The Met Gala. It was originally started to help fund the museum's costume collection (that is, if my recollection is correct; and that museum being the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC). I'm sure it has raised a lot of money by now. Supporting the Arts and costuming is a great thing. But now, it's been co-opted and turned into a celebrity side-show. Do we really need more exposure of fashion and celebrity? Does the Met's Costume Institute really need more money? Cripes, it must have an endowment nearly as big as Harvard's by this point.
And by the way, how many birds died to feather that dress in the above photo? Fur is out but feathers are okay? The hypocrisy of it all. And also, whoever that is looks like a sofa at the Playboy mansion.
So this is being breathlessly covered by E! entertainment. Meanwhile, over on PBS, I'm watching: Extinction: The Facts, with David Attenborough:
And by the way, how many birds died to feather that dress in the above photo? Fur is out but feathers are okay? The hypocrisy of it all. And also, whoever that is looks like a sofa at the Playboy mansion.
So this is being breathlessly covered by E! entertainment. Meanwhile, over on PBS, I'm watching: Extinction: The Facts, with David Attenborough:
I'm still reeling. You can watch it in its entirety on the web, with ease. But it ain't easy. I forced myself to watch it because we need to face our fears. And trust me, it's scary. The rape of the oceans is what particularly bothers me. Plants always seem to bounce back. But fish, no, not so much. You catch all the fish and eat them...well, that's it. No more fish. And just today there was a story about the slaughter of some 1400 dolphins in the Faroe Islands, wherever the fuck they are. And they try to justify it as a cultural activity. Bull shit.
Here's the thing. We destroy the ecosystem and we'll destroy ourselves. We're always talking about destroying the planet. The planet isn't going anywhere. The only things that are going anywhere are Mankind and the destination is oblivion. The planet will heal. Whatever creatures that are left, that we haven't managed to drive to distinction (I meant to say extinction. We've certainly driven them to distraction), will gain prominence. They will evolve. They will proliferate quite nicely without us. Maybe the common skunk will grow scales and feathers and morph into Skunkasaurous-Rex. Who knows. We won't be there to see it. Unless, we take steps now to solve the problem.
Here's the thing. We destroy the ecosystem and we'll destroy ourselves. We're always talking about destroying the planet. The planet isn't going anywhere. The only things that are going anywhere are Mankind and the destination is oblivion. The planet will heal. Whatever creatures that are left, that we haven't managed to drive to distinction (I meant to say extinction. We've certainly driven them to distraction), will gain prominence. They will evolve. They will proliferate quite nicely without us. Maybe the common skunk will grow scales and feathers and morph into Skunkasaurous-Rex. Who knows. We won't be there to see it. Unless, we take steps now to solve the problem.
Actually, there already was a skunk-like dinosaur:
Who's to say there won't be again. But that's neither here nor there.
As I was saying; we need to take steps now. As in TODAY. Because we've been dragging our collective feet for fifty years. Yeah, we knew environmental disaster was probably the end-game of our way of life. We even produced propaganda to address the problem. I remember watching this really 70's educational film in grade school called Meecology. It was about how kids across the spectrum could help protect the environment. It was produced by adults. It was a great message. It was one I wanted to follow. So too are Earth Day and the numerous "Earth Summits." But was it all just blowing smoke? It seems like there was a lot of lip service being paid to preserving the world for children: The Future Generations. But little to nothing was ever actually done. Anywhere. By anyone in power. In fact, we quadrupled down on what we knew was the unfeasible choice. The patently wrong choice.
So what are people in power doing nowadays? They're strutting down red carpets for $30,000.00 meals in clothing and jewelry that cost nearly as much and posing for publicity pics on the steps of a museum that is in no way financially strapped. And why was Ms. Ocasio-Cortez at the Met Gala? I don't care what her dress said; by being there, she is playing into the elitist, 1% ethos she's supposedly always railing against. Read the room Alexandria.
As I was saying; we need to take steps now. As in TODAY. Because we've been dragging our collective feet for fifty years. Yeah, we knew environmental disaster was probably the end-game of our way of life. We even produced propaganda to address the problem. I remember watching this really 70's educational film in grade school called Meecology. It was about how kids across the spectrum could help protect the environment. It was produced by adults. It was a great message. It was one I wanted to follow. So too are Earth Day and the numerous "Earth Summits." But was it all just blowing smoke? It seems like there was a lot of lip service being paid to preserving the world for children: The Future Generations. But little to nothing was ever actually done. Anywhere. By anyone in power. In fact, we quadrupled down on what we knew was the unfeasible choice. The patently wrong choice.
