CUT TO:
INT. REVOLVING RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria and Jurgin enter the restaurant which is typically decorated for an office type Christmas party. The prevailing mood is quiet, as a Muzaky version of "Silent Night" drifts down from the speakers.
JURGIN
Is this a Christmas party or a wake? Where's the bar?
HONORIA
(Spotting Marlon, on the other side of the room, waving her over) Could you get me...
JURGIN
Something stiff? Coming right up!
He heads off to the bar as Honoria pushes through a clump of people.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria moves into the area where Marlon is holding court with numerous BUSINESS PEOPLE, all holding tight smiles. Nobody seems very festive; or appears to want to be there at all.
MARLON
Oh, here's our girl wunderkind now! Ri-ri Cummings, I'd like you to meet Don Weenow and Carol Ng.
Greetings are exchanged.
DON WEENOW
"Ri-ri"? That's an unusual name. I like it. It's fun!
HONORIA
Thanks. It's a nick-name. One I don't usually use at work. (She side-eyes Marlon).
MARLON
Well, we're not at work--technically.
CAROL
Don and I work in the Walla-Walla branch, which is probably why we haven't met. But I do know you've been the big push behind the Fujitsu collab.
HONORIA
Well, I was. But now--
MARLON
--You've got a plane to catch! (Looks at his watch). Can't keep the good folks at Jerry Jingle's waiting!
DON
Jerry Jingle's? Why do I know that name?
CAROL
Wasn't that a--
She's interrupted by Jurgin who's returned with Honoria's drink and a plate of Tannenbon-bons.
JURGIN
Hey everyone! Listen, do yourselves a favor and try one of these. I'm telling you, they are to die for!
Everyone sort of shrugs and takes one. Honoria takes a long slug off her cocktail.
HONORIA
(Aside, to Jurgin) I hate flying. Do you have any of those assistant's little helpers?
JURGIN
Little what?
HONORIA
Those candies you keep in your desk.
JURGIN
My Razzles? You know, first they're candy, then they're gum!
HONORIA
No. The other ones--
JURGIN
Sen-sen?
HONORIA
No, the other, other ones.
JURGIN
Les Anis de Flavigny? The ones from France?
HONORIA
No, the ones in the Sucrets tin.
JURGIN
Oh, my Valavaxium! You won't need it.
He points at Marlon, Carol and Don, who have bitten into the bon-bons. We again hear the sound of WIND IN THE TREES and SLEIGH BELLS. The heads of the three begin to sway back and forth.
CAROL
(Singing) ...Furby, you keep aaaammmmaaaazzzzing me...
DON
(In ELMO VOICE) ...that tickles...(GIGGLES like Elmo).
MARLON
Bop it! Shake it! Pull it! Twist it!!!
HONORIA
What the...?
Jurgin pops a bon-bon in her mouth. We hear a SOUND reminiscent of SPRINKLING FAIRY DUST, then:
DIZZOLVE to HONORIA'S DAY-DREAM: She imagines she's a toy fairy, flying over a winter wonderland. She's soon joined by a flutter of fairies as she SINGS: "...fly for me, just for me...Skydancers dance for me..."
SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP of the last Tannenbon-bon as someone grabs it. We hear pounding DANCE MUSIC. The party has gone from dirge to surge: a clearly off-the-chain Rager-in-progress. People crowd the dance floor. We hear the VOICE of the DJ.
DJ
All right party people, let's keep this mad-house going! Here's a request for a song I've never heard of but is somehow in my bin; but whatever. Let's get funky with "'Lil Ice Flo featuring Taylor Swift; with: The South Pole Shuffle!"
There are CHEERS and APPLAUSE. The beat drops as Marlon pulls Honoria onto the floor.
MARLON
I love this song!
HONORIA
I've never heard it before.
MARLON
Neither have I; but I LOVE it! Let's dance!
HONORIA
What about my flight?
MARLON
It's my plane. It can wait.
