It's Official! I'm Butch!

I wonder what wonderfully masculine thing I did to get on the list for this mailer:

Was it the tool I recently ordered from Amazon?  I mean, it's to open a watch; but it's still a tool!

So, I have recently become very interested in professional football...not the game so much; but the players.  In fact, I've put together a FANTASY football team that I don't necessarily want to punt the pigskin around.  Although "punt," "pig," and "skin" are all rather loaded, n'est ce-pas?  I remember back in the day, getting childhood tingles when commercials like this came on TV:

So, from "Csonk" to "Gronk" here's my football Fantasy line-up...
Oh, the team is called The Reidy Rangers.*  And you must have proof of vax to play; or not play; because a lot of this stays in the locker room.

Aaron natch.  But he has to do a Nick Cage voice at all times.

I don't know if Adam Kinzinger has ever played actual football; but he knows how to handle a political football and that's good enough for me.  But I mean, really, could he look more like a football player?  He's a team player baby: Team Democracy!

Gronk, of course. Except he's not a baller...he's a the captain of the All-American-All Male Reidy Rangers cheerleaders.
The photo of Gronk is from ESPN magazine's "Body" issue, which features athlete's in the buff; which is great, but I think a little disingenuous.  I mean, they take great pains to disguise any of the things that, let's face it, people actually want to see: junk, tackle, gazongas, nips, bush, ding-dings, hoo-hoos, wa-was, ball-bags etc.  You can only disguise these things in so many ways, so a lot of the poses in the pictures are extremely similar, which renders the whole endeavor rather homogenous, so to speak.  I mean, I get the feeling that Gronk would happily show you little Gronk, so let him!  FREE THE DING-DING!

Like in the above picture of Julian Edelman.  I mean shouldn't we be seeing a little BOBB (back of ball bag)?  I get the feeling this dude would totally let you see Julian Jr.  And more power to him!  FREE THE WANG!
​'Memba this?

Yes Jake, you can be on the team.  And be one of the cheerleaders too...
Jake was supposed to play Joe Namath in a movie.  I guess it didn't happen.  Maybe Jake could recreate just the pantyhose commercial and post it on Funny or Die.  I think we'd all enjoy that Jake!

Mr. Taylor Rapp, makes the cut!

Nip slips, moose knuckles and some super outre fashion picks...We have our captain!!!

Tiki Barber.  And he's from Roanoke.  And he has an identical twin brother.  Does his brother play football?  He does in my fantasy!

And since this is my fantasy, the players can be from any sport or era or time.  Even if they've passed over to the big grid-iron in the sky, they can play!

​Time for a Gregory Harrison break!  Talk about childhood tingly feelings!  The best part of Trapper John M.D. was the opening credits and that shot of Greg in the shower:

Greg was Magic Mike when Magic Mike was literally still in diapers!

Yes, I think we have another captain!  Taylor and Greg can get together and bang heads and come up with some great plays...on the field too!

Pernell Roberts can be one of the several coaches:

As Mike Ditka once famously said: "...when it comes to football, the hairier the better!"  Or was that Dick Butkus?

We're gonna need some gingers for luck...how 'bout:

How about a hairy ginger?  Works for me!  Mr. Ryan Fitzpatrick...Ryan's the one with the hat...

Okay, I just pulled Mr. Fitzpatrick up at random...but the more I look into this, the more the NFL is pulling me into some kind of, quite frankly, super-gay-rabbit-hole.  Here's another hairy hottie, Mr. Travis Kelce.  Have you ever noticed guys named "Travis" are almost always off the charts HOT?  And what's up with the Sex and the City fashion choices?  Is the NFL playing for the other team now?

Mr. Kelce has a brother who is also a baller, so to speak.  Now, there are certain kinds of "cross a line" fantasies we don't "talk about." But who would I be to judge? The brothers Kelce can indulge in shower room shenanigans and horseplay to their heart's content in my locker room!  Here are the brothers Kelce in action:

And after all those shenanigans, what better way to relax, than a day at the spa?

But back to Mr. Fitzpatrick...
Actually, I'm getting more and more intrigued as I proceed into the nooks and crannies of this bold new NFL.  Does "NFL" stand for "Newly Flamboyant Lads"?  I mean, check out this ensemble on Mr. Fitzpatrick:

I mean, this get-up could be something you might've seen at the Crisco Disco circa 1979!

Okay...now that I've opened up this new can of...Crisco...I think I can milk a whole other blog out of it.  Wait, that doesn't sound right.  Or does it!!??

Please visit my next blog: "Butch Too: Football Fantasy Pt. 2" (or something like that).

​*or perhaps the Reidy Wrasslers or Wranglers or Roughhousers...

CFR  10/21/22