Christopher F Reidy
Christopher Reidy
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CFR BLOG PAGE

The thoughts & Musings of Christopher F. Reidy*

NOTE: Apparently this webpage has some glitches. It tends to randomly switch out visual material.  Why?  Don't ask me.  So, if a pic doesn't match the text...it doesn't!  Rest assured I am trying to amend this problem.  When I get around to it.

*(may contain misuse of apostrophes, miss spellings, overabundance of semi-colons,  wrong word usage, etc.
Please pardon our appearance while we create a new blog experience for you!)

​ALSO: 
Please find a complete index of blog posts on the homepage, for your convenience!

AND YET ANOTHER NOTE:
The visual switcheroos on these blogs have reached a point where there's no way I can correct them all, so I'm just going to leave them be.  If they don't match the text, just think of them as whimsical funsies decorating the text.  I will continue to supply pictures; but I cannot guarantee their context: much like my mind.
Thank you for your patience!

A FURTHER NOTE:
I try to keep this website relatively free of anything truly morally reprehensible or obscene.  However, in the pursuit of honesty; I will be quite frank about sexuality; as I feel one should be.  To  wit: this website is not for children.  It is decidedly "adult"; although not necessarily not "childish."  I do not feel it is suitable, in some instances, for anyone below the age of 17.  Or maybe a very mature 16...or 15 even.  
THIS WEBSITE IS RATED: PG-15

Product Information

Comedy Sketch #1: Lady Bubbles

2/23/2022

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Note: I do not work for a comedy sketch show; but I have ideas for comedy sketches all the time.  But I almost never write them down.  Sadly, a lot of (imho) great comedy sketches are now mere disintegrated neurons that have been flushed away (literally down the toilet).  I want to change that, thusly, this blog post.  The first of many, I hope.  I would film these comedy sketches myself and post them on my Youtube page, however, as they can get elaborate, I do not have the time, money or wherewithal to commit them to visual media.  So they will remain scripts.  Feel free to borrow them.  Let's face it, we know you vultures will, no matter what I say or do; so go to town!
Ah, Sketch Comedy!  Those short theatrical delights that light up our Saturday nights.  
I grew up in the 70's; and speaking of Saturday nights...I had The Carol Burnett Show and Saturday Night Live to look forward to.  Both of them from 1975 to 1977!  Totally different styles; but hey, funny is funny.  A laugh is a laugh.  Looking back at reruns as an adult, The Carol Burnett Show is a little too shrill and SNL tends to date really fast.  But they're both beloved; by moi anyways.  Speaking of dated: Laugh-In.  Even the title, which is a pun on "Love-In."  When was the last time you went to a "Love-In"? (Look it up whipper-snappers).  Laugh-In wasn't even really a sketch show.  It was more of a "bit" show.  Like, one-liners.  Sometimes, one worders.  It's so dated now that's it's pretty much unwatchable.  This kind of sums it up:
I mean, I loved it when I was at Lynnhurst Elementary; but you outgrow it.  You absolutely outgrow it.
Topical comedy withers on the vine pretty fast.  And Laugh-In probably suffers the worst.  I defy you to sit down and watch an entire episode. I love a lot of the people who came out of the show; but it's so insufferably Hip.  It's Hipper Than Thou. Unless you're high.  Maybe you have to be high to enjoy Laugh-In.  Now.  And Then!  And it ran for five years!  Laugh-In is where Lorne Michaels got his start.  Well, we've all got to start somewhere.

So, this inaugural sketch is going to be a spoof of the old Calgon Bubble Bath commercial.  Considered a classic, it's slogan has become part of the American lexicon: "Calgon, Take Me Away!"  but in case you missed it; here' one of the original spots:
Picture
Well, Russia just invaded the Ukraine.  Is a bubble bath commercial parody really what I should be doing right now?
Or is a bubble bath commercial parody exactly what I should be doing right now?  I don't know.  I can't fix the world; but maybe I can make someone laugh; and to me, that's important.  So here goes:

Lady Bubbles Bath Beads Spot #1

A WOMAN, 30ish, dressed in a classic business suit with her hair in a French Twist is standing in her living room.  We'll call her MS. AMERICAN.  She sits on the sofa, places her briefcase on the coffee table and the phone starts RINGING loudly.  It's a French style phone with the shrill ring of that country's telephonic devices.

MS. AMERICAN
The phone! (She gets up and answers it).  Hello?  No, I don't want an extended warranty.  Don't call here again!

A GREAT DANE trots into the room and goes straight to the briefcase and carries it off, scattering papers everywhere.  MS. AMERICAN slams the phone down. 

MS. AMERICAN
The dog!  (She chases after the dog as a LITTLE BOY wanders in and proceeds to pee in a potted palm.  MS. AMERICAN goes to the child and then looks into the camera)  The kids!  (The DOORBELL rings).  The doorbell!!!  She goes to the door and looks through the peep-hole.  ELLEN DEGENERES is on the other side.

MS. AMERICAN
(exasperated) Ellen!

The doorbell RINGS again.  

CUT TO:
The front porch.  VLADIMIR PUTIN keeps ringing the bell, then the knocker.  Ellen is sitting on the porch swing.

CUT TO: Living room
Ms. American peeps out window through the curtains.

MS. AMERICAN
Putin!