We hear the SONG LYRICS as the dancers form lines. It's kind of like The Cha-Cha Slide, but with Christmas references. And wait a second...did they coreograph this?
LIL ICE FLO & TAYLOR SWIFT
(V/O SINGING THROUGHOUT) All right y'all, we're gonna get icy! We're gonna get frosty! We're gonna get presents! We're gonna get egg-nog! Like nutmeg all spicy!
TAYLOR
Listen up y'all. Get down on that football! Gonna give me left foot-fall...gonna give me right foot-fall! Now PRANCE!
Gonna dance it like PRANCER; gonna prance it like DASHER; gonna dash it like DANCER!
LIL ICE FLO
Yo take my advice. Like Taylor make nice! Listen up to Miss Swift; now take your partner and LIFT!
At this point, Marlon lifts Honoria and spins her.
TAYLOR
Now be candy-cane sweet. Put your partner on their feet. Now you're gonna make your move-in; dip your partner, get groovin'!
Marlon slides toward Honoria and takes her in his arms and dips her. When he pulls her back up, they find themselves in the clutch.
HONORIA
I'm a little dizzy...
Marlon nods and escorts her off the floor as the song continues.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Marlon pushes through the crowd and escorts Honoria to a table. They sit and she grabs a bottle of water and takes a drink.
MARLON
(Points to windows) Hey, it's snowing! Are you okay? (She nods). That was wonderful. You're a really great dancer! And you have really beautiful eyes.
HONORIA
(Nervously) Oh, ah, thanks. So, I like your sweater. Pretty green. And what is that? Mohair?
MARLON
Yeah, it's a Costoso Maglione.
HONORIA
But how is it ugly? And or related to Christmas
MARLON
I'm the Grinch! I like that pin...
HONORIA
The nose lights up when you pull the little cord.
MARLON
May I?
HONORIA
Sure. Make a wish.
Marlon smiles and nods and grasps the jingle bell. Then, like a little kid, he closes his eyes and pulls. The CAMERA CLOSES on the pin as the nose lights up.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
HONORIA'S P.O.V.
A massive floor to ceiling window, which looks out on woodlands. A row of pine trees rise from a blanket of snow. The one in the middle is covered with Christmas lights. There is also a light up menorah on the ground in front of the tree.
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
Honoria sits up in a large Victorian canopy bed, complete with curtains, which are closed on one side. Suddenly, the curtains part, revealing a figure wearing ancient Japanese samurai armor. Honoria SCREAMS and the figure throws up its arms and stumbles backwards, falling into a gigantic gong. We hear an extremely loud GONG sound.
INT. REVOLVING RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria and Jurgin enter the restaurant which is typically decorated for an office type Christmas party. The prevailing mood is quiet, as a Muzaky version of "Silent Night" drifts down from the speakers.
JURGIN
Is this a Christmas party or a wake? Where's the bar?
HONORIA
(Spotting Marlon, on the other side of the room, waving her over) Could you get me...
JURGIN
Something stiff? Coming right up!
He heads off to the bar as Honoria pushes through a clump of people.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -DAY
Honoria moves into the area where Marlon is holding court with numerous BUSINESS PEOPLE, all holding tight smiles. Nobody seems very festive; or appears to want to be there at all.
MARLON
Oh, here's our girl wunderkind now! Ri-ri Cummings, I'd like you to meet Don Weenow and Carol Ng.
Greetings are exchanged.
DON WEENOW
"Ri-ri"? That's an unusual name. I like it. It's fun!
HONORIA
Thanks. It's a nick-name. One I don't usually use at work. (She side-eyes Marlon).
MARLON
Well, we're not at work--technically.
CAROL
Don and I work in the Walla-Walla branch, which is probably why we haven't met. But I do know you've been the big push behind the Fujitsu collab.
HONORIA
Well, I was. But now--
MARLON
--You've got a plane to catch! (Looks at his watch). Can't keep the good folks at Jerry Jingle's waiting!
