An Epistle from St. Christopher to Chuck of Lorre

Okay, Chuck, I'm not saying I'm a Saint or anything.  I certainly have the patience of one though.  And I am writing this in a spirit of truth seeking; because, according to Bazaar magazine we are both truth seekers (as you, a LIbra and I, a Sagittarius); and as such, have this as our bond.  Let's see what Harvey Sid Fisher has to say about this!  First, you LIbra:

And moi, Sagittarius:

Now that's some song-writing!  And speaking of song writing...I wanted to talk about this:

DISCLAIMER: The above "Vanity Card" is the sole property and proprietary chattel of Chuck Lorre Producions, Inc. (Reg. TM Pat-Pend All Rights Reserved) and is used WITHOUT PERMISSION.

So, #734 seems to be a lament, Charles, about your failed attempt to be a Big Time songwriter, like, I'm thinking Holland-Dozier-Holland, The Sherman Brothers, Carole King, Barry Manilow (he does Write the Songs, right?), Carole Bayer Sager, Neil Diamond etc. etc. et. al. e.g.i.e ad infinitum.  But were you a failure?  Or should we ask, are you a failure?  Because you seem to be having doubts.
Failure.  Now there's a word we love to toss around in America.  Because if you weren't a success at what you set out to be, usually in the Arts, you're "failed."  Failed actor, so and so. Failed writer, so and so. Failed singer, so and so. You never hear about failed people in other purviews, though. Like you never hear of Failed plumber, so and so. Or, failed librarian, so and so. Or failed stripper, so and so.  Why is that?  Is it schadenfreude?  Is it because it takes a certain amount of hubris to set out to be a creative person; and as humans, we like to see those of us with hubris faceplant on the Sidewalk of Life?  I'm gonna have to go with "yes," on this one.
But you did have a hit song, Chuck. "French Kissin' (In the USA)." With parentheses, yet.  I love songs with parenthetical continuations.  In my book, they're always good!  Debbie Harry recorded it for her second solo album Rock Bird.  Let's take a  listen and a look:

I had a friend who had Rock Bird on cassette(!).  He was gay. I recall staring at the cover art, which was designed by Stephen Sprouse.  Just learned he died of lung cancer at age 50. I have a friend who started a rock band because he loved Debbie Harry so much.  I don't know if you know this Chuck, but Debbie Harry has and always has had a huge gay following.  You don't strike me as particularly gay, Charles.  In fact, you strike me as emphatically straight.  But this song is a little on the gay side.  I mean, it has French lyrics!  What was going on in your head when you wrote this?  I don't know, but it worked.  It's a great song.  It's fun.  If I recall correctly, it was the only hit song from the album and it's still the only song from it people remember.  And come on, Charles...how many people in this world can say they wrote a song that was played on the radio?  That's another American dis.  The "One Hit Wonder"; usually said in a mocking tone, as though it were an embarrassment.  Hey, I don't know about you, but I would kill to be a one hit wonder!  What's the option?  A No Hit Wonder (read: failed songwriter)?
Speaking of gay...
I think you're kind of cute, Charles.  But I'm married.  Stop looking at me like that!!!  (Giggle-giggle-flirt-flirt).
As Harvey Sid said in his Libra song: "...I like to take good care of my body...when diet calls for a remedy...who watches scales more so than me?" And I was inspired to find a picture of said body: yours, that is.  And you do keep yourself nice and trim; but I could not find a single pic of you showing any skin.  Not even your tootsies on Wikifeet.  I would've thought the papzz might've caught you frolicking a la plage in St. Barts or Kitts or Turks and Caicos in bathing trunks.  No such luck.  I couldn't find any pictures of you showing anything more than two buttons worth of frontal neck-nape and maybe some forearm. :(

I really like the longer hair, dark 'stache look.  Very John Oates!
​Time for a John Oates break!

You know, you really do learn something new every day.  'Frinstance, I was never sure exactly what Debbie was singing during the chorus part, in French.  I mean, I recognized it as French, as she was/is won't to utilize French lyrics in her songs.  And of course, the word "Francais," is pretty clear.  But French is really hard to decipher when it's sung and/or dropped into songs primarily in English.  For example, I always thought the backing vocalists in Billy Idol's "Eyes Without a Face" were singing "...ashes falling down..." when, in fact, they were singing the song's title in French: Les Yeux Sans Visage; which, is also the title of a French thriller.

What's that called when you mishear lyrics?  It has a name.  In any event, I learned that she's singing: "...embrasser c'est Francais..." Which means, "kisses are French," more or less.  Is this where we get the word "buss" for kiss?
But back to your song, "Who Could Ask for More?"
To use an already ossified "buzz phrase"; "...there's a lot to unpack here..."
So, it's a classic story song, in the vein of "Hollywood Nights" or "Life In the Fast Lane" or even "Run Joey Run."  And I think we all need to watch that video, right now!!!

It's a song about the idle rich.  A subject near and dear to my heart.  Not that I come from the idle rich, and in the research I've done on you, you did not come from the idle rich, either.  But I've always been attracted to that milieu, n'est ce-pas?  I mean, The Great Gatsby is one of my favorite books.  I was glued to Dynasty from the git-go.  That show had me at the TV Guide ad!

Maybe it was the part about Steve Carrington being "Helpless before his own desires."  And let's face it, gay or not, aren't we all kinda helpless before our own desires?
So, you grew up in a small suburban town on Long Island.  I grew up in a smallish town in Massachusetts.  We're both, I think from what I can glean in my research, products of the middle-class.  Somewhere in the Venn diagram of working/educated/white/blue-collar/New England/New York's mega-metropo-suburbia.  The same cultural ball-park, let's say.
And I have quite a bit more to say; but I think I'll have to say it in a "Part 2" of this epistle.  Don't you find it shocking that nowadays reading material is disclaimed with actual "reading times"?  As though, anything longer than a "five mintue read" is unreadable.  Have we really dumbed it down that far Charles?  Let's explore that in a further blog.
Ciao for now!
Your friend,
Chris

Please see: A Second Epistle from Saint Christopher to Saint Charles, for the continuation.

CFR   3/22/24