So, yes, I guess I do have a dirty mind. And I'm no Spring chicken anymore. Does that make me a "Dirty Old Man"? No, I think there's a difference. Dirty Old Men want to impose their dirty old mind (the dirty bastards!) on people, often physically. Like public weenie-wagging. Flashers. Subway gropers. The Roger Aisles' of the world. I mean, I would never impose my lewdness on anyone who didn't ask first. And if my writing is a little too blue for you, then you certainly have the choice not to read it.
I mean, sex is funny. To me, anyways. Always has been. I mean, yes, I appreciate erotica. I can go down a porno rabbit-hole as deep as the next guy. But when I come out of it, I can't help but think how silly going down there was.
I recall one time when I was a child, I drew a crude picture of a woman's breasts and wrote the word "sexy" on it. I showed it to one of my cousins who laughed and then immediately ratted me out to the adults. Of course, my mother had to scold me. Perhaps I realized right then the power that words and images had; especially in the context of sex. And the possibilities of sex to amuse. When I was in junior high school (eighth grade, I think it was) and my drawing skills had reached a certain point beyond crude, to perhaps primitive, my best friend asked me to draw a man and woman having intercourse. I rendered the drawing fairly quickly. I can see now that I was influenced by Japanese erotic art known as "Shunga." It's too graphic to put here; but I can say that the gents in the artwork usually have members that would make a male moose envious. The fellow in my drawing had a Shunga-like member. And the lady had breasts that would make Chesty Morgan blush. But the thing that I spent the most time rendering was the pair of Nike Cortez running shoes the man was wearing. Why was he wearing them? I'm not sure. I guess it pushed the drawing into some kind of absurdity that made it funny, to me. The sneakers somehow kept if from the realm of simply being an extremely pornographic drawing to being a funny pornographic drawing. When my pal told me he'd taken it to school and showed it around, I turned white. When he said the vice-principal confiscated it, I nearly pooped my pants. "Just kidding!" he laughed. Kids, right?
Now, I asked earlier if in middle-age and dirty minded did I qualify as a "Dirty Old Man." Sarah Jessica Parker and I are the same age; and she's still getting her Sex and the City on. So does she qualify as a "Dirty Old Lady"? All Carrie Bradshaw did with her life was screw guys and then write about it. Does Carrie Bradshaw qualify? You know, for all her supposed "liberation," it seemed that all Carrie really wanted was to be married and buy things. She was reverse-sexist. She treated guys like Kleenex. Actually, she was kind of a reprehensible character. Get over yourself Carrie. I'll take Patty Greene over you any day:
But deep down, maybe I'm not that "blue." Because, I think you'd have to have a truly "dirty" mind if you attempted to tell the "Aristocrats" joke. As I'm sure you know, "The Aristocrats" joke is considered to be the filthiest joke ever told. But the thing with that joke is that the blue material should be extemporaneously supplied by the person telling it. There's even a documentary called "The Aristocrats" that's a deep-dive into the joke. I haven't seen it. I've never heard anyone tell their version of the joke. And I don't want to. The point of the joke is to make the blue part as filthy, disgusting and dirty--sick, really--as you possibly can. I have an impressionable mind. I don't want that stuff having a permanent home in my brain. That's also my quandary with horror movies. I love them but if the imagery is too much, I will regret having seen them.
But, I don't want to end this on a bummer note. So, here's a picture of La Wanda page from early in her career:
Loueffie and her friend Morene were in the break room, sitting and having a cup of coffee. Loueffie, deep in thought finally turned to Morene and asked: "Morene, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Morene put her cup down and said, "Yes I have, Loueffie. And it hurt like hell!"