DON
Jerry Jingle's? Why do I know that name?
CAROL
Wasn't that a--
She's interrupted by Jurgin who's returned with Honoria's drink and a plate of Tannenbon-bons.
JURGIN
Hey everyone! Listen, do yourselves a favor and try one of these. I'm telling you, they are to die for!
Everyone sort of shrugs and takes one. Honoria takes a long slug off her cocktail.
HONORIA
(Aside, to Jurgin) I hate flying. Do you have any of those assistant's little helpers?
JURGIN
Little what?
HONORIA
Those candies you keep in your desk.
JURGIN
My Razzles? You know, first they're candy, then they're gum!
HONORIA
No. The other ones--
JURGIN
Sen-sen?
HONORIA
No, the other, other ones.
JURGIN
Les Anis de Flavigny? The ones from France?
HONORIA
No, the ones in the Sucrets tin.
JURGIN
Oh, my Valavaxium! You won't need it.
He points at Marlon, Carol and Don, who have bitten into the bon-bons. We again hear the sound of WIND IN THE TREES and SLEIGH BELLS. The heads of the three begin to sway back and forth.
CAROL
(Singing) ...Furby, you keep aaaammmmaaaazzzzing me...
DON
(In ELMO VOICE) ...that tickles...(GIGGLES like Elmo).
MARLON
Bop it! Shake it! Pull it! Twist it!!!
HONORIA
What the...?
Jurgin pops a bon-bon in her mouth. We hear a SOUND reminiscent of SPRINKLING FAIRY DUST, then:
DIZZOLVE to HONORIA'S DAY-DREAM: She imagines she's a toy fairy, flying over a winter wonderland. She's soon joined by a flutter of fairies as she SINGS: "...fly for me, just for me...Skydancers dance for me..."
SMASH CUT TO:
CLOSE-UP of the last Tannenbon-bon as someone grabs it. We hear pounding DANCE MUSIC. The party has gone from dirge to surge: a clearly off-the-chain Rager-in-progress. People crowd the dance floor. We hear the VOICE of the DJ.
DJ
All right party people, let's keep this mad-house going! Here's a request for a song I've never heard of but is somehow in my bin; but whatever. Let's get funky with "'Lil Ice Flo featuring Taylor Swift; with: The South Pole Shuffle!"
There are CHEERS and APPLAUSE. The beat drops as Marlon pulls Honoria onto the floor.
MARLON
I love this song!
HONORIA
I've never heard it before.
MARLON
Neither have I; but I LOVE it! Let's dance!
HONORIA
What about my flight?
MARLON
It's my plane. It can wait.
We hear the SONG LYRICS as the dancers form lines. It's kind of like The Cha-Cha Slide, but with Christmas references. And wait a second...did they coreograph this?
LIL ICE FLO & TAYLOR SWIFT
(V/O SINGING THROUGHOUT) All right y'all, we're gonna get icy! We're gonna get frosty! We're gonna get presents! We're gonna get egg-nog! Like nutmeg all spicy!
TAYLOR
Listen up y'all. Get down on that football! Gonna give me left foot-fall...gonna give me right foot-fall! Now PRANCE!
Gonna dance it like PRANCER; gonna prance it like DASHER; gonna dash it like DANCER!
LIL ICE FLO
Yo take my advice. Like Taylor make nice! Listen up to Miss Swift; now take your partner and LIFT!
At this point, Marlon lifts Honoria and spins her.
TAYLOR
Now be candy-cane sweet. Put your partner on their feet. Now you're gonna make your move-in; dip your partner, get groovin'!
Marlon slides toward Honoria and takes her in his arms and dips her. When he pulls her back up, they find themselves in the clutch.
HONORIA
I'm a little dizzy...
Marlon nods and escorts her off the floor as the song continues.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Marlon pushes through the crowd and escorts Honoria to a table. They sit and she grabs a bottle of water and takes a drink.
