Contains spoilers for The Leprechauns of Limerick and The Blimp.
Colin Farrell, I love you. I'm so happy your work in The Leprechauns of Limerick (just kidding!) is being acknowledged.
Colin Farrell, I love you. I'm so happy your work in The Leprechauns of Limerick (just kidding!) is being acknowledged.
Colin, please give up the ciggies. We want you home, at the end of the world. And I hope that's a nice soothing cup of chamomile tea. And please stop shaving your pelt. Also, would it kill you to do some full-frontal? It's en vogue right now and we all know your frontal is full. Frontiful. TM/Reg./Pat.Pend.
Brendan Fraser, I love you. Your performance in The Blimp (just kidding!) was amazing! But I'm torn, as I want both you and Colin to take home the gold.
Brendan Fraser, I love you. Your performance in The Blimp (just kidding!) was amazing! But I'm torn, as I want both you and Colin to take home the gold.
Outie belly-buttons are not really my thing; but on you, it works!
Now, seriously, all kidding aside. Colin. Brendan. I want my money back. Or maybe I should be asking your directors for the money. Yeah, okay. So, Martin. Darren. I want my money back. You both owe me a combined total of $19.00. Oh wait, make that $38.00, since my husband had to suffer through your most recent pictures as well. And the key word here is "suffer."
Martin. Darren. I think you've confused suffering with drama. Okay, I knew going in to The Whale what I was in for. There was no way to skew that one as a comedy. However, I do most decidedly feel that I was hoodwinked by the promotional material for The Banshees of Inisherin. Let's take a look:
Now, seriously, all kidding aside. Colin. Brendan. I want my money back. Or maybe I should be asking your directors for the money. Yeah, okay. So, Martin. Darren. I want my money back. You both owe me a combined total of $19.00. Oh wait, make that $38.00, since my husband had to suffer through your most recent pictures as well. And the key word here is "suffer."
Martin. Darren. I think you've confused suffering with drama. Okay, I knew going in to The Whale what I was in for. There was no way to skew that one as a comedy. However, I do most decidedly feel that I was hoodwinked by the promotional material for The Banshees of Inisherin. Let's take a look:
Okay, well...the tone here is rural Irish; and is that not "comedic" in and of itself? Or is the melancholy bleakness of Ireland and the Irish the joke? Because being that morose is pretty funny, isn't it? The beginning of the trailer is scored in such a way as to signal "comedy." Many of the moments in the trailer are "comedic" moments, mostly at the expense of Colin's character, who is a "boring" dolt. The premise is put forth: leave me alone you boring dolt or I'll cut my fingers off. Hilarious! Of course, being a fiddler, he wouldn't really cut his fingers off! Right?
Later in the trailer, we see Colin crying and dramatically throwing something. But still, these images seem to be being presented as a kind of dark slapstick. When I went to see it, I went in expecting a kind of Irish Odd Couple; but that's not what I got. Does he cut off his finger? You bet he does. Not just the one; but four of them; which he then pelts Colin's cottage with. Side-splitting! Not only that, Colin's beloved pet donkey attempts to eat the fingers and chokes to death. I couldn't stop laughing as Colin weeped over the dead donkey! And when he then went on a murderous/arsonist rampage it was non-stop mirth until the credits rolled!
This was nothing more than watching Colin SUFFER for two hours. Granted, he suffered beautifully. The man is a beautiful actor. Not to mention beautiful. I'm sorry, but the Irish are lovers of beauty. I didn't buy for a second that Mr. Gleeson's character would cut himself off from that source of beauty. I don't care how boring "Padraig" was. Anyone would give their eye teeth (or fingers!) to sit there and stare at him over a pint or six. That's why beautiful boring people get a pass. You can be boring if you're beautiful; but damn, you better have something else up your sleeve if you're not.
