Gazing In A Mirror At My Navel

I recently wrote about "self-absorption" in a blog.  In it, I pondered whether or not looking at my own image, or simply putting it forth, was a sign of over self-involvement.  In a nutshell was it tacky of me to do that?  Was it wrong?  I mean, we're a pretty visual culture.  And vain.  We invented something called the "selfie-stick."  Am I some kind of vain, narcissistic poseur who can't get enough of their own reflection?  Let's examine this... 

The gentleman in the above photo is Koo-Koo Boy.
Koo-Koo boy is the alter ego of my friend, Scott Coblio.  He assumed this alter-ego as the front man of his band, also called Koo-Koo Boy.  They were based in Rochester, NY back in the 90's. You can find his music online.  Scott is one of the kindest, funniest, most generous, most artistic people I know.  His creativity knows no bounds.  And he loves photography.  And one of his favorite photographic subjects is himself.  He tells me he has thousands of pictures of himself from throughout his life.  He more or less photo-documented it, particularly during the Koo-Koo period.  Do I consider this an act of thoughtless vanity?  No. I think of him as an archaeologist/anthropologist of his own life. After all, artists have been fascinated by their own visages since the pencil and mirror were invented.  The artistic self-portrait is something that pretty much every artist comes around to producing, often more than once.  And I understand why.

The title of the above painting, by Paul Gaugin from 1897, is: Where Do We Come From? What Are We? Where Are We Going?
Some very good questions.  I wondered if Gaugin had done any self-portraits.  I couldn't think of any.  Sure enough:

Just one of many.
So, why do artists feel so compelled to self-portraitize themselves through whatever medium?  I think it's because artists are blessed/cursed with a larger helping of curiosity about the questions most of us want to avoid.  Gaugin couldn't have put it better: Where do we come from? What are we? Where are we going?  (That painting is in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts and I've had the pleasure of standing in front of it more than once).  Also, I think, artists kind of marvel at their own creativity.  Not necessarily with braggadoccio; but a kind of awe.  Like, why did God decide to give me these talents?  Where did I come from?  Why does my mind seem to work in a way that other people's don't?  For example.  I have never seen my dad so much as doodle on a scrap of paper.  I have no idea if he has any skill at drawing; for I've never seen him draw anything.  That's not to say he's not artistic in some way.  And he loves the Arts.  I wonder if I put a pencil and paper in front of him and asked him to draw himself what the result would be.  How would he respond to the request?  I might try it next time I see him.  My mother too.  She has a very artistic bent; but I've never seen her draw anything.  Here's an interesting "fact."  All children draw.  Like ALL.  Some continue on and some simply stop.  Why?  I'm thinking it's because they reach a point where some critic tells them they're no good, so, shamed; they stop.
Which brings us to me.  ME ME ME!
Anyhow...
This is not a self-portrait.  It's a picture taken of me when I was seventeen.  It was for a play I did in high school: Peter Shaffer's The Private Ear​.

Not the best picture.  To me, I seem unformed.  Still a boy, not yet a man.  Haven't grown into my looks yet.  My teeth look too big for my head.  In any event, this picture pops up on BING if you do a search for me.  One of the neat things about BING is that it pulls up dozens of photos that it thinks are similar to others.  So, you can look (now this may be a bit narcissistic) at what the algorithm or A.I. (or whatever) thinks matches your image.  It's fun.  You can get a totally objective opinion on who you think you look like; or people who people have told you you look like.  I used to get Tom Hanks a lot.  And sure enough, the computer had no less than five pictures of him in the lineup:

​In fact, I got several "celebrity" hits (see if you can name them):

Don't look at me...a computer picked them!  Also these "non-celebs."

I definitely skewed with Latino looks, for whatever reason.  I mean, I couldn't be more Irish.
​Have I done any self-portraits you ask?
Yes.  Exactly two.  The first, done some twenty years ago, is still unfinished.  And I wouldn't consider it a true self-portrait, as it was based on a photograph, taken by someone else.
My first true self-portrait was done quite recently.  I took a class at the Y for painting.  I did not know that it was going to be a class in "alla prima"; which is technique where you paint the image directly onto the canvass, without an underdrawing and the paint is "wet on wet."  I couldn't decide what I wanted to paint so I just threw up my hands and decided to paint myself.  Here is the result:

And with the optional sunglasses:

So, that's what I think I look like.
But then again not really.

​CFR  12/1/22
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