MARLON
(Points to windows) Hey, it's snowing! Are you okay? (She nods). That was wonderful. You're a really great dancer! And you have really beautiful eyes.
HONORIA
(Nervously) Oh, ah, thanks. So, I like your sweater. Pretty green. And what is that? Mohair?
MARLON
Yeah, it's a Costoso Maglione.
HONORIA
But how is it ugly? And or related to Christmas
MARLON
I'm the Grinch! I like that pin...
HONORIA
The nose lights up when you pull the little cord.
MARLON
May I?
HONORIA
Sure. Make a wish.
Marlon smiles and nods and grasps the jingle bell. Then, like a little kid, he closes his eyes and pulls. The CAMERA CLOSES on the pin as the nose lights up.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
HONORIA'S P.O.V.
A massive floor to ceiling window, which looks out on woodlands. A row of pine trees rise from a blanket of snow. The one in the middle is covered with Christmas lights. There is also a light up menorah on the ground in front of the tree.
INT. BEDROOM -DAWN
Honoria sits up in a large Victorian canopy bed, complete with curtains, which are closed on one side. Suddenly, the curtains part, revealing a figure wearing ancient Japanese samurai armor. Honoria SCREAMS and the figure throws up its arms and stumbles backwards, falling into a gigantic gong. We hear an extremely loud GONG sound.
The figure falls to the floor and GROANS. Honoria peers through the curtains.
HONORIA
Hello?
The figure GROANS again and Honoria, clutching a bed-sheet to her person, gets out of the bed and goes to investigate.
HONORIA
I'm really sorry. You scared the heck out of me!
She crouches by the figure and removes its helmet, revealing a dazed and confused Marlon. She cradles his head.
HONORIA
Marlon. What's going on? Where are we?
MARLON
You're in my bedroom--
HONORIA
WHAT!?!
She drops his head and he falls back and hits his head on the gong again, which we hear, LOUDLY.
HONORIA
Hello?
The figure GROANS again and Honoria, clutching a bed-sheet to her person, gets out of the bed and goes to investigate.
HONORIA
I'm really sorry. You scared the heck out of me!
She crouches by the figure and removes its helmet, revealing a dazed and confused Marlon. She cradles his head.
HONORIA
Marlon. What's going on? Where are we?
MARLON
You're in my bedroom--
HONORIA
WHAT!?!
She drops his head and he falls back and hits his head on the gong again, which we hear, LOUDLY.
MARLON
(Flatly) Owww.
HONORIA
What do you mean? Why am I here? Why are you wearing that?
MARLON
I wanted to surprise you. It reminded me of your sweater.
HONORIA
And exaxtly where is my sweater?
MARLON
I think it's in the entrance hall.
HONORIA
Why? Why is my sweater there and not on me?
Marlon shakes it off, stands and starts removing his armor.
MARLON
I'm not really sure. Could you help me with this?
Honoria secures her sheet dress and starts helping him out of the armor.
HONORIA
What do you mean you're "not really sure"?
MARLON
The last thing I remember was being at the party and it started snowing and then you said "make a wish"; and now we're here. What do you remember?
HONORIA
I remember dreaming I was this toy I had when I was a little girl. I remember dancing with you. That's about it. Did anything happen last night?
MARLON
You mean, between us...here?
Honoria nods and goes to the window.
MARLON
I don't remember; and believe me, I don't think it's something I'd forget. But I don't think so.
HONORIA
Wait a second. I remember last night you said something about decorating a tree. Not that one?
She points to the tree outside. Marlon goes to the window and looks.
MARLON
You know...I think it was that one!
HONORIA
But how could you have. It's the break of day. How would you have had enough time? (He shakes his head and CHUCKLES). And why the menorah?
MARLON
I guess I wanted to cover my bases. Or your bases.
A grandfather clock CHIMES six.
HONORIA
What about my plane? Vermont? The restaurant?