Later in the trailer, we see Colin crying and dramatically throwing something. But still, these images seem to be being presented as a kind of dark slapstick. When I went to see it, I went in expecting a kind of Irish Odd Couple; but that's not what I got. Does he cut off his finger? You bet he does. Not just the one; but four of them; which he then pelts Colin's cottage with. Side-splitting! Not only that, Colin's beloved pet donkey attempts to eat the fingers and chokes to death. I couldn't stop laughing as Colin weeped over the dead donkey! And when he then went on a murderous/arsonist rampage it was non-stop mirth until the credits rolled!
This was nothing more than watching Colin SUFFER for two hours. Granted, he suffered beautifully. The man is a beautiful actor. Not to mention beautiful. I'm sorry, but the Irish are lovers of beauty. I didn't buy for a second that Mr. Gleeson's character would cut himself off from that source of beauty. I don't care how boring "Padraig" was. Anyone would give their eye teeth (or fingers!) to sit there and stare at him over a pint or six. That's why beautiful boring people get a pass. You can be boring if you're beautiful; but damn, you better have something else up your sleeve if you're not.
And an Irishman given the gift of music WOULD NEVER divest himself of that gift. He just wouldn't. As I watched the movie I thought to myself: who would do that? No one, that's who. Especially an Irish person. As I watched the movie, as a matter of fact, I thought: "An Irish person wouldn't act this way." Is this dismemberment supposed to be some kind of metaphor or symbolism or fill in the literary blank? Is it, in fact, in its extremity, supposed to be funny. Or should I say extremities? I'm gonna say...yes? What else could have been the intention? Except it wasn't funny. Not in the least. Why is this film being sold as a comedy? It's a bleak drama about a child-like man rejecting his goodness due to the inexplicable cruelty of his "friend." It was nominated at the Golden Globs (sic) in the Comedy or Musical category. Well, I guess it did have music up until Brendan chopped his first finger off.
And if Padraig is so friggin' boring; who else on Inisherin is supplying Brendan's character with the intellectual and aesthetic stimulation he seems to require, suddenly, after his seventy plus years of living on a barren rock? The sheep? Because it's certainly not any of the other denizens of the island that the movie presents to us.
Do you think perhaps that instead of kicking this innocent in the balls and pushing him off a cliff and literally giving him the finger, that maybe Brendan's character might've...oh, I don't know...taught Padraig HOW TO PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT? Wouldn't that have made him a little less boring? And he wouldn't have had to listen to his conversational drivel, as Padraig would now have a tin whistle in his mouth.
And if Padraig is so friggin' boring; who else on Inisherin is supplying Brendan's character with the intellectual and aesthetic stimulation he seems to require, suddenly, after his seventy plus years of living on a barren rock? The sheep? Because it's certainly not any of the other denizens of the island that the movie presents to us.
Do you think perhaps that instead of kicking this innocent in the balls and pushing him off a cliff and literally giving him the finger, that maybe Brendan's character might've...oh, I don't know...taught Padraig HOW TO PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT? Wouldn't that have made him a little less boring? And he wouldn't have had to listen to his conversational drivel, as Padraig would now have a tin whistle in his mouth.
But that's just me.
So, let's review.
This Musical and/or Comedy has:
Dismemberment: check.
Pervy nasty priest: check
Pervy nasty policeman: check
Incestuous same sex molestation: check
Arson: check
Attempted murder: check
Conversations about incest: check
Betrayal: check
Old crone ageism: check
Familial abandonment: check
Adorable donkey death: check
I can't wait for the musical stage version.
Let's watch the trailer for The Whale!
So, let's review.
This Musical and/or Comedy has:
Dismemberment: check.
Pervy nasty priest: check
Pervy nasty policeman: check
Incestuous same sex molestation: check
Arson: check
Attempted murder: check
Conversations about incest: check
Betrayal: check
Old crone ageism: check
Familial abandonment: check
Adorable donkey death: check
I can't wait for the musical stage version.
Let's watch the trailer for The Whale!
Hmmmmm...
Now see, this trailer too, is rather misleading. This makes it seem like a story of hope and the goodness of people. Caring people. People who need people. People who need people, are the luckiest people. IN. THE. WORLD.
Now see, this trailer too, is rather misleading. This makes it seem like a story of hope and the goodness of people. Caring people. People who need people. People who need people, are the luckiest people. IN. THE. WORLD.
