American Beeotch Company

Okay, I've had it.  No more Mr. Nice Guy.  The gloves are coming off for this one.  This one is war.  Total WAR!  And once I've vented, the gloves will go back on again.  But right now I'm taking names and counting heads.  I'm kicking ass and breaking skulls.  I'm naming names and--
Okay, I'm not naming names; but you know who you are.

And I dare you, Uncle Walt, to tell me to take down this unauthorized picture of one of your copyrighted, TM'd, Pat-Pending, All Rights Reserved, Should Be in the Public Domain But Isn't, characters.  Go ahead, send me a cease and desist letter.  I'll happily put it on my blog!

Okay, so it's tomorrow; and I've counted to ten and I'm much calmer.  That being said, I'm still calling out ABC TV.  What am I calling them out about?  Oh, I think we all know...
So, the other night I'm watching Abbott Elementary, which I've been watching from the start.  It's fine.  Although I'm a little tired of the "workplace" sit-coms that are styled like The Office.  Like, who exactly are the characters talking to when they speak directly to the camera with commentary and so forth?  The Office wrung a whole season out of the premise of the making of the documentary of "The Office," when prior to that, there was no way a documentary crew could've been privy to most of what they'd filmed.  It was brilliant.  My husband really likes Abbott Elementary. I could take it or leave it; but I will say all the actors are great on it.

So, here's my beef, Chief...
On the episode of the show, Season 1, Episode 7 - "Art Teacher," two of the teachers (Barbara and Jacob) decide to start a school garden but are clueless about how to do it.  Meanwhile, one of the other teachers (Gregory) observes them with disdain; as, it turns out, he grew up with a Dad who was a gardener so he's more or less an expert green-thumb.  He sneaks around behind Barbara and Jacob and tends to the garden, which of course, is lush and yielding.

If you're following along at home, then you've probably read the pilot script I wrote for a sitcom: Cheeseheads.  Gee whiz, guess what?  Cheeseheads is set in and around...you guessed it...a nursery.  Coincidence?  You tell me, ABC.

And, huh, that bag of manure has the same colors as the Green Bay Packers.  Now, surely, that is mere coincidence.  Or is it...?
Now, when I bring up all these "coincidences" to my husband, they're usually met with more than a few grains of salt and a decidedly "devil's advocate" stance.  The other day we were on a walk and I laughed to myself.  He asked me what was so amusing.  I told him about my suspicions, re: the Abbott Elementary "coincidence."  We had watched the show together.  Now he had a knowing little grin.  "Yeah," I said, "I'm right; and you're involved in this too now because the garden store was your idea." Which it was, as he had supplied me with a list of occupations for the characters on Cheeseheads.  So you owe him a paycheck too, Uncle Walt.

I might as well throw in this one too.  So, I watch General Hospital but I've fallen behind.  I'm currently up to Christmas of 2021.  One of the characters on the show, Curtis Ashford (played by the stunningly beautiful Donnell Turner...somebody put him on Prime Time please and I'm already writing an episode of Cheeseheads for him.  He'll play a Packer, natch.  Or even better, the high school football coach everyone lusts after!) a former private eye and now night-club impresario, has had his long lost father turn up.  Guess what?  This long lost father is a musician.  And guess what he plays?  The clarinet.  You may recall in my blog "What's Your Sign Baby?" that I went on at length about the clarinet; even featuring a photo of a clarinet case.  Who knew you had to put it together.  I didn't.  I would've thought it was one piece and would have a long cylindrical case.

So then Marshall the Musician turns up at General Hospital where he runs into Epiphany Johnson, Singing Head Nurse.  He's carrying a case, which she immediately recognizes as a clarinet case.  Hmmmmmm.  Maybe.  I mean, she is a singer; but I've never seen her with a jazz quartet before...

Okay, that's a jazz trio. But the point is: General Hospital is an ABC (thus Disney) show.  Do like, all the TV shows at ABC share a common writer's room and have a lap-top on the table opened to my blog?  Is it also coincidence that the actor who plays Gregory on Abbott Elementary was Chris on Everybody Hates Chris?  Maybe we need a new show, ABC.  We can call it: Everybody Loves Chris.  You clearly love my work.  So give me a show.  I'll even write and star in it for you!  You will have to pay me though.  No more freebies.  I'm putting my foot down this time.
So, here's my application:

Oh, and just in case you need this, Uncle Walt:

So there.  I'm done for now.  I will speak no more on this until I speak more on this.  Because I'm just as tired talking about it as you are, probably, hearing about it.
Love You!
Mean it!
S.W.A.K. (on my ass).
(Oh crap, I just realized I mis-dated my application.  Oh well).