MARLON
Change of plans. You're back on the Fujitsu project. Ted can't do it.
HONORIA
Why?
MARLON
He fell down an elevator shaft.
HONORIA
What? Is he--?
MARLON
Oh, he's alive; but in a full body cast. It seems the party got a little out of hand. I got a text from Jurgin. Apparently, there was an elevator surfing contest, and Ted lost. And now I need you, to be Ted. Literally.
HONORIA
What are you talking about?
MARLON
I need you to cut your hair, put on a three piece suit and take testosterone.
HONORIA
You're kidding, right?
MARLON
Nope. Fukuyama will only do business with a man, which is why I put Ted on it to begin with. You can go to Vermont when you close the deal. However long it takes. And the Japanese seem to like to drag these things out as long as possible. It's like they're planning a wedding. (Points to armor on the floor) That was a present.
Honoria continues to look out the window. She nods, then turns to Marlon who is now sprawled on the bed.
HONORIA
And just so you know. I do not do one night stands.
MARLON
That's good, because (He points at nightstands) I have two night stands!
She shakes her head.
HONORIA
And I am not cutting my hair.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. TEA HOUSE OF THE CHERRY MOON RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Honoria, with short hair, dressed in a men's business suit, sits cross-legged on a pillow on the tatami mat of a Japanese restaurant. She is holding out a square wooden sake vessel, known as a masu. A GEISHA SERVER is pouring sake into a glass, inside the box. It spills over as several JAPANESE BUSINESSMEN look on, including the CEO of Fujitsu Corp. MR. FUKUJAMA, 50's. Honoria puts the sake to her lips and tilts her head back as the men chant.
JAPANESE BUSINESS MEN
Mr. Ted! Mr. Ted! Mr. Ted!
Once she's finished with the shot, she slams the masu down on the table, where numerous empty sake glasses already sit. The geisha begins to pour more sake and Honoria puts her hands up in defeat. She can take no more.
MR. FUKUYAMA
Mr. Ted: you have proven your business mettle! We have now clinched the deal!
He bows to her and then extends a hand to shake. Honoria also bows and then takes his hand. As they shake, the other men LAUGH and CLAP and chatter in Japanese.
MR. FUKUYAMA
And now! (There is immediate silence). It is time to put business aside and as you say in America: "Cock out with your rocks out!" So put up your dukes, Mr. Ted because you're about to be thrown under the cable-car!"
The camera CLOSES on Honoria as she gulps and watches as a geisha removes a Twister box from a cabinet and GIGGLES.
(Flatly) Owww.
HONORIA
What do you mean? Why am I here? Why are you wearing that?
MARLON
I wanted to surprise you. It reminded me of your sweater.
HONORIA
And exaxtly where is my sweater?
MARLON
I think it's in the entrance hall.
HONORIA
Why? Why is my sweater there and not on me?
Marlon shakes it off, stands and starts removing his armor.
MARLON
I'm not really sure. Could you help me with this?
Honoria secures her sheet dress and starts helping him out of the armor.
HONORIA
What do you mean you're "not really sure"?
MARLON
The last thing I remember was being at the party and it started snowing and then you said "make a wish"; and now we're here. What do you remember?
HONORIA
I remember dreaming I was this toy I had when I was a little girl. I remember dancing with you. That's about it. Did anything happen last night?
MARLON
You mean, between us...here?
Honoria nods and goes to the window.
MARLON
I don't remember; and believe me, I don't think it's something I'd forget. But I don't think so.
HONORIA
Wait a second. I remember last night you said something about decorating a tree. Not that one?
She points to the tree outside. Marlon goes to the window and looks.
MARLON
You know...I think it was that one!
HONORIA
But how could you have. It's the break of day. How would you have had enough time? (He shakes his head and CHUCKLES). And why the menorah?
MARLON
I guess I wanted to cover my bases. Or your bases.
A grandfather clock CHIMES six.
HONORIA
What about my plane? Vermont? The restaurant?