The Whale, it seems to me, goes beyond suffering into full blown torture. It's as though Brendan's been trapped in a mound of refuse, clapped inside a bell jar and subjected to as many degradations as the writers can conjure; and then some more; because, well, why not? That quote pull from the trailer is a little ironic. "A sensational film of rare compassion." Senasationalism maybe. And rare compassion, yes; because this is the exact opposite of compassion. It's a film of heartlessness: literally. The character literally loses his heart; and we get to see every wheezy, sweaty moment of it.
Why?
What is this movie trying to say? For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Was he supposed to be some kind of martyr figure, absorbing the sins of the world; because he deserved it, as he had abandoned his family...for another man? What's with the Moby Dick metaphor? Brendan's tormentors all live and he croaks. In Moby Dick, Moby handily (finily?) demolishes all of his tormentors and swims away. Did I miss something? I sat trapped in that Skinner's box of and apartment and watched as Brendan was humiliated, abused, tortured, despised, insulted and excoriated. Somehow he managed to maintain a positive outlook. Was his fatness a metaphor for being gay? I mean he was fat and gay already. Was this just piling on, so to speak?
I'm just gonna be honest here...by the time we get to the mother telling Brendan their daughter is "evil"; I think the film turns to camp. When the mother said it, I nearly did a spit take. By the time Brendan looms up and walks to his daughter at the end: I swear to God I thought he was going to fall on top of her and take her out too. Which would've been fine with me. She was FROM HELL. Why was Sadie Sink, a very good actress, directed to play 99 and 44/100ths of her performance as a raging...let's just say...beeotch?
Why?
What is this movie trying to say? For the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Was he supposed to be some kind of martyr figure, absorbing the sins of the world; because he deserved it, as he had abandoned his family...for another man? What's with the Moby Dick metaphor? Brendan's tormentors all live and he croaks. In Moby Dick, Moby handily (finily?) demolishes all of his tormentors and swims away. Did I miss something? I sat trapped in that Skinner's box of and apartment and watched as Brendan was humiliated, abused, tortured, despised, insulted and excoriated. Somehow he managed to maintain a positive outlook. Was his fatness a metaphor for being gay? I mean he was fat and gay already. Was this just piling on, so to speak?
I'm just gonna be honest here...by the time we get to the mother telling Brendan their daughter is "evil"; I think the film turns to camp. When the mother said it, I nearly did a spit take. By the time Brendan looms up and walks to his daughter at the end: I swear to God I thought he was going to fall on top of her and take her out too. Which would've been fine with me. She was FROM HELL. Why was Sadie Sink, a very good actress, directed to play 99 and 44/100ths of her performance as a raging...let's just say...beeotch?
Sadie Sink, seen here in one of the many light moments from The Whale
Really. She was so nasty! Going as far as to call her father's dead lover a "faggot." Hey, I'm sorry...what's with the word "faggot" cropping up in all these gay penned projects of late. Sorry; but that doesn't fly with me. A sister says it to her brother in that Teen Cannibals In Love movie; and now here. Both times, completely gratuitous and unwarranted uses.
The final straw for me was the shattered plate outside the window, where Brendan was feeding the birds. We can't even allow him that one gesture of beauty? Who smashed the plate? We're never told explicitly but all signs point to Sadie. I'm certain if her character could've, she would've broken the starling's neck and ripped it's wings off and threw them at her father. No, wait...maybe the final straw was when Brendan revealed himself to his students and one of the women practically licked her lips as she raised her smart phone to chronicle poor Brendan's latest humiliation; which we can assume will live on in perpetuity once the student uploads it to Youtube. Or was the final straw when the pizza delivery man--the only person who was truly kind to him--gets a look at The Whale and runs away with bug eyes and a silent scream. Yeah, maybe that was the final indignity. I'm truly surprised we didn't get a scene of The Whale "going to the bathroom." I mean, we did (literally) get a scene of him going to the bathroom; the implied setup: Gee, how does someone that enormous "go to the bathroom." Which begs the question: "Gee, how is he able to masturbate?" Because, when he's presented to us full screen with no shirt, it appears there's no way he could do either. I don't know about you; but I don't generally want to be thinking of such things when I'm being "entertained."
