But, that's really neither here nor there. But who does Drew Carey look like, dressed as Santa Claus? Well, he doesn't look like Santa Claus. And he doesn't really look like Drew Carey. So, could we split the difference and say he looks like Bob Zemeckis "motion captured" as Santa Claus? I guess we could...
But seriously...
Did Tom Hanks play Santa in The Polar Express? 'Cuz that doesn't really look like him, no matter how you cut the mustard. And by mustard, I mean, computer generated actors. I just read Tom is joining you once again for a feature to be released later this year called There. No wait, Here; which I just learned of. I also learned it's going to feature A/I "face swapping" and "de-aging."
Mr. Zemeckis.
Mr. Hanks.
Ms. Robin "Jenny" Wright.
Can I ask you to please not do this?
Do what Chris?
Return To the Valley of the Uncanny?
What's "The Return to the Valley of the Uncanny," Chris?
It's a place that nobody really wants to go to guys; which you've proven again and again; with features like Mars Needs Moms and Jim Carey as Ebeneezer Scrooge. Oh; and Beowulf (more on that later).
But Chris, The Polar Express is a beloved Holiday Classic. We daresay, "HOW DARE YOU!??!"
No wait. Please, don't get me wrong, beloved directors/slash/actors/slash/producers/slash/Big Wigs. I cherish much of your work! As a matter of fact, I watched the beloved Forrest Gump again last night and dragged my virgin husband, kicking and screaming, to Greenbow, Alabama! Let's reminisce!
Bob, I may have watched an early screening of Forrest Gump with you! Or maybe even you Tom! Or maybe BOTH of you! I remember it like it was yesterday...
So, when I first became a Paramount page, it was June of 1993. Forrest Gump (with a little retroactive-retrofitted-research) was in pre-production. In fact, I was looking at the DVD extras on my FG disc and found this piece of video from that very month:
So, when I was a page, I quickly got bored (kind of) of giving three hour tours (three hour tours!). I would do things pages were not supposed to do. Were told not to do. Things like taking tour groups on to sets (we were only supposed to "linger" outside of soundstage doorways). After a few months of showing people the large swaths of beige cement that comprised soundstage walls, I started bringing them on to sets. Not if the set was "hot" of course; but if the door happened to be open and nobody was filming. What could it hurt? Like Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, for example. The main set, which was a space station, was often sitting empty. I would bring smaller tour groups on to the set and say things like: "Okay, feel free to look around for a while. Please don't break anything. I'll meet you at the door in twenty minutes." I can't tell you how far this verboten behavior went towards thrilling tourists and getting me twenty minutes closer to lunch without having to babble about Gloria Swanson and the HOLLYWOOD sign.
Sometimes, I would go to the Paramount Theater, which was on the lot and see if the doors were open. This theater was a full-sized movie theater. Not huge, but not small either. Sometimes I would go in and it would be dark and something would be screening. Sometimes raw footage, dailies, rushes, whatever. I would sit in the back row and just watch. No one seemed to care (probably thought I was a janitor or something). One time I went in and there were like two people watching something. A finished product. All scored and edited and theater ready. The people turned, seemed unconcerned and then turned back to the screen. I watched. "Oh," I thought, "it's a jungle. 60's pop rock. Oh, is that Tom Hanks in an Army uniform? Oh, it's Viet Nam and it's raining."
And then the rain stopped. And I was transfixed. I knew I was watching something amazing. Great even. Dare we say: AN AMERICAN CLASSIC?
But back, now, not to the future (or perhaps, yes, to the future); but to The Polar Express and it's ilk. And by "ilk" I mean computer generated "actors." Let me first state, Mr. Zemeckis, that I have seen the bulk of your cinematic output, whether that be as writer, producer, director, et. al. So yes, I have seen The Polar Express. I didn't see it at the movies; but rather, watched it one holiday with family members on a super large screen TV. And, to be honest, it was a problematic view. I was looking forward to it. I had seen the movie trailers and the TV spots and so on. I liked the stylized look of the animation. It's big Star was Tom Hanks (I don't think I have to reiterate my fandom for Mr. Hanks, here; let's just say it was a given). I had loved the first adaptation of Chris Van Allsburg's work: Jumanji. So, I was looking forward to watching The Polar Express. And then, the film began to unspool. But before I get into that; can I just say that Chris Van Allsburg is a doll? I just looked him up for the first time. He's got that nerdy-sexy-tweedy-sweater vest-academic thing going on! Big Time! He's a writer and an illustrator! Let's ogle* Chris!
But I did find pictures of this guy, not just shirtless; but pantless:
CFR 4/25/24