MARLON
Change of plans. You're back on the Fujitsu project. Ted can't do it.
HONORIA
Why?
MARLON
He fell down an elevator shaft.
HONORIA
What? Is he--?
MARLON
Oh, he's alive; but in a full body cast. It seems the party got a little out of hand. I got a text from Jurgin. Apparently, there was an elevator surfing contest, and Ted lost. And now I need you, to be Ted. Literally.
HONORIA
What are you talking about?
MARLON
I need you to cut your hair, put on a three piece suit and take testosterone.
HONORIA
You're kidding, right?
MARLON
Nope. Fukuyama will only do business with a man, which is why I put Ted on it to begin with. You can go to Vermont when you close the deal. However long it takes. And the Japanese seem to like to drag these things out as long as possible. It's like they're planning a wedding. (Points to armor on the floor) That was a present.
Honoria continues to look out the window. She nods, then turns to Marlon who is now sprawled on the bed.
HONORIA
And just so you know. I do not do one night stands.
MARLON
That's good, because (He points at nightstands) I have two night stands!
She shakes her head.
HONORIA
And I am not cutting my hair.
SMASH CUT TO:
INT. TEA HOUSE OF THE CHERRY MOON RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Honoria, with short hair, dressed in a men's business suit, sits cross-legged on a pillow on the tatami mat of a Japanese restaurant. She is holding out a square wooden sake vessel, known as a masu. A GEISHA SERVER is pouring sake into a glass, inside the box. It spills over as several JAPANESE BUSINESSMEN look on, including the CEO of Fujitsu Corp. MR. FUKUJAMA, 50's. Honoria puts the sake to her lips and tilts her head back as the men chant.
JAPANESE BUSINESS MEN
Mr. Ted! Mr. Ted! Mr. Ted!
Once she's finished with the shot, she slams the masu down on the table, where numerous empty sake glasses already sit. The geisha begins to pour more sake and Honoria puts her hands up in defeat. She can take no more.
MR. FUKUYAMA
Mr. Ted: you have proven your business mettle! We have now clinched the deal!
He bows to her and then extends a hand to shake. Honoria also bows and then takes his hand. As they shake, the other men LAUGH and CLAP and chatter in Japanese.
MR. FUKUYAMA
And now! (There is immediate silence). It is time to put business aside and as you say in America: "Cock out with your rocks out!" So put up your dukes, Mr. Ted because you're about to be thrown under the cable-car!"
The camera CLOSES on Honoria as she gulps and watches as a geisha removes a Twister box from a cabinet and GIGGLES.
CUT TO:
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Several moments later. Honoria's POV through several dark socked men's feet as she sees an upside down geisha spin the pin on the Twister board.
GEISHA
Right foot red!
There is much drunken LAUGHTER as attempts to do this are made. Mr. Fukuyama places one of his hands on top of Honoria's.
MR. FUKUYAMA
(To BUSINESS MAN #1 - In Japanese) Mr. Ted's hands are so soft!
BUSINESS MAN #1
(In Japanese) He's American, what do you expect?
The CAMERA ZOOMS on Honoria's reaction as someone FARTS and there is more LAUGHTER.
INT. RESTAURANT -NIGHT
Several moments later. Honoria's POV through several dark socked men's feet as she sees an upside down geisha spin the pin on the Twister board.
GEISHA
Right foot red!
There is much drunken LAUGHTER as attempts to do this are made. Mr. Fukuyama places one of his hands on top of Honoria's.
MR. FUKUYAMA
(To BUSINESS MAN #1 - In Japanese) Mr. Ted's hands are so soft!
BUSINESS MAN #1
(In Japanese) He's American, what do you expect?
The CAMERA ZOOMS on Honoria's reaction as someone FARTS and there is more LAUGHTER.
Please see: Hallmark Christmas Movie: Part 4 for continuation.
CFR 2/6/24
CFR 2/6/24
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