I could go on, because the more I think about this film, the angrier I get. Full disclosure: yes, there were people sobbing in the theater. Was catharsis achieved? I don't know. Perhaps they were tears of relief that movie was finally ending.
Wait...I will go on.
Really. She was so nasty! Going as far as to call her father's dead lover a "faggot." Hey, I'm sorry...what's with the word "faggot" cropping up in all these gay penned projects of late. Sorry; but that doesn't fly with me. A sister says it to her brother in that Teen Cannibals In Love movie; and now here. Both times, completely gratuitous and unwarranted uses.
The final straw for me was the shattered plate outside the window, where Brendan was feeding the birds. We can't even allow him that one gesture of beauty? Who smashed the plate? We're never told explicitly but all signs point to Sadie. I'm certain if her character could've, she would've broken the starling's neck and ripped it's wings off and threw them at her father. No, wait...maybe the final straw was when Brendan revealed himself to his students and one of the women practically licked her lips as she raised her smart phone to chronicle poor Brendan's latest humiliation; which we can assume will live on in perpetuity once the student uploads it to Youtube. Or was the final straw when the pizza delivery man--the only person who was truly kind to him--gets a look at The Whale and runs away with bug eyes and a silent scream. Yeah, maybe that was the final indignity. I'm truly surprised we didn't get a scene of The Whale "going to the bathroom." I mean, we did (literally) get a scene of him going to the bathroom; the implied setup: Gee, how does someone that enormous "go to the bathroom." Which begs the question: "Gee, how is he able to masturbate?" Because, when he's presented to us full screen with no shirt, it appears there's no way he could do either. I don't know about you; but I don't generally want to be thinking of such things when I'm being "entertained."
I could go on, because the more I think about this film, the angrier I get. Full disclosure: yes, there were people sobbing in the theater. Was catharsis achieved? I don't know. Perhaps they were tears of relief that movie was finally ending.
Wait...I will go on.
They kept showing us Brendan gazing into the pristine bedroom he shared with his late boyfriend. Another form of torture. Was this supposed to represent heaven? Couldn't the writer have thrown his character a few bones in the form of flashbacks to this very room, with the lover, when he was happy? Not only would it have given another actor a job, it would've given the audience a respite. But that's just me. No. We cannot let Brendan into that bedroom! He's in HELL, remember? 'Cuz he's gay and a fat slob and he abandoned his family. With all this talk of God in the movie, did the writer and director miss the fact that they are the Gods of the world they've created? I hope so; because if they didn't; they are some cruel and unusual gods. His go to "happy" memory is of being on the beach, his feet in freezing cold water, with the two shrews he calls a "family"? And why didn't he have health insurance? He had a job. Where were his parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, friends? The whole plot was set-up as a death trap for this poor, doomed man. Who was beautifully played by Mr. Fraser. I don't think there is any other actor who could've pulled it off or done it better. Mr. Fraser radiates a genuine and compassionate kindness. He is the only good thing in the movie.
Okay, I'm done.
Let's talk Oscars!
Okay, I'm done.
Let's talk Oscars!
Chris' Oscar (TM/Reg./Pat Pend.) take:
ASTROLOGICAL AND CANCELATION (NOT CANCEL CULTURE) PHENOMENOLOGY:
So, Brendan Fraser and Bill Nighy are both Sagittarius. Austin Butler is a Leo. Colin Farrell is a Gemini. And Paul Mescal is an Aquarius. This bodes for some very interesting astrological criss-crossing. Brendan and Bill as same signs, may cancel one another out. However, Sagittarius and Gemini are balancing signs. And as Gemini is the twins, there are actually two Colin Farrells up for the award: so, the four of them may cancel one another out; leaving Austin and Paul. But Austin is a Leo and Paul is an Aquarius: another pair of balancing signs; so they may cancel one another out...which would mean no one would win. Which, couldn't really happen...
