early 80's? Was that a thing?
PAM
Well, we wanted inclusivity in our version. The original was kind of man heavy...(laughter from her side of the table).
KWAN
Wasn't that the point?
DAN
Are you on board here, Shawn?
PHIL
Look, you know, I've been around. I was in New York in the late 70's. I stumbled out of the Mineshaft at dawn more than once; but I don't recall a lot of heavy leather lesbians in men's clubs. Show me another poster with some man-candy.
(A poster is quickly put up):
WILL
Does he have AIDS? And why is he dressed like a thorn-bush?
DAN
He's a deer...I'll let our head writer Jan explain...Jan?
JAN
There's a leitmotif in the storyline, featuring animals; specifically deer, as a source for the AIDS virus. It's a metaphor for Nature's indifference to Man's plight.
KWAN
The virus came from chimpanzees.
JAN
Well, they skewed a little too...funny...(more laughter).
PHIL
Anymore artwork?
(Still another poster is produced):
Does he have AIDS? And why is he dressed like a thorn-bush?
DAN
He's a deer...I'll let our head writer Jan explain...Jan?
JAN
There's a leitmotif in the storyline, featuring animals; specifically deer, as a source for the AIDS virus. It's a metaphor for Nature's indifference to Man's plight.
KWAN
The virus came from chimpanzees.
JAN
Well, they skewed a little too...funny...(more laughter).
PHIL
Anymore artwork?
(Still another poster is produced):
JILL
Who is this character and does he have AIDS?
DAN
He's not a character...it's more conceptual...
LIL
What's he doing to that skull?
BILL
Does the skull have AIDS?
DAN
Probably...
KWAN
He's fucking the fucking skull Lil! That's what he's doing. The entire image equates gay sex and leather with death.
DAN
Well, yeah...that's the point.
KWAN
Do you people recall when Cruising first came out and there were protests in the gay community because they were finally getting a movie about gay people but all it was about was them fucking in public and being murdered for it? Don't you think your little season 11 is doing the same thing? And then making an actual real life disease that killed millions of people window dressing for your stupid horror series?
DAN
That was a long time ago, Cal...
KWAN
1981 was forty-one years ago.
DAN
Yeah, so who the fuck even remembers...
KWAN
Let me ask you Jan...how old were you in 1981?
JAN
Well...you don't ask a lady her age...(hesitant giggles in the room)
KWAN
Sorry Jan, but you people have summoned my inner QUEEN; and she's a bitch. You look like you're on the backside of forty to me--
JAN
Excuse me--
KWAN
So, you were like, a fucking child during the majority of the AIDS crisis, correct?
JAN
Well...I suppose...but that doesn't mean...that I can't write about it...
KWAN
Did any of your friends die of AIDS?
DAN
I've had enough of this dude's sanctimony, Phil, could we have him removed?
PHIL
I actually had a lot of friends die of AIDS, so I'm interested in where this is going...
Who is this character and does he have AIDS?
DAN
He's not a character...it's more conceptual...
LIL
What's he doing to that skull?
BILL
Does the skull have AIDS?
DAN
Probably...
KWAN
He's fucking the fucking skull Lil! That's what he's doing. The entire image equates gay sex and leather with death.
DAN
Well, yeah...that's the point.
KWAN
Do you people recall when Cruising first came out and there were protests in the gay community because they were finally getting a movie about gay people but all it was about was them fucking in public and being murdered for it? Don't you think your little season 11 is doing the same thing? And then making an actual real life disease that killed millions of people window dressing for your stupid horror series?
DAN
That was a long time ago, Cal...
KWAN
1981 was forty-one years ago.
DAN
Yeah, so who the fuck even remembers...
KWAN
Let me ask you Jan...how old were you in 1981?
JAN
Well...you don't ask a lady her age...(hesitant giggles in the room)
KWAN
Sorry Jan, but you people have summoned my inner QUEEN; and she's a bitch. You look like you're on the backside of forty to me--
JAN
Excuse me--
KWAN
So, you were like, a fucking child during the majority of the AIDS crisis, correct?
JAN
Well...I suppose...but that doesn't mean...that I can't write about it...
KWAN
Did any of your friends die of AIDS?
DAN
I've had enough of this dude's sanctimony, Phil, could we have him removed?
PHIL
I actually had a lot of friends die of AIDS, so I'm interested in where this is going...
JAN
Okay, say it wasn't AIDS...say it was the Black Plague. Would that be wrong?
KWAN
No...because that was seven hundred fucking years ago Jan. There are no seven hundred year old people who had friends die of the plague around anymore...for like a good six-hundred-and-seventy years.