So what are people in power doing nowadays? They're strutting down red carpets for $30,000.00 meals in clothing and jewelry that cost nearly as much and posing for publicity pics on the steps of a museum that is in no way financially strapped. And why was Ms. Ocasio-Cortez at the Met Gala? I don't care what her dress said; by being there, she is playing into the elitist, 1% ethos she's supposedly always railing against. Read the room Alexandria.
So, I think these celebs and politicians should put their money where their mouths are. And their costumes where their galas are (as in, an actual costume party). Let the Met go on its merry way. It has enough dough. And by the way, does this Costume Institute actually do anything other than display costumes? Do they have classes? Do the give scholarships to aspiring design students. Do they do anything other than give this conspicuously consumptive gala once a year?
I always try to be constructive. Here's my idea for an event that will make everybody happy. How about a Fundraiser for Nature? We could start with the fishing industry, who seem to do whatever the hell they want with impunity and are some of the worst grim reapers of the natural world. How about The Responsible and Sustainable Fish Industry Awards or, "The Fishies." Our guests can come dressed as their favorite aquatic creature. Why, here's Paris Hilton!!! "Paris who are you wearing?" Paris: "Spotted Salmon, by God."
I always try to be constructive. Here's my idea for an event that will make everybody happy. How about a Fundraiser for Nature? We could start with the fishing industry, who seem to do whatever the hell they want with impunity and are some of the worst grim reapers of the natural world. How about The Responsible and Sustainable Fish Industry Awards or, "The Fishies." Our guests can come dressed as their favorite aquatic creature. Why, here's Paris Hilton!!! "Paris who are you wearing?" Paris: "Spotted Salmon, by God."
Or how about turning lemons into lemonade with: Chernobyl-Jam!
This is an international music festival that will attract the biggest names in Rock and Pop. It will bring awareness to alternative energy sources, help end the new Cold War; and show that the Earth is capable of making a comeback in the most dire of circumstances. Underwritten by the Nuclear Energy Institute and Rosatom, all proceeds from Chernobyl-Jam! will go to the development of solar and wind. Hosted by Cher, of course; a lady who knows a little something about making comebacks, rejuvenation and sustainability.
The Amazon by Amazon
Jeff Bezos, instead of using portions of his 200 BILLION dollar fortune on rockets and yachts, could buy up parcels of the Amazon rainforest and preserve them. Just let them be rainforests. Shit, he could probably buy most of Brazil. His employees would be involved in the upkeep and protection of the parks. American tourists would flock there due to the comforting aegis of Jeff's corporation. ECOTOURISM + JEFF BEZOS = PARADISE. He could even call it BEZOTOURISM. I mean, Jeff, nobody is going to go to a Space Hotel in a vacuum. Van Allen Belt, anyone? Or, wait, have you donated money to trees? DONATE MORE.
The Amazon by Amazon
Jeff Bezos, instead of using portions of his 200 BILLION dollar fortune on rockets and yachts, could buy up parcels of the Amazon rainforest and preserve them. Just let them be rainforests. Shit, he could probably buy most of Brazil. His employees would be involved in the upkeep and protection of the parks. American tourists would flock there due to the comforting aegis of Jeff's corporation. ECOTOURISM + JEFF BEZOS = PARADISE. He could even call it BEZOTOURISM. I mean, Jeff, nobody is going to go to a Space Hotel in a vacuum. Van Allen Belt, anyone? Or, wait, have you donated money to trees? DONATE MORE.
Paris Fashion and Insect Week:
The biggest designers, the hottest celebs from across the world, the chicest insects from around the globe! A fete beneath the Eiffel Tower! Not unlike the Fishy Awards; the emphasis here is on bringing awareness to the baseline importance of the insect kingdom. And the dangers of invasive species. Oh look, it's Marion Cotillard! Marion, "Qui portez-vous?" "Le Cicada pour Chanel!" Hosted by Jeff "The Fly" Goldblum.
