INT. COOPER AND AL’S APARTMENT -EVENING
Many days later. Cooper comes through the door, dressed like an English tennis player from the twenties (his “LaCrosse” by Reg Laurie uniform). He removes a nametag and drops it into a dish on the table. He picks up the mail; looks at it.
My future could be just a phone call away, at the Glendale Electronics Institute!
He wanders into the kitchen where Al is cooking.
What ‘cha making?
Bandera. I’ve got enough here for a potluck. Want some?
I’d love some.
There’s a message for you on the machine. Oh! I finished the necktie scene!
He heads to the phone which is on a table near the door. Next to the phone is a decidedly old school answering machine.
Tell me again why you have this?
Listen; don’t start ragging on me about that. How many people came and asked to use our phone during the last earthquake?
Yeah; but an answering machine that uses cassettes? And micro-cassettes to boot…I mean, don’t get me wrong; I’m totally old-school; but--
(Singing) When the world is running down, you make the best of what’s still around...
And anyway; why did you give them that number?
I didn’t want to miss any calls.
There is a bright, flashing red “2” on the display. Cooper presses the button. The MACHINE’S ROBOTIC VOICE says: “You have two messages.” Cooper hits play and we hear a loud BEEP, then Babette DaSilva’s VOICE.
(V/O) This is a message for Mr. Reilly. I’m calling from Penultimate Studios Guests Liasons office on behalf of Mr. Thomas Per—WHAT? Hold on…wait a sec, I’ll connect you—(The message cuts off and we hear the sound of a DIAL TONE).
There is a second BEEP from the machine and another message.
(V/O) Hello Mr. Reilly. Hope this is the right number. Anyhow, against my common sense, I want to offer you a job as a page here at Penultimate. I’m actually sitting here with a plate of the best fried okra chips I’ve ever eaten and it’s absolutely blowing my mind. They go really great with a double margarita. Who knew? So, congratulations? Call my secretary back and she’ll give you the 911. Oh, I mean the 411 (LAUGHS). No, maybe I do mean the 911. Ciao.
A CLICK. Cooper turns to find Al over his shoulder.
You got it!
I got it!
They called me last week about that reference--
Why didn’t you tell me?
Cooper throws his arms around Al and they jump up and down in delight. This goes on for a few moments. They break the embrace. A pause. Cooper searches Al’s face. Al smiles. Their faces move closer to each other. Wait, is there a mutual attraction here? Are there sparks? Al shakes his head, clears his throat and takes a step back.
Congratulations buddy! Let’s eat. I’m starving.
Yeah, I’ll set the table.
He turns back to the answering machine and hits the PLAY button again. He glances back at Al, who’s gone back to the stove. Al turns and they exchange awkward smiles. Did they almost just kiss?
Cooper is standing in front of Babette who comes around her desk and thrusts a bale of papers into his arms.
You need to sign those…
He starts towards the door.
Hold on. You need to read this. And you’ve gotta study all this; there will be a test. And then all of this legal gobbledygook. Oh, and this medical balderdash…
She loads his arms with notebooks and papers and three ring binders and manuals and so on and so forth and escorts him to the door.
We’ll see you on Monday morning, eight o’clock sharp!
She pushes him through the door. We hear the sound of someone FALLING DOWN STAIRS followed by a WHIMPER.
(As she sits at her desk) That first step is a doozy…
CLOSING CREDITS OVER PRETENDERS "HOLLYWOOD PERFUME."
I went out on the balcony with your photograph
I dropped it in the pool and that made me laugh
You like your tan but you don't like to swim
Meanwhile I feel like I'm drowning in
Neon sex and doom
The night jasmine bloom
Of your Hollywood perfume
Songwriters: Chrissie Hynde / Tom Kelly / William E Steinberg
Hollywood Perfume lyrics © Regard Music, Words & Music A Div Of Big Deal Music LLC
USED WITHOUT PERMISSION
So, there we go! Hope you enjoy. And as is my wont, I've registered it with the WGAW. I was also going to register it with the U.S. Copyright office, but they want $45 bucks; which seems a bit pricey to me. But I probably will. And I'm already working on a follow up episode, where we will meet even more hilarious characters. And once I get it all tidied up, I'll reprint the script in it's proper format. So, continue to...