JAN
Our scripts are paying homage to the suffering. They are transformative...we've even got references to Angels In America!
PHIL
I've read some of the episodes...and I have some questions.
DAN
Shoot!
PHIL
So, you've got this cop who's in the closet and he goes to Fire Island and his apparent first gay sex experimentation involves an S and M encounter wherein he literally fucks a young man to death. And then his friend calls a gay hit-man to clean up the scene and his solution is to bury the young man in the sand...right behind the house?
JAN
I didn't write that one.
Okay, say it wasn't AIDS...say it was the Black Plague. Would that be wrong?
KWAN
No...because that was seven hundred fucking years ago Jan. There are no seven hundred year old people who had friends die of the plague around anymore...for like a good six-hundred-and-seventy years.
JAN
Our scripts are paying homage to the suffering. They are transformative...we've even got references to Angels In America!
PHIL
I've read some of the episodes...and I have some questions.
DAN
Shoot!
PHIL
So, you've got this cop who's in the closet and he goes to Fire Island and his apparent first gay sex experimentation involves an S and M encounter wherein he literally fucks a young man to death. And then his friend calls a gay hit-man to clean up the scene and his solution is to bury the young man in the sand...right behind the house?
JAN
I didn't write that one.
PAM, SAM AND STAN
Oh yes you did!
PHIL
And then later on, when the body is discovered...four of the characters, one of whom is a reporter, blithely handle parts of the corpse, on the Fire Island beach at the height of summer in broad daylight, yet...and not a single other human soul walks by? And not one character has any remorse about this, including the cop and the righteous reporter...that maybe the corpse's family might want to know what happened to their son? And why didn't the couple who discovered the body call the Fire Island police?
JAN
Well, because...uhhmmm...well....you see...
DAN
Because the script needed them not to; that's why.
PHIL
So, every single character in this...your leads no less...are all completely morally bankrupt?
DAN
Of course!
PHIL
And why is this reporter character such an unrelenting sourpuss for the whole thing? By the second time he was about to be killed, I was rooting for the killer.
DAN
The character is really authentic...
PHIL
How was he able to use his typewriter if all ten of his fingers were bandaged after having red-hot needles jammed under his fingernails?
DAN
(To Jan) Is that in the script?
JAN
Huh? What? (Looks around quickly) Oooh, brownies! (She grabs one and starts chewing).
KWAN
I just got a great idea for season 12! How about Freddy Krueger going on a killing spree at a Khmer Rouge reeducation camp?
DAN
I LOVE it! (enthusiastic agreement on his side of the table). "Freddy Vs. Pol Pot"! So Phil, is it a go?
Phil raises his finger. He pours some water into a glass. He takes a sip. He pauses, raises the glass and flings it's contents at Dan.
PHIL
Get out.
DAN
Why you!!! (stands) My Balenciaga! Come on people, we're taking our business to A24!!! (They file out the door).
KWAN
I so wish that had been a slushie.
And scene!
Oh yes you did!
PHIL
And then later on, when the body is discovered...four of the characters, one of whom is a reporter, blithely handle parts of the corpse, on the Fire Island beach at the height of summer in broad daylight, yet...and not a single other human soul walks by? And not one character has any remorse about this, including the cop and the righteous reporter...that maybe the corpse's family might want to know what happened to their son? And why didn't the couple who discovered the body call the Fire Island police?
JAN
Well, because...uhhmmm...well....you see...
DAN
Because the script needed them not to; that's why.
PHIL
So, every single character in this...your leads no less...are all completely morally bankrupt?
DAN
Of course!
PHIL
And why is this reporter character such an unrelenting sourpuss for the whole thing? By the second time he was about to be killed, I was rooting for the killer.
DAN
The character is really authentic...
PHIL
How was he able to use his typewriter if all ten of his fingers were bandaged after having red-hot needles jammed under his fingernails?
DAN
(To Jan) Is that in the script?
JAN
Huh? What? (Looks around quickly) Oooh, brownies! (She grabs one and starts chewing).
KWAN
I just got a great idea for season 12! How about Freddy Krueger going on a killing spree at a Khmer Rouge reeducation camp?
DAN
I LOVE it! (enthusiastic agreement on his side of the table). "Freddy Vs. Pol Pot"! So Phil, is it a go?
Phil raises his finger. He pours some water into a glass. He takes a sip. He pauses, raises the glass and flings it's contents at Dan.
PHIL
Get out.
DAN
Why you!!! (stands) My Balenciaga! Come on people, we're taking our business to A24!!! (They file out the door).
KWAN
I so wish that had been a slushie.
And scene!
CFR 11/25/22
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