A MONTAGE of people at the door: RINGING, KNOCKING, peeking in the windows.  Ms. American calls out their names as she stumbles around the room, pulling at her hair and garments as the little boy CRIES and the dog BARKS and the phone RINGS:

​MS. AMERICAN
(SERIES OF SHOTS OF THE FOLLOWING):
The Proud Boys!  The Girl Scouts! The Jehovah's Witnesses!  That kid selling candy for a school fundraiser! Count Dracula! Count Blacula! Ted Bundy!  Joe Rogan! Godzilla! Rodan! Tucker (bleeping) Carlson!!!

Picture
Kim Kardashian!  Martin Short...I just can't deal with Martin Short's energy right now...
Queen Beatrix Former Queen of the Netherlands!!!  Logan Paul!  King Kong!!!

​(We see King Kong's eye at the window)
Picture
MS. AMERICAN
(Her rant continues):
Soupy Sales!  The cast of Grey's Anatomy!  AARON RODGERS! (We see Aaron Rodgers, smiling on the other side of the peep-hole)  Oh, wait...Aaron Rodgers...he's single again...(She fluffs her hair and throws open the door only to see Aaron and Kim Kardashian canoodling on the porch swing.  She slams the door shut and falls to her living room floor and begins pounding on it)  Why Aaron Rodgers, why?  Why! Why! Why!!!
Picture
The LITTLE BOY kneels down next to his mother, as does the dog.  The phone stops RINGING.

LITTLE BOY
Mommy, are you okay?

MS. AMERICAN
(Muttering, as we continue to cut to the following at the door) The Creature from the Black Lagoon...The Manson Family...Chuck Lorre...(she finally Peters out).

Ellen DeGeneres enters holding a box of LADY BUBBLES BUBBLING BATH BEADS.

LITTLE BOY
Who are you?

ELLEN
Beat it kid-

MS. AMERICAN
(Raises her head) Ellen...how did you get in here?

ELLEN
The bathroom window was open.

MS. AMERICAN
What do you want from me?

ELLEN
Looks like you could use a pick me up!

MS. AMERICAN
I'm having an off day...

ELLEN
Well, here's the answer to your problem: Lady Bubbles Bubbling Bath Beads, New and Improved with more Chloral Hydrate!  So, repeat after me: "Lady Bubbles, Take Me Away!"

MS. AMERICAN
(Mumbling) ...Lady Bubbles...take me...away...

​CUT TO:
An elaborate Grecian bathroom, with a sunken tub and a window with a view of the Eiffel Tower.  Ms. American is in the water, flowers in her hair, surrounded by drifts of bubbles.  She lazily strokes her legs and arms as we hear Ellen explain the product):
Picture
ELLEN
(VOICE OVER) Lady Bubbles infuses your bath with our proprietary blend of soothing sedatives.  As it softens the water, it softens your skin; facilitating the absorption of our patented blend of benzodiazepines and chlordiazepoxides, including Carfentanil, the very substance that's used to tranquilize elephants!

CUT TO:
The bathroom.  Ms. American is singing "My Old Kentucky Home"* in a slurred voice.  Ellen appears beside the tub with the dog on a leash.  She smiles and turns to the camera.

ELLEN
And of course, you get a whole range of scents with Lady Bubbles, including new Tahitian Titillation, Matthew McConaughey Essence and Gyllenhaalleluja!

The Little Boy wanders in and tugs at Ellen's jacket

LITTLE BOY
I want my mommy!

ELLEN
Mommy's busy! Now go away kid, you bother me!

The dog jumps into the tub.  Ms. American doesn't even seem to notice.

​ELLEN
(To Ms. American) Is there a husband in the picture?
Picture
CUT TO:
Close-up on product containers, surrounded by bubbles.  A butterfly lands on one of the boxes as a MALE ANNOUNCER reads slogan: "Lady Bubbles.  We'll take you so far away you won't want to come back!"

​MALE ANNOUNCER (EXTREMELY RAPIDLY): Lady Bubbles may cause dependency on Lady Bubbles.  It is advised not to bathe when using Lady Bubbles.  You should not eat for an hour before bathing in Lady Bubbles.  Ask your doctor if your epiglottis is healthy enough to bathe with Lady Bubbles.  Do not operate heavy equipment when using Lady Bubbles.  If there is no life-guard on duty, Lady Bubble at your own risk!

Kim and Aaron wander into the bathroom.  Kim in a robe.  Aaron, a towel around his waist.

KIM K.
Is this the after parrrrrrrrrrrtee?

*So, my husband inquired as to why I was researching "My Old Kentucky Home," and I explained that I wanted a sedated housewife to be singing something utterly absurd.  He informed me the song could be construed as rascist.  That was not my intent--I just wanted absurdity--so, might I regroup and suggest some inane pop song from the 70's?  How about this one:
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    AUTHOR
    Christopher Reidy is from the Boston area.  He attended Boston University where he studied TV and film which eventually led him to Los Angeles.  There he did the Hollywood thing (which he wasn’t particularly good at) and eventually met his partner Joseph.  He was one of the co-founders of the short lived Off Hollywood Theatre Company which staged several of his original plays.  83 In the Shade is his first novel.  He also dabbles in screenplays, toys with short stories, and flirts with poetry.  Life brought him to bucolic Southwest Virginia where he now resides and is very active in community theatre. It may interest you to know Chris is officially an Irish citizen as well as an American. He also enjoys drawing and painting and looking after a passel of 
    ​
    housecats and two turtles.

     

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