Really down to earth.
So, since Ms. Vreeland is no longer with us, I have no qualms about ripping her off. However, I'm just going to steal the "Why don't" part. Putting the "you" pronoun, I think is a bit limiting. But my first entry will be a "you" one.
Here we go...
Why don't you put some gold leaf on your nipples and go to the grocers; purchase a turnip, return home, cook and mash the vegetable and involve it in a sitz bath?