Christopher F Reidy
Christopher Reidy
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The thoughts & Musings of Christopher F. Reidy*

NOTE: Apparently this webpage has some glitches. It tends to randomly switch out visual material.  Why?  Don't ask me.  So, if a pic doesn't match the text...it doesn't!  Rest assured I am trying to amend this problem.  When I get around to it.

*(may contain misuse of apostrophes, miss spellings, overabundance of semi-colons,  wrong word usage, etc.
Please pardon our appearance while we create a new blog experience for you!)

​ALSO: 
Please find a complete index of blog posts on the homepage, for your convenience!

AND YET ANOTHER NOTE:
The visual switcheroos on these blogs have reached a point where there's no way I can correct them all, so I'm just going to leave them be.  If they don't match the text, just think of them as whimsical funsies decorating the text.  I will continue to supply pictures; but I cannot guarantee their context: much like my mind.
Thank you for your patience!

A FURTHER NOTE:
I try to keep this website relatively free of anything truly morally reprehensible or obscene.  However, in the pursuit of honesty; I will be quite frank about sexuality; as I feel one should be.  To  wit: this website is not for children.  It is decidedly "adult"; although not necessarily not "childish."  I do not feel it is suitable, in some instances, for anyone below the age of 17.  Or maybe a very mature 16...or 15 even.  
THIS WEBSITE IS RATED: PG-15

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Nicole Kidman Goes To the Movies: A Spoof.

10/17/2021

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FADE IN ON:

EXT. PARKING LOT -NIGHT
Tight shot of a puddle, reflecting the  upside down logo of AFU Cinemas.  A woman's foot in a six-inch stiletto shoe comes into frame and steps in the puddle, splintering the reflection in the water.

CUT TO:
Close-up of NICOLE KIDMAN as she looks up at the movie marquee and lowers the hood of her coat.  She smiles.

NICOLE (VOICE-OVER)
We come to this place for magic...

CUT TO:
Reverse angle on Nicole as she walks towards the building.  She steps into a pot-hole and the heel of her stiletto breaks off as she nearly falls to the ground.

NICOLE
No worries.  (She puts the heel in her pocket and enters the theater) (Voice-over continues) We come to AFU theaters to laugh, to cry, to care...

CUT TO:

INT. AFU THEATER LOBBY -NIGHT
Nicole catches sight of the long line at the concession stand.  Her smile falters.  She looks at her watch.
Next we see a quick montage of Nicole inching towards the counter in the mind-numbingly slow line.  She looks at her watch again.  Finally she makes it to the counter where she's met by a theater employee who practically frowns at her.

AFU EMPLOYEE
Yeah?

NICOLE
(Excitedly) One ticket for "the movies" and a large drink and a small pop-corn, please!
Another montage as the employee manages to make this transaction as looooonnnngggg as it possibly can be.

AFU EMPLOYEE
(Hitting register keys)  That'll be thirty-five dollars and fifty-cents.

NICOLE
(Rather taken aback)  Australian?

AFU EMPLOYEE
Australian what?

NICOLE
Dollars--

AFU EMPLOYEE
Does this look like down under to you lady?

NICOLE
​(Getting money out of her pocket) Crikey...

CUT TO: Nicole at the soda fountain.  She presses the ice lever and it spits out one cube.  She sighs and keeps doing it.  Her cup finally full, she attempts to put a lid on it; but it won't fit.

CUT TO: Nicole at the butter machine.  She presses the button and the butter squirts out too fast and splashes onto her suit.

​NICOLE
(Annoyed)  Great...three thousand dollar suit...that's not coming out.

CUT TO:

INT.  AUDITORIUM -NIGHT
Nicole enters the empty theater and walks up the stairs.

NICOLE (Voice-over)  We come to AFU because we need that...all of us...together...

She sits in a chair and tries to refasten the heel on her shoe.  She nibbles her pop-corn and then spits out an un-popped kernel as a couple with a baby enter the next row and sit directly behind her.  She glances over her shoulder.  (Voice-over continues)  That indescribable feeling we get when the lights begin to dim...(A man enters the row in front of her and sits right under Nicole. He pulls out a phone with an extremely bright screen which shines in Nicole's face) (Voice-over continues) Somehow we're reborn with dazzling images on a huge silver screen and sound that I can feel--(The baby starts crying at the top of its lungs.  An image flickers on the the screen.  It's a scene between her and Tom Cruise in "Days of Thunder").

​NICOLE
Are you bloody kidding me?  (She gets up to leave)

WOMAN WITH BABY
Do you mind?

NICOLE
Yeah, I (bleeping) mind.  (She takes a step and stops and looks down).  Oh, freakin' beauty, mate!  (We cut to a close-up of Nicole's bare foot in a morass of Jujubes, Coke syrup and wet popcorn).

CUT TO:
INT. AFU CORRIDOR -NIGHT
Nicole limps down the corridor.  Her other heel breaks and she drops her concessions.

NICOLE
Oh bollocks!

CUT TO:
Another empty auditorium.  Nicole plops into a seat, which is broken and her butt hits the floor. 

NICOLE
Bloody hell!
She gathers herself up and moves to the next seat.  She looks up at the screen.  The image is out of focus.

NICOLE
(Shouting) FOCUS! (Voice-over)  Somehow, heartbreak feels good in a place like this...
(The movie image focuses and it's a scene between Nicole and Tom from "Far and Away") Seriously? (She stands and leaves).

CUT TO:
INT. CORRIDOR -NIGHT
Nicole, now barefoot, wanders down the hall and enters a third auditorium.

​CUT TO:
INT. AUDITORIUM -NIGHT

NICOLE
(Voice-over)  Our heroes feel like the best part of us--(The screen lights up with a scene from "Eyes Wide Shut" Nicole covers her eyes) Oh bloody (bleeped) Hell!

CUT TO:
INT. LOBBY -NIGHT
Nicole staggers towards the exit.

NICOLE
(Voice-over) And stories feel perfect and powerful...because here...they are--

​SMASH CUT TO:

EXT. STREET -NIGHT
Nicole's car is on blocks, its tires gone.

​NICOLE
(Voice-over) AFU Theaters.  We make movies better.

Nicole puts her hood back up and slinks away into the night.  It starts pouring rain.

NICOLE
Bloody (bleeping) bollocks!
Picture
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    AUTHOR
    Christopher Reidy is from the Boston area.  He attended Boston University where he studied TV and film which eventually led him to Los Angeles.  There he did the Hollywood thing (which he wasn’t particularly good at) and eventually met his partner Joseph.  He was one of the co-founders of the short lived Off Hollywood Theatre Company which staged several of his original plays.  83 In the Shade is his first novel.  He also dabbles in screenplays, toys with short stories, and flirts with poetry.  Life brought him to bucolic Southwest Virginia where he now resides and is very active in community theatre. It may interest you to know Chris is officially an Irish citizen as well as an American. He also enjoys drawing and painting and looking after a passel of 
    ​
    housecats and two turtles.

     

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