CULTURAL CANCELATION PHENOMENOLOGY (NOT CANCEL CULTURAL):
So, we've got two Irish nationals with Colin and Paul. And we've got a Brit with Bill Nighy. And Austin and Brendan are both American. So, by the Cancelation Phenomenon of Oscar Categorization (e.g.: two people nominated in the same category will both cancel each other out and neither will win) all predictors say, in this case, that Colin and Paul will knock each other out of the running and Brendan and Austin, the same. Which leaves Bill Nighy, who is most assuredly a critical darling (I know I love him!); and this might be "his time." Austin, being a newbie had slight chances; but now that Lisa Marie has passed away (not to be crass; but it's true) that could very much bolster his chances. I think, like me, NOBODY has any idea who Paul Mescal is (and I see a lot of movies); or have even seen or heard of the movie he's nominated for. So he has the slimmest chance of all. So really, the way the stars (and Stars) have aligned, it's really anyone's game, except for Paul. Except in the event that the other four all knock one another off: it could very well be Paul.
We shall see...
So, that's $38.00 plus a double-suffering surcharge of $10.00 each for a grand total of:
$58.00
Ciao for now.
Chris
P.S.: How about this: Darren, you direct a musical movie version of Guys and Dolls with Brendan as Sky Masterson and Joaquin Phoenix as Nathan Detroit. Jennifer Connelly, Naomi Watts and Michelle Williams are "The Dolls" of course! Just a straight up redo. No subtext. No metatext. No metaphor. No meta anything. And Martin, you could star Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson in The Irish Rovers Story. I don't think anyone gets dismembered in that one. And Colin, you're going to have to learn how to play the Irish banjo; but you can do it!
CFR 2/2/23
ASTROLOGICAL AND CANCELATION (NOT CANCEL CULTURE) PHENOMENOLOGY:
So, Brendan Fraser and Bill Nighy are both Sagittarius. Austin Butler is a Leo. Colin Farrell is a Gemini. And Paul Mescal is an Aquarius. This bodes for some very interesting astrological criss-crossing. Brendan and Bill as same signs, may cancel one another out. However, Sagittarius and Gemini are balancing signs. And as Gemini is the twins, there are actually two Colin Farrells up for the award: so, the four of them may cancel one another out; leaving Austin and Paul. But Austin is a Leo and Paul is an Aquarius: another pair of balancing signs; so they may cancel one another out...which would mean no one would win. Which, couldn't really happen...
CULTURAL CANCELATION PHENOMENOLOGY (NOT CANCEL CULTURAL):
So, we've got two Irish nationals with Colin and Paul. And we've got a Brit with Bill Nighy. And Austin and Brendan are both American. So, by the Cancelation Phenomenon of Oscar Categorization (e.g.: two people nominated in the same category will both cancel each other out and neither will win) all predictors say, in this case, that Colin and Paul will knock each other out of the running and Brendan and Austin, the same. Which leaves Bill Nighy, who is most assuredly a critical darling (I know I love him!); and this might be "his time." Austin, being a newbie had slight chances; but now that Lisa Marie has passed away (not to be crass; but it's true) that could very much bolster his chances. I think, like me, NOBODY has any idea who Paul Mescal is (and I see a lot of movies); or have even seen or heard of the movie he's nominated for. So he has the slimmest chance of all. So really, the way the stars (and Stars) have aligned, it's really anyone's game, except for Paul. Except in the event that the other four all knock one another off: it could very well be Paul.
We shall see...
So, that's $38.00 plus a double-suffering surcharge of $10.00 each for a grand total of:
$58.00
Ciao for now.
Chris
P.S.: How about this: Darren, you direct a musical movie version of Guys and Dolls with Brendan as Sky Masterson and Joaquin Phoenix as Nathan Detroit. Jennifer Connelly, Naomi Watts and Michelle Williams are "The Dolls" of course! Just a straight up redo. No subtext. No metatext. No metaphor. No meta anything. And Martin, you could star Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson in The Irish Rovers Story. I don't think anyone gets dismembered in that one. And Colin, you're going to have to learn how to play the Irish banjo; but you can do it!
CFR 2/2/23
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