The biggest designers, the hottest celebs from across the world, the chicest insects from around the globe! A fete beneath the Eiffel Tower! Not unlike the Fishy Awards; the emphasis here is on bringing awareness to the baseline importance of the insect kingdom. And the dangers of invasive species. Oh look, it's Marion Cotillard! Marion, "Qui portez-vous?" "Le Cicada pour Chanel!" Hosted by Jeff "The Fly" Goldblum.
Of course, all the rich and famous attendees at these events will try to outdo one another, with more and more elaborate costuming, etc. But that is a good thing! The world will be watching and being made aware of these problems. And who says these events need to be for famous rich people? Anyone can do it! Places that don't get much attention can get in on the action. Places like Topeka, Kansas.
Topeka could host a Wizard of Oz Insect Awareness Soiree starring The Woggle-Bug, one of the more obscure characters from the books. In fact, that could be the theme. Come dressed as the lesser-known characters from Oz! Look, there's Jake Gyllenhaal! Jake: "Who are you?" JG: "I'm Jake!" "No, what character are you?" JG: "Oh! Right! Uhhh, I'm the Woggle-Bug!"
The International Soil Conservation Awards and Gala
Held beneath the stunning Gateway Arch in St. Louis, this event has immediate curbside appeal. Known as "The Dirties"; the award is given to massive corporations and small farmers alike and brings together all strata of society. Hosted by Anna Wintour, upcycling this Lagerfeld that echoes the famous monument (her signature hair-do already does):
Held beneath the stunning Gateway Arch in St. Louis, this event has immediate curbside appeal. Known as "The Dirties"; the award is given to massive corporations and small farmers alike and brings together all strata of society. Hosted by Anna Wintour, upcycling this Lagerfeld that echoes the famous monument (her signature hair-do already does):
Look! It's the Olsen Twins. "Hey, Mary-Kate and Ashley, who are you wearing?" Olsen Twins: "Arch, by Reynold's Wrap."
Anna could also take the opportunity, as Mistress of Ceremonies, to finally stop waffling about fur and denounce its use in fashion. She could (and should) take a stand and ban any and all fur products from the pages of Vogue. Fake fur is probably just as bad, as I would imagine it creates a lot of pollution to make it. It's a trade-off. I mean, has Anna ever seen video of what those fur bearing animals go through? If she has, and still wears real fur, maybe she should host the Oz event as the Wicked Witch of the East.
After she shocks the fashion world with this bold new Anti-Fur stance, she shocks the rest of the world by being a good sport and agreeing to mud wrestle Diane von Furstenburg. Bets placed on the event will then be donated to the Soil Council of America. This sets a trend for Celebrity Mud Wrestling fundraisers across the globe. Win or lose, it's Win-Win!
Vaticanarama!
Sagittarian Pope Francis has an epiphany and reverses the Vatican's stance on birth control. Not only that, he launches a line of officially sanctioned birth control devices. The launch party is held in none other than the Sistine Chapel. In a tie-in with Kellogg's, the tickets to the event will be secreted in cereal boxes, thus, helping to remove the awkwardness inherent in discussing birth-control with children.
Sagittarian Pope Francis has an epiphany and reverses the Vatican's stance on birth control. Not only that, he launches a line of officially sanctioned birth control devices. The launch party is held in none other than the Sistine Chapel. In a tie-in with Kellogg's, the tickets to the event will be secreted in cereal boxes, thus, helping to remove the awkwardness inherent in discussing birth-control with children.
Of course, I jest with the above scenarios. I have to. But I'm serious about a frivolous undertaking like the Met Gala, which has become something else. It wasn't meant to be an orgy of wealth and celebrity. But that orgy of wealth and celebrity clearly calls attention to things. If we can call attention to things that truly matter (not that fashion doesn't; but it's a vanity); things like loss of biodiversity, then maybe we really could make some kind of difference with what's happening. If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach him how to fish, you feed him for life. If you teach him how to fish sustainably, you feed him forever...right?
For something you can do in the real world, here's an article about ecologist Douglas Tallamy and his "you can do this at home" ideas about helping the environment:
For something you can do in the real world, here's an article about ecologist Douglas Tallamy and his "you can do this at home" ideas about helping the environment:
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