Cat-A-Blog

I'm always trying to come up with topics to amuse you with.  Which isn't hard.  I mean if anything, this big, beautiful, problematic world of ours has is "topics."  As I mentioned recently, as my blogs were starting to get a little Schleprocky (look it up "Gen Z"), I wanna keep things breezy and a little cheesy; so, how about some blogs about cats?  Sure, why not? If anyone (or thing) rules the internet with their combination of charm and mystery and shenanigans, it's kitty cats!

We Need To Talk About Lara...

Lara is a Calico-cat.  Did you know that almost all Calico cats are females?  A male is extremely rare.  It's some genetic trait that both gives them their distinct coloring and gender.  I think it also gives them another trait: bitchiness.

Lara had a vet once who told me that Calico cats were "grumpy."  Boy did he underplay it.  I think he upgraded Lara to "psychotic" after he nearly bled out when she slashed his wrist open.  She ended up with warning stickers all over her chart: "Proceed With Caution."  Lara does not like going to the vet.  I do not like taking her to the vet.  She becomes so agitated she's like a cat-grenade with the pin pulled out.  I actually bring work gloves with me to handle her.  Or I used to.  Now I just hand her over in her carrier and leave.  Let them handle it.  I don't wanna know.  We had to start giving her sedatives for vet appointments. Sedatives under the advisements of the vets. Even with the sedatives she still becomes a set of teeth with fur.  Remember that TV movie The Langoliers  Yeah, that's what she reminds me of at the vets.

But she has issues.  I mean, issues on top of being a Calico.  Here's the backstory:
One fine day, about twelve years ago, my husband was travelling the Virginia by-ways on business.  He stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere (actually, everywhere around here is the middle of nowhere; but you know, the middle of nowhere kind of grows on you).  He got a beverage and a snack and was sitting outside at a picnic table when an extremely tiny kitten gamboled out of the woods and came over to him.  He asked in the store if anyone knew who the kitten belonged to.  The proprietress of the establishment told him that the kitten had just shown up that morning by herself and was hanging out near the table.  He considered taking her home; but as we already had three other cats at that point, he figured someone else would take her.  He got in his car and started off, but then, who was he kidding, he turned around and got her.  She was then presented to me as a gift.  Oh, if I knew then, what I know now...
She was so small she didn't know how to eat solid food, so we had to feed her out of an eyedropper.  Then she graduated to cat gravy.  A little brown spot started developing on her nose.  For the longest time I thought it was gravy. I mean, I used to try and wipe it off until a month in, when I realized it was permanent.  Duh.  One of her nick-names is "Gravy-face."  She has a lot of nick-names.  Larie. Lara-Lou-Lou. Fat Lara.  Fat Wawa.  Little Fat Head.  Not to fat shame; but she's fat.  Or least she was fat.  No, she still is kinda fat.  However, she used to be obese.  The problem is, is that she's obsessed with food.

Our theory is that she was weaned way too early.  Who knows what happened?  In any event, it's caused her to spend most of the time she isn't sleeping, begging for food.  She used to have 24/7 access to food, which is how she got obese.  The vets put her on a "prescription" weight loss program.  It's a scam if you ask me.  There's no medicine in it.  It costs three times more than regular cat food for three times less.  They actually make you present a prescription card to purchase it.  Pre-pandemic.  Now, you can't find any specialized "weight reduction" cat food in any of the local pet stores.  Including the prescription now for a good year.  So, ah, it can't be that important. She has lost a lot of weight though.  But I think it's more through portion control than anything else.  She's damn smart!  She now knows her feeding times and when they roll around, she will come and stare you down; then herd you towards her food bowl.
When she first came to live with us, we already had two adult cats.  Siblings.  A brother and sister.  Frances was the female and Paco was the male.  They became her "aunt" and "uncle."  Paco wanted little to do with her; but Frances was tolerant.  That she came in as a kitten was crucial, because I think they both would've rejected her if she was full grown.  Here's her Uncle Paco:

He was a character.  I'll write about him some other time.  And Auntie Frannie.  Sadly, we lost a lot of our cats fairly quickly several years ago.  Right now, the other cat in the house is Marissa.  Marissa is currently Lara's arch enemy.  Marissa came to us a couple of years ago.  We don't know from where.  One fine day she just trotted down the driveway.  My husband fed her and that was it.  She's never looked back.  

Marissa too, has a raft of nick-names: Ri-ri. Schizzy. Rizzy. Rizza. Rizza-Riz. Fuzz Butt. Misa-Misa. Kitty-Mao-Mao. Murderess (she's quite the huntress). Schooch. Schoochie. Schoochabella. Schizzabella. Princesth. Izabella...and/or any combination of said and counting.

I will be writing more about Lara and friends in upcoming blogs.